This is many things. She has lost her purpose in life, lost her self confidence and probably aspects from her past are 'haunting' her today. Motherhood is slipping away and she is reaching the age where she will be feeling her 'looks' and attractiveness are also slipping. She may also suspect or irrationally assume things about you, such as infidelity or spending too much money on booze/gambling etc. but not talk about them only fester. Blaming others for all her issues is also an insecurity, not wanting to take full responsibility for her actions as she cannot cope as it is let alone with known imperfections. Therapists usually help the client in front of them so the outcome there is not unexpected. You need couples counseling, pronto!
Mid thigh. I was tested for both stains for the last few years. It's getting expensive, so I just tested for # 2 this last round. I have had chicken pox in the past, but not mono. The only guess that the lab people suggest is that they messed up the results from someone else's swab and mine. Within a year, I would have antibodies. It's been six now.
Yes, I love her very much, however, I am not too sure about her. She has resentment towards me for things that were done out of my control. Sadly, when we started dating, my medical issues (non-HSV) started popping up. I was in a really bad accident, and my spine is all messed up. I also suffered from kidney stones as well as other issues. They come and go, however, she's supported me all the way. I also lost a parent and both my grandparents in the last three years. Again, very supportive during my time of need. Due to these issues, trying for a baby was not top priority for me. Since she was 38, it was for her. Since I couldn't move some days, and at the doc or ER others, it made trying for a baby very hard for about 10 months. She just turned 38 when this all happened. I told her, I do not want to keep her from her dreams, so if she needed to walk away, I understood. However, she didn't. There were times I told let's try, but she said I was in no condition since my back was out and I had very little movement. In addition, when we did try, it would only be once a week. She didn't understand (or want) to have intercourse more than that. We tried again once I was all good, but after six months, she gave up on having a baby the natural way. A few months later, she gave up on sex completely. It's been 10 months since we've last had intimacy. I've offered from the beginning, since her age is high for conceiving, IVF, but she doesn't like the side effects. Thus, she's blaming me for this. In addition, she acts one way in front of me, and then another when she talks about me to her mom, dad or anyone else. I sometimes over hear, and it's a lot different than how she treats me one-on-one. The relationship is very hard right now, and I do not see it getting better. I really do not want a divorce, however, she's not really helping with things. If I talk about it with her, she gets frustrated, then she complains about it to her mom and her therapist. However, she only give one side of the story, her side. Not the reasons as to why each thing happened, and how it happened. Thus, they both say she should leave me. Her's an example. Because of my spinal issue, and that she sometimes kicks in her sleep, I suggested she move into the next room since I didn't want to be a quadriplegic. This was 2 years ago. I've tried for the last year or so to get her to try the main bedroom, but she refuses. Yet, she complains to her mom and the therapist that I will not let her back in to the main room.
Another example. She moved into my place with my things and decorations. I moved a lot of my stuff out, and put her stuff up. She still doesn't like that. She said she's the wife, she should decorate without my input. I disagree. I said lets go to the store and pick things out we both like. She declined. Yet, she tells her mom and her therapist that I will not let her put anything up or decorate.
Final example. We've not had intimacy in nearly 10 months. We also no longer go out. She's too tired or we go to her parents on the weekend. I said to her, listen, we're not really working well together. We are more like good friends or roommates instead of husband and wife. I cannot see this relationship lasting when there is no intimacy or even going out and spending time together. What can I do to fix our situation? She says she understands and I am right. She then tells her mom and the therapist that I said be more of a loving wife or I am going to leave you.
She says to her mom that she doesn't trust me because there were cookies found in her room under her bed. She doesn't know how they got there, so she said I set them up to make it look like she was eating in her sleep. That's what she and her parents believe. Yet, she came into the den, brought me into her room, and we found them together. Does this make any sense?
It's very hard to work like this when she twists and turn things around like that. Her mom and her therapist feel that she has no responsibility, and it's all on me. I try to play nice, but I hear two sides from her, and it seems like she plays each person to how she feels it's best to interact with them. Truth be told, she was never like this before we got married. This is only in the last two years. Yet, it's all my fault. I do not know what else to do. She tells me all the time she hates life and the bad decisions she's made. If it ended tomorrow, it wouldn't be that bad. Yet, to her mom, dad and the therapist, they think she is a strong, independent woman with a controlling husband. There is nothing I do to control anything. It's like she's living her life, and I am living mine. It's a mess to say the least.
Hey HH, welcome. Sorry for the late response, having troubles getting to where I want to respond on the site. Have you and she sat down and really communicated your issues? I'm married to a non h man, I've had Ghsv 2 for over 28 years and never passed to my husband. No relationship can survive without communication, love and respect of each other. If you feel she has checked out ask yourself what changed in the relationship? Has she possibly fallen out of love but she still loves you? HUGE differences in loving someone and being in love with someone. I always LOVE my husband, sometimes I don't like his choices for our family, but I'm just as in love with him as I was when first got married. Things change, people change, all necessary for growth and progress as human beings. Change isn't always great, but very necessary. Do you still feel the same about her? Has your feeling for her changed, remember we teach others how we expect to be treated. Do you two still respect one another? These issues you two are having cannot possibly be over herpes, I'd bet your relationship was struggling before. Talk to her. Show her the heart of the man she fell in love with, if it's what you truly feel. Men and women show emotions differently and the lack of emotions shown could be taken as "he or she doesn't care anymore", it's a horrible feeling and can leave a nasty void in the heart, so again I say talk to her, over dinner or wine or late night picnic on the living room floor with an air mattress, we've done that many times and it's led to greater understanding and beautiful make up sexy times, show her how you feel.. No shame in going the extra mile no matter how corny it seems, it shows she excites you and still brings out the manly man in you, we women like to feel we can still do that, bring out animal lust, trust me it works. Truly Aces xo