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pepikw posted a topic in ♡ Dating and RelatingToday I woke up with a cold sore and today was my date with my boyfriend. I haven't told him yet due to my shame about having it and the fear of his reaction. He was hurt I acted really distant from him and I feel so hurt too :’) I feel like the cold sore ruined everything. I wish I can just get rid of it or just disappear. Now I feel so guilty inside and I don’t want to go on living. I wish i never got herpes and I just wish no one gave it to me :’) It’d be fine if I had it, but asymptotic. I wish I was normal.
Dopelily posted a topic in Location! Location! Location!Hello I live in the DMV/Baltimore area and was diagnosed a little over a year ago. I only have like two penpals but no one really here in area. A couple of people I've met are still on the downside of the news. I'm more so coming to terms with it and accepting it as one of my truths. This has made me happier. So... Now I'm more so looking for positive 'positives' who still enjoy life and see how they date and manage normal life changes (marriage, child-bearing, prevention and suppression). I also feel like I have a calling for outreach, so also feel free to chat with me:) Peace
So I’m not sure I never really looked at my test results because I was scared... I’ve been told it could be a uti or something but I only get them when I’m stressed. I just... does any one else find dating hard?!? It’s like the guys I do tell instantly friend zone me or never talk to me ever again. I don’t what to do and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience..?
I got the wonderful virus on my genitals from a guy I dated 5 years. I definitely stayed in the relationship too long because of being scared to have to disclose to someone. I finally broke up with him in 2016. I finally got up the nerve to start dating again about six months ago. In late November I met a guy who I had a lot in common with, got along with, was attracted to, etc, and I could tell he felt the same way about me. (We are both divorced and in our 40s.) So over the course of a month, we got closer and had wonderful times. I could tell he was falling for me and I was for him. On the Saturday before Christmas we spent the whole day together and went to dinner that night then back to my house to exchange gifts. He had bought me a really pretty necklace for Christmas (not too extravagant but sweet and I had picked out a special book as a gift to him.) We had not had sex yet but I knew it would be coming soon so I needed to disclose. He ended up telling me he loved me that night and I told him the same. Then came the disclosure. He just looked kinda stunned then sat with me without really saying much for about 30 minutes. He then gave me a brief hug and said he had to go. He left the book I gave him at my house and as he left, I tried to give him the necklace back because I could tell that everything had changed. He asked me to please keep it. It was the end of the night so it wasn’t completely weird and I figured he was shocked and needed time to process so, while I was very upset, I knew that this was always a possibility. I will admit that I did a terrible job at the actual disclosure. It was my first time and even though I had practiced saying it aloud many times, I know that sounded ashamed and embarrassed. We texted a little bit the next day, mostly with me explaining more about my situation. I explained that in my personal experience, it had not been very disruptive for me. I have only had three outbreaks in six years. I also explained that if someone was with a partner who had it, the partner could take medicine to reduce the other person from getting it. I sent him some links. After that day (the day after disclosure), I did not contact him and he did not contact me. Once again, I figured he needed time. About three days after, he finally texted me saying that he was sorry for the way he reacted. He also said that he loved me and was very sad but according to what he read, he would eventually get it and that he couldn’t knowingly do that to himself and if I ever needed anything to let him know. (I did not see the point in disputing what he “read” on the Internet and how he felt about it. The links I first sent him clearly indicated that was not the case.) Neither one of us wants more kids (we both have them) so it has nothing to do with any issues it could cause in that sense. I basically said “thank u, next” and wished him well. That was the day after Christmas. Fast forward one month to Wednesday, January 23. (We have had no contact at all. We are not connected on social media and we have no mutual friends.) I get a text from him asking how I’m doing. I respond politely and we exchange a few pleasantries. He then asks me if I’m seeing anyone and tells me that he’s sorry for what went on and he really wanted to go out with me again. I say I am confused since for the past month, I’ve accepted the fact that he did NOT want to be with me. He asked if we could just meet to talk, but he totally understood if I said no. I said, sure, I’ll meet you to talk but told him not to have any expectations about us dating again. I said I needed some time and maybe we could meet in a week or so. We texted a little bit yesterday. I told him that I wanted to meet him at the restaurant because I wanted to be sure I could leave whenever I wanted to. He then said, “I cannot apologize enough for how I handled things between us.” I said, “I don’t want to talk about that now.” And that I needed space between now and our meeting next Thursday and I would confirm with him on Wednesday (in other words, do NOT contact me). I want to see if he will honor my wish. Here’s what I need advice on. I have NO experience in dealing with being rejected for this particular reason and none of my friends do either. Is he just a total jerk??? In your experience or opinion, will he ever be truly emotionally supportive? Should I cut him some slack? Should I meet with him at all? Should I meet with him in order to end it with him in person? To begin with, I am a person with avoidant attachment issues. I cut people off and out of my life very easily, many of my friends think too easily. It was a huge deal for me even to disclose to him. Huge deal. I know me cutting him out of my life could easily be justified in my mind and it is my natural tendency to want to do this. I am truly shocked that I actually kept his number in my phone and didn’t block it right after he texted me to end it. The fact that I am actually opening up just a little bit (maybe even to someone who doesn’t deserve it) is major progress for me. I miss him and I still care about him. I really, really thought he would have been one to be okay with the situation from the get-go, but obviously I was mistaken. Help!
Hey, I’m a 28 year old black female and I just was diagnosed with HSV type 2! The bad part about is that the doctor can’t give me a timetable for when he thinks I could have contracted it!! I am a survivor of sexual assault twice, once when I was six and again at the age of 21!! It hurts even worse now because I don’t even know where to start!! I feel like I’m being punished for something I did in my past life or something!! How am I supposed to date or just tell my next partner what I have and risk them leaving me, talking about me, or even harming me because of what I could expose them to!! I really haven’t had a big breakout or anything yet, so can someone please just tell me what I should expect in the near future!! Will I be ok because right now depression is winning!! They have me on 500mg of Valtrex daily for suppression and it works really well!!
Im a 23f and I’ve been hanging out with a 31m for about a month now. We met through a mutual friend and I’ve held off on sex (I don’t just sleep with people). However the main reason is bc I had to disclose that I have Ghsv1. I found out in July of 2017 when I had a sore at the opening of my vagina. I haven’t experienced anything from it since. Negative for hsv2, but positive for hsv1. I disclosed to him yesterday by first asking if he’s ever had a coldsore, he said yes. And of course I felt immediate relief bc it’s like “awesome, he carries the same virus too so there’s no issue.”. I explained that I have it too, but downstairs and how I got it and how it doesn’t effect me at all until I have to have the conversation about it. He asked if it’s something I take medication for and I said I could but mine is already low risk as is. I told him how ghsv1 isn’t commonly transmitted to genitals bc it prefers the oral area and told him how there’s a 4% chance with no condom and 2%. I explained how the stigma is the worse thing about it and how a previous partner never contracted anything from me. He said I dropped a bomb on him and I told him if he’s had a coldsore he carries the same strain. I just have it in a different area and can’t give him something he already carries. He said it’s the same but it’s kinda different. At that point I felt like I was losing an uphill battle. He thanked me for telling him and told me how he’s had chylamidia before and knows some stuff about herpes and outbreaks. I told him its not what it is if he thinks herpes. He told me he doesn’t think any less of me. He said it’s not the end of the world but it is something he’s gonna have to think about and process and it’s gonna take him some time to wrap his head around it and see where that leaves things with us. I asked if i could tell him stuff I’ve found out about it and he said we could talk about it but he’s still gonna need some time to think about it himself which I understand. I told him I hope he doesn’t just go off what he thinks he knows about it. I also hope he comes to his senses and realizes how much of a nonissue it is. I told him it’s nothing to me and he said he wouldn’t say it’s nothing but it’s not the end of the world. I still stayed last night and he didn’t cuddle with me at all. I told him he was already treating me different and he said he’s just trying to process everything and he can’t just act like it’s not a thing. I’m giving him some space and hoping he does research on a reputable site. He’s so nice and I don’t have the best track record and the thought of meeting someone that actually treats me well and it getting ruined bc if this breaks my heart and terrifies me:(
Hey friends, Haven't posted in a while - but I wanted to write a quick post, I had my kinda-5-year-herpes anniversary (got it on my birthday which makes it easier to remember) - and I'm happy to say that since then I've been in 4 relationships with non-herpes people (with a few short ones in between) and it has only gotten easier for me to disclose each time. When I was first diagnosed I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I would have to disclose to everyone I meet some horrible secret, because after the initial shock it didn't feel horrible at all... it just felt like a harmless thing I had to live with. So then I decided that that's how I was going to live my life - I tell people who I'm dating about it as soon as I can tell it's going well. Sometimes the night I meet them. And in five years I have not met a single person who has turned me away because of it. I truly, truly believe it's the only way to live with herpes - the more we keep it a secret, the more people will think it's something to be afraid of - which it's not. When I was first diagnosed, I met someone at the Toronto herpes meetup who sat down with me and told me that it wasn't a big deal - and that generally speaking, people don't care. Five years later and it's some of the best advice I've been given. I know there are exceptions, and I know from what people here have told me that it can be incredibly difficult to disclose, but I really hope that doesn't stop anyone here from trying. This is just my experience - but if one person reads this and feels hope, then I'll be happy. You're all beautiful snowflakes - David.
I know some may judge me, but this is how I deal with disclosing. I always disclose btw. For any kind of partner. I only disclose to people that will get affected by it in some way. So only to men I am intimate with. I see no reason to tell my family or friends about it. It does not affect them in any way and honestly, while it's not really a secret, i do try to avoid having to deal with the ignorance of people. I disclose right away. To me, it is best to give the other person the chance to go away at the very beginning before I get attached and hurt. So I bring it up as soon as we start talking. This way they can decide what they wanna do and no one gets hurt. Does it bother me when people decide to move on? sure, it sometimes does, not a lot. But I am human and rejection does sting a bit. But this has worked best for me as a way of protecting myself. To me it is better to be with someone that knows 100% of me and willingly choose to stay. I have no problem answering questions from anyone and I am not looking to pass it to others either. But I do not want to complicate my life more than necessary. We already have enough emotional scarring from this. You guys tell me what you think or what you do.
Hannah95 posted a topic in Disclosure (telling)I recently got out of a relationship (from the person who gave me hsv1). How do I tell someone new that it’s not a big deal? Often times I forget I even have it because I haven’t had an outbreak since my first (over a year ago). I know I have to tell them still but how do I make them understand it’s not this horrible thing people make it out to be?
Hello! I’m new here, I found out about 8 months ago that I am living with Herpes. I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. I was infected last January. I was out with friends and went to an after party at a mutual friends, friends, party. I ended up getting drugged and raped. I woke up the next morning, covered in my own blood and in an unfamiliar place. Once I got home, I realized I had the worst pain in my genital area. Later to get tested and be positive for herpes. It’s one thing to have herpes, it’s another to have received them through rape. Anyway, When I found out, I didn’t tell my boyfriend, I was unsure how he would react. It came out one night when I was drunk and he was so angry with me. We are still together and moving to a new state together. But he continues to bring up the fact that I have it and he is terrified he’s going to get it. How can I comfort him, how can we get our relationship back to how it was before he knew? We used to be extremely sexually active (twice a day), now it’s like twice a month, with a condom. My boyfriend could not cope with the fact that i had it and that he still has not gotten it, he made me get a third test done for his satisfaction. Ive now had 4 tests done. Two came back slightly positive, like .2% over the “ inconclusive” results, one completely negative, and one positive. Help?? What does this mean? I have done research for a black market cure, has anyone else? I found one that is being studied in the Caribbean and Mexico. Has anyone else seen anything else about this? Or know any homeopathic cures? Thanks for your help. And for reading this long post!
Has anyone had a better experience with Valcyclrovir rather than Acyclovir?? Have been wondering which seems to suppress the virus more effectively and have been thinking about switching to Valcyclrovir as I’ve read that it combats the virus better since it had a better bioavailability? Which seems to work for y’all??
Can anyone out there elaborate for me the portiental risks and stats on having sex without condoms, but on antivirals? I’m very optimistic and would like to take this step with my girlfriend who has been wanting to make love without any condoms, but the thought of acidentally transmitting anything to her kills me. I know antivirals help suppress the virus and everyone is different, but if there is anybody out there who has gone through this successfully without transmitting anything to their significant other I’d sure appreciate any insight you might have!
How do you strike a balance between remaining unemotional in delivering a disclosure speak and any subsequent questions and being honest about how it has affected you emotionally? For me, the emotional fallout of dealing with HSV has had a huge impact and I find it hard to rationally think about how I would deal with this and all the stress of worrying about transmission without letting on how much I am thinking about it – to not scare the other person away and make them think HSV is something to worry about. I would want to inform a partner yet enable them to think about it with as little negativity as possible, and yet how could I do this if I was being honest about how I really feel about it? And if I couldn't be honest about my journey with it, would that in itself cause more resentment, anger and bitterness? This time directed at the virus itself not the person that gave it to me? In essence, for me, dealing with HSV on an emotional level wouldn’t end after a successful disclosure where someone wanted to be in a relationship with me. It’s not the end of the story. I've always had an anxiety and I've been seeing a counseller for two years now, as a result of getting HSV. It's not helping.
Ok so.... i was very drunk last night and I started fooling around with a boy who doesn’t have the HSV2 virus... We “dry” humped and I mean he had a Condom on and my vaginal lips are quit large so my vagina wasn’t too exposed.. and then I remember him inserting his penis in, but only once and I said “no” so he stopped but then we continued to fool around.. i just want to know what are the chances of him contacting HSV2 if there was a condom on and I didn’t have any Out Breaks etc.... Help me SOS
I gave my partner oral herpes but I haven’t told him yet. I was just diagnosed 2 days ago. A little background, I’m a normal 20 something year old. I have been having sex with my partner for about 7 months now. When we first started messing around it was more so of a thing that “just happened” (protection was used) around this time he was also talking to another girl as well. We eventually just started hanging out more and we got closer. We’re together all the time, even though we never actually said we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Back in june I was raped by my boss ( he didn’t use protection) I told my partner and we’ve been working through the problem together. My roommate also told me after 2 months of living together that she has type 2 herpes. I was only frustrated with her because she didn’t tell me before we moved in. Not that it would have changed anything, just that I would have taken better precautions because we share practically everything. I was open with him about me feeling sore down there before I went for a check up. We both thought that I just had gotten a cut from rough sex. He performs oral on me often and he told me how he saw the “cuts” as well but he still proceeded to perform oral a little until i told him it felt too uncomfortable. After that incident we haven’t been having sex until I felt better. (I’m pretty sure that’s the moment I passed my virus on.) I took it upon myself to look at my “cuts” in a hand mirror and it looked too serious to just be from rough sex. I’m not sure if my roommate, him, or my rapist passed it on or maybe I have had it and not known. I just really don’t know how to tell him. The hardest part about having this is that I can pass it on. I just feel so low. And now all I can think about is my rapist and how he could have possibly gave it to me. I ruined my partners life and I’ve been trying to build the courage to tell him.
It was on the 12th of August, 2015 when I realized or had my first out break. Few days before that day (August 12th), I went to a friends birthday party, I had so much alcohol, I was happy then I met this girl, she was kinda alone and me! Feeling like a superstar wanted to cheer her up. So we talked and I gave her some alcohol, she was so much excited and we danced, hugged and even cuddled while dancing. Then she told me she was tired she needed to seat she asked if we could take a walk away from the party. Whom am I to say no, after all she is very pretty and sexy, I took her to a nearby uncompleted building, she asked if she could smoke? I said yes sure feel free. She smoked we had some more drinks, then it happened. We had unprotected sex in that building, although I deed the withdrawal method, hoping and feeling everything is ok. To cut short the story, I started noticing some bumps like objects on and around my penis. To be honest, I was so scared there was nothing that didn't Cross my mind including HIV. I browsed the net for clues or similar symptoms, I became all the more confused. The out break and symptoms lingered for weeks, on the 4th of October I summoned the courage to see a doctor, he examined me and suggested a couple of test. I ran the tests and it was confirmed, I had been infected with Herpes Virus. He then prescribed some drugs for me, which I bought and took according to the prescription. 1 and 1/2 weeks later the symptoms cleared and the itching stopped, I took the complete dose just to be sure and it seems like all was ok. By the end of November I noticed a fresh out break again, I went back the doctor he asked me to buy the same and continue the medication, he added that that's herpes for you, just when you think they are gone, they reappear. While taking the drugs the doctor adviced me to avoid alcohol and other substance that may weaken my immune system, it then means I was also suffering from weak or low immune system because as at when I did the test, my white blood cell count was 5700 it was a bit low. This means I had to take my drugs regularly to keep the out break away. To sum up my story, I travelled to the village on the 23rd of December for a burial arrangement. In the course of the event I was discussing with my uncle then I opened up to him and shared my experience. That was when he mentioned moringa leaf and seeds to me, he went into his house brought out a small plastic can filled with moringa seeds, he said I should eat about 4 to 5 seeds three times a day, then take about 3 ounces of dried moringa leave add to a kettle and boil, after boiling I should just drink it like a normal green tea. I spent my remaing days of the festive season in the village, while taking my moringa seeds and tea. I returned to the city with a hand full of seeds and leaves and continued my moringa therapy for the next 3 months. On the first week of April 2016 I decided to take another test, the test result came out and this time my white blood cell count was 8600, although the HSV is still there but I haven't noticed or had any out breaks since I started taking the moringa seeds and leaf. Today is the 27th of July, 2018 and I am glad to say that I have noticed any out breaks since then and I have not been taking any HSV drugs as well. more so, I am proud to say that I am a father to a lovely beautiful baby girl. Although at first I was scared if my girl friend had been infected because I didn't have the nerves to tell her and she was begining to get upset of my frequent use of condoms. So I stopped using the condoms and we had intercourse, and the result is a lovely beautiful baby girl, while we were at the hospital I requested that a test be carried out on her, LO and BEHOLD she was and is still HSV negetive. So my dear lovely people, please don't beat yourself over this, it is most certainly not the end of anything in your life, all you guys need to do is boost your immune system naturally to fight the virus from the inside. Anywhere you find yourselves, please kindly look for moringa seeds and leaf, chew at least 4-5 seeds a day and if you can get the leaf, take two cups of the tea in the morning and two cups in the evening and all will be well with you. Thank you all, remain bless firstname.lastname@example.org
randomQ posted a topic in Spreading and Preventing HerpesI contracted GHSV1 from an ex over a year ago. I haven't had an outbreak since the first one. My doctor told me the first year is usually the worst & prescribed me Valtrex 500mg, which I take, but not consistently everyday...I have missed at least a week. Especially since I do not have outbreaks, or have sex I just choose not to take it every day. So here is my problem, and I feel really terrible. I've been dating this guy who works in the medical field...we had a discussion about herpes one day, and he said it wasn't a big deal to him. That would've been the perfect opportunity to tell him, but I was scared. So fast forward I spent the night at his place...one thing lead to another we ended up having sex. He got up to grab a condom, but I didn't find out until after he was done that he decided not to put the condom on. Then afterwards he says ", You better be good, because I just got tested and everything was negative." Which is true, minus herpes because his doctors have never tested him for it. So its been on my mind ever since, and I don't know how to tell him I have HSV1. I'm such an idiot..I should know better. I thought he put the condom on, and that just makes everything much worse.
After recently getting the silent treatment after disclosing to a potential new partner, again, I did a lot of thinking and have come up with an idea to create a way to disclose, educate, and hopefully help break the stigma of ghsv1. I would LOVE some input and suggestions on this project. This wouldn't necessarily be a way out of the talk, but more of an aid. We forget things or don't have all the information or maybe the person wants more information. That's what this is for. I am a web developer. I want to create an engaging and informative site that can be used to help people disclose and/or help inform new partners. Obviously, this has to be done in a way that is not overwhelming to the user and gives them information from reputable sources. There's a bonus in doing this. I can track where people are leaving the website, how many pages they view, and other statistics about how people are using it. This would help us gain better insight into how people view this topic as well as how the website performs. And I would be more than happy to share the data excluding any personal data that may be collected. So, my question is: Do you feel like this would be beneficial to you? Would you use it? And what would you like to see/say about dating and ghsv1? Any thoughts any suggestions are welcome. Please leave a message even if you think it's a waste or time or stupid.
jonkoplo posted a topic in 20'shello..! i've hsv2 for almost 2 years, and ob came twice a year with a small blister/pimple. since then I don't have any date, I was scare to infect them. I hope I can find a friend or local group to share with in this forum. and maybe I could find a date here wherever you're come from, please kindly leave me a messege only god knows what's happen next.
Some background before I explain- I have not been formally diagnosed with herpes but I do get cold sores. It's been at least 2 years since my last one and since my life is very fast paced it's always the last thing on my mind. So when I got into my current relationship I had totally forgotten that I actually get them. My current issue is that I didn't realize I was getting a cold sore because I recently changed acne treatments and disregarded the tingling sensation as a reaction. I gave my boyfriend oral sex and that night after work saw what has now become a sore. I was up till midnight looking up all the research I could and type 1 can effect genitalia. So long story short I probably gave it to him and I feel like crap to the point where I think he should breakup with me. And he thought it was curable(he grew up in a bubble) which makes me feel even worse. I know it's not the worst STD out there which is putting my mind at rest a tiny bit but I still feel like a terrible person and a walking plague sack.
karatecat posted a topic in Just signed up? Say hello here!Hi, I found this place today and since I don't know anyone with this stupid disease, thought it could be helpful. Since I got herpes, I feel like I'm doomed. I know, that sounds overly dramatic, but I guess it's cause I'm single and I don't see how any guy would ever want to be together with me ever... The only person who knows about this, is my best friend and she acted in the sweetest way and never made me doubt that she accepts me. But I don't know if she can understand how terrible it feels to be in this position :-( Maybe some of you could tell me about how you cope, being single and having dates. I did have some dates after getting the diagnosis, but I'm afraid to have to tell everything one day and that the guy will be disgusted and I'll die of shame and than I'll alone one day... I tried to find a local support group, but here in Germany there don't seem to exist any for herpes. Would be happy to hear about your experiences :-) P.S. Sorry for bad grammar or spelling, this is not my mother tongue :-P
Anyone experience sex with their spouse or significant other when you both have HSV 1&2...what are the risks? My wife and tested positive, we must have been positive since we were in our 20’s, now we both 46, married 20yrs..I just started receiving noticeable symptoms (my wife has not) a couple of months ago. Now that the shock is wearing off, we are trying to decide how do we resume being a married couple. Is it possible to have sex unprotected or should we use condoms. Most importantly I don’t want her to be re-activated like me...
Hi all, im new to the site but was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. I luckily seemed to get a pretty mild case of hsv-2, because since my first outbreak i've been fine up until now. This outbreak is different though, no lesions, but the same flu symptoms i had the first time, lethargic and achy. And also lower back pain. Does that sound familiar to anyone else? Anyway, i think the worst parts for me have been worrying that ill infect my current partner who is herpes free and dealing with the whole "stigma". A few weeks ago i learned that a few of my so called "friends" who i made the mistake of confiding in when i was first diagnosed have basically blasted my business to anyone who'll listen behind my back. Which has been pretty tough. When i realized that it actually sent me into a depression which i think brought on this outbreak. Which is ironic and depressing in itself. So thats my story, lol. Ill bet a lot of you have similar ones. Nice to meet some people in the same boat.
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