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  1. Alwayssmile_

    Hsv 2 oral/face

    Has anyone experienced hsv2 on the face/lip/cheek? I know everyone is different but does it look the same as hsv1?
  2. I'm really desperated, I've been visiting three different doctors and they didn't help me at all. Here is my story. I'm a 30 years old male in good physical and medical condition. Healthy and sporty lifestyle. - April 2018 : One-month holiday trip, including a lot of protected and unprotected sex with stranger girls. - May 2018 : Back home. I'm noticing redness on the glans and the foreskin of my penis, a few spots under the corona, and my glans looking wrinkled, very dry, and the foreskin looking like "sticky" when retracting the foreskin. I've been thinking about a fungal balanitis, so I've been applying Econazole, without any amelioration. Decided to get tested for HIV, IST, and HSV 1/2. Everything came negative, except HSV1 IgG Positive (IgM 0.70) - so pretty much an old infection. Showed my glans to Generalist Practician who said it looks normal, advises to avoid any chemical, soap, or whatever. I feel pretty much tired all the time, coffee won't help - but I don't feel pain. Tiredness could be related to pollen allergy - I've been tested with a very high IgE. - June 2018 : Things didn't improve. Exactly the same. Very intense redness after sex, that last up to a week. Decided to go to a dermatologist - even if I showed photos where the redness and the spots are really noticeable, she says she doesn't know, but it doesn't look like herpes to her. She told me to do nothing, avoid chemical and treatments, things should come back in order as nothing has been diagnosed by blood test. - November 2018 : After another rash/redness episode, went to an urologist. He said my glans and foreskin look normal. The reaction of these 3 doctors to my problem is absolutely incredible. My penis looks completely sick, I told them it has never been like this, and they say it look normal - I don't understand anything. I tried Fusidic Acid cream (antibiotic) without success. Then, I tried antifugal cream again, no result. Foreskin still stick when retracting. I'm beggining thinking about a rare genital HSV1, which outbreaks could be caused by rough sex. Here are some pictures of how my penis was looking at that time. - December 2018 : Had another blood test. HSV1 still positive, HSV2 still negative, HSV1/2 IgM now in gray zone. - January 2019 : Since a few days I have the most impressive outbreak I've never had. My glans and foreskin are now covered with red spots. I still don't feel pain - at most a little itchy - but my eyes are blood shot/pink. I don't really feel tired. Yesterday I ran to the pharmacy to buy Valaciclovir - I'm taking 500mg in the morning, 500mg in the evening. It's been now 8 months I'm dealing with that, and I still don't know what I'm fighting against. As you can guess, it's very hard for me, psychologically. I'm avoiding having sex and when I do, of course I use protection. Since this last outbreak that really looks terrible, I wouldn't even dare have sex. I'm ashamed, feeling guilty, and it seems like doctors won't help me. My only hope is this forum. What is your opinion ? Do you think it looks like an HSV1 outbreak ? If not, what could it be ? Thanks in advance.
  3. Hello I live in the DMV/Baltimore area and was diagnosed a little over a year ago. I only have like two penpals but no one really here in area. A couple of people I've met are still on the downside of the news. I'm more so coming to terms with it and accepting it as one of my truths. This has made me happier. So... Now I'm more so looking for positive 'positives' who still enjoy life and see how they date and manage normal life changes (marriage, child-bearing, prevention and suppression). I also feel like I have a calling for outreach, so also feel free to chat with me:) Peace
  4. Has anyone tried Longdanxiegan (LDXGFG) as a treatment? There seems to be scientific evidence of great results in animal trials. This is the link to the study https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1028455916000322. It is a Traditional Chinese Medicine formula that now has won some scientific attention. I have previous experience using Traditional Chinese Medicine for improving symptoms of another rare diseases I suffer and, seeing this has been backed by some research, I am considering giving it a try. Thanks to all contributors to this forum for all the valuable information shared.
  5. So, I found some one who was willing to have sex with me .( He doesn't have HSV2 or 1. ) I hadn' t had sex for over 7 months. I am really disappointed. It did not go well. The condoms didn't make it any safer. They kept falling off or slipping down, Its just not safe sex at all. Plus, He couldn't stay erect. He couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel anything... Maybe from the lubrication I had to use so I wasn't rubbed raw to cause an outbreak. So we had to stop every time. We tried for 4 days. It just wouldn't work. The last day he thought it was Ok to have anal unprotected and just did it. I didn't stop him. I thought he knew it wasn't safe but didn't care. ( so that was the only good sex we had) The next day he said he thought it was safe and I had to tell him it wasn't. There is no point to have sex anymore if I can't get oral either. I tried a barrier over and it was pointless and I felt nothing. And the whole 4 days I was obsessing and checking my vagina to make sure I didn't have any Obs to infect this guy, And everyday , even while taking AVS, i still "felt" sensations or something that is herpes-like, like I do every day. I had what turned out to be an ingrown hair that I wasn't sure about either .So 2 of the days I had to explain to him I wasn't quite sure and I handed him latex gloves. Total disaster. Pointless. pointless to risk his health for unfulfilling half-real sex He was a good sport though. He didn't get so scared. He was willing to try at least. He trusted me to know. But honestly, I don't see how I can be sure and know. I don't know when I am getting an oB- cuz everyday I have some issue that makes me think I am getting one. every. damn. day. Fuck this shit. I just want to cry and die. I want my old life back before this disease. I know the sex would have been awesome this past weekend if not for HSV.
  6. Hi I'm losing more hair than usual and not on any suppressive meds. Was wondering if anyone else experienced this hsv2 diagnosis or even hsv1 diagnoses If so how did you solve the problem? Thank you.
  7. I disclosed my HSV2 diagnosis right from the start and only because we had this GREAT connection. He said he did his research and we would just be careful. Well, after dating for 2 months, he decided that he didn’t want to date anymore and “I’m sorry for how shallow that seems”. I was crushed. I think I’m living on false hope that he may change his mind if he does even more research (not one hour online). Just wondering if anyone has ever reconnected with somebody after being rejected by them.
  8. Hi all I had an unprotected exposure 14 months ago after 4 months after the encounter i saw a wart on my glans penis my doctor said its HPV and removed the wart with RF. He also said i have candida blantitis and asked to apply antibiotic cream for it ..After this i start getting some small red dots on my glan penis along with painful urination and tingling pain inside my urethra my doctor said i have NGU and asked me to get HSV IGG,IGM sero done ..The results were HSV 1&2 IGG 0.18<, he said its not herpes ..This was after 5 months after exposure ..These red dots used to appear on the glans penis and tip of urethra and disappear after few days ..In septmber 2017 again i had sex with someone using protection before having sex i had these small red spots on the glans and after sex next day they urethra become raw and reddish and when i touched it with tissue it was bleeding and my doctor said to do HSV1&2 again this was almost 12 months after last unprotected exposure this time the result came negative but with higher range 0.64 HSV1 IGG and 0.62 HSV2 IGG My doctor said it is not herpes but we don t have swab options in my country its only the blood test ..Now its been two months since the last test the red dots are appearing all around the glans penis in more numbers plus i also have very bad urethritis burning sensation on urination and sometimes tingling pain ..i am attaching the pictures here can someone tell me is it herpes or something else ..As i am totaly confused is it herpes or something related to the HPV i already have and if its herpes i just don t want to delay my treatment and i will restrain from having sex with anyone as i cannot take the guilty of giving this to anyone ..I don t even wish my enemy get this Herpes ..It just destroys your inner peace of mind ..Can someone here really help me looking at these pictures .. plzzzzz
  9. Hi. We all know that in theory it usually takes 12-16 weeks (sometimes up to 24 weeks) to get positive IGG blood test for HSV2. What are your personal experiences of testing positive for HSV2, i.e. time since exposure? And IGG score? Can you also state if you had HSV1 (oral or genital) and took any Antivirals prior to IGG testing? TQ
  10. Hey i have been using something for a while now and I'm convinced it works. I don't want to be greedy so I'll share my recipe and I'd be interested to know how u get on. Can be used as a daily ointment on the area effected or 3 x a day when u sense an outbreak coming on applied with cotton wool. 25 ml fractioned coconut oil 25 ml virgin olive oil 12 drops Tea Tree oil 20 drops origano oil 8 drops propolis liquid Mix well before use and if any irritation increase olive/coconut oils Good luck I also want to keep u up to date with my progress. I use the above to treat/stop an outbreak and have recently started the following to work on ridding myself of the virus altogether. Morning and evening 5 drops of an oregano oil mixed with unrefined olive oil under the tongue. Mix 8-10 drops of oregano oil to every ounce of olive oil. Shake well before use. I will rub 4 drops of oregano oil mixed with pure coconut oil at the base of my spine. Only recently added dmso to this. Well it's been 3 weeks so far and no hint of an ob. Ill keep u posted
  11. Hi guys I’m really confused about what is going on at the moment. I contracted HSV2 11 years ago was outbreak free for 7 years then started getting OBS but very mild around my period I was in a relationship so I went on suppression it will be two years on suppression in May 2019. For I wound say the last year I have had near constant shooting pains down my legs/ feet sometimes in other areas of my body like hands Arms spine soemtimes and around my buttocks I soemtimes even feel it in random places like my head etc. I also get a very itchy and swollen labia minoria soemtimes and just a burning feeling down below. It feels like something is there but when I look and with a light I can see notning. This is usually worse at night I’ll wake up in the morning and it will be gone but through the day it will start again especially from friction of walking etc. I was on acyclovir but I changed to vacyclovir to see if it made a difference the first week I thought it did but this sensations are now back again. I’ve upped my dose and still the symptoms remain I also take olive leaf and lysine. I have no visible sores at all and I’ve not had a single sore since starting suppression apart from a very mild one when I was very stressed and pregnant and ran out of tablets. My doctor at the GUM clinic ( sexual health clinic in UK) thinks this is not herpes related she said if the sores have stopped then the meds are working and this could be another skin condition down below. But I have leg pains itching and burning which to me is all symptoms of HSV. I have thought to myself herpes doesn’t behave like that and doesn’t come at night then go away in the morning then back at night but I don’t see what else this could be. When I had blisters I never got nerve pain I had the usual tingling in vagina when you just know one is coming I don’t have this anymore since being on suppression. I honestly would rather have mild OBS every few weeks that last a few days than these constant symptoms. I feel contagious 24 7 and I wound even risk having sex. Does anyone know what this can be ? Is it Hsv ? If it’s stopped my blisters wouldn’t it stop symptoms all together ? Thanks
  12. Hi Everyone, It's been awhile. I got diagnosed with HSV2 last year. Just got an HPV (not the wart kind) diagnosis recently. Anyone on here with both?
  13. 48 hours ago I noticed an odd pattern of red, slightly raised marks on my inner thigh next to my testicles. (The smaller red bumps above it are from shaving and usually happen appear for a couple days then diminish) Went to walk-in clinic this morning and the doctor was confident this is not herpes but more likely a skin infection like folliculitis or acne (I have issues with acne). I asked for a swab and the doctor told me that it was not necessary and prescribed an antibacterial & steroid cream to apply twice daily. I also asked for a HSV blood test and the doctor said the test wouldn't tell me which type of HSV it was if I had it. She said if I had cold sores before, it would come back positive and be misleading for this infection (I informed her I never had a cold sore before). They haven't changed in progression over the 48 hours. Just seem to get a little less red at times. I will see my family doctor when she is back from vacation but hoping for second opinion here. Thoughts? CLOSEUP 1 CLOSEUP 2 THIGH 1 THIGH 2
  14. sheenas

    Confused ?

    Im hsv2 and 1. its been like 18 months since i had a painful outbreak down there. Whyy dont i have sores down there or on my lips ? Is it because i have a healthy immune system that i could only have outbreaks long periods at a time?? And with hsv1 can i still be contagious without a cold sore.. And how?
  15. anom1990

    Well… here I am.

    Hi everyone. I’m still trying to process this but I am a gay male in my late 20’s that was recently diagnosed with HSV-2 in October 2018. I haven’t been sexually active since 2015 and have only engaged in sexual activity with four people in my life. I’m feeling a lot of emotions because of this; sad, angry, confused, violated, ect. Thoughts like who would’ve thought someone like little ole me, compared to all of the VERY promiscuous people in the world, would end up with Genital Herpes ESPECIALLY when I’ve been abstinent and just focusing on myself for years. That was a gunshot to my soul. It’s crazy that I’ve ALWAYS done regular STD testing, thinking I was negative for everything only to find out that Herpes was never included in my testing because I never knew you had to literally ask for that until this year. The CDC and medical industry is so fucked up and wrong for that. I’ve always used protection, except with my first boyfriend but that was back in 2009-2010 and a condom broke with a sexual encounter I had back in 2011 and I remember immediately putting a new one on him. Unfortunately, all of the men I’ve dealt with sexually are questionable. Half of me wants to know who gave this to me but the other half is like what’s the point. I only have access to contact three of them (I don’t know where the other guy is) but I haven’t spoken to two of them in years, one of them in a whole decade and it would be pretty awkward for me years later to write them a message about herpes. My first boyfriend and I are cordial but he’s still immature so it would be very awkward with him. Anyways, as I’ve been thinking and backtracking my life, I would think I caught this back in 2011 because I remember my anus itching so badly but I thought it was just my hair growing back because I do recall shaving before having sex so I guess that was my first outbreak. Other times I would just get a minor itch in and on my buttocks but I never would’ve thought herpes. I’ve never got outbreaks on my penile area. This is all still confusing and baffling to me. I’m still sad and feeling like my future love life was taken from me. I feel like part of my confidence was taken from me. I don’t even feel comfortable flirting and finding people attractive right now. I’m just releasing my thoughts about my situation but I do have questions. My results also came back saying I had extremely low Vitamin D deficiency; does HSV-2 have something to do with that? Is there a test I could take to tell me exactly when I contracted this virus? This question may be TMI but I masturbate and I notice that a lot of sperm doesn’t cum out sometimes, does HSV-2 have something to do with that?
  16. Has anyone actually tried the colloidal silver protocol? testimonials please Did it help? did it do nothing? did you turn blue? etc etc...
  17. Hi. Will try to keep it short: Day 0 - Exposure with HSV2 confirmed female. Exposure = 1-time brief unprotected vaginal. Not sure if she had outbreak/shedding/blisters at that time. She was not on any meds. Day 5 - Redness and itchiness on the penis head and shaft on and off. Resolved in about a week. No lesions/blisters or other symptoms. Day 28 - Other symptoms started: tingling and nerve pains in the groin on and off throughout the day, radiating pains in the legs, fordyce spots appeared on the shaft, lower back and neck pain, burning in urethra (occasional), rashes on the body (occasional), diahrrea (occasional), overall nervousness and tiredness, flue like with feverish (occasional). No lesions/blisters. Day 30 - Tested HSV1 positive (IGG 19.6) (had it since childhood), HSV2 negative (IGG 0.3). All other STDs negative. Taken antibiotics for 5 days. Taken AV (acyclovir) for 10 days (Days 35-45). No symptoms at that time. Day 50 - Tested HSV1 positive (IGG 16.4), HSV2 negative (IGG 0.1). I believe AB went down a bit due to AV. All other STDs negative. Currenty symptoms persist on and off, but less severe: tingling and nerve pains in the groin, radiating pains in the legs. Still no lesions/blisters. Planning to retest again at Day 90. I am aware that prior HSV1 and AVs may delay HSV2 ABs production. What are your thoughts/advice? Thank you.
  18. Hello. I had a mildly risky encounter. The girl had a bf for 1 year so that's a good sign. After they broke up we slept together a few times. Always using a condom. But on aug 26 we did not use a condom for sex. A week later I was moving into a new house and I legit wore the same underwear for like a week and also didn't wear underwear and wore tight jeans. About a month later I developed a rash. It was painless. Hardly itched. No blisters or ulcers. Like red rash and partially inflamed skin. This rash all occurred under my foreskin. (I am uncircumcised). And then it went away a day or so after showering. But before it went away it was getting redder and redder. Another month later a less severe rash returned in the same area. I got std tested and all came back negative. The doctor did not do a herpes test, because there was no ulcers. And he did not do a herpes blood test because I have oral herpes when younger so it would show positive. But he looked at my penis rash and said it's just irritation or something. And gave me some cordrison (or whatever 1%) cream. This is is the third time that this rash has appeared in the span of 5ish months. It's never painful itchy or whatever. Gove me me your thoughts please. Symptoms experiences smegma more more than usual. Sometimes dry skin peels off (very little) no itch, no burn, http://imgur.com/a/GmeJxcp
  19. WildFlowers92

    My Outbreak Story

    Hello, So I finally bit the bullet and decided to make an account. Since I'm a newby who's been dealing with HSV2 for about 10months I thought sharing my story would be a good ice breaker. So I was celibate for 1 1/2yr and I was minding my business at the DMV waiting in line to take my driver's test. When this guy came up to me and asked me how I did ( I failed!!!!). Instead of making me feel like a loser he encouraged me and we had a few laughs in then he asked for my number. While texting I quickly learned we're both scorpios and the sexual tension flourished quickly... After a few dates it happened and it was everything I thought it would be. Well not everything... fast forward a month later I was getting ready for my cruise and i decided to see him a few nights before I left. So I hopped in the shower and shaved my life away and accidentally nicked the tip of my cliterious. (If you're wondering yesss it hurt like hell). But after sitting in the shower for 15mins I mustard up the courage to still go and that it only felt a lil irritable. (BIG MISTAKE) Now I'm in Miami boarding my cruise and felt horrible. All I wanted to do was sleep my life away. I was also cramping b/c SharkWk was in full motion. My lympnoids swelled and became painfully infected, I had a burning sensation when I used the bathroom, and began having flu like symptoms. Finally I decided to get a mirrior and look at my lady bits and seen a lesion on my cliterious and left side lip. I thought it was just infected by my razor. Ignored his texts for the rest of my vacay b/c I didn't know what to think. I waited until my Gyno visit where by 1st sight she already determined it was Gential Herpes. I laughed and told her no way these have to be infected razor bumps. But my Gyno gave me a blank stare and that's when fear seeped in. She swabbed me and 1wk later it came back positive... I told him and he was pretty shocked. I ask if hes been tested and he said yeah but not for HSV2. He felt horrible and wanted to see me that same day but I couldn't. I was too upset at myself, at him, and at life. I thought my world was crumbling and felt like things were unfare. I'm still unsure on who gave it to who. In the beginning I was having 2 break outs per month which lasted 3-4days . Then I've researched my life away and looked into taking natural supplements. So far I've taken Oil Oregano, Spirilina, and Black Seed Oil. I'm only taking Black Seed now and it's making my. OB almost nonexistent. I'm just trying to find ways of making things easier and staying positive along the way no pun intended.
  20. Thordust

    To retest or not?!??

    I had some recent burning down on my outer labia, wasn’t sure if it was a vaginal infection or irritation from a new soap I was using. Then I used Monistat since I wasn’t sure and the whole lady area swelled as an allergic reaction from it. I went to visit the OB to verify and we tested for STIs anyways and no visible sores anywhere. All results came back negative. However HSV2 igg test came back at 1.07 equivocal. My doctor told me I was positive. I have no clue what to believe? The CDC says low values should be retested with the WB. I’ve also had no lesions, blisters or nothing. Anyone experience this? Any advice on what I should do? Thank you!
  21. Hello world! I had my first HSV2 outbreak 8 years ago. The first one is the worst -- the actual outbreak hurts like hell. The outbreak itself was very tiny and localized in a small genital area. However It came with side effects I didn't expect like an acute and intense tingling sensation in my lower back, buttocks, and spread down to my feet/toes. Fast forward years. I rarely get actual outbreaks if ever. But I do experience that intense nerve pain I remember that comes before an outbreak manifests as a skin lesion. So now the outbreaks don't happen, but the prodrome pre-tingles happen often. Except now those piercing sharp tingles aren't just perceptible in the aforementioned areas. I feel it all over my body intermittently - neck, shoulders, arm, yes leg and lower back, foot, etc.. To emphasize, I never experienced any chronic pain remotely similar to "herpes tingles" pre- first HSV 2 outbreak. Several Questions: Does this pain sound familiar to you? Has it migrated outside of where it was when you first had an outbreak? When I bring this up to multiple doctors, I'm baffled that they have no idea what I'm talking about. Or don't see the connection between the nerve(?) /lymph node (?) pain / neuralgia/ paresthesia and HSV. Every time I see a "Lyrica" commercial for fibromyalgia I think to myself, "well this is fucking it. this is what I'm feeling/experiencing in my body." Is there a link between fibromyalgia and herpes? I wonder how many patients diagnosed with fibromyalgia have either HSV 1/ HSV 2/ shingles/ varicella-zoster viruses or something related? It seems to me there is a there there. But I also feel I'm being gas lit by the world and that in general researchers / HCPs are too "embarrassed" to even commit to research around the "not talked about" symptoms of HSV; or even HSV in general. How can herpes be so "common" and yet not a single medical professional is conversant in the totality of the disease or specializing in it? >_< Not related, but where can I purchase acyclovir cream? That stuff is like contraband in the USA lol. ugh this country sucks in this arena.
  22. This week my pregnancy ended after an ultrasound showed no heartbeat at 8.5 weeks. I had an outbreak just the week before. Naturally I believe that this caused my miscarriage. Everything was progressing perfectly up until that point. This is now my 5th loss and with every miscarriage I had an outbreak within days before. I can’t help but think that this is the underlying cause of it all. All of my doctors have said that the likelihood of the HSV being connected to my losses is rare. But I have also read mixed things online and feel like the medical community is generally uninformed when it comes to this. Can anyone share their experiences with this? It would really help me to hear any stories of successful pregnancies with outbreaks in the first trimester ... or alternatively stories like mine.
  23. Alwayssmile_

    Hsv2 reoccurrances

    Hi Wanted to find out people's reoccurrence with hsv2 -How long you've had hsv2 -How your first outbreak was -How many outbreaks you've had since the first and how the severity is of the reoccurring outbreaks Hoping to get some positive success stories with hsv2 Any success with only herbal supplements -
  24. I’m so fucking upset. I found out I had HSV2 this last June and I was so sick in hospital (before I knew) with fever chills my whole body felt like it got hit by a truck. They thought I had meningitis. Then I realized I had sores and got tested for herpes and came back positive. So since then I keep having outbreaks! I have a healthy diet I don’t drink I live a normal life. I even got vitamin C powder and L-lysine to take. My doctor ended up putting me on Valtrex to take every day since I kept getting outbreaks. But nope! Still Happening. I swear I get them every other week and it makes me SO ANGRY I’ve never had so much rage I seriously hate my life now. I can’t even exercise anymore and I’m afraid to even have sex with my boyfriend who surprisingly doesn’t have it. Does anyone else get them all the time? I’ve never talked to anyone about it besides my doctor and boyfriend so figured I’d join this thing and at least talk to someone who has been through it. UGH
  25. Hi everyone. I never thought I'd see the day that I would be posting in an online forum, let alone for this topic. I also never thought in a million years that I would get this. Im not really sure what to say on here, I just needed to say something. I was recently diagnosed positive for GHSV2... like "4 hours ago" newly diagnosed. I am still just in complete shock. It hasn't settled with me yet that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life. I already picked up my medication, Valtrex, and it took me a solid 3 minutes to even bring myself to swallow the pill, cause I had this deep sinking feeling, like "once I do this, it's for real... this is actually happening... this is actually my life now.. this isnt some terrible nightmare that Im going to wake up from." Ive already called my (new) boyfriend and broke the news to him. He was much more understanding than I had expected and is actually going tonight to get himself tested, so we can decide where to go from there. So I had my doctors appointment yesterday with a new gyno who upon immediately examining me came to the conclusion that what I had was herpes. I didnt want to accept it and continuously reassured her that it couldn't be that because I had just gotten tested in June and those results came back NEGATIVE. Or so I had thought... Apparently, my results in June did NOT come back negative, and in fact came back positive for HSV2, yet NO ONE called me to review these results or follow up with a care plan for me. I don't remember much from that time, but considering the fact that I have been living for almost 5 months now, unknowingly with this virus, tells me that IF/WHEN I had spoken to someone at that particular doctors office, than they must have told me that I showed negative for everything, because I went on living my life like I had nothing. Im not sure what the protocol is in different states, but for VA (where I live) the doctor usually calls you and states that "they received your results and then they proceed to read off said results for each test" over the phone. I know for a FACT, that I would have remembered being told that I was positive for ANYTHING back in June.. especially considering I usually get myself tested often at and take testing very seriously, since I always dreaded the thought of ever catching something. And now.... look where I am left!!! I feel incredibly hurt and angry that this office failed to discuss these results with me! I never received a paper copy of my results, no email, nothing. The only thing I ever received from that visit was a bill stating the amount of money I had left to pay after insurance, and what tests the charges were for. Had I known that I tested positive back in June, I would have NEVER exposed my boyfriend who I very much care about and saw a new future with. I will feel incredibly guilty if his results come back positive and come to find out that I AM the reason for his diagnosis. Im sorry this is so long, I just have so much inside me that I need to let out. Clearly, you can see I am incredibly angry at this. I feel immensely isolated. I feel dirty. I feel like no one will ever love me again. I feel like even if I find a new partner, how can someone willingly choose to be with a person who has herpes, when they are not infected themselves? Why would they subject themselves to that exposure when there are plenty of other people they can be with who aren't exposed? I have always had a poor self image, I'm incredibly self-conscious. I consistently, on a daily basis struggle with self esteem issues and self-worth... and now, to have this psychological trauma and burden to add on top of all of that?! I don't know how to live with myself and I feel like my world is falling apart and I would be better off dead, than have to deal with a lifetime of loneliness and misery that comes from this psychological pain I am going through. I know I keep reading that "this isn't the end of the world", and "things will get better", etc etc. but being as this is DAY ONE for me.... and I feel like this... I can't imagine having to feel this way EVERY DAY, for who knows how long... until I just feel completely numb from it. I guess when that day finally comes, it'll also be the day that I start getting over it and dealing with this. But from this point A until that point B... the thought of that time in between just feels like so MUCH to deal with. So much pain, and hurt, and sorrow, that I just don't want to feel. not right now, not for a few months, not ever. I can't be the only one who has felt this way. I am trying to be positive and divert my energy into researching this illness and finding support groups and forums like this, but I just need to know that I am not alone in this. I know for right now, that in my physical, every day life, the relationships/friendships I deal with in-person on a daily basis, I will be alone for the time being... but I really just need to know that I can, at least, find some support online... from others who understand me or have felt similar to what I am feeling right now.
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