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Found 34 results

  1. Gracieluewho

    HSV 1 positive

    I was just diagnosed with HSV 1 and this was the first time I had been tested for it. I am not sure how long I’ve had it and now I’m feeling a lot of stress and anxiety. A lot of my friends have had cold sores before and I know they’re super common but I am so afraid of passing it to someone else with an unknown outbreak. I know that HSV 1 can be oral or genital but is most commonly oral. I don’t think I’ve had an outbreak yet because I figured it would be easy to recall. I’ve had a small fluid filled bump above my lip for a month or so that at one point I picked off and it grew back. It hasn’t bursted and doesn’t hurt at all. I’m not sure if this is my first outbreak or if it’s just something else. Is there any kind of medication I can take to lower the chances of spreading it to another person?
  2. Viralnow1

    I think he knew

    I was diagnosed with herpes-2 about 3 weeks ago, I had gone in for std testing because my boyfriend cheated. I had been having strange side cramps then some discharge I anticipated a yeast infection. I told my gynecologist that I had been getting chafe a lot but only on one side of my vagina. She suggested getting full testing as it may be herpes that has not come through (a breakout) yet. While I did have a yeast infection two weeks later I learned I had herpes. I have been with him 3 years and was tested and clean before him and one year later after finding he had another girlfriend I tested clean again. When I told him he was very calm too calm and I think he knew he had it! I also found condoms that had fallen out of his bag a few weeks ago. I can not understand why he would do this to me.
  3. I’m so fucking upset. I found out I had HSV2 this last June and I was so sick in hospital (before I knew) with fever chills my whole body felt like it got hit by a truck. They thought I had meningitis. Then I realized I had sores and got tested for herpes and came back positive. So since then I keep having outbreaks! I have a healthy diet I don’t drink I live a normal life. I even got vitamin C powder and L-lysine to take. My doctor ended up putting me on Valtrex to take every day since I kept getting outbreaks. But nope! Still Happening. I swear I get them every other week and it makes me SO ANGRY I’ve never had so much rage I seriously hate my life now. I can’t even exercise anymore and I’m afraid to even have sex with my boyfriend who surprisingly doesn’t have it. Does anyone else get them all the time? I’ve never talked to anyone about it besides my doctor and boyfriend so figured I’d join this thing and at least talk to someone who has been through it. UGH
  4. imtryingmybest

    Just Diagnosed

    Wow. So, I just got the test results about an hour ago. After calling my mom and sobbing uncontrollably, I did some reading. I read a lot about other women's experiences, and also ended up on this website. Needless to say, I am incredibly upset about it. I feel disgusting. Dirty, gross, like nothing. The worst part: I don't know who gave it to me. I have had more than one sexual partner this past month, and frankly, it is going to be fucking hard to tell them. I don't know how I am going to tell these people, how they will react, if they will tell our friends. Who will I be known as? Who will I become? I'm concerned about future relationships. How to tell those future boyfriends. Will anyone ever love me? I don't want this to become who I am, but right now in the moment, it's hard. Luckily, I am getting medication and seeing a therapist next week. I think that will help. I'm shattered. I'm currently in college, and this is going to be a chip on my shoulder for a while. It almost sucks not having other people know, because they have no idea how hard this is or what I'm going through-- getting diagnosed, all the symptoms, etc. For now, I'm going to try and just take each day at a time. Morale is low, will to live is low, but we always make it to tomorrow. Always. It's never the end, and I don't want this to be the end. Anyways, here I am: needing support, and also ready to give it.
  5. Bhbr2018

    A poem: Death To My Giver

    Since I am having such a hard time dealing with my GHSV diagnosis, I thought it would be beneficial to express my emotions via a poem. I welcome all feedback, and thank you for reading: "Death To My Giver " My giver was a male, and his penis looked clean I looked and searched around, but no bumps were seen We had sex on the couch, and sex in his room He had an open invitation, as a guest in my womb My vagina let him in, with a hug and a squeeze His penis returned the favor, with an incurable disease Six days later, feeling symptoms in my bed Taking selfies of my vagina, of bumps that turned red My worst nightmare in the world, unfolding before my eyes With no one to talk to, to comfort my cries Having to go to work, with blisters and in pain Losing sleep and my mind, isolated and insane Doctors visits, drugs, and crying for days Drinking myself to sleep, in an ambien haze Reading stats and blogs, to make it all seem okay Feeling worse about my life, with each passing day A fever, a headache, swollen glands, and the chills Looking back on meeting you, I should have run for the hills You infected me, and left me, to deal with it alone You showed no remorse, no answer from your phone Now my choice is gone, and the freedom to have sex Replaced with insecurity, fear, and hiding bottles of Valtrex The stigma and the pain for the rest of my life Will I become a mother, a girlfriend, or become somebody's wife? Will I be accepted, loved, and made whole again? Or will I be rejected, sad, a lonely old hen? Hearing jokes about herpes, now it hurts all the more Having to tell myself I'm not dirty, repeat, I am not a whore I was tested before, for HSV and all It always came back negative, never once received a call I want to sue you and scream, the most repulsive guy It gives me pleasure to think about every way you may die Every ounce of anger I have, directed at you So DEATH TO MY GIVER, you probably knew
  6. Hi everyone, This has been the worst week of my life and I’m glad to have found this online community. Trying to wrap my head around this and the pain has just been excruciating. I’m on Valtrex since Tuesday and slightly feeling better now. I am still waiting for my lab results but the symptoms and my doctor make me think I definitely have Herpes. My doctor also is pretty sure, due to severity of the outbreak and recent sexual history, that I got it from the most recent partner I had (my ex and I were really long term and neither of us ever had any symptoms, I know that’s not a 100% certain but doctor seems pretty sure I would have been exposed a few days before this first outbreak...) Also the guy I’m with has told me very openly that he’s been in a ton of casual relationships, whereas my ex, like me, has had just a few long-term relationships- again, I know I can’t be 100% sure but...) this is my first fairly casual sexual relationship (we’ve been seeing each other on and off for less than a month) anyway it’s most likely the new guy and now I have to tell him that he probably had this but not sure how to tell him, I don’t know if he’s going to overreact or maybe accuse me of having given it to him and to be honest despite everything I really like him and hope he won’t just walk a away for ever. He’s not from here, has only been in the US for a few years and based on a few conversations I’ve had with him about sex in general, he doesn’t seem to have had the same sex ed I grew up with here and isn’t super informed. He also says he doesn’t believe in doctors in the US (“they just want your money”) and while I agree the healthcare system here compared to Europe where I’ve lived pretty much sucks, I feel that he might not believe me because of that. I feel like I won’t ever find anyone again, I’m in my early forties and dating where I live is hard enough but dating with this condition... Thanks for listening and any advice on how to disclose in my situation would be appreciated!
  7. New&Scared

    Desperate for advice!!!

    Hi all, I'm desperate for advice as someone newly diagnosed who made a silly decision. Please don't judge, just hear me out. Following the first sexual encounter with someone I have been dating, I starting feeling weird down below. I had had a Hollywood wax 2 days before I had sex, so I attributed it to this, until it got worst. I went to the sexual health clinic convinced I had picked up some kind of infection from the waxing , but was diagnosed with HSV 1. To say that I was devasted was an understatement. I knew I had to disclose to my recent partner as I am sure that he had given it to me, but I just wasnlt in the right frame of mind. I remained 'normal' with him, although we did not have sex again with me making excuses. About 4 weeks later, I got a text from him letting me know that he had gine to a clinic and was diagnosed with Male UTI. My mind started spinning as I was convinced it was him who gave me herped when he gave me oral sex. I kind of left it and put it to the back of my mind. Fast forward to last tuesday, we had sex again (protected and I had no symptoms that I was aware of at the time). However, 2 days later, I am experiencing my second outbreak. Now I am freaking out again! Is it possible that they mistakenly diagnosed him with a a UTI? Could he actually have had herpes, but no lesions? Could I have now re-infected him after sex (although we used protction, I experience the tingling etc around my bum and thihg area too)? He also performed oral sex again. I literally sitting her going through my second outbreak and jumping at every message and phone call to my pone as I wait for him to tell me i've given him herpes. I just want to know whether it is likely that this has happened this time? I understand that the initla time, it may hve been me who gave him something without knowing I had it, but why would it pressent itself straight after having sex with him (the frst AND second time). I'm a bit all over the place, so feel free to probe if you need to know more. Yes, I know I should've disclosed straight away, but i'm having a hard time coping with all this. Appreciate any responses x
  8. Hey. I’m a native Charleston guy here that was recently diagnoses with HSV2. It came as a shock to me and for the person that gave it to me! Both pretty blindsided but our goal is make the best of it. It’s not a death sentence; it just changes the game a little. I’d love to connect with other in the Charleston, SC area that would like to share their stories, maybe meet for a social hour and help chip away at the “shame factor” associated with something that’s really nothing more than a skin disease.
  9. TheKittiesTitties

    Black Friday

    Originally posted September 2017 under the name "KittiesTitties" This is the first time i've come forward with this... To anyone or anything. So, I'll start it with a simple question for all of you: If you could go back in time, what would you change and would you change it? Most who would go back would take the chance to set their lives on a more stable path before winds of life change took hold or to reclaim a past that has slipped from ones grasp. Others who wouldn't change anything have since come to peace with their path and have come to the conclusion that things are the way they should be. It's very 'black and white', close the book question, right? If you have Herpes, it's not that easy of a question. That's where i'll start. I have Herpes. That is the first time I've seen this typed. This is my first time reading this to myself. However this isn't my first time trying to get it through my own head. Before this, I was in my bathroom, in the middle of yet another sleepless night. My eyes bloodshot with the stress and shame of the obvious self conclusion I had just reached. My cheeks swollen from a mixture of sadness and good weed I've been smoking to deal with my newly acquired burden. No amount of adulterant can make it any better. That hasn't slowed me down from thinking that however. I'm going down lists of research in my head of what the signs are and I'm starting to think I have all of them. I have some, I might as well have them all? I just stare at the reflection on the other side and ask, "Why?!" I feel my paranoid tongue inspecting my lips for nuisances. I know it's stupid to sit there and check and check again but I can't be too sure. I hear my room mates muffled voices on the other side of the door. They have no idea the hell that is occurring behind the turn of that door knob. Nor will they. Nor will anybody! I went to the doctor and he knows. That's already too many people in the know. I realize once I open the door, my old life with inevitably be present. After all, I have not changed. I still look the same (That is if nothing shows up on my lip). With a deep breath and a blocking of my feelings, I still act the same. Right? No one has any idea unless I say something? To me, that is the scariest part of the disease. It seems so easy to block it out and deal but really, its not. It devours you from the inside out. Even if you wanted to say something, there will be no more blocking it inside because when it spills out into the open, it's out there. Than who knows what one will do with the info. Either way, life is different. Life as you know it is ruined. Life as you precieve it will never be the same. That's it. Who do I tell? Should I tell? Will I ever be with someone? Can I ever tell them? Will it always hurt? Is that what nerve damage feels like? Is that an outbreak? Oh shit, did I remember to wash my hands?? Did I just touch my mouth while I was eating? Should I even talk to this girl? Is what I'm doing right? Maybe if I just use a condom, I won't ruin her life and she'll be okay?? Will I ever know peace of mind again?? Will there EVER be a CURE?! Will there EVER be a CURE?! WILL THERE EVER BE A FUCKING CURE?!?! That is my inner dialogue at pretty much every second of everyday since i was diagnosed. Sad, I know, but not uncommon I bet. You see, this shit show for me began on Black Friday 2016. I decided to go out with a friend and have a good time. Once my good time was up, I realized I locked my keys in my car. Rather than get a cab and go back the next day to get my car, I decided to stay, get totally hammered and try and find a girl to drive me home. When that failed and 3am crept up on me, I decided to hit up a girl I knew I should have stayed away from. We had tried out dating but she was fond of multiple men vying for her "love". Seeing it as a sure thing, I asked her for a 'ride' home. I remember vividly thinking while texting her "Dude, you know this chick is gross, right? But hey, it's been a while. If I catch something, It's only like $127 bucks for the clap treatment." $127. One Hundred and Twenty-Seven dollars. Now, do you remember my question from earlier? This is where it's relevance is felt. THIS MOMENT is when I wish I could go back. This singular thought changed the tredjectory of the rest of my life. If only I had a second chance to make the better judgement call. Well as you could imagine, things went accordingly. Once we got to my house, it was on. The odd thing that sticks out to me in hindsight, is how okay she felt letting me inside her knowing full well she had something that could ruin everything in my life. She enjoyed it if I remember right. I finished and suddenly she had to leave. As i look back, I can see now that this is probably when the shame and regret got to her. She never really hit me up after that. I woke up with a gnarly hangover and got a ride to my car the next day. Over the next few weeks, nothing really happened. I held out the idea in my head of going to the clinic, just in case but it wasnt priority. Never in my weirdest dreams did i think i would even come in contact with the dreaded H word. Ironically, I was at the culprits house when the first sign hit. And boy, did it hit. In my fucked up state, I thought about having another go with her. The last time, 3 weeks ago didn't seem so bad and she did dig it, why not? She spent the whole night playing hard to get. Than it turned into playing hard to even get to. Something was up. But before I could start trying to figure her out, something weird started to happen with me. It felt like the worst case of blue balls I've ever had. It was to the point where my tummy hurt. I excused myself to the bathroom and started to feel around. No swelling or obvious obstructions. I thought it was all in my head. That is when I lifted the skin flap on the top of my penis. There it was. At first, I thought "Thats a weird place for acne?" My optimism slowly faded when I realized this thing is getting bigger. It's starting to duplicate. It went from a pimple to spots than to open sores. I told her I had to go and hauled ass home to investigate further. The next week, I went to the doctor. He swabbed it and took a blood sample. The viral swab came back inconclusive which made me happy, but it was the blood test that was the real tell. The doctor kind of more or less danced around the matter till he finally laid it upon me and my waivering hope of a normal life. "You have tested positive for HSV-1 antibodies." You have antibodies, you have the disease, apparently. That pill was the most bitter one I've ever had to force down, although the disgusting acyclovair tablets they give me is a very close second. I came home in a fog. I was numb for the better part of a week. That wasn't the hard part though. God no. It was carrying on with my life that hurt the most. Yeah, I have open, pussing leisons on my penis and one single touch can infect anyone near me. But it's not like I could tell anyone. Nerve damage began to take hold, causing constant discomfort. No one knows. No one will, I hope. I have to constantly wash my hands and underwear. Not a word about it. Just the idea of talking to any woman, anywhere, has me terrified that I'll ruin her life and I'm gonna be alone with this forever. Still, Not. One. Single. Word. That was it. I'm all alone. Just me and my Herpes. I had it all planned out, even down to the minute. I was gonna wake up early. Have a nice breakfast with a cup of tea as the sun comes up. Have a nice morning drive with my windows down and music blarring my insecurities away, for just a bit. Lunch and a beer with a dear friend. Than go for a drive and hike up the mountain by myself. Once to the top, thats where the plan would unflold. I left the note in my unlocked car, tied the rope with one end tied to a tree. I slip my cowardess head in the loop and take one last breath, than one last look. Than one last step. That was it. As you can see, that plan didn't quite pan out. That's not to say it wont in the future but right than, I felt like I have some unfinished business. I cant go out knowing and thinking of what can still be. Why fall for the stigmas of this actually common virus when really, there may be a cure in the near future? Better yet, what can I do to help others in my shoes? How about others with their shoes in deeper waters than mine? Lots of questions, i know, but this has been my mind frame, not since diagnosis but rather since I wrapped my head around the fact that this is my life now. This is my disease. This is my burden. Sounds daunting and a bit sad, and it is, but the thing that sticks out is that it's still MY LIFE. It's not the herpes life. It can call it's shots all it wants but it's still MY body. My penis has since withered and become a shadow of its former self, but it's still MINE. The way I'm beginning to see it, is that this virus is just a shitty room mate that doesn't pay rent, coming and going as it pleases but with a little patience and hope, someday it will leave. I will have a normal life again. I will have a normal life again. I WILL have a NORMAL life again. I know my story sounds like a lot of others but It feels amazing to get this off my chest. To just type "I HAVE HERPES" has a bit of comfort with it. I don't like it but i can't deny it. I'm hoping you all enjoyed reading and I hope to be back on here soon to talk more with you. It's good to know there are others out there for me, even if it feels like my body is against itself. In conclusion, I would say if I could go back in time and change something, I would talk myself out of sending that girl that text asking for a ride home. I would keep my pants on and save it for someone who truly deserves to be in my life. But let's face it, that entire question I asked you in the beginning? It's bullshit... We cannot go back in time. You cannot stop change. Thank you all. Stay strong. We will have a cure! P.S. The feelings of suicide are always prevalent. It's easy to say I got through it the first time. However, they don't go anywhere so I ask you, please, Help me. I'am my own worst enemy. I don;t want to end my own life. I don't want to leave my family and friends like that but I still don't know what to do. I still need help...
  10. Hi there, Feeling very lost and worried about the constant outbreaks I’ve had since my initial diagnosis 3 months ago. My first outbreak was terrible, lasted 3 weeks, after my first round of valcyclovir I had about four clear days then immediately had another outbreak. Took another round of valcyclovir and went on suppressive therapy. Started at 500mg/day and was still having constant outbreaks, I spoke to my dr and he upped the dose to 1g/day and also tested for HIV to cover all bases (came back negative). My outbreaks are becoming increasingly mild and I hardly notice them but I ALWAYS seem to have the bumps. The longest I can go completely clear is 4 days. I take every vitamin-C, D, E, magnesium, B, Lysine, OOO, OLE, zinc on top of my suppressive therapy. I avoid all the arginine foods, I eat pineapple, I’ve tried it all and nothing seems to work. It’s expensive and frustrating and so disheartening. I understand that the first year is the worst but my doctor feels that the frequency of my outbreaks isn’t normal and it’s really challenging to stay positive and feel good about myself. I am 24 & female if that helps. Most sites I read say 4-6 outbreaks/year is the normal amount and I’ve easily tripled that in 3 months. Anyone else experience the same thing?
  11. KittiesTitties

    Black Friday.

    This is the first time i've come forward with this... To anyone or anything. So, I'll start it with a simple question for all of you: If you could go back in time, what would you change and would you change it? Most who would go back would take the chance to set their lives on a more stable path before winds of life change took hold or to reclaim a past that has slipped from ones grasp. Others who wouldn't change anything have since come to peace with their path and have come to the conclusion that things are the way they should be. It's very 'black and white', close the book question, right? If you have Herpes, it's not that easy of a question. That's where i'll start. I have Herpes. That is the first time I've seen this typed. This is my first time reading this to myself. However this isn't my first time trying to get it through my own head. Before this, I was in my bathroom, in the middle of yet another sleepless night. My eyes bloodshot with the stress and shame of the obvious self conclusion I had just reached. My cheeks swollen from a mixture of sadness and good weed I've been smoking to deal with my newly acquired burden. No amount of adulterant can make it any better. That hasn't slowed me down from thinking that however. I'm going down lists of research in my head of what the signs are and I'm starting to think I have all of them. I have some, I might as well have them all? I just stare at the reflection on the other side and ask, "Why?!" I feel my paranoid tongue inspecting my lips for nuisances. I know it's stupid to sit there and check and check again but I can't be too sure. I hear my room mates muffled voices on the other side of the door. They have no idea the hell that is occurring behind the turn of that door knob. Nor will they. Nor will anybody! I went to the doctor and he knows. That's already too many people in the know. I realize once I open the door, my old life with inevitably be present. After all, I have not changed. I still look the same (That is if nothing shows up on my lip). With a deep breath and a blocking of my feelings, I still act the same. Right? No one has any idea unless I say something? To me, that is the scariest part of the disease. It seems so easy to block it out and deal but really, its not. It devours you from the inside out. Even if you wanted to say something, there will be no more blocking it inside because when it spills out into the open, it's out there. Than who knows what one will do with the info. Either way, life is different. Life as you know it is ruined. Life as you precieve it will never be the same. That's it. Who do I tell? Should I tell? Will I ever be with someone? Can I ever tell them? Will it always hurt? Is that what nerve damage feels like? Is that an outbreak? Oh shit, did I remember to wash my hands?? Did I just touch my mouth while I was eating? Should I even talk to this girl? Is what I'm doing right? Maybe if I just use a condom, I won't ruin her life and she'll be okay?? Will I ever know peace of mind again?? Will there EVER be a CURE?! Will there EVER be a CURE?! WILL THERE EVER BE A FUCKING CURE?!?! That is my inner dialogue at pretty much every second of everyday since i was diagnosed. Sad, I know, but not uncommon I bet. You see, this shit show for me began on Black Friday 2016. I decided to go out with a friend and have a good time. Once my good time was up, I realized I locked my keys in my car. Rather than get a cab and go back the next day to get my car, I decided to stay, get totally hammered and try and find a girl to drive me home. When that failed and 3am crept up on me, I decided to hit up a girl I knew I should have stayed away from. We had tried out dating but she was fond of multiple men vying for her "love". Seeing it as a sure thing, I asked her for a 'ride' home. I remember vividly thinking while texting her "Dude, you know this chick is gross, right? But hey, it's been a while. If I catch something, It's only like $127 bucks for the clap treatment." $127. One Hundred and Twenty-Seven dollars. Now, do you remember my question from earlier? This is where it's relevance is felt. THIS MOMENT is when I wish I could go back. This singular thought changed the tredjectory of the rest of my life. If only I had a second chance to make the better judgement call. Well as you could imagine, things went accordingly. Once we got to my house, it was on. The odd thing that sticks out to me in hindsight, is how okay she felt letting me inside her knowing full well she had something that could ruin everything in my life. She enjoyed it if I remember right. I finished and suddenly she had to leave. As i look back, I can see now that this is probably when the shame and regret got to her. She never really hit me up after that. I woke up with a gnarly hangover and got a ride to my car the next day. Over the next few weeks, nothing really happened. I held out the idea in my head of going to the clinic, just in case but it wasnt priority. Never in my weirdest dreams did i think i would even come in contact with the dreaded H word. Ironically, I was at the culprits house when the first sign hit. And boy, did it hit. In my fucked up state, I thought about having another go with her. The last time, 3 weeks ago didn't seem so bad and she did dig it, why not? She spent the whole night playing hard to get. Than it turned into playing hard to even get to. Something was up. But before I could start trying to figure her out, something weird started to happen with me. It felt like the worst case of blue balls I've ever had. It was to the point where my tummy hurt. I excused myself to the bathroom and started to feel around. No swelling or obvious obstructions. I thought it was all in my head. That is when I lifted the skin flap on the top of my penis. There it was. At first, I thought "Thats a weird place for acne?" My optimism slowly faded when I realized this thing is getting bigger. It's starting to duplicate. It went from a pimple to spots than to open sores. I told her I had to go and hauled ass home to investigate further. The next week, I went to the doctor. He swabbed it and took a blood sample. The viral swab came back inconclusive which made me happy, but it was the blood test that was the real tell. The doctor kind of more or less danced around the matter till he finally laid it upon me and my waivering hope of a normal life. "You have tested positive for HSV-1 antibodies." You have antibodies, you have the disease, apparently. That pill was the most bitter one I've ever had to force down, although the disgusting acyclovair tablets they give me is a very close second. I came home in a fog. I was numb for the better part of a week. That wasn't the hard part though. God no. It was carrying on with my life that hurt the most. Yeah, I have open, pussing leisons on my penis and one single touch can infect anyone near me. But it's not like I could tell anyone. Nerve damage began to take hold, causing constant discomfort. No one knows. No one will, I hope. I have to constantly wash my hands and underwear. Not a word about it. Just the idea of talking to any woman, anywhere, has me terrified that I'll ruin her life and I'm gonna be alone with this forever. Still, Not. One. Single. Word. That was it. I'm all alone. Just me and my Herpes. I had it all planned out, even down to the minute. I was gonna wake up early. Have a nice breakfast with a cup of tea as the sun comes up. Have a nice morning drive with my windows down and music blarring my insecurities away, for just a bit. Lunch and a beer with a dear friend. Than go for a drive and hike up the mountain by myself. Once to the top, thats where the plan would unflold. I left the note in my unlocked car, tied the rope with one end tied to a tree. I slip my cowardess head in the loop and take one last breath, than one last look. Than one last step. That was it. As you can see, that plan didn't quite pan out. That's not to say it wont in the future but right than, I felt like I have some unfinished business. I cant go out knowing and thinking of what can still be. Why fall for the stigmas of this actually common virus when really, there may be a cure in the near future? Better yet, what can I do to help others in my shoes? How about others with their shoes in deeper waters than mine? Lots of questions, i know, but this has been my mind frame, not since diagnosis but rather since I wrapped my head around the fact that this is my life now. This is my disease. This is my burden. Sounds daunting and a bit sad, and it is, but the thing that sticks out is that it's still MY LIFE. It's not the herpes life. It can call it's shots all it wants but it's still MY body. My penis has since withered and become a shadow of its former self, but it's still MINE. The way I'm beginning to see it, is that this virus is just a shitty room mate that doesn't pay rent, coming and going as it pleases but with a little patience and hope, someday it will leave. I will have a normal life again. I will have a normal life again. I WILL have a NORMAL life again. I know my story sounds like a lot of others but It feels amazing to get this off my chest. To just type "I HAVE HERPES" has a bit of comfort with it. I don't like it but i can't deny it. I'm hoping you all enjoyed reading and I hope to be back on here soon to talk more with you. It's good to know there are others out there for me, even if it feels like my body is against itself. In conclusion, I would say if I could go back in time and change something, I would talk myself out of sending that girl that text asking for a ride home. I would keep my pants on and save it for someone who truly deserves to be in my life. But let's face it, that entire question I asked you in the beginning? It's bullshit... We cannot go back in time. You cannot stop change. Thank you all. Stay strong. We will have a cure! P.S. The feelings of suicide are always prevalent. It's easy to say I got through it the first time. However, they don't go anywhere so I ask you, please, Help me. I'am my own worst enemy. I don;t want to end my own life. I don't want to leave my family and friends like that but I still don't know what to do. I still need help...
  12. Hi everyone. I'm glad I found this board. After a little over a week and nightmare pain, itching, burning and no sleep, I went to the doctor yesterday. As you can guess the diagnosis is herpes HSV2. I am an older woman (late 50's), in menopause, and I've been divorced for 1.5 years after 36 yrs of marriage. I had a little fun after my divorce but nothing crazy and have now been with the same guy for 7 months and we are both in complete shock. I'm trying to wrap my head around the question of where did this come from? He has had no symptoms at all and I'm in a full blown break out. The swab tests will confirm the doctor's diagnosis and all I can think of is, what now?
  13. 2792

    Newly diagnosed. Help

    Can someone please give me an opinion? I've just recently gotten into a new relationship with a really great guy. We just started having sex about 3 weeks ago. A week later I have an outbreak. I go to the doctor and I'm told I have herpes. I'm still waiting for the official results but I'm pretty sure she was right. Of course it's possible for my partner to have no idea that he has it and give it to me. My question is, what are the odds of me having had it all this time only to randomly have an outbreak a week after becoming sexually active with my new boyfriend? Are the odds more likely that he actually does have it and gave it to me? Thanks guys
  14. Thatguy604

    Newly diagnosed confusion

    Hi, I've been recently diagnosed with herpes. I started dating my gf in early august of last year and starting experiencing nerve pain in my leg by January. I got a test done and tested negative. Fast forward a year and a few months later and I have herpees under my foreskin. Now my confusion lies in where my gf said she has never had an outbreak. She went to the dr and the dr refused to give her a test because she has no symptoms. The dr said you can only pass it when you have sores and doing a blood test would be useless. So what now? Idk how else I could have got it...I have a strong feeling I got it from her but her dr says otherwise. would really appreciate some advice. Thank you
  15. Turboturbo

    Just got the news two days ago...

    I am a 24 years old female. I have had 7 sexual Partners in my life. I have always been safe and selective with whom I have sex. I have been dating my boyfriend for four years in a monogamous relationship. As of recent, we had made the decision to bring another female into our bedroom. I was contacted by her a few days after the threesome. She informed me That she had an abnormal Pap smear, and that she tested positive for HPV. I made a doctors appointment for myself afterwards. Upon going to the doctors, they found lesions on my cervix that we’re bleeding. So, I left with a referral for a colposcopy and the impression that I had contracted the HPV virus-according to the doctor. I was also tested for all other STD’s at this visit, but figured the doctor had already diagnosed what it was. After my Pap smear, my vagina began to feel very sore, like painful to sit down, and I had discharge so badly I was soaking through my underwear in two hours time. I called the doctor and she couldn’t find any reason for that to be happening, she said if I still had the pain in two days to come back in. It subsided for the most part, but not the discharge. I’ve been wearing pads since my visit. A week went by before I got a call back from the doctors. She says, “ I think I found the answer to your pain mystery”. I say “ok”, and she begins, “You tested negative for HPV, and you don’t have cancer, but you did test positive for herpes.” My boyfriend was sitting near me and saw my reaction to this news, he said, “what is it?” I said, “I have herpes.” And I put the phone on speaker so we could listen. We spent the next few hours angry, hurt, disgusted, sobbing, and confused. We decided, my boyfriend needs to be tested as well now. And found, it’s not as simple for a male to be tested as it is for a female. So he’s still in limbo wondering if he even has it. We are going to get him tested today. From reading on here, I feel like all the rest of you. I don’t intend on leaving my partner, but hypothetically speaking, I feel like no one who doesn’t have this would ever want to touch me after I disclosed this information. And the embarrassment that I would suffer from disclosing such sensitive and personal information. Also, people can be cruel, what if someone leaks my confidential information? I am so thankful I have my partner to go through this with, and that he is being very empathetic to my situation. But I am worried, if he doesn’t have them and I do, would he leave? On the second hand, if we had sex with the same person who gave them to me, wouldn’t he have them too? I just feel very broken. I feel that what little self confidence I did have, has been shattered. I feel like if I ever have to date again, it will be impossible to live a normal dating life. I have to play things very safe now...I have to live with the knowledge that I have an embarrassing underlying condition that is only known if I choose to disclose it. Which is comforting in some aspects, but honestly that fact causes me a lot of inward pain that makes me disgusted and repulsed by myself. I am literally a walking disease. I have a history of depression and bipolar disorder. I worry this will sink me very deep into a depression that I can’t find a way out of. I am trying to find a positive to this situation, any ounce of positivity or goodness I can take from it. But everything seems to be a con when you try and find any pros in a scenario like this.
  16. So i was recently diagnosed with hsv1 due to an outbreak genitally. I have never had a cold sore. The day before my outbreak i had sex (obviously i had no inclination i had hsv1 or any symotoms otherwise i wouldnt have had sex). (The outbreak i guess it would be called the primary outbreak, i literally wanted to die, The pain and discomfort was the worst pain I have experienced in my entire life) The blood test showed i had hsv1 antibodies but not hsv2 antibodies. I want to know whether or not i have type 1 or 2 genitally but it took her so long to reach me i have to wait 3 months before i can be retested. I had only been w 2 people in the last 7 months both of which i used condoms with . So it makes me curious if i infact have hsv2 or if it was autoinclanation or from receiving oral sex from one of them and not knowing they had it. I feel so damaged i already had trust issues with men and personal issues that make me feel undesirable and now this. I dont feel like theres any hope that i will ever date again and my son will never have a father figure in his life because im just completely damaged. How do i get passed this knowing that i could possibly have future outbreaks and even pass this on while not having an outbreak. Googling information is making me go crazy and i dont really have anyone i can talk to about this with. Any replies would be appreciated.
  17. livelikeyourloved

    Recommendation for an expert phone consult?

    Hi, I am going to the "Veterans" for this question in hopes you can help. I'd like to get a few names of "Herpes Experts" that will do a phone consult with my husband and me to see if there is anything we are missing or if there are any other tests we can do. I am willing to pay for a phone consult. Can you all recommend anyone? Thanks!
  18. vitacoco

    I Want To Try Again

    I was diagnosed with gHSV1 about 2 weeks ago. My outbreak is all cleared up and I am off the 7 day treatment my nurse gave me. I want to try getting back into sexual activity with my partner, but I am nervous about pain or discomfort. Can anyone give me any advice or what to expect? It can be as simple as oral to actual intercourse Any response would be greatly appreciated... I am very nervous.
  19. I am a newly diagnosed (<1 year) HSV2 positive female. For the first time since my diagnosis, I started to hook up with a guy and things got heated. Being the fact that I didn't tell him about the situation, no intercourse happened however, at one point he fingered me and in the heat of the brought his fingers to his mouth. Although no direct oral sex from him to me happened, we are worried about the rate of transmission. I am on valacycolvir daily had no sign of an outbreak and no prodrome pain from shedding (I've experienced nerve pain in the past). I also went down on him and, even though I do not have oral HSV2, this is also something he is concerned about. I would like to know if anyone has had any similar experiences to mine or has any information on how likely it may be that he has been put at risk, anything to ease the anxiety...
  20. Hi folks, Been trolling the forums for about a day, since I took my "allergic reaction/ UTI/ definitely not herpes but please dear god make it go away" to my Obgyn. She took one look and said "herpes lesions," at which point I lost the ability to focus on what she was telling me. Waiting to hear on whether it's HSV 1 or 2, and trying to cope with the outbreak (dozens of lesions in and around my vagina as well as massive flu symptoms and body aches) as well as a UTI and bacterial infection. Literally my purse is full to bursting with meds. Doc put me on Valtrex along with an antibiotic and a pain reliever. Going to try not to ask a million questions, but the short backstory is that I recently broke up with my long term boyfriend and have been massively stressed at work and with being MOH in my best friends wedding. Was ripe for some sort of something, for sure. I've recently started seeing someone new, and started sleeping with him a few weeks ago. With the severity of this OB, is it safe to assume it's really the initial one? And if so, is it a safe bet to think I got this from the new guy? I'm not angry or anything, I truly don't believe it was knowingly or intentional if he did give it to me. However, in trying to accept all this, I'm trying to wrap my head around what my dating life will look like in the near future and if I can safely bet that it came from him, the discussion about this and subsequent sex life looks a bit more appealing than the alternatives. Sorry to ramble ... already so grateful to the folks on here <3 much love
  21. All day today I've been constantly crying and have just been in the absolute shittiest mood. I woke up crying, cried throughout the day, and ended the day crying. I got the news 2 months ago and it still hasn't fully settled in yet that I'm going to have this for the rest of my life. I watch ted talks, try to educate myself as much as possible to realize H really isn't THAT bad, I try to remain positive. But, it's all so overwhelming. Today I woke up wanting to just end it all, today I cried enough to flood a river. I'm so sad, disgusted and miserable with my life right now. It sucks because I feel like this couldn't have happened at a worse time. I was in such a good place in my life. I was just turning 18, finishing out high school with honors, got a new job, and in a great relationship. Now it's as if none of that matters anymore because I feel like I'm walking around with a sign that says "I have herpes, stand clear." I have never felt more disgusting and repulsive in my life. I had an outbreak yesterday which is what I believe triggered this sudden flow of emotions. But for heavens sake, this isn't a life I want to live. If it weren't for my family and how they'd react, I would kill myself tonight. I graduate from high school on Sunday, and that's supposed to be the official beginning of my life but I can't help but feel as if my life is already over. I'm not going to get to fall in love naturally and not have to worry about taking repercussions. Instead, I have to stick to dating sites specifically for people living with incurable STD's because I couldn't live with the fear or guilt of transmitting this to my partner. I'm not going to get to enjoy birthing my baby naturally without worrying about keeping my stress levels down so an outbreak doesn't occur. Sometimes I think about my kids when they're older, finding out about their mother having herpes and being disgusted and ashamed of me. I think about my life in 10-15 years, and how it'll affect me then. What if I don't find anyone? What if I'm just tainted goods that are going to sit on the shelves for the rest of their life? This really freaking sucks. I have no one to talk to, because I refuse to tell anyone about it so I just sit here and let the emotions build up until they become unbearable. I have no outlet aside from this one. I'm alone and miserable and that makes it all the more harder to deal with. This really isn't a life I want to live anymore and I don't think I will be able to for much longer.
  22. Hello! Well it's come to light that I have contracted HSV-1 after my boyfriend had his outbreak of genital type 1. I have not had an oral cold sore or anything perculiar looking down below to make me think I have it orally or genitally so I have no any idea what to look out for and where! Can you guys educate me on your personal symptoms and how your infection shows its self? I have always been prone to what I thought was a UTI. Whenever I get one I usually get a few more in the following weeks. On one occasion last year I had my worst one yet, in which my urine was straight red, pain urinating, pain in my sides and was very ill. Headaches, sickness, hot and cold flushes. I was rushed to hospital and given antibiotics. Could this be a sign of contracting it genitally? As already stated I have never had a cold sore, however sometimes get cracks in the corner of my mouth and sometimes spots on the surrounding skin. have always associated it with cold weather. Could this be a mild form? *edit - and for the first time I felt a burning/tingling sensation on corner of lips, redness and little white dots. Following day dots had disappeared, redness lightened and a small sore had appeared which would split from movement of mouth* For those that have type 1, 2, or both, please share with me your first outbreak and symptoms leading up to it, thanks so much!
  23. Hi my friend was diagnosed with herpes almost two months ago. She has broken out of the cloud of depression and that is fantastic. We were talking and our conversation shifted to diet and she got really excited. She said that she believes alkaline diets can cure herpes. I told her if she feels if it will contribute to your overall health then fine but not to get off the meds and that I didn't believe it would cure her herpes. She has a negative view of the medical industry and believes for every doctor it is solely a business. The doctor she went to was also very cold. She believes they are generally uninformed about nutrition and how it can improve a person's life. She watches a lot of documentaries that center on food curing illnesses. But these are illnesses that are caused by the terrible things in our food. Not sexual diseases that can harm us and others. I am open to the idea that there is a cure for herpes or someday will be but I don't want her to get overexcited and do something that could make her sick (like getting off her meds).
  24. Tannerbrown977

    HELP!!!!

    I have never signed up for a forum before in my life but with my newly found circumstances I really need some advice right now and no one knows about my situation so having it all bottled up had been crazy hard on me. Two months ago I found out I had herpes.. I could go into the longest spill of my life but long story short it has felt like the end of the world for me. I was a good person and a good girl.. I fell in love with a addict who always insisted on not wearing a condom when he knew he had herpes and her I am now.. obviously we are no longer together. We weren't together when I found out he had given it to me and when I confronted him about it he said he knew he had it and he always told me no bc he hated the world and that someone had gave it to him so now he didn't care who he gave it too. Honestly it's so sad, that day when I found out I promised I would never ever do to someone what he had done to me. Well about a month ago I had started talking to this guy I really liked him and he was very sweet but from the beginning he always was trying to get physical. I kept making excuses that I was wanting to move very slow, or that I was on my period because I just was not ready to ever have the talk with someone... I looked all over the Internet for advice but I just was still trying to accept and deal with it. Well two days ago we both drank a little too much and of course he was trying to get physical with me and it got very very close. Well long story short I ended up having a drunkin talk with him, crying, saying that we just couldn't sleep together and I ended up telling him I had herpes.. he was very nice to me about it but in he end was like he could never be with someone that had that.. he was saying he wanted kids one day. I told him that just shows how Unknowledgeable he is about it he is bc I can still have kids one day.. I really regret telling him, I am only 22 and we are at a age where no one keeps secrets and my main concern is that he will spread around that I have herpes. I feel good at the fact that I didn't sleep with him and told him but I can't just be telling people something that serious in you life unless I know I can trust them.. if I wouldn't have been drinking know I would have just said no to sex but wouldn't have told him about my very serious secret. Now he's the only person that knows and I have literally been debated about it. My question is is it wrong to text him and say that I'm sorry about the other night but I had recently heard my ex had that so I had assumed I was carrying the virus too but that I went to the doctor and they said come to find out I don't have herpes? But then just never speak to this guy again. It's not like I wanna lie but me and him never did anything and like I said it's been devasting knowing this guy I have only known for a few weeks knows a secret no one else in every world knows and he's wants nothing to do with me because of it which is fine... but I just don't want him to tell anyone else. Inthw future I wanna only tell someone I have truly been with a very long time and when it's the right time and it that soon. Please give me advice....
  25. asymptomatic1993

    Just diagnosed yesterday

    Hi there. I was just diagnosed with HSV-2 yesterday by a routine annual STD blood test I took a week ago. I've never had any symptoms, nor do I have any other stds. I've read online that if you don't have an initial outbreak you may never show symptoms. I guess I should consider myself lucky in that regard, and I do, but still it's just a horrible situation to find myself in. I have no idea how I got it, when I got it, where on my body I should be wary of other people touching to avoid spreading my disease -- and that's the part I'm most worried about, I'm so worried about spreading this disease to anyone I have sex with in the future. I just started dating this guy on Monday, and we had sex on Tuesday night. I'm so worried about telling him my results, even though I know that I will have to as soon as I can. I feel like I don't know how to tell him without having him freak out or think that I willingly infected him, when I never would have had sex with anyone if I knew that I was a carrier for a disease. I'm just so afraid of causing him or anyone else pain or causing them to hate me for something I can't control and that I had no idea about. Has anyone else here ever been in my shoes or know what to do?
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