Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'disclosure'.

More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type

Herpes Group Forums

  • Welcome - New Members
    • Just signed up? Say hello here!
    • Newly Diagnosed
    • Herpes Veterans
    • Personal Experience with Herpes
    • Connect with Other Herpsters
  • Living with Herpes
    • ♡ Dating and Relating
    • Spreading and Preventing Herpes
    • About My Outbreaks
  • Unsure???
    • Could I Have Herpes or Cold Sores?
  • Coping and Acceptance
    • The Secret to Our Success
    • Rant & Rave
    • Art & Poetry Corner
    • Keeping the Faith
  • Herpes Awareness
    • Herpes Treatment Zone
    • Herpes Cure Research
  • Other Herpes Topics
    • Everything Else Herpes!
  • New York State's Single females from NY state
  • Singapore / SEA's Meds
  • Singapore / SEA's Support Group
  • Heroes against Herpes's test
  • Heroes against Herpes's Topics - Promoting Herpes Fund Raiser

Find results in...

Find results that contain...

Date Created

  • Start


Last Updated

  • Start


Filter by number of...

Found 59 results

  1. So I was diagnosed with GHSV1 about five months ago. Even though I ended up disclosing to four of my amazing friends, I was dating a guy prior to finding out that I was a carrier of HSV (he’s not the guy who I got it from) and let’s just say he didn’t take it as well as I thought. Recently, this summer some guy who I’ve crossed paths with on multiple occasions over the last couple of years have come back into my life and we fell in love really quickly. Sadly, we ended up having sex prior to me telling him about this new chapter in my life. Thankfully I did end up telling him (just telling him that I get cold sores but not where because I haven’t had any outbreaks since my initial) and surprisingly he was still very willing to continue what we had going on. He recently got checked and surprisingly he doesn’t have it. How can I go about making sure I don’t transmit it to him? I do see us being together long term and want to do everything in my power to prevent him from getting HSV. Hoping to receive advice from women who have ghsv1 (and 2 I guess) and have been in long term relationships with a male partner.
  2. LemonDifficult

    A happy ending (or beginning?)

    I’ve been a frequent visitor of this site for awhile. The times when I feel down about my H+ status, I have come here to read stories of hope and happy endings, and I feel a lot better and reassured. So, I finally made and account because I wanted to share my happy story! I was diagnosed with GHSV2 about 5 years ago. While I’ve been with and disclosed to two partners about my status since then, they had already told me that they had been with women previously who had the same diagnosis, so I wasn’t nervous to disclose my status to them after finding that info out. Neither of those relationship panned out. When I felt like I was ready to date again the thought of having to have the disclosure convo to another person made me so anxious! Like sick to my stomach, losing sleep kind of anxious. What if my status is a dealbreaker? And all the other worst case scenarios. But I haven’t let this stop me from dating in the past, and I didn’t want to let that stop me from dating now. And I met a guy who is amazing: funny, kind, thoughtful, smart, understanding, and curious about me and what makes me happy. The more time we spent together( and the more I developed my interest in him), the more anxious I got to give the talk. We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks and the physical chemistry is definitely there (kissing, touching over the clothes). But I would not let myself take it any farther with him until I had the disclosure talk. Heading into our date last night, I knew that I couldn’t wait any longer to have the convo I had so been dreading. When I felt like the time was right, I finally gave my “spiel” and I was so relieved to get it out of the way, I honestly didn’t care if he rejected me at that point. I was proud of myself for doing something difficult and flexing my integrity muscle. Well, He actually got emotional, thanking me for putting his health and well-being above mine and told me this doesn’t change anything, in fact he said that me being open about my status before being intimate made him like me even more! He asked questions about how H effects me and was even curious about my experience dealing with the stigma. It went way way better than I anticipated, and we have plans to spend this upcoming weekend together! Whether or not it works out with him, I’m proud of myself. For those that are even thinking about having this conversation ahead of time, you should be proud of yourselves too. This is not an easy conversation to have and it shows a tremendous amount of character. Thank you to this community for sharing your stories. Hoping my story can help others during times of hopelessness that I too have experienced.
  3. Learningtolivewithhsv

    First disclosure. PRAY FOR ME

    So I am new to the herpes world. I was diagnosed with ghsv-1 on May 17th. I was dating two guys at once (one I was sexually active with and someone else). The last person I had sex with, I am pretty sure he’s the one that gave it to me. I did disclose to all of my sex partners using text free because I was too embarrassed to reveal myself. But anyway, today I disclosed to the other guy I was seeing when I found out that I was gHSV-1 positive. We have been seeing one another one to two time a week and have planned basically our whole summer out. Even though he wanted to take it slow we are most definitely sexually attracted to one another and planned on having sex somewhere along the lines. This morning I decided to disclose via text that I have ghsv-1. I gave him some fact/transmission rates and have left everything in his hands. He’s currently at work and asked if it’ll be okay for him to call me when he gets off. Let’s see how this turns out. I am prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. I will keep you guys posted.
  4. Learningtolivewithhsv

    When should I disclose?

    So I just found out that I have herpes a little over two weeks ago. I am pretty sure I know who I contracted it from, but that is neither here nor there. I was dating two people (only sexually active with one). I no longer converse with the guy who I’ve contracted this from, but kept in contact with the other guy, let’s call him PT and we’ve been hitting it off really well. Sex isn’t really on the table for us because we both said that we wanted to wait for sex until we get to know one another better because we don’t want to rush anything. I can see something more forming between the two of us even though it’s still new. I want to tell him now, but I also want to get to know him better before disclosing this to him. We have a couple of dates lined up. What should I do? Please help
  5. Hey everyone! I've seen a various posts across various forums regarding disclosing (or not) and have seen a bit of a trend in people thinking that it's 'hard to pass' with one encounter (lol) condoms make it impossible to pass, blah blah blah. So let's just try to compile some short & sweet answers to some basic H transmissions stories and questions...Could be helpful in many ways to lots of people! 1. Did your giver: show symptoms / asymptomatic / disclose H to you? 2. Protected or unprotected? Oral/vaginal/anal? 3. How many encountrs with giver? (time frame of encounters ie. one weekend of several months?) 4. How were you diagnosed? (swab or blood test) 5. Are you a symptomatic carrier (showed signs ie. outbreak) or asymptomatic (never showed signs, diagnosed by blood work) 6. How long from sexual exposure did you start to show symptoms? 7. How long did your primary outbreak last? How frequent have your recurrences been? (ie. one a month/year?) 8. How long have you been H+? 9. Are you on antivirals only during outbreak or suppressive therapy? Or have you gone the natural route? 10. Words or wisdom/support for newbies? ********** I'll go first... 1. No visible signs of H. Asymptomatic carrier not diagnosed with at the time so no disclosure. 2. Unprotected vaginal/oral. 3. 2x in a weekend (Friday night and Sunday morning) 4. Positive swab test during terrify primary outbreak. 5. Symptomatic HSV2+ 6. Friday/Sunday sex; initial first symptoms started Tuesday and quickly got aggressive. (in hospital by next Sunday) 7. OB lasted a few weeks. Cleared up, then I had a couple minor recurrences due to alcohol in following weeks but MINOR in comparison (just more annoying not excruciatingly painful) still working through this ATM. 8. I was infected Mar9/18 - diagnosed with Mar23/18. 9. Antivirals during primary OB; lots of supplements and vitamins every day now and have changed my diet. 10. It does get better. Not back to normal better, but better. Take care of yourself and do whatever it needs for you to heal physically and emotionally. Find a good friend/family member/counsellor to confide in to help lessen the burden you are carrying. Get wine drunk with a friend and cry all night. Go to the top of a mountain and scream at the top of your lungs. Amazon shop till you max out your credit card buying things that make you happy. Hope this can help some peope! Love & light everyone! x
  6. Hi guys. Im new to this group, but not new to herpes. I’ve had it for about 5 years. In those 5 years, I’ve been with 5 ppl and I’ve disclosed with success to each one. No one has ever had a problem with my diagnosis or the method or time i told them. And then then this happened... i met met this guy and we REALLY connected. More connection than I’ve had with anyone. Talked for hours on end. It was a long distance thing, but we got really close quickly. Spent an hour a day on the phone. He he decided to drive out to see me. At this point we had only made out, nothing more. I knew I’d have to have the talk with him. I’ve always had them in person and thought nothing different about this time. Of course i was nervous, but also this connection was so rare. I told him the first night he was here. Yes, we had had a couple drinks, and we had been making out. But no clothes were off and nothing had happened. He asked a few questions, asked about wearing condoms, and then we had sex with a condom. We we had sex about 8 times over the course of the weekend and he never asked any more questions or anything. Everything was great. Until about 9 days after he left... then he started freaking out thinking he may be getting sick. He lashed out at me and told me i should’ve told him before he came to see me. Blaming me for it all. I said i sorry that he felt i had treated him unfairly, but no one had ever had a problem and that i always tell in person. he broke up with me. Saying that if i had truly cared about him i would’ve told him before he came to see me. This blows my mind. I don’t take back not telling him on the phone. I think it’s a face to face conversation. I thought we really had a Connection, but apparently it wasn’t the same to him. Anyone else had someone reject them after disclosure and after sex even multiple times?!
  7. I've known him for less than a month. I model &he is a young, handsome assistant photographer with whom I was in Mexico with for 5 days. I have been diagnosed with HSV2 for over a year now, but I have only had an outbreak twice within that year& I do take antiviral medication for it. He &I did not know eachother prior to Mexico, but we hit it off& as a single-mother who doesn't get out much I am guilty of making the first move by asking if it was cool to cuddle. I was actually really surprised he said yes, with that being said I do remember thinking to myself,"but I have herpes... okay, we will just cuddle, if he wants more, I will stop it, if I can't stop it I will just give him head." &though that may seem like a naive thought, I am 22 years old& he is the first guy I've ever "hooked-up" with. I've never had sex outside a relationship or several dates, before him. To add, I also do had a friend that I cuddled with, without sex, but I should have noted that I'm not attracted to that friend which is why that probably worked with him. So we did the deed, I didn't stop it, I let it happen because I selfishly wanted it so badly. I even forgot about my herpes for a good couple days after the act. When I looked in my cabinet to get something& saw my prescribed antiviral medication,I realized what I had done. I told him today, it's been 16days since the act. I was calm& explained to him that because he used a condom&I do take my antiviral medication there is only a 1-2% chance he could have gotten it from me. He didn't seem too upset,& he said he will get back to me after he gets tested &does some research. I promised to pay for the testing &anything else he is troubled with from this incident&at the end of the call he thanked me for telling him. I don't know if I should just back off for now to see how it goes, or if I should be checking-in on him often &sending him links to help him find accurate information on HSV2. I will be working with him again this Wednesday, for a collab photoshoot, but since I'm the one that hired him, I told him I understand if he decides to call it off, he said he won't let this affect his work. Only time can tell, but if there is anything else that you think I can do to ease whatever he may be going through at this time please be gentle with your suggestions. I know what I did was very wrong and I will never do it again, but it doesn't change what happened, I can't take that night back. Honestly, the sex was amazing, one of the best I ever had, and afterward we decided to start-off again as friends and I was okay with that. I felt normal for a moment, and I was extremely happy, but now I remember that I am not normal, and am extremely guilty for putting him at risk without his consent. I don't know if we can continue to be friends, but I do need advice on what I should do next. He said he will get tested next week and that he will also still do the photoshoot, but he also said he doesn't know how he feels about all this new information because he hasn't done the research on it. I know he will do the research, but with all the stigma I'm afraid his friends will only freak him out if he goes to them for advice, or that he may type the wording wrong in google to get negative results. I told him the facts, that it's common, that he has nothing to worry, but he should get tested, that it's less likely for women to transmit it to men, and even more unlikely with the medication and protection involved.... but what if he gets tested and it is positive? I asked him if he has hooked-up before, he is 24, and he said yes he has a few times.... so in reality, the thing is that he could have had herpes prior to meeting me, and not even had known it, but I didn't bring that up at all.... I'm not a promiscous person, but my relationship before this hook-up was with a promiscous man, which how I got this... I remember how I felt after finding out, I felt extremely betrayed because I trusted him and even after I knew 100% how I got and asked him about it, he still pretended he was clean.. He is not a good man, but this young man I hooked-up with for one night is a wonderful person, I can tell even if I hadn't known him the year I've known the other. I feel truly awful for what had happened, but I'm worried I may have played it too cool when I called and he may think I have no remorse for what I'd done, but I'm also worried if I text him now with a follow-up apology it will freak him out about the situation... What is my best option now?
  8. Just-a-diagnoses

    To disclose or not to disclose?

    So I have a question. I was diagnosed almost 7 years ago. I am getting ready to enter the dating scene so I had a disclosure conversation with my OBGYN and my general MD. Their responses were very different and I wanted to share them to get an opinion. (Note: My infection came from a boyfriend that was infected a few months prior and was not aware so I was infected when he was most contagious in the first year ) My OBGYN said with the length of infection my virus is very weak due to my antibodies. He said being a female and transmitting to a male is low anyway (4% per year) and because I am very healthy, do natural antivirals, work out, eating habits are impeccable, and my outbreaks are few and far between and my last one was gone in less than 5 days from start to finish... He believes me under that 4% per year. He stated he has researched it, and obviously has patients that have it so he sees things first hand....and he stated at this point disclosure is up to me. He said in his professional experience the percentage of risk at this point is so low that it does not warrant the stress it may cause to the relationship to disclose. He said though you will test positive for your entire life, it is very weak after 2 years of infection. There in an ER doctor that is HSV2 negative and dated a nurse that was HSV2 positive and she stressed telling him....when she finally told him he said "Herpes? All this stress over herpes? That is nothing." And went on about their relationship normally. He said the same thing, she had the infection for over 5 years so the virus was weak. I am also in my early forties. He said the chances of me meeting someone that already has it (even if they are unaware) is very high. And if I tell them they may get a false negative (if they have had no BOs to develope antibodies and the virus has been dormant) they may believe I infected them later even though that was not the case. He said what bothers him the most is the stigma attached to it. He said more people have it than what the statistics say because 80% are silent carriers and most places do not test for it under normal STD testing so they do not even know. He stated most transmissions happen within the first year of infection when the virus is very active. He tells patients to do what they feel comfortable doing, but he said disclosure at this point is more stress than it is worth on both partners. He said he has patients that are HSV2 positive and have not passed it to their negative partners and they do not practice safe sex (only if predome symptoms or soon after an outbreak). He said he is aware a lot of doctors will disagree based on research, but he stated he bases his professional opinion on being an OBGYN for over 30 years and first hand experience. My regular MD had a different approach and though he was kind to me, I didn't even want to date after talking to him. He made it sound like I am more contagious than a room full of people with the flu. He said I must always use protection and I am always shedding. According to my OBGYN this is the information that is not based on true life facts and adds to the stigma. I am at such a cross roads. Even the medical community is at odds. My best friend told me to listen to my OBGYN as his living is based on STDs, vaginas and all that surrounding it. She said his info is not only based on studies, but what he has seen in true life for over 30 years. I will ill be honest, I would want to disclose to a partner....but I agree about the stress thing. I see stories on here that make me sad....people wearing boxers during sex, taking a butt load of antivirals before hand...talk about taking away the intamacy. And though I dislike having the virus, there is a man in my life that if I heard he was HSV2 positive (and I wasn't) I would risk it because to me it is nothing more than a minor skin irritation that is not worth walking away from something that could be the greatest thing in my life....it is the STIGMA of it not the actual infection. And if I had a >4% of getting something that wasn't going to kill me (like HIV, Hepititis) I don't think I would want to know because the stress introduced. Comments, opinions, advise are very much welcomed
  9. Hi! There is lots of info on the web about how HSV2 can be transmitted. There's so much, but it isn't all very specific so it's been very hard to determine with my particular case. I was diagnosed 7 years ago. Had it, took meds, was gone in a few days. My doc even told me I wouldn't have to worry about it again. And I haven't, totally in the back of my mind. Then a few months ago, my immune system was compromised due to a kidney infection and I started seeing something downstairs that I didn't recognize. Here it was again!!!! Seven years later!!! I had honestly forgotten about it. I'm here because I wanted to know if anyone has any info/experience with breakouts as infrequent as mine have been (so far, at least). I'm Female, and had to disclose this to a Male partner. He did not take it well. We have never been intimate anywhere near the time of either my outbreaks (last time was Feb, and I didn't know him my initial OB). And we had unprotected sex once last Fall. I disclosed to him this week because we were going to become sexual again and with my OB this April, I wanted him to know. Lots of info says there is a 4% chance of it being spread F to M with barrier and no meds, but I just don't know how much that relates to someone who has had two outbreaks in 7 years. Please help with any advice or links!!!!
  10. I am wondering is there some way to legally request from someone who has infected you with paperwork to show whether or not they are actually positive with the virus? The reason why I ask is I was sleeping with someone who told me that he was clean from the beginning. He seemed to emphasize it a little too much it felt. And when we would use condoms he would always want to take it off. After about the 5th time we had sex I was infected. The way I found out was quite traumatizing because the last time we had sex we used a condom however when we were finished we just turned around and went to sleep and the condom I never saw again after he put it on his penis. Four days later I was feeling pain from what I thought was a tear in my vagina. So I went to Urgent Care to see what the issue was they saw the tear and said that they wanted to check me internally to make sure there was no infection preventing the tear to heal properly. When they went inside they found a condom. It had been there for 4 days. He never mentioned the condom had not stayed on. So the doctor sends me home and tells me to soak in Epsom salt. Two days later and the pain is excruciating in my vagina. Hurts to pee hurts to walk my lymph nodes are swollen I'm feeling like the bottom half of my body has the flu followed by urinary retention UTI. So I started doing research online about how I could possibly feel like this and all the symptoms pointed towards hsv2. So I take myself back to Urgent Care and upon one look down in my vagina area where the tear once was now looks completely different and the doctor immediately diagnosis it as hsv2. She takes a swab and long story short 3 days later it comes up positive. He now tells me he had no idea that he had HSV and that he is sure that someone would have told him had they contracted it from him in the past. He even tried to downplay how often we had sex. He was like we only had sex like twice. That was a complete and utter lie I was appalled. He even went on to say he's been tested and that he has a clean bill of health. He never showed me this clean bill of health and even said he went and tested for HSV after finding out about me but he never showed me the results. I must admit I never really asked. This happened back in March so now moving forward 3 months later I've had abtotal of 4 breakouts and am really down and out about it and feeling misled and wondering if he really knew he had this all along. There's no way for me to tell but I have been considering requesting it from him but the timing just seems like a little too late? I don't know what do you guys think is there any way to legally request such documents so that he has to tell me the truth and can't beat around the bush about it?
  11. Hi everyone, This has been the worst week of my life and I’m glad to have found this online community. Trying to wrap my head around this and the pain has just been excruciating. I’m on Valtrex since Tuesday and slightly feeling better now. I am still waiting for my lab results but the symptoms and my doctor make me think I definitely have Herpes. My doctor also is pretty sure, due to severity of the outbreak and recent sexual history, that I got it from the most recent partner I had (my ex and I were really long term and neither of us ever had any symptoms, I know that’s not a 100% certain but doctor seems pretty sure I would have been exposed a few days before this first outbreak...) Also the guy I’m with has told me very openly that he’s been in a ton of casual relationships, whereas my ex, like me, has had just a few long-term relationships- again, I know I can’t be 100% sure but...) this is my first fairly casual sexual relationship (we’ve been seeing each other on and off for less than a month) anyway it’s most likely the new guy and now I have to tell him that he probably had this but not sure how to tell him, I don’t know if he’s going to overreact or maybe accuse me of having given it to him and to be honest despite everything I really like him and hope he won’t just walk a away for ever. He’s not from here, has only been in the US for a few years and based on a few conversations I’ve had with him about sex in general, he doesn’t seem to have had the same sex ed I grew up with here and isn’t super informed. He also says he doesn’t believe in doctors in the US (“they just want your money”) and while I agree the healthcare system here compared to Europe where I’ve lived pretty much sucks, I feel that he might not believe me because of that. I feel like I won’t ever find anyone again, I’m in my early forties and dating where I live is hard enough but dating with this condition... Thanks for listening and any advice on how to disclose in my situation would be appreciated!
  12. livinlearnin428

    Have you disclosed after sex?

    I recently was confirmed that I have herpes. I had a scare over 3 years ago and was told that it likely was not herpes. Some blood work showed that I carried the HSV 1 virus but my doctor said since both of my parents have cold sores to only worry about it if I ever start showing symptoms. Ive been seeing this guy long distance and we slept together last summer. We recently started talking again and we slept together about 2 weeks ago. This past weekend I had a genital herpes outbreak and now my obgyn confirms that I do carry the virus and have genital HSV-1. I need to disclose to the guy I just slept with but am so scared. Does anyone have any advice? Im so fearful of rejection and I feel so depressed this was the only place where I could put my true feelings out there. Please help
  13. Antoinette63

    Drunk Night without Disclosure

    I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month. We are not exclusive, by we hangout regularly. Two weeks ago, we went out and got really drunk. Like, I was in and out of sleep drunk by the time we got to his house. He ate me out 2 times, we fell asleep then he took me home. When I wokeup the next morning, I felt really bad. I try to disclose before sex, but I was too drunk that night. I still haven’t told him. We haven’t done anything since then. I don’t know how to backtrack and disclose. I normally tell before clothes come off. He keeps saying that there’s something I’m hiding but he knows it isn’t bad. I’m just afraid to tell him because he knows so many people at my job and in my community. Just need some ideas/help on how to tell him now that we’ve been intimate.
  14. Hello, I was recently diagnosed with herpes. I am from Germany and herpes is not a big topic here. I do not know if I am suffering from type 1 or 2. My gynecologist did not even tell me that I can infect sexual partners. She also did not do a swab test, blood test or anything else. I called her one or two days later and asked her if she could do such tests in order to determine if the man I had had sex with a week ago has infected me and in order to determine the type. If I understand correctly, HSV 1 would be „better“ because 90% of people are infected by this and chances would be higher to find somebody who accepts my disease. Some weeks ago I told my best friend about my infection. It took me several months to do this. Then, last week I contacted a nice man via internet. We had very good conversation and my feeling told me that we would have sex if we met in real life. So I told him about my herpes diagnosis. I was crying so much when writing and sending the message and I was also crying a lot when I received his answer. First, he reacted well and let me know that he is not scared of me. But one day later he told me that he would always think of the danger of being affected and that he does not want to meet me. This was very hard for me. I cannot believe I will have to give this talk whenever I want to have a sexual encounter and I am so afraid of being rejected. After my diagnosis in October, I had never outbreaks again, but I wanted to be honest to this person, even though I knew that this would have been more about fun and not about love. My main question at the moment is how you deal with telling people you will not have a sincere relationship with, but you want to meet several times. Of course, I would use condoms. How high is the risk of infecting someone if you use condoms and do not have any outbreaks and how does the probability change if you do not use a condom? Do you also disclose before having potential one night stands? I cannot imagine I will ever have one again when telling this before, but I want to give others the choice I did not have. Thank you so much for your anwers, Best, Ansa
  15. When is the right time to disclose to someone else that I have HSV2? I recently met someone and after 3 weeks of talking and going out on several dates, I disclosed the fact that I have HSV2 to him. He didn’t take it well and we are no longer speaking. When I told him, he asked me, “why didn’t you tell me sooner?” My response was that I simply don’t introduce myself and tell others I have HSV2 in the same sentence. But when do you guys think is the right time to disclose? Sooner, rather than later? The rejection was quite damaging and a good kick to the old ego, so now I don’t know when is best to disclose this information to someone.
  16. Hi guys, like to share my story of disclosing to a very special person. First like 7 moths ago i was diagnosed with hsv2. I felt depressed and focussed on my kids and my new job..not thinking of love because i was trying to block that. I was already sure that nobody could ever love me again. After a few moths i met somebody in town. I knew his face and person a long time because he is an artist in my hometown. we never met in person but i saw him and liked him a lot... we got in contact and we met on a official date.. i was blown away by this man. we talked on the phone every day and felt i got attached already and worried. so i told him on the phone that the next time we see each other i needed to tell him something that he was not going to like and that maybe everything was about to change for us. he liked me, and he told me that i could speak, and maybe it would be easier on the phone. of course he was courious and he promised me that everything that was said would stay between us. that was very important because half our town knows him.... it scared me a lot. i took a leap of faith and told him about what happend to me. He told me that everything was ok, he was amazed by my honesty. He told me that it spoke for my personality. he asked of course how life was since i was diagnosed. This man has been amazing for me ever since. He is not scared of my body. He is not worried.. we enjoy each other. I told myself that 9 out of 10 would walk away...this was the first man i disclosed.. he looks at me as the person i am.. we tend to make te virus take over everything. i hope we take matters into our hands and start building the life we want and deserve...
  17. My relationship with the person I gave herpes to ended about three months ago (his choice). I was pretty freaking scared to date, so I just hung with my friends and the people I trusted. About a month ago, the brother of a close friend of mine told me he "had a thing for me" and wanted to see if we could date. I was petrified. (One thing I should mention is that I trust this person. To me, anyone I disclose to I want to trust not to spread the word, and to be kind to me when I disclose). I told him sure, I wanted to see him, but I had a couple things to tell him in person. I went over to his place, sat him down, and told him the basics as follows: I have genital herpes simplex 2. I haven't had an outbreak since the first three months. I take antivirals daily. If we have sex we have to wear condoms. There will still be a small chance of transmission, no matter how careful we are. He was super nice, didn't react strongly at all, which made me not burst into tears, haha. He said he needed a few days, which I understood, but was also very terrifying. He talked to a doctor about it (his dad) and asked me a few more questions. We had the talk Sunday, and he contacted me the following Wednesday to tell me he was still interested. Best of all, he told me how brave and awesome I was for being honest right out of the gate. I felt/feel amazing about this, and firmly believe being straightforward is the best course of action.
  18. On Halloween, I got drunk (I this isn't an excuse) and slept with this guy I've been talking to for about a month now. I now feel completely guilty I didn't tell him that I have the herpes virus (I've only been recently diagnosed only about 1.5 months ago). I don't know what to say to him, or how to bring up that I have the virus in a conversation. Need help! Has anyone done this before and have stats/information I can tell him while trying to tell him.
  19. Ok so a little about myself: I've been positive for 7 years now. Got it from my first and only girlfriend of 6 years, pretty sure she cheated. It took me 2 years to get over her. Finally met a girl who I totally jived with.... Tried taking things slow for the first couple dates. Things seemed to be going well! She's 22 I'm 30 but we connected. (Gosh a girl finally likes me again!) She was very blunt and forward with all her issues (anxiety, depression, just broke up with fiance, parents getting divorced) I accepted all of her regardless of it all. We moved fast on an intellectual note and we communicated well constantly. Heard down the ladder she was telling all her friends she had finally met a good guy. On the 4th date things got a little bedroomy and I felt it was time to tell her... I had been terrified since the 1st date and we were on an "I like you" level at this point. I was very upbeat and informative, told her I had nothing but the best intentions. That I had it under control and would do everything in my power to reduce the risk and be safe. She seemed to take it well at first, but as she sat there, within 2 minutes I could see all of the hope and affection she had built for me disappear from her face. I took her home and she said she wanted to think about it. Over the next 2 days she stayed in contact but, it was dodgy and void of all affection that had been there. I knew it was coming. That night, she said she could go no further and that with all of her issues she couldn't take on any more. She said it would be fine if we stopped talking completely. I've been through rough before, but even though it was only a short lived thing, seeing the 180 switch was just gutwrenchingly heartbreaking... I've been devastated the past few days and have no idea how to start over... I understand and don't blame her but I just feel like a health hazard, I just felt so betrayed because of all the issues she had which I accepted, she couldn't accept my one issue... I just don't know how to move forward in the dating world. How long do I wait to tell?? How do I tell someone again after this?? Lastly, how do stay cool while I wait for the right time while I walk around with this piano above my head?? Any advice would be welcome...
  20. eitak90

    Well I disclosed

    Well, I disclosed. I can't tell how it went. He didn't run for the hills, and I made it through without crying (hugeeee feat for me). He asked my knowledge which I was happy to give. I guess my own paranoia is what's bothering me. I hope he can accept me. He's extremely intelligent so I know he will research extensively. I just can't handle rejection about this for a second time. For you ladies that never had a man reject you for it, how? How do you tell them? Besides "I get cold sores but not on my face"
  21. I-Need-Hope

    Self Defeating Logic of Disclosure

    (I know most people on this site won't agree - You are entitled to your opinion) I don't understand the logic used in a lot of the disclosure threads -- it all seems to be self defeating. For example: When you disclose: - herpes is a minor skin condition, <1% chance of passing it on with condoms and daily anti virals, it's no big deal, everyone has it, they aren't worth it if they don't accept you If you don't disclose: - you're putting their health at risk, you're a bad person, it's a big deal, you didn't let them know the risks Are we perpetuating the stigma further by disclosing? I feel like a lot of people on this site are preaching from both sides of their mouths. Is it a big deal or not? If the chances are so small then why even bring it up? If the bumps were on your arm would you disclose before sex? I think we are ostracizing ourselves. Disclosure seems pointless. If you disclose then you're feeding into the hysteria and creating a problem for yourself where there shouldn't be. Everyone on here has done the research and admitted time and time again there shouldn't be a problem with herpes -- it's a minor irritation, everyone has it, all the statistics, etc, etc. Furthermore, The medical community doesn't test for it, and the CDC doesn't advise doctors to tell patients they have it for the fear of the psychological damage it will cause. The medical community prefers ambiguity because they know it doesn't matter. If you know you have HSV 2, forget it and move on. Don't wait for a social change, don't wait for a cure, don't hurt one more second than you have to. Your doctor should have explained this to you, but they fell prey to the stigma as well. The chances of you passing it on if you're careful during OBs and take daily antivirals is less than <1%; Even if you're so lucky that you do pass it on, that person probably won't know they have it! 70-80% of people don't know they have herpes! Are you really going to let such a small % chance dictate your outlook on life? Are you going to let it get in the way of a potential life partner? Bottom line is it doesn't matter, so be careful during OBs, take the anti virals, and don't ostracize yourself by disclosing. You have a a fractional % chance of passing on a minor skin irritation. You have a 100% chance of hurting yourself if you submit to regressive societal dogma and poor advice (or lack there of) from the medical community. To the small minority of people that have disclosed and found "true" love -- I am beyond envious, but for the rest of us, you are not lying or hurting anyone by not disclosing as long as you are not reckless or passing it on with malice. The stigma only exists if you let it. As a community, we deserve better advice. My heart breaks for everyone on here hurting including myself. I love you all.
  22. Amg17

    First Disclosure

    So I have not dated or anything since my HSV2 diagnoses... mainly for the fact that I didn't want to have to tell someone about my little problem. Well in the course of events over the past 3 months, I stumbled upon the most amazing guy I've ever met... literally just my luck that he comes along AFTER my diagnosis. I wasn't looking for anyone, I wasn't hoping to find someone I could potentially fall in love with but here we are & I am worrying myself into a tizzy thinking about how in the world I'm going to tell this person I care about that I have herpes & then what is his reaction going to be. I know he's serious about me & I was kind of hoping at this point I would have found something I would consider a dealbreaker, but this guy checks out 110%. I am terrified of being rejected and I am terrified of potentially driving away someone who literally could be my perfect match. Any advice is welcome, maybe a little pep talk is needed as well... I just need to get myself in the right frame of mind for this conversation.
  23. Hey guys, I was just having a think about disclosing (which takes up a lot of time in my head!) and I was just thinking about how when I've felt down about having HSV1 and stuff people have said to me 'it's just a skin condition'... and technically it is... but I've always referred to it to partners/friends as a virus. Would it be incorrect/wrong of me to disclose by saying something along the lines of 'I have a skin condition that can be passed on through sexual contact'.. because that way I'm not saying I have a sexually transmitted disease/infection - but I'm still telling them that I have something and that it's transmittable. If/when they asked further I'd obviously name it as herpes, but it just takes the edge off what is already a very nerve-wracking disclosure every time anyway. If someone told me they had a skin condition, that would really lessen the impact I think. I'm using online dating and have been doing so for several months, and a lot of guys have ran the opposite way when I've disclosed, so I'm trying to think of ways to soften my approach. Thanks in advance guys x
  24. vitacoco

    Monsters In the Closet

    Hi everyone! Since my diagnosis my boyfriend has been pretty supportive, but I feel like I'm alone in the relationship sometimes. I thinks I'm treating him like a "monster" since he is the one who gave me herpes. I really don't mean to be, but deep down it's almost like I want to punish him for it. I know he didn't even know he was infected, and I love him very much, but I can't help but resent him for what he's putting me through. Any thoughts or replies would be greatly appreciated
  25. Hello! I'm new to this forum and 10 months in since my initial outbreak. I'm in a commited relationship currently with someone who has stuck with me since I've had the virus (it all unfolded as we started dating) I've been reading a lot through the disclosure part of the forum and have seen a lot of success stories, however they mainly seem to be from a female telling a male. I was just curious to see how males telling females have gone? I don't know if less men seem to disclose it or if many are even on the forums? I'd just like to know how people are reacting to the news that someone they're dating has either HSV1 or HSV2 gentially! Look forward to hearing your answers, H
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.