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Found 23 results

  1. Lk2404

    Newly diagnosed and alone

    Hello all, I’m a female and was just diagnosed GHSV 1 and I’m devastated. I really need someone to talk to about their experience. I’m at the end of my rope with general practitioners and their horrible bedside manner. If one more person spits a statistic at me or dismisses the psychological pain I’m going through, I’m going to lose my mind. Cannot see a psychologist for another week. Seems like nothing will ever be the same. Please help me.
  2. I want to die but i am afraid since i got herpes what shoulf i do friends
  3. Hello everyone, I am new to the forum and I joined because I am feeling shitty. I was diagnosed 8 years ago and I contracted it from my then boyfriend who became my husband. He did not tell me he was infected, I doubt he even knew but I am angry now because I found it that he was cheating on me. We are currently going through a divorce and it makes me afraid that I won’t find someone who won’t scorn me. My mood is fine as long as I don’t have an outbreak but as soon as I have one I get depressed, I feel dirty, feel hopeless and it keeps me awake at night. I am so frustrated and I keep asking myself “Why me?”. Has anyone else ever felt this way? How do you cope? thanks
  4. Im 19, I don't know how this happened but it did. I have not got my results back but I am 110% positive i have herpes. There are bumps lesions and open wounds everywhere, and i show all symptoms. At first I was very suicidal on the fact that I could be HSV2 positive but my mom calmed me down.she told me, it is what it is, and that I can still manage to have a normal life despite this. Im very scared as of right now. Im over the fact that it is herpes but i am in terrible pain. I can't sit i can't lay down i can't stand, walk or move. I had to sleep sitting up last night. I am scared to go pee as it burns tremendously. The doctor could not give me medicine until the culture comes back from the lab so Im hoping i can get an antiviral in my by tomorrow. I read that garlic helps so I've been taking garlic pills. Is there anything i need to know. Is there anything i can do/take to ease the pain. I tried pouring water on me when i pee but that did not help. Im just scared, i don't have a support group in person. Im in college and am embarrassed to tell anyone. Only my mom knows and she's across the country because I'm an out of state student. please help ! I'm desperate
  5. Hello people well let me start by saying I've suspected that I've had HSV for years now me and my wife. But I've been to afraid to come to her with it. She's had fever blisters as she calls them and she gets huge painful bumps and clusters of blisters at the top of her butt crack and she has major irritation down there often. Which makes me believe we have it. I dont usually get anything but itching and as of lately I have irritation inside my penis and on the head but never had an outbreak. Well I had an encounter with a sex worker I used a condom but for some reason she decided to put lotion on the condom I only received oral from her no sex. After doing some research I found out that can damage condoms. But it didn't tear. But I've been feeling very irritated down there like I described earlier. Is it possible to be re-infected with a different type of HSV or do you guys think that it is something else going on? I've been so depressed lately and having major anxiety. I want to get checked so bad but I'm afraid she will accuse me of infecting her. Also I just want relief I've bought acyclovir online and have been taking them for a day now hoping to make the irritation go away. My friends says it's all in my head. I've been tested for most STDs and all negative.
  6. New&Scared

    Desperate for advice!!!

    Hi all, I'm desperate for advice as someone newly diagnosed who made a silly decision. Please don't judge, just hear me out. Following the first sexual encounter with someone I have been dating, I starting feeling weird down below. I had had a Hollywood wax 2 days before I had sex, so I attributed it to this, until it got worst. I went to the sexual health clinic convinced I had picked up some kind of infection from the waxing , but was diagnosed with HSV 1. To say that I was devasted was an understatement. I knew I had to disclose to my recent partner as I am sure that he had given it to me, but I just wasnlt in the right frame of mind. I remained 'normal' with him, although we did not have sex again with me making excuses. About 4 weeks later, I got a text from him letting me know that he had gine to a clinic and was diagnosed with Male UTI. My mind started spinning as I was convinced it was him who gave me herped when he gave me oral sex. I kind of left it and put it to the back of my mind. Fast forward to last tuesday, we had sex again (protected and I had no symptoms that I was aware of at the time). However, 2 days later, I am experiencing my second outbreak. Now I am freaking out again! Is it possible that they mistakenly diagnosed him with a a UTI? Could he actually have had herpes, but no lesions? Could I have now re-infected him after sex (although we used protction, I experience the tingling etc around my bum and thihg area too)? He also performed oral sex again. I literally sitting her going through my second outbreak and jumping at every message and phone call to my pone as I wait for him to tell me i've given him herpes. I just want to know whether it is likely that this has happened this time? I understand that the initla time, it may hve been me who gave him something without knowing I had it, but why would it pressent itself straight after having sex with him (the frst AND second time). I'm a bit all over the place, so feel free to probe if you need to know more. Yes, I know I should've disclosed straight away, but i'm having a hard time coping with all this. Appreciate any responses x
  7. this just surfaced and i constantly look at pictures on the internet of herpes and like they look nothing like what ive seen on the internet. can someone please help me? im so nervous and its been making me wanna cry. im so scared and i just dont know what to do
  8. I just got what I am calling first OB last week. I'm stunned, depressed, sick... list goes on and on. Had several partners before marriage .. been married for 15 years. I've never cheated. Don't think he's cheated or he even was with anyone before me. But I wouldn't bet my life on any one other my own actions. But he's a pretty good guy and promises he has not. I'm in so much pain, I can't breath hardly. Dr says it's for sure herpes. I am awaiting test results. Started Valtrex. I can't even hardly look at my husband now. He's being so sweet and worrried about me but I just want this to go away. Help please. Where do you go from here? Does he for sure need tested ? I don't want to make him sick if he's not and now that I'm having OBs I'm afraid I'll make him sick if I ever have sex with him again. Tests sound like they won't show if he's already carrying it if he's not symptomatic... ??? Im afraid my kids are carrying without knowing now. Want to die almost. How do I go back to my church and my work like this isn't taking over my life ??
  9. Dav19

    Devastated

    Please help , I was diagnosed with herpes type 2 less than 2 days ago and I have not stopped crying since. I am 18 years old and I feel like I have ruined my whole life. The stigma attached to this is so bad that I am also ashamed of myself I can’t look at myself in the mirror without hating myself. I cannot bare to tell anyone and fear that I may never have another relationship because who’s going to want me now ??
  10. FreshPeppered

    The first is the worst, right?

    Hard to know where to start. Hi, I've been newly diagnosed, still waiting on the swab cultures to come back as to what type. I am taking valacyclovir 1gm twice a day. I came down with strep that I caught from taking care of my daughter. I thought I had a bad yeast infection prior to this and when the strep started, so did these little ulcers. Just one on each labia. Man, did they burn when I had to pee. What the heck, never had anything like that before. Must have been from the yeast infection, maybe the skin is raw? My throat was swelling to the point I couldn't swallow my saliva, I started getting high fevers, flu like symptoms, terrible lower back aches. I was miserable. The doctors gave me penicillin, z-pack, and a steroid... yeah, a steroid. I didn't know at the time. I still wasn't better the next few days (turns out I had strep pneumonia) and they put me on another antibiotic which I attributed all the funk in my junk was due to these antibiotics. Well, when the steroids finally got full into my system I woke up with a horrendous mess downstairs. I knew this was more than a yeast infection gone bad. I made an appointment with what voice I could muster through the swollen, painful throat and asked for a female MD. She was concerned about my throat and wanted me to go to the ER after the appointment was over and make sure I didn't have an abscess in my tonsils. Cool. When she got the tools and took a look, I asked the dreaded question, "is it herpes?" "yes. I am so sorry, but I think it is. We have to swab the sores and this will only hurt a little. I will have to see if there are any internal sores as well." Awesome. I am unsure at that point if my tears were more from the pain of the speculum and swabs or the realization that I was just told I have a disease that has a huge amount of stigma and a life long sentence. Her next sentence killed me, "you could be pregnant, your immune system has to be really low for you to have such a terrible outbreak with your throat, I am concerned." I have an IUD.... negative test. Whew. I couldn't stop crying. I felt such a surge of emotions. The doctor tried to comfort me but honestly I wasn't hearing any of it. I just wanted to die. As a medical staff member of the emergency room, there was no way I was going to get my throat checked after this in the ED. NO FREAKING WAY. If my coworkers read this and saw the medication, they'd know. Everyone would know. I wasn't ready to walk around with a red letter attached to my chest yet. Nope. I would rather die at home. Thanks. I didn't die, although, this is so painful, I wish I would have at times. Emotionally and physically painful. First person I told was my significant other whom I have only been dating 4 months now. Then I told my best friend. That was it. Both were reassuring and supportive. I am lucky. When I finally got the strength to tell my past partners, only a few which makes this suck worse, they all took it respectfully and were thankful that I was honest with them. I was surprised. I thought I would get so much backlash, or name calling. One even offered to come over and comfort me... so weird. Not what I expected at all. The first few nights on valacyclovir I experienced itching on my torso, pain everywhere, sweating like crazy. Then after a few days, weakness, depression, dizziness, I lost a few days, missed 6 days of work. My regimen was to sleep, pee basically doing a handstand, cry and wince from attempting to wipe, give up, shower it off, soak in the tub, air dry or use the blow dryer to keep the area clean, sleep more. Cry. Repeat. Now I feel as if I have lost some of the fine motor function in my lower right face. My smile is crooked, I taste metal, everything smells or tastes funny. I don't want to stop the medication, I want this to go back and hide in my spine. My throat swelling is finally going down, and most of my sores are healing now. There are a few that are still so painful I am afraid to go back to work just yet. I can't hop in a shower after I use the restroom, or soak in epsom salt to keep bacteria at bay. What do I do? I am super weak, I can hardly walk far without getting winded. I feel like I'm 90 and I'm only in my 30's. Anyways, I needed to vent somewhere, to someone who understood what I am going through. If you have any advice, anything helpful at all, I am all ears and welcome it. Thank you for listening to my first outbreak. The worst outbreak, right?
  11. helplessss

    emotional wreck

    I recently discovered what looked like a small canker sore inside my vagina by the opening, I wouldn’t have noticed it if it weren’t for the sex I had almost 2 weeks ago. I noticed it burned when I peed after the encounter and I went home the next morning and looked in a mirror and saw the lesion. I have been active with this guy on and off for over two years and i’m so deeply in love with him. I have unknowingly given him chlamydia once before and he forgave me and understood it happens though he was pissed at first. I have been with one other guy this semester and we used protection but I am worried that I could have contracted it from him since condoms are not 100%. I feel sick thinking I could have infected my partner with this incurable disease after he told me he doesn’t know what he wants in the future with me but doesn’t want to let me go either. I feel this would completely destroy me if I have it myself and having to deal with the guilt of passing this on to him not knowing I had this. I can’t seem to get out of bed and wish some mornings I wouldn’t wake up. My culture was negative but I am still waiting for the results from the blood tests. I have had HSV1 orally since I was a kid so my hopes of this at least being the “good herpes” down there are shot. I hate myself.
  12. I just gotta say that I absolutely hate some people out there. I have been reading some forums on reddit, honeycomb and others. So many of you people want to believe that your risk to transmit is so low or non existent because of pills or the years you have had this bullS*it virus, and especially the asymptomatic ones. BULLSH*T !!!!! You do infect people and you need to do other people the service of not screwing their life over by giving them a fair chance. I was infected but a real estate lawyer in Denver. This B*tch lied about her age by 10 years, saying she was 43 years old and turns out she is 54. I slowly began to realize I was getting manipulated and lied to and begin to question other things; by then it was too late. I am a college student and I wanted to explore the supposed "milf" shenanigans. Thinking I was having a little fun by exploring my sexuality. This woman KNEW she had HSV2, this woman DID NOT AND DOES NOT TAKE anti-virals. She also PUSHES YOU TO USE LAMBSKIN condoms. Me being niave didn't think anything of it. In one of my encounters with this EVIL b*Tch we got drunk and one of the "sessions" a condom was not used. I had not f*cking idea would be setting myself up, or better yet getting set up for a life full of misery and depression. Within a matter of 2 weeks I noticed I had 2 strange sores that presented themselves as almost wart like, zit like. Accompanied by an insane amount of itching. About a week prior I has asked this woman about std's because the original story she gave me was that she married for years and clean. WHen asked directly about stds, she claimed she was tested last October and that she was "CLEAN". On the third time I went to go meet up with this person, she decided to disclose to me that she has HSV2 for many years most likely, she claimed she wasn;t sure when she contracted it, she claimed she didn;t give it to her previous husband, she claimed that she was "SPECIAL CASE, in which she did not and does not infect people !!!!!!!!! I have never wanted to get revenge so badly in my life. I hope karma serves this b*tch a life of misery until she takes her last breath. I am now 30 years old and have to look forward to these nonstop outbreaks that remind almost ever 2, or 3 weeks if I am lucky of one choice to meet up with a woman who manipulates and lies about her situation. HOw can someone be so f*cking evil to convine themselves that they do not infect people, they are some "Special Case". THen when I call her out on her bullsh*t she proclaims it was my fault we didn't use a condom, it was my fault that i chose to have sex with her. B*tch !!! I didn't know you would lie about having an incurable disease !!!!!!!!! It took me so long to build my self into a confident man and have had very minimal partners in my lifetime. I reach a point where I finally feel close to 100% confident and got to a point of loving my self only to have it all taken away by some selfish c*nt who cared more about her goddamn self than someone else's risk of health. The sad part is, I wanted to sue this person. Guess what. I fail test after test after test, but I have outbreak after outbreak. I was infected in January 2017, by June I have managed to get the first cold sores in my mouth. I get tested IGG yet again and 3 months later offering plenty of time for antibodies to show up. NOTHING !!! It's like the goddamn virus is taking over my body. THe sores never present them selves as blisters. THey range from looking like zits with puss and a lot of blood >>> to zits with a solid white core>>> to red sores that are deep and extremely painful to touch. Since June ( the first time I have ever had a cold sore in my life orally) -- I have semi-regular scalp itching, random sores on my scalp, random sores in my nose, random- semi regular itching on my nose, random zit like sores on my eyelids and in my eyelids. I have been to multiple doctors and an opthamologist and they don';t seem to think I have herpes. SO how the f*ck can I suee this b*tch when I continuously get outbreak after outbreak, but yet no positive test. I have finally saved up enough money to attempt the western blot. Even then it appears I am too late to sue this c*nt because she filed bankruptcy and listed me on her list as a potential creditor. SHE KNEW SHE F*CKED UP and I have no evidence. For all the people that say you can't tell who gave you herpes, that is BULLSh*T !!! If you have an encounter with someone and then get symptoms 1 to 3 weeks later, it is a pretty clear indication of whom gave it to you. Especially if you have had only 1 partner in the last 9 months prior. Especially if you had blood tests in the past. I pretty much have given up on life with exception of school, work, and my dog. My sexual desire has hit rock bottom, I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I will be single for the rest of my life. Sure I have read plenty of stories about women having success, well sorry I am not sexist, but you are a goddamn woman !!! Women have much easier time finding a guy won't mind versus a clean woman that won't mind. Women already have options up the ying yang, ( at least most of them). I am now on a path of self prison, because I can't possibly live knowing that I infected someone or put someone else at risk. I just don't know what to do anymore. My parents told me to find support groups or a councilor. I can barely afford rent, and I have pretty much no social life. I wanted to have a little fun between semester last year start off January 2017 with a bang, a bang of a f*cking virus that can't be cured. Then it appears that the FDA pretty much does not give a sh*t about herpes sufferers. They would rather make money of people managing the virus than actually doing something about it. Hey guys we are raking in millions, let's keep trying the same approach to a vaccine over and over and over. Let's make it so goddamn hard to develop something that researchers and companies will just give up or not even fund the research from the get go. 3 girlfriends in my entire life, now 30 years old and i get f*cked by some evil woman that had to lie about her age, her std status, and not only that but her height !!! then when I called her out on her lieing about her height and age she says, oh well I am this height in heels. blahhh blahhhh f*ck the world and all the evil ass people in it. I have never shafted anyone intentionally in my life and yet somehow I earn this karma !?!?!??!?
  13. PLEASE READ!! NEED ADVICE!!! I think I have herpes but the doctor says I have nothing to worry about!! I dated a guy for 2 years, we broke up and he had sex with a girl, who had sex with a guy, who has sex with a girl that 100% has herpes. Although I'm not sure, I believe the virus had been transmitted to all of the people involved. After my ex had sex with the girl who potentially has herpes, I slept with him (this may have been close to a month after they had sex). When I had sex with him after he slept with her, it was unprotected and I had noticed a small sore on his penis that was bleeding after we had sex. He insisted it was nothing to worry about that he thought it was a pimple... He had also lied to me (which I found out later) and said he got tested after her and that his results came back clean so i thought I had nothing to worry about. A couple months passed and I had no symptoms and I even got checked for herpes and my blood test came back negative for both types of herpes. I was so relieved. I assumed he was clean so a couple months after my test I had sex with him again, this time we used a condom. 4 days after we had sex (with the condom) I noticed an intense burning sensation and a tear on my labia above my clitoris (clitoris hood). The sore itself wasn't painful to touch but the burning sensation continued. I have been emotionally exhausted having anxiety over if I have it or if I don't, eventually I went to my gyno and they did a full exam and a culture on a swab from the sore above my clitoris, all the results came back NEGATIVE! I thought I'd be relieved but the doctor couldn't give any explanation for the burning that was always there... Still paranoid, I was trying to find the source to my pain and took a flash video of my vagina trying to see if there's anything that they could've missed. After watching the video I noticed a red patch with fluid filled "bubbles"/pimple looking-blisters right before my vagina hole that hurt to the touch. The doctor is making me feel like I'm crazy- she's telling me I don't need to come back in. But part of me feels like she didn't take a deep enough look and that the sore she did swab-had nothing to do with my outbreak. I'm so suicidal and my self esteem is at an ALL TIME LOW, I just want to know if I didn't get herpes the first time we had unprotected sex is a good indicator that he's clean or if I still have a good chance of having it even after all the tests and the use of a condom? I physically feel sick from my anxiety and I simply can't focus on anything else but the possibility of me having herpes. I don't know what to do or what to think. Please help me, I don't know how much longer I can deal with the pain.
  14. Hey, so, I am not technically newly diagnosed but every once in a while I come back to this deep, dark place. A little background: August 2015 came back to my home country from a year overseas. After coming back I met a man I had been chatting with. Before even agreeing to meet him (it was for potential intimate/relationship reasons) I asked him to get tested for STIs. I had also gotten tested because I would never ask something of someone I wasn't comfortable doing myself. I came back clean as did he. I didn't realize herpes was not part of standard testing, and I'm so angry because I asked my doctor to test for everything! I even said everything multiple times. (This will be relevant later in the story) So here I thought he is good to go in good to go. We hit it off really well. We ended up dating. This was in October. (Hence why I'm back in the dark place) we had sex a few times no issues. But come February 2016 I ended up getting the dreaded burning, blisters on my groin area. It was horrendous. I went to my doctor and yes I had herpes 2. My partner was the only person who could have logically given it to me. I confronted him and he admitted that he has had herpes and known about it for years. He however said that he didn't know which strain he had and that he only had outbreaks on his lip. I confronted my doctor about it saying I asked to get tested for everything. He said oh herpes isn't standard... I was so mad because to me I didn't ask for standard, I asked for everything. I started to doubt myself, maybe I had had it for some time and it was dormant. Maybe I didn't know! Maybe I potentially gave it to him. Maybe he had herpes 1 and I have 2 oh my God what have I done. But he never got any breakouts since I got it. And after February 2016 I had had 6 that year in quick succession. I honestly don't know much about herpes but I find it so hard to believe that it could have been dormant and then boom just like that. So that leaves me back to blaming him. He had a lip sore after my first set of breakouts. (He never showed any symptoms before, I seriously check people before) I never had any reason to think he had anything. Anyway I asked him to get it tested for my peace of mind. He never did. So I still don't know if he has herpes 2 on his lip or both but doesn't show signs, or if I somehow caught herpes 2 and he doesn't have it. I love him, I ended up marrying him October 2016 (even after all the herpes mess) but every so often I have a spike of rage towards him that I can't seem to control. I know that part isn't healthy. The thing is, had I known he had any form of herpes I would likely not have agreed to meet with him. After having met him, I'm not sure if I would have agreed to date him (despite how awesome he is in every other way). I know it's shallow, but my health was/is so important to me, so dating someone who could get me sick just would be too taxing for my mental health. Now that I've already gotten it though I thought he can't get me sicker. I love everything else about him. Okay, yeah let's do it. So here I am a year into my marriage. I love him, I love him so much... But I feel betrayed. I still want to be with him, but it's eating at me. I guess I wish he had given me the choice to choose him infection and all. I don't regret marrying him. So the end it worked because I might not have married him had he been upfront. But then the whispers of, he kept that information from you, what else could he be hiding. Good God I don't want to continually doubt what he says. I know that too isn't healthy. I'm so confused and frustrated and angry and I really wish I didn't love him so that it could be easier to be mad at him. So that I could throw every book at him. But that is not the case. I love him so now it hurts to be angry at him and it hurts not to be. Thankfully no outbreaks for all 2017 that too makes it more evident to me that it was him that gave it to me and I had experienced the initial outbreak in February 2016 which was by far the worst out of all of them. It lasted like 3 weeks or more and was so painful. Yup, I feel better just typing that. If you read it to the end thanks.
  15. YasQueen

    Feeling heart broken

    Hello. It's been a month since I was diagnosed with genital herpes. I was in a long distance relationship and ended up having to break up with my bf because after I found out her started treating me horribly. Everytime I would try to talk about it he would ignore me, we were planning to be married so this has been hard on me. I believe he had it without knowing and passed it on to me and felt guilty. He never confirmed and never went to the doctor. My heart is still so broken, I feel disgusting and still in shock over what has happened. Im trying so hard to do things that make me happy but the depression and anxiety always find their way back to me. I'm not dating nor do I want to at the moment.. but I don't even know how to talk to someone about this if I did want to date someone. To make matters worse, he's still on my phone plan and will be until he pay a down payment to get his own account. He tried to have me stuck with the bill of 600 dollars so I threatened to take him to court. He text me today saying he still doesn't have the money for the down payment so I told him he had next month and that's it. I hate that I have to still deal with him. I hate what he has done to me. I don't want to hurt anymore.
  16. Hi, I was just recently diagnosed with Herpes II. I got it from my boyfriend who didn't know he had it. I'm very depressed about it. I don't know who to talk to. i'm looking for support and someone to tell me that life goes on. Its hard for me to wake up in the morning. Im scared no one will ever love me. :'(
  17. abc12

    Accepting diagnosis

    I've had hsv for about a year now, but only diagnosed since January. Though it's been almost 9 months since being told I was infected, I cannot accept it or move past the depression it has caused me. I struggled with depression for years and I was getting better and now no matter how much I try to ease my mind I can't.. the only time I'm not unhappy about this is when I'm distracting myself and trying not to think about it, but the emotions can only be bottled up so long until I can't hold them in anymore.. this cycle has been going on since. I feel my life is over. I can never live normally again and I am only 18. I have thought about killing my self many times because of this. I can't cope with this and time isn't helping me at all.
  18. I recently was diagnosed with HSV2 just before my 18th birthday, happy birthday to me right? The emotional toll the diagnosis has taken on me has been severe and I feel so alone. I've searched high and low for a support group consisting of people who share similar relatable experiences, but most of the time there's a huge age difference. I'm making this thread seeking people age 16-24 to befriend and find companionship within. I know dealing with this diagnosis can be tough, but it's much more comforting when you have people who support and care for you.
  19. boricacid

    It's been less than 24 hours

    I believe I may have had my first outbreak 6 weeks ago when I thought I had a cut on my vagina, but also felt very ill. I have a boyfriend. He's never displayed any symptoms and he's told me he's clean. I know this virus can be transmitted asymptomatically, and he's had a lot of sexual partners (no protection) in the past. He's joked about being lucky. He recently said he'd kill himself if he got genital herpes. He's had a serious suicide attempt last year. I think he may have given it to me....I'm scared to tell him. I can't sleep or eat. I'm just crying. I know there's life after this, etc. etc. I feel crushed and now I have to crush another person with the truth.
  20. scaredbuthopeful2015

    struggling and discouraged

    Hi, anyone who has read my posts knows that I am usually very positive and supportive of members having a difficult time. But for the last couple of days I feel so completely overwhelmed, depressed and taken over by the outbreaks. Every time I think I am getting my symptoms under control they seem to get worse again. The itching was beyond terrible, and has now again turned to pain. Particularly in the skin area right above my clitorous. I am trying so very hard to fight the urge to give up...but it just never stops. I'm on antivirals...two a day of Valtrex, lysine two to four a day, goid quality vitamins, as well as many other prescription medications. I have a large amount of stress that is out of my control right now. Bad divorce, single mom of two, a daughter who is self harming, being forced to sell my home and do not have anywhere to live. Then there are other medical issues, long term depression, uncontrolled diabeties, excessive high blood pressure, sleep apnea...and the list goes on. I'm tired...and I just don't want to be here anymore...iit's to hard. And being in pain, and feeling dirty, unlovable and rejected is taking its toll...it's not sure how much longer I can do this. ..I just want to feel normal again. I'm devastated!
  21. OutOfPlace

    suicidal thoughts

    I don't even know where to begin...I was recently daignosed with HSV1 & 2. l feel so disgusted with myself over one stupid mistake that shouldve never happened. The pain is unbearable, i cant eat, i cant sleep, i even force myself not to go to the bathroom because of how painful it is. I can barely walk, I have called out of work, and have even missed class. Nothing can get any worse right now. IM 20 YEARS OLD AND CAUGHT AN UNCURABLE DISEASE. Ever since I found out I have been extremely depressed and cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot talk to anyone about it, not even my roommates in fear of being judged and having the word spread around campus. My outbreak has lasted two weeks and has been getting worse and worse with the medication my doctor has prescribed me. The pills havent made anything clear up and the Acyclovir cream burns and hasnt suppressed anything my outbreak just keeps spreading. I just cant take it anymore. I also have to tell this guy I went on a date with that he might be infected and I might have potentially ruined his life. Such a good guy who was so kind, so gentleman like, and will probably never ever find someone like him again. As a matter of fact I will most likely never find someone period. I dont even think I can play the sport I wanted to play at my school because my breakouts will restrict me from walking fine let alone running up and down. There goes my college career, there goes my social life, there goes my love life. This depression has hit me so hard that I even made arrangements to buy a gun, I am a disgusting piece of garbage who needs to be disposed of...
  22. Lost&Confused

    Overwhelmed with emotion

    I dont even know where to start with this. Today I was diagnosed with HSV1. But before the results came I suspected for a while that it couldve beenn a possibility but actually hearing it made my world turn upside down. I have not stopped crying all day. Im scared to tell anyone about it. Can't tell my friends, my parents, my roommates, not anyone. Holding all of this in is killing me but at least I found somewhere to vent. The pain is unbearable. I cannot walk, sit, sleep, not even eat because going to the bathroom hurts like hell. It feels as if there are needles and knives when I got to the bathroom. The blisters and sores keep bleeding and get more pussier. It just keeps spreading and gets worse by the second... IM SO MAD at the person who gave it to me because he knew he had it and didnt tell me. I have nothing but hate in my heart for that guy. No one will ever find me desirable again. The disgust I feel towards myseld as an individual is so high, I wince at myself in the mirror. My depression this past week has been so bad to the point where I held a gun to my head and was praying for forgiveness to God. I feel as im being punished. I just feel so betrayed, destroyed, and I cant get over the fact that I caught an UNCUREABLE disease. So many unfortunate events have happened these past weeks that this.. this THING has been the last straw. I dont know if i can deal with this any longer...especially since I will be all alone.
  23. crying

    I'm feeling blue

    Hey everyone out there, I guess I don't know where to start on this, or if I should even be on here, but here I am anyway. I wanted to reach out about this, and was suggested to find a support place like this by my counselor, which is why I'm here. There is no easy way for me to say this, I contracted HSV 1 and 2, from being molested by my uncle. And ever since I have been depressed, and felt pretty disgusted with myself. Even more so after this diagnosis My parents know, legal action has been taken, and a bunch of other things I wish I didn't have to be involved in happened. I've not been dealing with it well. I feel pretty shitty tbh, and I've just been crying a lot, and hiding in my room, not wanting to deal with anything. My first outbreak has been severe, it itches, hurts, and when I go to school I cover my lips/chin with my long sleave, I don't want people to see the red blotches on my face and know I have it. Knowing how long it takes for them to just go away and the fact I have an std makes me want to hide away. And now I'm so scared, and feel really ashamed. I'm 15, and in highschool, I don't have any friends, but if I did it wouldn't matter because they'd judge me for it. I've never had a boyfriend and probably never will, because I have this virus, and it's gross, and I can't ever get intimate with someone knowing I'd spread it, but even now the thought of having sex makes me recoil in horror. I just wish that I would have been killed, or that it was just a nightmare. Now when ever other girls at my school say they hate their bodies, I want to cry, because I'm infected, and they're not, they are still healthy and attractive. I'm not. At this point I don't see it getting better, I don't know how to deal with this, I feel dirty, used up, and ugly. I have herpes and I don't know what to do about it.
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