• Herpes Forums

    This is a site where you can talk openly and honestly about the herpes virus. Please scroll down for herpes information, herpes support and other helpful resources.

    You can read all articles for free but to gain full access to our network you must register for a free account. As a registered member you will be able to:

    • Post your own topics, ask questions, give advice and communicate privately with other members (PM)
    • Chat with over 50,000 people who are also affected by herpes (from all over the world)
    • Browse over 160,000 posts in more than 30 herpes specific topic forums
    • Search new and old posts, personalize your profile and access many other special features
    • Talk to other members in our live chat room

    All this is absolutely free when you register for an account, so sign up today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us.

  • Want to join our Herpes Help community?

    Create My Account.
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Tandy

I'm scared to have sex again

12 posts in this topic

I just found out I have herpes after being married 28 years faithfully. My husband is great about it all. He knows I did not mess around on him. BUT, I am scared to have sex again. Condoms are not a 100% sure way of not getting it. I'm also afraid of even letting him have oral sex on me. Can he get it on his face? We are both very nervous and I don't know what to expect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you have been married for 28 years and not passed it on then why would you be worried. You're in a loving relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just recently got it. The doctor said this was a new virus to my system. I have never had any kind of sore, bump, cut or anything. I don't know how I contracted this, but now that I have it, I'm worried about giving it to my husband and so is he.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

your husband nneeds to get tested he may have it already. this virus could have been laying dormant in you for years and decided to show its face.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He's already been tested and is negative.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you have been faithful for 28 years then how come only now you found out that you have it? sorry something sounds fishy to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My Dr. told me I had to have had sex with someone, but I have NOT. I know some people believe there is only one way to get this, but I am living proof that there has to be another way. I love my husband. He is the BEST man in the world! He has never doubted me and has been great through all this. Right now I'm looking for some answers, not judgement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It could be that it just layed dormant in your system and flared up now for whatever reason. People talk about all sorts of triggers on here, stress, certain foods, vigorous sex, etc. However it happened I am sorry that it took you by such surprise. It must be even more tough to not know where you got it from.

It takes time to deal with having the virus and your husband to deal with it. I have genital herpes and my boyfriend does not. He is in love with me and plans on being married to me. He has said he doesn't want to get the virus but if he does it will be okay. He isn't going to let H affect our relationship. I take suppressive medicine and at the beginning we used condoms and refrained from oral sex. Now we do not use condoms (I do take birth control though) and we do have oral sex sometimes. I let him know when I feel an outbreak coming on and then we refrain from sex until it has passed completely and then some.

Most of us on here are here to offer support and not judge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You cannot get HSV-2 without skin-to-skin sexual contact. You can catch oral herpes from kissing, not genital. If you didn't cheat on your husband, then here is what could be happening...

You said your doctor detected a recent infection. This probably means that the IgM test was positive. These tests are notoriously unreliable. They also cannot tell the difference between herpes 1 (cold sores) and herpes 2 (genital herpes). I would just disregardful the IgM. What you need to do is call your doc and get them to send you the lab print out. What was the results of your IgG test? Was Herpes 2 positive or negative, and what was the index value?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We just found out that my husband has HSV 1 and we never knew it. He can never remember ever having any kind of blister on his mouth or in it. The Dr. said he could have contracted it as a child and doesn't remember having them. Anyway, the last time we had had sex, it felt like his fingernail nipped me. 3 days later I broke out. The Dr. said that mine is also HSV 1 and that the conditions were just right, that I had a nick to the skin that allowed it to enter. I think it's very weird how for 28 years I never contracted this and we didn't have a clue that he had it and that he was not even broke out when we had sex and I still got it. It makes me wonder what is true and what is not that I have been reading about herpes????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't need to be afraid to have relations

The way I understand it, you didn't even need to have that nick to your skin. The vaginal mucosa is susceptible to transfer very easily if your partner is shedding virus. It is just surprising you did not get it sooner. Maybe you did and this is just your first noticeable outbreak.

Doctors don't know everything. Tests are not absolutely accurate. Your case is evidence of this, since they originally said your hubby did not have herpes ---- but now all of a sudden they say he has had it all along.

Really, nothing has changed for you two other than that you have had an outbreak of which you are aware.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I've been married about 14 yrs now and we've been together for 20 yrs and I had my first ever ghsv-1 OB 5 months ago and was so stunned because I never had a cold sore that I can think of and my husband never remembered having them either but we got blood tests done and we both have hsv-1 (old infections) mine said cross-reactivity occured so I'm still confused as to what that really means but here I am and I haven't had another OB since. I'm also faithful to my husband and he swears he has been with me as well and I believe him. I have no reason not to believe him and we don't have new infections so in our case it had to be dormant and my husband must be asymptomatic to it which means he carries the virus without OB's but can spread it so this is how it must have happened to us and that maybe what happened to you guy's as well. It sucks being with someone so long and bam now we know we have an std. We have two children and I just never thought for a second that this would happen after all this time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Herpes-simplex-101-banner.jpg

  • Honeycombers Online now

    • confused719
    • sickornotsick
    • Kate
    • KJS
    • WilsoInAus
    • Free73
    • Hope4Hfix
    • dont quit!
    • Sillybrain2
    • Joperty
  • how-to-deal-with-herpes.jpg

  • Latest Buzz

    • WilsoInAus
      Life is truly a mess
      This is many things. She has lost her purpose in life, lost her self confidence and probably aspects from her past are 'haunting' her today. Motherhood is slipping away and she is reaching the age where she will be feeling her 'looks' and attractiveness are also slipping. She may also suspect or irrationally assume things about you, such as infidelity or spending too much money on booze/gambling etc. but not talk about them only fester. Blaming others for all her issues is also an insecurity, not wanting to take full responsibility for her actions as she cannot cope as it is let alone with known imperfections. Therapists usually help the client in front of them so the outcome there is not unexpected. You need couples counseling, pronto!
    • WilsoInAus
      Herpeselect Results
      Yes, you do not have HSV-1 or HSV-2 below the waist, there is no real evidence to suggest this.
    • HerpeHendrixson
      Herpeselect Results
      Mid thigh.  I was tested for both stains for the last few years.  It's getting expensive, so I just tested for # 2 this last round.  I have had chicken pox in the past, but not mono. The only guess that the lab people suggest is that they messed up the results from someone else's swab and mine.  Within a year, I would have antibodies.  It's been six now.
    • HerpeHendrixson
      Life is truly a mess
      Yes, I love her very much, however, I am not too sure about her.  She has resentment towards me for things that were done out of my control.  Sadly, when we started dating, my medical issues (non-HSV) started popping up.  I was in a really bad accident, and my spine is all messed up.  I also suffered from kidney stones as well as other issues.  They come and go, however, she's supported me all the way.  I also lost a parent and both my grandparents in the last three years.  Again, very supportive during my time of need.  Due to these issues, trying for a baby was not top priority for me.  Since she was 38, it was for her.  Since I couldn't move some days, and at the doc or ER others, it made trying for a baby very hard for about 10 months.  She just turned 38 when this all happened.  I told her, I do not want to keep her from her dreams, so if she needed to walk away, I understood.  However, she didn't.  There were times I told let's try, but she said I was in no condition since my back was out and I had very little movement.  In addition, when we did try, it would only be once a week.  She didn't understand (or want) to have intercourse more than that.  We tried again once I was all good, but after six months, she gave up on having a baby the natural way.  A few months later, she gave up on sex completely.  It's been 10 months since we've last had intimacy.  I've offered from the beginning, since her age is high for conceiving, IVF, but she doesn't like the side effects.  Thus, she's blaming me for this.  In addition, she acts one way in front of me, and then another when she talks about me to her mom, dad or anyone else.  I sometimes over hear, and it's a lot different than how she treats me one-on-one.  The relationship is very hard right now, and I do not see it getting better.  I really do not want a divorce, however, she's not really helping with things.  If I talk about it with her, she gets frustrated, then she complains about it to her mom and her therapist.  However, she only give one side of the story, her side.  Not the reasons as to why each thing happened, and how it happened.  Thus, they both say she should leave me.  Her's an example.  Because of my spinal issue, and that she sometimes kicks in her sleep, I suggested she move into the next room since I didn't want to be a quadriplegic.  This was 2 years ago.  I've tried for the last year or so to get her to try the main bedroom, but she refuses.  Yet, she complains to her mom and the therapist that I will not let her back in to the main room.   Another example.  She moved into my place with my things and decorations.  I moved a lot of my stuff out, and put her stuff up.  She still doesn't like that.  She said she's the wife, she should decorate without my input.  I disagree.  I said lets go to the store and pick things out we both like.  She declined.  Yet, she tells her mom and her therapist that I will not let her put anything up or decorate.  Final example.  We've not had intimacy in nearly 10 months.  We also no longer go out.   She's too tired or we go to her parents on the weekend.  I said to her, listen, we're not really working well together.  We are more like good friends or roommates instead of husband and wife.  I cannot see this relationship lasting when there is no intimacy or even going out and spending time together.  What can I do to fix our situation?  She says she understands and I am right.  She then tells her mom and the therapist that I said be more of a loving wife or I am going to leave you. She says to her mom that she doesn't trust me because there were cookies found in her room under her bed.  She doesn't know how they got there, so she said I set them up to make it look like she was eating in her sleep.  That's what she and her parents believe.  Yet, she came into the den, brought me into her room, and we found them together.  Does this make any sense? It's very hard to work like this when she twists and turn things around like that.  Her mom and her therapist feel that she has no responsibility, and it's all on me.  I try to play nice, but I hear two sides from her, and it seems like she plays each person to how she feels it's best to interact with them.  Truth be told, she was never like this before we got married.  This is only in the last two years.  Yet, it's all my fault.  I do not know what else to do.  She tells me all the time she hates life and the bad decisions she's made.  If it ended tomorrow, it wouldn't be that bad.  Yet, to her mom, dad and the therapist, they think she is a strong, independent woman with a controlling husband.  There is nothing I do to control anything.  It's like she's living her life, and I am living mine.  It's a mess to say the least.
    • Acesheart
      Life is truly a mess
      Hey HH, welcome. Sorry for the late response, having troubles getting to where I want to respond on the site. Have you and she sat down and really communicated your issues? I'm married to a non h man, I've had Ghsv 2 for over 28 years and never passed to my husband. No relationship can survive without communication, love and respect of each other. If you feel she has checked out ask yourself what changed in the relationship? Has she possibly fallen out of love but she still loves you? HUGE differences in loving someone and being in love with someone. I always LOVE my husband, sometimes I don't like his choices for our family, but I'm just as in love with him as I was when first got married. Things change, people change, all necessary for growth and progress as human beings. Change isn't always great, but very necessary. Do you still feel the same about her? Has your feeling for her changed, remember we teach others how we expect to be treated. Do you two still respect one another? These issues you two are having cannot possibly be over herpes, I'd bet your relationship was struggling before. Talk to her. Show her the heart of the man she fell in love with, if it's what you truly feel. Men and women show emotions differently and the lack of emotions shown could be taken as "he or she doesn't care anymore", it's a horrible feeling and can leave a nasty void in the heart, so again I say talk to her, over dinner or wine or late night picnic on the living room floor with an air mattress, we've done that many times and it's led to greater understanding and beautiful make up sexy times, show her how you feel.. No shame in going the extra mile no matter how corny it seems, it shows she excites you and still brings out the manly man in you, we women like to feel we can still do that, bring out animal lust, trust me it works. Truly Aces xo 
  • Recently Browsing

    No registered users viewing this page.