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Found 11 results

  1. BPKU

    One Night stands

    I'm just looking for other ppl experiences with disclosing to one nightstands BEFORE sex. There is this guy that I want to have sex with , he wants the same. Neither of us want a relationship so I am totally cool with this. But I can't do it unless I disclosed because if i dont I know I am gonna feel awful and I want him to make his own decision about it. Has anybody else had causal sex and disclosed before hand ? And if so, how did you disclose, face to face, or text? what was the other persons reaction? When disclosing to a one night stand do you meantion the strain? I have HSV-1 genital .I've only ever disclosed to potential dating partners. 2 were ok with it and then I got the silent treatment from another person after telling them. But anyways I really hope to hear some responses and thanks before hand .
  2. How do you strike a balance between remaining unemotional in delivering a disclosure speak and any subsequent questions and being honest about how it has affected you emotionally? For me, the emotional fallout of dealing with HSV has had a huge impact and I find it hard to rationally think about how I would deal with this and all the stress of worrying about transmission without letting on how much I am thinking about it – to not scare the other person away and make them think HSV is something to worry about. I would want to inform a partner yet enable them to think about it with as little negativity as possible, and yet how could I do this if I was being honest about how I really feel about it? And if I couldn't be honest about my journey with it, would that in itself cause more resentment, anger and bitterness? This time directed at the virus itself not the person that gave it to me? In essence, for me, dealing with HSV on an emotional level wouldn’t end after a successful disclosure where someone wanted to be in a relationship with me. It’s not the end of the story. I've always had an anxiety and I've been seeing a counseller for two years now, as a result of getting HSV. It's not helping.
  3. I contracted GHSV1 from an ex over a year ago. I haven't had an outbreak since the first one. My doctor told me the first year is usually the worst & prescribed me Valtrex 500mg, which I take, but not consistently everyday...I have missed at least a week. Especially since I do not have outbreaks, or have sex I just choose not to take it every day. So here is my problem, and I feel really terrible. I've been dating this guy who works in the medical field...we had a discussion about herpes one day, and he said it wasn't a big deal to him. That would've been the perfect opportunity to tell him, but I was scared. So fast forward I spent the night at his place...one thing lead to another we ended up having sex. He got up to grab a condom, but I didn't find out until after he was done that he decided not to put the condom on. Then afterwards he says ", You better be good, because I just got tested and everything was negative." Which is true, minus herpes because his doctors have never tested him for it. So its been on my mind ever since, and I don't know how to tell him I have HSV1. I'm such an idiot..I should know better. I thought he put the condom on, and that just makes everything much worse.
  4. Hi everyone, I haven't slept with anyone since the man who gave me HSV-2 I'd love to hear everyone's tactics and best things to say when disclosing that they have genital herpes, tips, and word-for-words, please!
  5. So after being scared to disclose for so many years I'm finally ready to start. for me I never really knew who gave it to me I was young and dumb. Hell still am but I'm now ready i know I may seem like a monster to you guys but sense then I've had maybe 5 sex partners and did not disclose it made me stress a lot so I pretty much would wind up breaking it off but I've dated maybe 10 girls and never had sex with them. Its kind of hard doing this sometimes I figure they didnt dont tell me so why should I tell them i know im not getting that lucky but then I think again and feel like crap for not saying anything. But my main fear is that I will start disclosing then I tell the wrong person someone very immature that will put me on social media as that herp guy or start telling everyone and I dont won't that I would be crushed. every girl I have dated has been black and it is known that these women are the main ones who have it. The CDC even goes as far as to say that 50% of African american women carry the virus. So I just wonder why I never been told this by any women at all. i feel like I should just give up on trying to find that girl to marry because I feel like I'm ready to settle with the right one. I honestly feel like women my age are immature and I just wouldn't won't everyone knowing about my h its like so many women have it and not one ever told me then you have the large amount of women who dont even know and the second time I got tested I had negative results .So any advice would be appreciated.
  6. chainondoor

    New relationship confusion

    Hi all, I am a bit confused about a few things in my new 'potential' relationship, and I would really appreciate some advice. I met this guy a month and a half ago, on tinder, which maybe doesn't sound promising, but he seems like a genuine guy and has shown a lot of interest in me. He has pursued me a lot and wants us to be open and talk to each other about everything. I feel I can trust him. (though I could be wrong) I contracted gHSV1 last year this time. It was very traumatic. I already had a fear of stds, and after that I thought I'd be better off alone. I always told myself that before I disclosed to anyone, we would both get tested (before having sex), and then if he has HSV1, then it would make things a lot easier to either tell him, or keep it to myself. But there are a few added complications surrounding this: 1) We are fooling around and I am afraid he might have and give me HSV2 or something much worse- my experience with HSV1 was sooo terrible, I still get fevers all the time, so if I had them both it would be physically a nightmare. 2) I am not sure if we are exlusive or official yet. I think he still uses tinder and has many pretty girls on instagram. (i've been hurt a lot in the past) 3) We fooled around a lot. nothing that would have put him at any risk (i was more worried about myself though), but I almost had sex with him one.. he might be angry about this. SHORT VERSION I met a guy and we are dating more than a month. In what order do I talk about these things? 1) Are we exlusive? 2) Can you go get tested for everything inclusing HSV1 and HSV2? 3) I have GHSV1 4) I have a huge phobia of stds. I think telling him everything at once will scare him. Any advice here? Thanks.
  7. Everyone on here is worried about disclosing. But how do you know what they have or don't have? I mean firstly 70% people don't know they have HSV. And don't you ever worry about the (worse) things people might give YOU? Everyone wears herpes like a badge of shame, but really it's one of the least dangerous stds.. (it's not life threatening) Just a thought... Thanks.
  8. Keepinganeyeout

    New to the forum - hsv2

    Hey everybody. Pretty new to the forum, spent most of my time thus far just reading through different threads. I've got asymptomatic HSV2 and am struggling with the communication side of things. I haven't disclosed to the girl I've recently started dating but am prepping for that conversation. Any guidance is appreciated! Also looking for connections in or around Chicago. Strange feeling being late 20s, good career, and fit and all of the sudden the dating /sex scene seems to disappear for a while!
  9. Hi there! So I recently found out I contracted HSV2. Still unsure where from, like most people here I guess! But I'm slowly but surely coming to terms with it. The more I read about it, the more I understand that it really isn't a big deal. It only is if YOU make it one. Anyway I come here to ask a question. A question which I probably know the answer to already, but nonetheless would like a second opinion on how to go about it and if taking my time in doing so is forgivable. Also, would love to hear of other stories which are similar to mine! So....should I disclose to my recent partners? I am in two minds. On one side I feel like it's the right thing to do as I do care about their health and it would hopefully prevent further spreading (if they do have it). However I still don't know if it is completely necessary given each circumstance (Which I will explain below). Obviously if I was in a relationship or about to begin a sexual relationship I would 100% disclose, but I feel like exes fall into a different category as they are the past and therefore aren't your responsibility anymore. In the last 10 months or so I have had two sexual relations. The first was a relationship purely based around sex, but one which I hoped would eventually grow deeper. It didn't. It lasted around 2 months until we both no longer had the time for it. He moved away and I felt it was pointless as it really wasn't going to go anywhere anyway! He didn't even say goodbye and we haven't spoken since. We live in different countries and with him being a lot older than myself, I don't feel it's my responsibility to disclose in him. It's not that I'm bitter about the relationship. It's more that I'd like his image of me to stay the same. I have too much pride for my own good and so would like him to think of me as 'the one who got away'. Not 'the one who got away, but it's okay because she has herpes anyway'. I know this might come across as daft and perhaps a tad immature, but he was never honest with me, hence why I'm not instantly eager to confess to him. Maybe I should be the bigger person but what if I'm okay with not being it. Does that make me a bad person? The second relationship is a bit trickier. We both live in different countries and met on holiday. We spent a couple days together thinking that would be it once we parted ways. However he came to stay with me for a weekend a few months later and we had the most amazing time! I then went to visit him in his home town a month later, but when I returned I had my first outbreak. It's been 2 months since then and I've spoken to him a few times but never had the guts to tell him as I don't want to do it over text or a phone call. Since we live in different countries it makes it even more difficult to disclose. I want to be there with him, so I can explain everything in the best way possible so I have more chance of avoiding rejection. But on the other hand if he came to visit me again, travelling all that way to find out I have herpes or if I flew out to him, he might feel trapped and upset that I didn't tell him sooner. So I guess I feel like I'm in a bit of a pickle. I mean, we might never see each other again! But what if we do and he finds out I kept this from him. I really like him, but our relationship isn't monogamous and won't ever be unless we're living in the same place. So this gives me little hope in that he'll want to continue things with me. I also want his image of me to stay the same, but is that ridiculously selfish of me if my sustained image taints someone else's future? And if I do tell, how and when is the best time? How do I know when I'm ready to disclose, because right now I'm avoiding the thought and I know when I do my herpes diagnosis will suddenly seem real. One last thing! I always wish I was part of the 80% that don't know they have herpes because they have no symptoms. So what if both of them haven't had any symptoms and don't know, then they don't have to be in situations like this! Is that totally backwards? I would appreciate some thoughts on the matter. Perhaps my judgement is clouded by my own ego or maybe I am making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. I'm a little confused...it's been a tough month! All the best
  10. So I finally did it. I disclosed to a close close friend, my best female friend. This woman has known me for almost a decade now and she knows me very well. She knows when I'm not acting myself and something serious is bothering me. She has been there for me through my marriage, which eventually became a divorce. She has been there through my child custody battle which is far worse then this H by the way. She has been there through my break up of a long term GF that I planned on marrying, and I tell her everything, she knows everything, I trust her with my deepest darkest secrets well fears because that's what secrets are, they're fears. She has been hard pressing me for a couple months as to why I'm dating my current partner. She doesn't know that this partner is my gifter. She would always say blah (my real name lol) why are you with this girl? I know you and I know this isn't the girl for you. I don't see it your eyes when your with her. I don't hear it in your voice when you talk about her. I've seen you in love with your ex and know what your really like when you are truly interested in a woman. So why are you still with this girl when you know it's not going to work? And for months I couldn't give her a truthful answer, which only made her press even more. I would always say well she's a good girl, I like her, I'm interested in seeing where it goes etc but it's more complicated which is all true she is a good woman, and I have my reason to be with her right now. She'd always say ya ya ok well I know it's not gonna last because I know you so when your ready to talk to me about it I'm here. Recently me and my partner/gifter whom by the way didn't know she had this so I'm not mad at her but we have been having difficulties in the relationship. Largely due to my actual feelings and her lack of compromise on certain issues. So I called my friend and asked her for advice on our issues not H just issues. She said I know something's wrong I can hear it in your voice you sound depressed and this is not you can we meet up. I agreed, I knew I had to tell her the entire truth this night. I picked her up and we went to a bar which I really didn't want to do because I wanted to be sober for this conversation but she wanted to go to the bar so we went. Had a few drinks and finally found a quite secluded spot in the bar. I told her you know me and know I haven't been acting myself for the last couple months and you always press me as to why I'm dating this girl so I want to be honest with you because you are my best friend and you deserve to know why I am acting the way I am. I'm usually very outgoing, confident, social, and just awesome but that's my opinion lol. So I told her that I meet this girl and we started talking, when we started talking I was interested in another woman but we just never were able to link up so I said hey why not give her a shot. I told her we went out we had sex a oriole times and she gave me an STD. I immediately told her to wasn't HIV/AIDS. She was relieved to hear that so then she said ok well what was it Syphillis, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea? I said no and she said Herpes, I looked at her and said yes. She began to cry, and said she was so sorry and this isn't fair that I don't deserve this and she can't believe this, this is for life she hurt you for life. She was very upset and it's because she loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt. She wanted to kill this girl but I explained she didn't know she had it and it's really common and not tested for. She just couldn't stop crying and I started to feel bad even worse then I did before but I understood this a big shock to her. She just hugged me and said just because you have this, just because she gave this to you doesn't mean you have to stay with her. Someone out there with or without it will love you and accept this because you are an amazing person. Don't stay in this relationship because your scared of what may happen in he future. It has been a huge relief to tell her and have her understand and educate her at the same time. I am very thankful to have a friend like this they are few and far between. Now to possibly tell one of my other best friends who is oddly my ex and who will likely try to kill this girl lol seriously she probably will try. And now the process of ending a relationship which is going to be difficult because this woman is a good woman and likely needs me and my support right now but I can't do it I know I can't right now. And then the time to heal, I have another person I owe and explanation to about why I won't date them so I think this like week is gonna be difficult but I rather go into the new year with a fresh slate. I hope this helps someone struggling with disclosing.
  11. Lovebeauty

    Disclosing after sex

    Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with HSV 2 about 3 months ago, and haven't had sex or told anyone since. I've been seeing this guy I really like for the past few months. We have only ever kissed and I have never told him that I am positive for herpes. The other night we got together and we both got relatively drunk. When we went back to his place things went further as planned and we end up having protected sex. I have been taking suppressive mediation since my diagnosis everyday. I know that the rate of transmission with both forms of protection is very low, however the next morning I saw something that appeared to be a sore (but it could be as a result of the sex). I'm really worried about telling him the news, but I'm full of guilt and can't go another day without telling him the truth. I don't know how to bring it up. I feel so ashamed, and I'm less worried about the conversation of herpes than I am about his reaction that I'm telling him after we've already slept together. I really don't want to lose him, he's a great guy that's told me he really cares about me, so I'm hoping that this doesn't ruin everything. I just couldn't imagine having given him this disease. any thoughts of what to do, how to bring up the conversation, what to say. I'm so lost and extremely scared about this conversation. Please provide any support and advice you have. Or similar situations.
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