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  1. Although I didn’t do this after being newly diagnosed, the last couple years I’ve been open and honest with every potential sexual partner about having HSV-2. However, I’m now having a different problem. After I disclose, people assume that if they test positive for HSV2 after sleeping with me, that we will from that point forward be exclusive or be together forever. Or if I decide to stop dating, they’ll say, “but I slept with you even though you have herpes.” How do I address this? What do I say to show that I understand that the possibility ofcontracting herpes is big, but that they’re notdoing me any favors by having sex with me!!
  2. Hey friends, Haven't posted in a while - but I wanted to write a quick post, I had my kinda-5-year-herpes anniversary (got it on my birthday which makes it easier to remember) - and I'm happy to say that since then I've been in 4 relationships with non-herpes people (with a few short ones in between) and it has only gotten easier for me to disclose each time. When I was first diagnosed I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I would have to disclose to everyone I meet some horrible secret, because after the initial shock it didn't feel horrible at all... it just felt like a harmless thing I had to live with. So then I decided that that's how I was going to live my life - I tell people who I'm dating about it as soon as I can tell it's going well. Sometimes the night I meet them. And in five years I have not met a single person who has turned me away because of it. I truly, truly believe it's the only way to live with herpes - the more we keep it a secret, the more people will think it's something to be afraid of - which it's not. When I was first diagnosed, I met someone at the Toronto herpes meetup who sat down with me and told me that it wasn't a big deal - and that generally speaking, people don't care. Five years later and it's some of the best advice I've been given. I know there are exceptions, and I know from what people here have told me that it can be incredibly difficult to disclose, but I really hope that doesn't stop anyone here from trying. This is just my experience - but if one person reads this and feels hope, then I'll be happy. You're all beautiful snowflakes - David.
  3. ukunicorn98

    Newly Single with HSV1

    Hi guys, I'm new to this site but it feels comforting to know that there are other people like me out there. I was diagnosed with HSV1 two years ago when I started dating my boyfriend (now ex). When I told him about my HSV1 he was really supportive and understanding and it turns out he had it too. I think he actually knew that he had it but decided not to tell me (which is shit) but at the time I felt relieved that someone else was in the same boat as me. However, we have now broken up and I feel a bit lost and almost deflated. I'm only young and although I don't want a serious boyfriend for a long time I do want to date and see new people. But I am worried about disclosing to people. I want to be honest as I know what it's like to be deceived. Although living with HSV1 isn't bad the social stigma attached to it is a lot worse. Does anyone have any advice on disclosing/any positive stories? A couple of my family members know but it's difficult for them to relate to me as they've never experienced it. Hope you're all well 😊
  4. Learningtolivewithhsv

    Advice for GHSV-1

    So I made it to month four without a visible sign of an outbreak. I had a really bad outbreak in the ending of April and was diagnosed with GHSV1. My initial outbreak took about a month to heal and left scars (a lighter pigmentation from my overall complexion on my genitals). Sadly I have been ridiculously paranoid to the point I have taken two 7 day treatments of Valtrex. More than likely it was probably just yeast infections (I get them way more than I should, even before getting hsv). I also take lysine twice a day and three times a day when I feel like an outbreak is coming on. I’ve been applying tea tree to my genitals everyday since getting diagnosed to dry out any potential outbreaks that are present that I possibly mistake for an ingrown hair. When does the worrying stop? How often have anyone on this forum with GHSV1 get outbreaks? What’s are some good tips and tricks?
  5. Learningtolivewithhsv

    First disclosure. PRAY FOR ME

    So I am new to the herpes world. I was diagnosed with ghsv-1 on May 17th. I was dating two guys at once (one I was sexually active with and someone else). The last person I had sex with, I am pretty sure he’s the one that gave it to me. I did disclose to all of my sex partners using text free because I was too embarrassed to reveal myself. But anyway, today I disclosed to the other guy I was seeing when I found out that I was gHSV-1 positive. We have been seeing one another one to two time a week and have planned basically our whole summer out. Even though he wanted to take it slow we are most definitely sexually attracted to one another and planned on having sex somewhere along the lines. This morning I decided to disclose via text that I have ghsv-1. I gave him some fact/transmission rates and have left everything in his hands. He’s currently at work and asked if it’ll be okay for him to call me when he gets off. Let’s see how this turns out. I am prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. I will keep you guys posted.
  6. To speak off my title it is no different than any relationship. Normally I chat with others, chat is down and I wanted to open this up to anyone with questions. I chat with so many people that tell me that they fear dating, disclosing and giving HSV to someone else. I don't know where to begin, I lay here unable to sleep with this wonderful man next to me sleeping so peaceful and I am so thankful for him and the love he gives me. I wondered through the kitchen checked the fridge to make sure our leftover dinner was sealed proper so he will have a good lunch tomorrow at work. I noticed he changed the strings on my guitar while I was in the shower, this may seem trivial to some but it is what people who care for each other do, He has HSV2 and I am negative, we are no different than any other couple in love. Love is possible after you get diagnosed with HSV, sure it may decrease your dating pool, decrease it to people who don't want to do the little things for you to show they care and accept you for who you are no matter what. HSV does not define you, it does not make you low class, unworthy, gross or off the dating market. I understand people all date different and I don't judge or look down on anyone looking for something casual, everything I said applies to you too. Sh*t happens to us all. How could I let this wonderful person not be apart of my life because he has a skin disorder? No way, I deserve this happiness as does he. He did disclose to me before we had sex, that is a question I get a lot. I got a blood test for HSV after we had protected sex as well as other STDs because who knows where I have been. I am in no way above him because I am negative. My IGGs were both were negative. I did test positive on IGM which is how I found this community, a OBGYN told me I was positive for HSV due to IGM which I learned was because I had chicken pox in the past The people I met here encouraged me to get a second opinion. I still test negative for IGG. I have learned so much about HSV and feel have become an advocate even though negative. Please anyone who feels down about this and thinks that love is not possible, I hope just my short bit helps you to know that there are people who are negative that will love you, look beyond the stigma, take an interest into wanting to know more because they care about YOU!
  7. Learningtolivewithhsv

    When should I disclose?

    So I just found out that I have herpes a little over two weeks ago. I am pretty sure I know who I contracted it from, but that is neither here nor there. I was dating two people (only sexually active with one). I no longer converse with the guy who I’ve contracted this from, but kept in contact with the other guy, let’s call him PT and we’ve been hitting it off really well. Sex isn’t really on the table for us because we both said that we wanted to wait for sex until we get to know one another better because we don’t want to rush anything. I can see something more forming between the two of us even though it’s still new. I want to tell him now, but I also want to get to know him better before disclosing this to him. We have a couple of dates lined up. What should I do? Please help
  8. Lonely she

    Mobile, Alabama

    I'm new to this group. Looking for friends, dating, support groups.
  9. lostgirll

    Meeting a New Guy

    Hey everyone, I recently got diagnosed 2 months ago with genital herpes and the guy that gave it to me is it denial about it. About a week ago, I met a new guy and we talk about having sex a lot but I feel so guilty that he does not know yet. We haven’t engaged in the act but we are going on a date this sunday and I have a feeling that he is expecting to have sex. I’m just so scared of his reaction for when I tell him. Are my odds in my favor? How likely am I to get rejected or ghosted after telling him? What are your guys’ experiences?
  10. Today I woke up with a cold sore and today was my date with my boyfriend. I haven't told him yet due to my shame about having it and the fear of his reaction. He was hurt I acted really distant from him and I feel so hurt too :’) I feel like the cold sore ruined everything. I wish I can just get rid of it or just disappear. Now I feel so guilty inside and I don’t want to go on living. I wish i never got herpes and I just wish no one gave it to me :’) It’d be fine if I had it, but asymptotic. I wish I was normal.
  11. Hello I live in the DMV/Baltimore area and was diagnosed a little over a year ago. I only have like two penpals but no one really here in area. A couple of people I've met are still on the downside of the news. I'm more so coming to terms with it and accepting it as one of my truths. This has made me happier. So... Now I'm more so looking for positive 'positives' who still enjoy life and see how they date and manage normal life changes (marriage, child-bearing, prevention and suppression). I also feel like I have a calling for outreach, so also feel free to chat with me:) Peace
  12. I got the wonderful virus on my genitals from a guy I dated 5 years. I definitely stayed in the relationship too long because of being scared to have to disclose to someone. I finally broke up with him in 2016. I finally got up the nerve to start dating again about six months ago. In late November I met a guy who I had a lot in common with, got along with, was attracted to, etc, and I could tell he felt the same way about me. (We are both divorced and in our 40s.) So over the course of a month, we got closer and had wonderful times. I could tell he was falling for me and I was for him. On the Saturday before Christmas we spent the whole day together and went to dinner that night then back to my house to exchange gifts. He had bought me a really pretty necklace for Christmas (not too extravagant but sweet and I had picked out a special book as a gift to him.) We had not had sex yet but I knew it would be coming soon so I needed to disclose. He ended up telling me he loved me that night and I told him the same. Then came the disclosure. He just looked kinda stunned then sat with me without really saying much for about 30 minutes. He then gave me a brief hug and said he had to go. He left the book I gave him at my house and as he left, I tried to give him the necklace back because I could tell that everything had changed. He asked me to please keep it. It was the end of the night so it wasn’t completely weird and I figured he was shocked and needed time to process so, while I was very upset, I knew that this was always a possibility. I will admit that I did a terrible job at the actual disclosure. It was my first time and even though I had practiced saying it aloud many times, I know that sounded ashamed and embarrassed. We texted a little bit the next day, mostly with me explaining more about my situation. I explained that in my personal experience, it had not been very disruptive for me. I have only had three outbreaks in six years. I also explained that if someone was with a partner who had it, the partner could take medicine to reduce the other person from getting it. I sent him some links. After that day (the day after disclosure), I did not contact him and he did not contact me. Once again, I figured he needed time. About three days after, he finally texted me saying that he was sorry for the way he reacted. He also said that he loved me and was very sad but according to what he read, he would eventually get it and that he couldn’t knowingly do that to himself and if I ever needed anything to let him know. (I did not see the point in disputing what he “read” on the Internet and how he felt about it. The links I first sent him clearly indicated that was not the case.) Neither one of us wants more kids (we both have them) so it has nothing to do with any issues it could cause in that sense. I basically said “thank u, next” and wished him well. That was the day after Christmas. Fast forward one month to Wednesday, January 23. (We have had no contact at all. We are not connected on social media and we have no mutual friends.) I get a text from him asking how I’m doing. I respond politely and we exchange a few pleasantries. He then asks me if I’m seeing anyone and tells me that he’s sorry for what went on and he really wanted to go out with me again. I say I am confused since for the past month, I’ve accepted the fact that he did NOT want to be with me. He asked if we could just meet to talk, but he totally understood if I said no. I said, sure, I’ll meet you to talk but told him not to have any expectations about us dating again. I said I needed some time and maybe we could meet in a week or so. We texted a little bit yesterday. I told him that I wanted to meet him at the restaurant because I wanted to be sure I could leave whenever I wanted to. He then said, “I cannot apologize enough for how I handled things between us.” I said, “I don’t want to talk about that now.” And that I needed space between now and our meeting next Thursday and I would confirm with him on Wednesday (in other words, do NOT contact me). I want to see if he will honor my wish. Here’s what I need advice on. I have NO experience in dealing with being rejected for this particular reason and none of my friends do either. Is he just a total jerk??? In your experience or opinion, will he ever be truly emotionally supportive? Should I cut him some slack? Should I meet with him at all? Should I meet with him in order to end it with him in person? To begin with, I am a person with avoidant attachment issues. I cut people off and out of my life very easily, many of my friends think too easily. It was a huge deal for me even to disclose to him. Huge deal. I know me cutting him out of my life could easily be justified in my mind and it is my natural tendency to want to do this. I am truly shocked that I actually kept his number in my phone and didn’t block it right after he texted me to end it. The fact that I am actually opening up just a little bit (maybe even to someone who doesn’t deserve it) is major progress for me. I miss him and I still care about him. I really, really thought he would have been one to be okay with the situation from the get-go, but obviously I was mistaken. Help!
  13. So I’m not sure I never really looked at my test results because I was scared... I’ve been told it could be a uti or something but I only get them when I’m stressed. I just... does any one else find dating hard?!? It’s like the guys I do tell instantly friend zone me or never talk to me ever again. I don’t what to do and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience..?
  14. Hey, I’m a 28 year old black female and I just was diagnosed with HSV type 2! The bad part about is that the doctor can’t give me a timetable for when he thinks I could have contracted it!! I am a survivor of sexual assault twice, once when I was six and again at the age of 21!! It hurts even worse now because I don’t even know where to start!! I feel like I’m being punished for something I did in my past life or something!! How am I supposed to date or just tell my next partner what I have and risk them leaving me, talking about me, or even harming me because of what I could expose them to!! I really haven’t had a big breakout or anything yet, so can someone please just tell me what I should expect in the near future!! Will I be ok because right now depression is winning!! They have me on 500mg of Valtrex daily for suppression and it works really well!!
  15. Im a 23f and I’ve been hanging out with a 31m for about a month now. We met through a mutual friend and I’ve held off on sex (I don’t just sleep with people). However the main reason is bc I had to disclose that I have Ghsv1. I found out in July of 2017 when I had a sore at the opening of my vagina. I haven’t experienced anything from it since. Negative for hsv2, but positive for hsv1. I disclosed to him yesterday by first asking if he’s ever had a coldsore, he said yes. And of course I felt immediate relief bc it’s like “awesome, he carries the same virus too so there’s no issue.”. I explained that I have it too, but downstairs and how I got it and how it doesn’t effect me at all until I have to have the conversation about it. He asked if it’s something I take medication for and I said I could but mine is already low risk as is. I told him how ghsv1 isn’t commonly transmitted to genitals bc it prefers the oral area and told him how there’s a 4% chance with no condom and 2%. I explained how the stigma is the worse thing about it and how a previous partner never contracted anything from me. He said I dropped a bomb on him and I told him if he’s had a coldsore he carries the same strain. I just have it in a different area and can’t give him something he already carries. He said it’s the same but it’s kinda different. At that point I felt like I was losing an uphill battle. He thanked me for telling him and told me how he’s had chylamidia before and knows some stuff about herpes and outbreaks. I told him its not what it is if he thinks herpes. He told me he doesn’t think any less of me. He said it’s not the end of the world but it is something he’s gonna have to think about and process and it’s gonna take him some time to wrap his head around it and see where that leaves things with us. I asked if i could tell him stuff I’ve found out about it and he said we could talk about it but he’s still gonna need some time to think about it himself which I understand. I told him I hope he doesn’t just go off what he thinks he knows about it. I also hope he comes to his senses and realizes how much of a nonissue it is. I told him it’s nothing to me and he said he wouldn’t say it’s nothing but it’s not the end of the world. I still stayed last night and he didn’t cuddle with me at all. I told him he was already treating me different and he said he’s just trying to process everything and he can’t just act like it’s not a thing. I’m giving him some space and hoping he does research on a reputable site. He’s so nice and I don’t have the best track record and the thought of meeting someone that actually treats me well and it getting ruined bc if this breaks my heart and terrifies me:(
  16. JustMe81

    I disclose right away

    I know some may judge me, but this is how I deal with disclosing. I always disclose btw. For any kind of partner. I only disclose to people that will get affected by it in some way. So only to men I am intimate with. I see no reason to tell my family or friends about it. It does not affect them in any way and honestly, while it's not really a secret, i do try to avoid having to deal with the ignorance of people. I disclose right away. To me, it is best to give the other person the chance to go away at the very beginning before I get attached and hurt. So I bring it up as soon as we start talking. This way they can decide what they wanna do and no one gets hurt. Does it bother me when people decide to move on? sure, it sometimes does, not a lot. But I am human and rejection does sting a bit. But this has worked best for me as a way of protecting myself. To me it is better to be with someone that knows 100% of me and willingly choose to stay. I have no problem answering questions from anyone and I am not looking to pass it to others either. But I do not want to complicate my life more than necessary. We already have enough emotional scarring from this. You guys tell me what you think or what you do.
  17. I recently got out of a relationship (from the person who gave me hsv1). How do I tell someone new that it’s not a big deal? Often times I forget I even have it because I haven’t had an outbreak since my first (over a year ago). I know I have to tell them still but how do I make them understand it’s not this horrible thing people make it out to be?
  18. TaylorNicks

    Advice

    Hello! I’m new here, I found out about 8 months ago that I am living with Herpes. I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. I was infected last January. I was out with friends and went to an after party at a mutual friends, friends, party. I ended up getting drugged and raped. I woke up the next morning, covered in my own blood and in an unfamiliar place. Once I got home, I realized I had the worst pain in my genital area. Later to get tested and be positive for herpes. It’s one thing to have herpes, it’s another to have received them through rape. Anyway, When I found out, I didn’t tell my boyfriend, I was unsure how he would react. It came out one night when I was drunk and he was so angry with me. We are still together and moving to a new state together. But he continues to bring up the fact that I have it and he is terrified he’s going to get it. How can I comfort him, how can we get our relationship back to how it was before he knew? We used to be extremely sexually active (twice a day), now it’s like twice a month, with a condom. My boyfriend could not cope with the fact that i had it and that he still has not gotten it, he made me get a third test done for his satisfaction. Ive now had 4 tests done. Two came back slightly positive, like .2% over the “ inconclusive” results, one completely negative, and one positive. Help?? What does this mean? I have done research for a black market cure, has anyone else? I found one that is being studied in the Caribbean and Mexico. Has anyone else seen anything else about this? Or know any homeopathic cures? Thanks for your help. And for reading this long post!
  19. NatashaRomanoff

    Newbie here

    Just wanted to say hello, been looking for a place to talk to others who knew exactly what it’s like.
  20. Has anyone had a better experience with Valcyclrovir rather than Acyclovir?? Have been wondering which seems to suppress the virus more effectively and have been thinking about switching to Valcyclrovir as I’ve read that it combats the virus better since it had a better bioavailability? Which seems to work for y’all??
  21. Can anyone out there elaborate for me the portiental risks and stats on having sex without condoms, but on antivirals? I’m very optimistic and would like to take this step with my girlfriend who has been wanting to make love without any condoms, but the thought of acidentally transmitting anything to her kills me. I know antivirals help suppress the virus and everyone is different, but if there is anybody out there who has gone through this successfully without transmitting anything to their significant other I’d sure appreciate any insight you might have!
  22. seanriley213

    I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO

    Can I please get someone to talk to here?????? I think I'm drowning in pains
  23. How do you strike a balance between remaining unemotional in delivering a disclosure speak and any subsequent questions and being honest about how it has affected you emotionally? For me, the emotional fallout of dealing with HSV has had a huge impact and I find it hard to rationally think about how I would deal with this and all the stress of worrying about transmission without letting on how much I am thinking about it – to not scare the other person away and make them think HSV is something to worry about. I would want to inform a partner yet enable them to think about it with as little negativity as possible, and yet how could I do this if I was being honest about how I really feel about it? And if I couldn't be honest about my journey with it, would that in itself cause more resentment, anger and bitterness? This time directed at the virus itself not the person that gave it to me? In essence, for me, dealing with HSV on an emotional level wouldn’t end after a successful disclosure where someone wanted to be in a relationship with me. It’s not the end of the story. I've always had an anxiety and I've been seeing a counseller for two years now, as a result of getting HSV. It's not helping.
  24. arorasmith

    Drunk and Dumb

    Ok so.... i was very drunk last night and I started fooling around with a boy who doesn’t have the HSV2 virus... We “dry” humped and I mean he had a Condom on and my vaginal lips are quit large so my vagina wasn’t too exposed.. and then I remember him inserting his penis in, but only once and I said “no” so he stopped but then we continued to fool around.. i just want to know what are the chances of him contacting HSV2 if there was a condom on and I didn’t have any Out Breaks etc.... Help me SOS
  25. Locs

    I gave my partner herpes

    I gave my partner oral herpes but I haven’t told him yet. I was just diagnosed 2 days ago. A little background, I’m a normal 20 something year old. I have been having sex with my partner for about 7 months now. When we first started messing around it was more so of a thing that “just happened” (protection was used) around this time he was also talking to another girl as well. We eventually just started hanging out more and we got closer. We’re together all the time, even though we never actually said we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Back in june I was raped by my boss ( he didn’t use protection) I told my partner and we’ve been working through the problem together. My roommate also told me after 2 months of living together that she has type 2 herpes. I was only frustrated with her because she didn’t tell me before we moved in. Not that it would have changed anything, just that I would have taken better precautions because we share practically everything. I was open with him about me feeling sore down there before I went for a check up. We both thought that I just had gotten a cut from rough sex. He performs oral on me often and he told me how he saw the “cuts” as well but he still proceeded to perform oral a little until i told him it felt too uncomfortable. After that incident we haven’t been having sex until I felt better. (I’m pretty sure that’s the moment I passed my virus on.) I took it upon myself to look at my “cuts” in a hand mirror and it looked too serious to just be from rough sex. I’m not sure if my roommate, him, or my rapist passed it on or maybe I have had it and not known. I just really don’t know how to tell him. The hardest part about having this is that I can pass it on. I just feel so low. And now all I can think about is my rapist and how he could have possibly gave it to me. I ruined my partners life and I’ve been trying to build the courage to tell him.
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