• Herpes Forums

    This is a site where you can talk openly and honestly about the herpes virus. Please scroll down for herpes information, herpes support and other helpful resources.

    You can read all articles for free but to gain full access to our network you must register for a free account. As a registered member you will be able to:

    • Post your own topics, ask questions, give advice and communicate privately with other members (PM)
    • Chat with over 50,000 people who are also affected by herpes (from all over the world)
    • Browse over 160,000 posts in more than 30 herpes specific topic forums
    • Search new and old posts, personalize your profile and access many other special features
    • Talk to other members in our live chat room

    All this is absolutely free when you register for an account, so sign up today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us.

  • Want to join our Herpes Help community?

    Create My Account.
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
my son

son has herpes

6 posts in this topic

I found out yesterday my 19 yr old son has herpes. I am absolutely devastated by this news....only slept an hour last night. I am angry and hurt with him that he would put himself at risk. Is this normal a feeling for loved ones? He has been demonstrating self destructive behaviors for many years, just constantly rebelling, and ends up having to pay the consequences. This is a lifetime consequence. I have Lupus and been very sick, one of the symptoms is I am afraid of germs, bacteria, viruses, etc...so now, I am afraid of him. He does not have good hygiene, and I'm fearful that he is going to pass it on to my husband or myself. I want to be supportive to him, but I'm mad, hurt and scared. Any advice please would be much appreciated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It passes by skin to skin contact. If he has genital herpes I very much doubt that either you or your husband would be at risk. If his hygiene is not up to par you can simply request that he wash his hands when he visits and provide something like Purell antibacterial gel for him to use before touching you.

We can raise our children but once they are adults we cannot decide how they live their lives. It is unfortunate that his behaviour is disappointing to you but giving him a hard time will probably only cause alienation between family members. It is best to provide him with advice if he asks and to let him know that you support him.

70% of more of the population has some form of herpes simplex virus and it isn't because they are dirty, promiscous or destructive. Many people you meet and interact with daily could have this virus but that doesn't mean that you are going to get it from them. Coldsores and fever blisters are the most common herpes infections and as long as you don't kiss someone who has the virus you are probably not at risk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you

Thank you for helping ease my fears. Good to know that we should be safe from getting it. It's sure not easy watching him make a harder row to hoe for himself. But it's his life, his choices, his consequences. I'm trying to read up on it to gain some knowledge about this disease (in between crying, of course). Thank you so much for your help. I truly appreciate it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try to keep in mind, that while he has this incurable disease it's not the end of the world. He can still get married, have kids and do anything else he chooses. Herpes is far more devastating emotionally than it is physically so if he confided in you that he has this disease (he didn't have to say anything) he may have been looking for support but just didn't know how to ask for it. Continue doing your research because he probably isn't and if he decides to reach out to you, you may be able to help him. Also, a lot of 19 year olds think they are invinceable and he's just learned that he isn't so just try to be there for him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I found out by the history on the computer, and then asked him. He then told me. That was hard for him, I am sure. I understand now that it is not the end of the world, just a disease he is going to have to learn to live with. Thank you for your feedback.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Son with Herpes

Dear "Son with herpes"

I completely understand ALL the emotions you are experiencing. When I first learnd my daughter had been diagnosed with GHSV I was mad, sad and scared for her and sooo disappointed. I cried for days!!

then I had to muster up the strength to tell my husband and her father. He was angry and deeply hurt. My daughter is not promiscious, and she was with someone she trusted completely. She had just gradated college and was looking forward to continuing her studies. She has now moved on after several months of pain and emotional scars. She is a strong girl, and we have prayed with and for her. Her doctor recommended a GYN workup, which she had.

The GYN did another culture for Genital Herpes which was negative. While the blood test was positive for the herpes antibody, she was misdiagnosed. She had been on Valtrex since her diagnosis. Now she is being treated for a simple fungal infection (she has always had sensitive skin). Her gyn also told her that even though she may have tested positive for HSV with a blood test, this was not conclusive to say she had genital herpes. The doctor said the blood test is based on an antibody in your system. You can kiss your boyfriend who has a cold sore and get the blood test for herpes and test positive. She also said that 70% of the population could go get a test for HSV and test positive. with no genital herpes. I am sure I don't still need to mention practicing safe sex, but even that's not 100%.

We are relieved for her, but I have to wonder how many others have been misdiagnosed. Medicine is not an exact science we all know that. Get a second opinion. My daughter never exhibited the "class outbreak signs" and even on the Valtrex she still had skin irritation. We now know that the Valtrex didn't work because it was not the correct medication. She has been on an antibiotic and an antifungal medication. Which is working very well.

But before we got here, we had to make sure she knew her Dad and I still loved her, and we know she is not a "loose girl." Her biggest fears was that we would think differently of her. We never did nor could we.. she's our baby. Our love if endless! And so is our support. Don't misunderstand, we had a firm talk about responsible behavior and "never" trusting someone saying, I don't have anything! But she has learned a painful valuable lesson. Her decision now is to wait for marriage before having sex again!

Be encouraged parents. Love your children. They are hurting and scared for the most part.

Hope this helps!

Mom in VA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Herpes-simplex-101-banner.jpg

  • Honeycombers Online now

    • Norwegiangirl
    • confused719
    • Littleshockedd
    • KJS
    • WilsoInAus
    • Sanguine108
    • ComplexNumber
    • StayingUpbeat
    • n00b1
    • LadyInPink
    • BelloIdeale
    • HopefulOne2013
    • Free73
  • how-to-deal-with-herpes.jpg

  • Latest Buzz

    • Littleshockedd
      Newley diagnosed sensitive to nerves and tingling
      Hi, I was newly diagnosed with hsv2 around a month ago now and I haven't really found that my outbreak has stopped, or mabey they are separate. I just started my 3rd round of valtrex 500mg (twice a day for 3 days).  Could it be that I'm still experiencing an initial outbreak or more likely it's been my 3rd outbreak (all have been very minor with no painful sores) i find the one thing that is persisting is I'm very sensitive around my lymph nodes pretty much all the time. It kinda feels like a sore tingling in the skin above them. Also, I have little tingles in my thighs constantly throughout the day. Will these tingles stop or persist even when I'm not having an outbreak? I know I'm lucky with having symptoms on the milder side but I would like to know if anyone has experience persistent permanent nerve sensation because of the virus.    
    • Free73
      when to disclose
      Exactly man. You don't want or need someone to rescue you from yourself. It's up to us to rescue ourselves and be the best version of ourselves. And, as i'm fast discovering, while a loving relationship and partner is a beautiful thing, life itself is also beautiful and there is so much more to life than the pursuit of romantic relationships. Having the unwanted gift of herpes is another challenge, but it can also be the stimulus to self growth.  
    • WilsoInAus
      Which test to believe?
      It is not a conflict of perception. Whilst people may perceive that herpes causes PHN for example doesn't make it scientific fact. Just because people say that SJW regenerates nerves doesn't make it scientific fact. You have not produced any scientific papers or facts that support your claims, nor do they exist. This is simply about factual information, it has nothing to do with perceptions. People have a right to know the facts and make up their own minds. Again I note that you never disclose that you do not have a confirmed herpes diagnosis therefore you do not have anything to offer in terms of experimentation with supposed remedies, so let's make sure we hear from people with real experience.
    • Sanguine108
      Which test to believe?
      Ok Wilso. it doesn't take much to put together the inflammatory nature of hsv. That's herpes 101.  If you don't believe it then that's fine.   Herpes isn't going anywhere so ppl can consider  whatever ideas they want.  If their perception of this virus' effects on the body is wrong then they'll be looking for answers once again. Hopefully, if they're tired of suffering.   Youve had this your whole life. Others are just joining the club.  Everyone remembers how they were before and now after.  How can you relate if you don't have that perspective or if you're not willing to experiment w remedies that may affect your for the better. if ppl want to read evidence then they can go through my post history bc this isn't the first time we've had this conflict of perception.
    • Clunk
      when to disclose
      @Free73 I agree with you completely! I had depression before getting diagnosed. I had no self worth, no self respect or self esteem. Guess what happened when I was diagnosed with herpes?? Those feelings were magnified 10 fold! The two rejections I've suffered cause of disclosure have crippled me!  Will I be "alone" forever... I don't think so. In time, I will find an understanding girl who will be understanding.... It would be easier if she was positive to put my mind at ease, though. But right now, I have a negative attitude and self view of myself. A girl will be understanding of a stigmatised "skin condition" but not of a negative, self hateful attitude. I've started running again and laying off alcohol. I feel a lot better for it. I need to be the person I want in a partner. I wouldn't want a partner who thinks as lowly of themselves as I do.... I've got some work to do  
  • Recently Browsing

    No registered users viewing this page.