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Found 13 results

  1. Bhbr2018

    A poem: Death To My Giver

    Since I am having such a hard time dealing with my GHSV diagnosis, I thought it would be beneficial to express my emotions via a poem. I welcome all feedback, and thank you for reading: "Death To My Giver " My giver was a male, and his penis looked clean I looked and searched around, but no bumps were seen We had sex on the couch, and sex in his room He had an open invitation, as a guest in my womb My vagina let him in, with a hug and a squeeze His penis returned the favor, with an incurable disease Six days later, feeling symptoms in my bed Taking selfies of my vagina, of bumps that turned red My worst nightmare in the world, unfolding before my eyes With no one to talk to, to comfort my cries Having to go to work, with blisters and in pain Losing sleep and my mind, isolated and insane Doctors visits, drugs, and crying for days Drinking myself to sleep, in an ambien haze Reading stats and blogs, to make it all seem okay Feeling worse about my life, with each passing day A fever, a headache, swollen glands, and the chills Looking back on meeting you, I should have run for the hills You infected me, and left me, to deal with it alone You showed no remorse, no answer from your phone Now my choice is gone, and the freedom to have sex Replaced with insecurity, fear, and hiding bottles of Valtrex The stigma and the pain for the rest of my life Will I become a mother, a girlfriend, or become somebody's wife? Will I be accepted, loved, and made whole again? Or will I be rejected, sad, a lonely old hen? Hearing jokes about herpes, now it hurts all the more Having to tell myself I'm not dirty, repeat, I am not a whore I was tested before, for HSV and all It always came back negative, never once received a call I want to sue you and scream, the most repulsive guy It gives me pleasure to think about every way you may die Every ounce of anger I have, directed at you So DEATH TO MY GIVER, you probably knew
  2. So last week I went to the GYN I noticed my vagina was swollen and it hurt when I peed. I thought it was because I had a stomach virus got my period and had dental work on the same day. Sooo anyway I go to the dr and she looks and goes it’s Herpes you’ll be okay I’ve had it for years swabs me says she’ll call in a script and walks out. I had so many questions and non got answered. Since starting valtrex my vagina isn’t swollen anymore but now my lips hurt and are a little puffy, I feel like the skin on my face is super dry, my back hurts and I feel itchy. I’m taking Benadryl to get through. I feel so sad I’ve been with the same person for 3 years and before that 5 with the same person. I’ve always made it a point not to sleep around. I wish I would have known how easy it was to get Herpes. I’m waiting to get my results back to have the dreaded conversation that I have herpes. I’ve been keeping busy but In the moments I’m not busy I find myself tearing up and thinking about will I ever get married will I ever have kids? Can I touch my family? Sorry so long just wanted to tell someone what I was going through so maybe I’m not so alone.
  3. Curious1998

    Hsv1

    Got the call this morning that I’m hsv1 and honestly I’m so sad about this I told myself I wasn’t gonna cry when I got my results but I can’t help it. Just knowing I got this and there is no cure I’m just so hurt about it I feel like my life is over. I feel so dirty and disgusted with myself. I don’t know what to do.
  4. I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes 18 months ago and it just doesn't get any easier.. I'm still just as angry/upset about this whole situation. It weighs me down that little bit more every day like a tonne of bricks on my shoulders. I don't even know who I am anymore, I have pushed the closest people away from me without even realising I just don't know what to do I need help.
  5. My husband cheated on me with a younger girl in 2015. Last year, he was diagnosed with HSV-2. Since we were married, and I loved him, I didn't care too much because I knew we'd always be together forever. Well now I'm uncertain. My husband is a recovering addict. And last March, when his dad passed, he relapsed. Which caused us to split momentarily and during that split he had sex with two different women, And entered into a short relationship with one of them. This hurt me badly, but he finally decided to get clean and has came back to work on our marriage. It was about two weeks ago that he came back, and we've had sex a few times (unprotected) since. I wasn't thinking .... See, when he got with this other girl, she messaged me asking if he had anything. And I told her the truth that he had been diagnosed with HSV-2 and had been refusing to take his medication. He told her I was a liar and that the doctor was an idiot. That it was just a rash from improper hygiene. (I call bull crap because he's obsessed with hygiene)... I knew he wasn't using his medication. And I wasn't thinking of that... We had sex, unprotected... Well a few days ago, we were having sex, and afterwards I felt some pain. (Keep in mind my vagina was completely normal before this sexual act.) After we were done, I went to the restroom, peed, and wiped. There was blood on the toilet paper. I freaked so I had him look... And we took a photo. It looked as if he had made two small tears in my inner labia bear my vagina. So I chalked it up to he tore me and it would heal. Until it began getting increasingly more painful. And more lesions popped up. Along with a constant discharge from my vagina. It's so painful to pee that I CRY when I do. It's been about one week, and I have open ulcer like sores on my inner labia and now I'm getting raised blistery bumps everywhere else. Outer labia, inner thighs, butt cheeks and in my crack. It hurts like hell. It's super uncomfortable. And I feel nasty. I know I shouldn't. I know it's more normal than I think... But nobody should catch an STD from the person they've been with for 3 years. I've emailed these photos to my doctor and am awaiting a reply ... Please tell me if you believe as I do, that this is Herpes.....
  6. Hi, I just found this site, and want to say hi, and just find out if you all felt angry, sad, depressed and scared, as well as feeling a bit unclean and like used goods too? My partner of three months only chose to tell me he had herpes after about a week of having sex with him. I feel angry with myself for not using a condom, but also, really angry with him for thinking it wasnt a big enough deal to tell me straight away. He said he got it when he was twenty from a back packing travelling friend, and had not had any symptoms since then (thirty years). We do love each other very much, and i will most probably stay in a long term relationship with him, but i cant help feeling really really angry he did not think to tell me before we had sex, and that he has given me herpes for life. I feel sad, because its messed up our great sex life, at the moment, and hope it will come back, and i will feel sexy again, and not just like rubbish, and I feel sad that I can never tell any of my family and friends that I have this, it makes me too mortified to discuss it with anyone else except him and my gp. also, my kids would hate him and judge him very harshly (understandably)for putting me in this position, and its bad enough getting them onside with a new partner anyway, because their dad died, and they are protective. please help, i just feel a bit down today. any advice gratefully received. Thank you for listening to my rant:)
  7. cracked

    I want my old life back...

    I know everyone has good days and bad days with dealing with HSV, but it’s getting to me pretty badly because of my unusual symptoms and how this is all affecting my mindset. Just 2 months ago my life was almost everything I wanted it to be. Super healthy, athletic and gaining weight like I wanted to, always working out and full of energy, genuinely laughing and smiling every day and making others laugh, able to nap and sleep at will, eating and cooking for myself after having been vegan for a while, passionate about my hobbies, traveling, and starting to become successful after just finishing college. Now since these past 2 months not only do I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall, i’m not genuinely happy or smiling, my penis is causing me to not even be able to walk properly, muscle weakness, insomnia, malaise, fatigue, profusely sweating in any sort of heat, lack of focus and sharpness, lack of appetite and losing weight, daily low grade fevers, fast heart rate, shortness of breath, and anxiety and just constantly worrying about new symptoms. Every time I feel some sort of symptom it reminds me of the dumb mistake I made of wanting to try sex which has caused me to suffer all of this. I can’t do anything to take it all back, tell anyone that’s close to me about it and my family is constantly worried about me. All I want is my old self and life back. Nothing seems appealing to me anymore. FML.
  8. Bar_Wench

    Hsv1 and Hsv2

    Welp, here I am...a herpes support online forum. I got the call today that I tested positive for HSV1 and HSV2. The nurse did not say if they were oral or genital specific. My doctor prescribed me the generic for valtrax or however you spell it and I took my first pill tonight. Rewind to almost a year and a half ago when I went to the doctor while I had an outbreak in my nose! They did a complete blood work up on me and she said I came up positive for both simplex 1 and 2. I was DEVASTATED like threw up from crying so hard and went home from work lol. The doctor knew how hysterical I was and scheduled a follow up re test just to be sure. Of course the re test came back negative for HSV2. I was overjoyed and my doctor said sometimes false positives happen because of a cross over or whatever. So fast forward to today when I get my blood test results from the same doctor...imagine my face. A mix between about to vomit and about to start swinging on someone. WHY DO THESE TESTS READ DIFFERENT!!! Ughhhhhh. Now I've exposed my boyfriend to this awful virus and I have no idea if he has it nor does he. I've always known I've had HSV1 because I got cold sores for as long as I could remember. After doing so much research these past few hours I'm just now aware that both HSV strains can cause genital AND oral symptoms. My outbreaks have only ever taken place on my face! Never on my genitals to my knowledge! Unless they were so mild? I've never seen or felt blisters on my genitals. Are genital outbreaks different from oral ones? Is it possible I only have oral HSV1 and 2? I'm so confused. I don't know how to feel and I wish I could just get consistent answers. I'm going to say 2/3 positives for HSV2 deff means I have it... I guess I'm still in the mind set that one herpes is good and the other is bad for lack of better terms.
  9. Hi everyone, I just found out yesterday that I have type 2 herpes. I've been in monogamous relationships, with the most recent one being 3 years. I had a drunken night (first time since the breakup) and had unprotected sex. Symptoms showed up immediately after and here we are now. One night, one mistake, changed my whole life. I cried at the doctors office and have been feeling ashamed, sad, and depressed. Thank god i have a close group of friends and family who have been extremely supportive. However, no matter how many times they try to tell me "it's going to be alright", I can't somehow be convinced. Can some of you guys tell me some experiences with living with herpes? I'm finally happy from my breakup and ready to be in the casual dating scene, but this happened. I've read up on some facts of herpes and that it is manageable and livable. However, I don't believe i can ever go back into the dating scene because this changes everything...no more passionate flings, no more causal dating and now i have to disclose to my future love interests something i don't think I will even have the guts to do. I also have anxiety (take daily medication for it) and have a stressful job, and I know that stress is the number one trigger for an outbreak. I'm also torn with telling the guy I had sex with that he gave it to me. I'm just scared he will deny it and tell everyone this secret. Any advice, stories, suggestions would greatly help. I've been so depressed and sad, I would love to hear stories and advice from people going through the same thing as me.
  10. I have signed up not to rant, but to spread hope. Here is something from by blog I'd love you all to read, if you feel like your life is over. http://clomyquad.blogspot.com/2015/08/an-open-letter-to-individual-that-gave.html?m=1
  11. Obsolete

    Really sad and embarrassed

    I met this wonderful guy his a Christian virgin might I add.. I felt like I could trust him with my secret I was falling for him so I thought he deserved to know and reactions not only made me cry myself to sleep or opened my eyes to the fact that no one's wants to date a girl with herpes no one wants to take that risk of having a child and maybe being exposed these where his words " Last night and all yesterday I was caught up thinking about us being together and the thought of what would it be like to have sex with you once you get saved and I'd purpose to you in marrying. But I see all of that is no more, nothing, nada! " Maybe he said it in a nice way but to me I was hurt embarrassed and ashamed
  12. Obsolete

    WHAT NOW!!

    Week 1, since I've found out I have Herpes.. I wish I could do something other than cry, I'm crying because I'm so ashamed so disgusted not of the herpes.... But of myself. I can play the victim and Say "Hey Im a Good girl" I can say "I didn't know this could happen".. But that's not the case.. since 15 I've been looking for Love and all the wrong places I've let men of "all ages" do things to me because in my young mind sex was All I had to offer... I've had 4 STDs 2 are from someone I loved and 2 are from some one I can't remember... And now at 25 I thought I was so much smarter than That 15yr old me but I was not!! You can Judge because I judge myself daily no longer finding reasons to live because my problems seem so much bigger than me.. I dont have anyone to tell I have herpes, no one that I could trust with such a secret, I haven't been able to say "HEY I HAVE HERPES AND IM SAD" well until now..
  13. Lost&Confused

    Overwhelmed with emotion

    I dont even know where to start with this. Today I was diagnosed with HSV1. But before the results came I suspected for a while that it couldve beenn a possibility but actually hearing it made my world turn upside down. I have not stopped crying all day. Im scared to tell anyone about it. Can't tell my friends, my parents, my roommates, not anyone. Holding all of this in is killing me but at least I found somewhere to vent. The pain is unbearable. I cannot walk, sit, sleep, not even eat because going to the bathroom hurts like hell. It feels as if there are needles and knives when I got to the bathroom. The blisters and sores keep bleeding and get more pussier. It just keeps spreading and gets worse by the second... IM SO MAD at the person who gave it to me because he knew he had it and didnt tell me. I have nothing but hate in my heart for that guy. No one will ever find me desirable again. The disgust I feel towards myseld as an individual is so high, I wince at myself in the mirror. My depression this past week has been so bad to the point where I held a gun to my head and was praying for forgiveness to God. I feel as im being punished. I just feel so betrayed, destroyed, and I cant get over the fact that I caught an UNCUREABLE disease. So many unfortunate events have happened these past weeks that this.. this THING has been the last straw. I dont know if i can deal with this any longer...especially since I will be all alone.
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