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  1. Around 3 years I go I contracted HSV2 from my now ex boyfriend. At first it started off as a small tear..straight after sex. I assumed it was just due to the Brazilian wax I had gotten earlier that day. (I now know that that is probably what aided in me contracting HSV2) the next day, the year turned into a blister, then more appeared in the coming days. It was horrible. I had a funny colour discharge and it burned. I would sit in the bath just to pee. I went to a sexual health clinic in london where they took swans and examined me. They gave me meds to take and told me that it did indeed look like herpes. But that I should wait for my results to come back,and take meds in the mean time. I got a call a few days later saying that I tested postive. I asked her if it was for HSV1 or HSV2.. as I had done a lot of research by then to know the distinct difference. She confirmed that it was HSV2.. to this day I have not had a blood test. As swans are usually most accurate at detecting HSV. at first I was in denial. I didn’t get out breaks that often luckily.. and if I did it was just a. Small blister on my labia to the right of my clitorous. I would occasionally get some nerve tingling in my legs which I put down to asymtomatic shedding. I have never been on antivirals as my symptoms were barely noticeable I started dating someone a year later and I told them about my HSV2. He took about an hour to read up on it.. and never mentioned it again. We carried on our relationship. I never took antivirals and we did not ever use condoms. To this day he has not contracted HSV. For a long time I somehow managed to forget that i had this horrible disease. I lived normally and happily..outbreaks were barely even noticeable. I guess this is because I had no reason to think about it. He treated me no different. Sadly our relationship has ended, however we are still friends. He has never ever mentioned my HSV to me since the day I told him. But now 3 years on I am dating a new guy that I really really care about. I see us getting married and having kids. Buy one day We were talking about his sexual partners and he informed me that he always uses protection as he has had a herpes scare in the past and that it was the worst time of his life. Luckily he tested negative. Because of this I don’t know if he will ever accept me. And I am heartbroken. I cry all the time and am very very depressed...to the point of thinking about suicide. I don’t want to live my life like this. I look at females and envy them for being normal and for being able to have such carefree sex, never having to worry about this. Even if this guy isn’t the one for me. I wonder if I will ever be able to find someone without feeling like this. This world is cruel. And evil. And unfair. I don’t deserve this and neither do any of us. Life sucks im pretty sure these companies have a cure but are feeding us useless antivirals in order to make money. Our lives mean nothing to them. We mean nothing To them. emotionally I a ruined. I don’t see my body the same. And I hate my vagina. The thought of having to take pills for the rest of my life just because of my stupid ex boyfriend tears my heart apart. Why me? I was good.. Now I am tainted and undesirable. I’ve been looking online for natural remedies/cures. Although I’m not gullible enough to believe in paying money for a natural cure. I’m in going to try Dr Sebi’s cell food diet. They say it is an intracellular cleanse that can rid the body of any disease. But it is a lifestyle..not a quick fix. I do believe he was really onto something.. that’s why they killed him in custody. He proved in court that he had cured people of HIV AIDS, blindness, herpes and other illnesses. He brought 77 paitients to court with him to prove this. I’ve also read scientific research stating that oregano oil is very affective at killing the herpes virus. the trouble is getting it to the virus in our nerve cells in the ganglion. I understand why pharmaceutical companies would not promote this method of self healing as it does not benefit them. But I am also aware that there are no people in this forum that have been able to sucessfullu rid themselves of the virus. And even if the tests do come back negative and outbreaks stop... the virus could still be in there hiding. But im trying to save my life. So I am willing to try. This is long. And if you’ve made it to the end.. congrats. This may be the last post I make. As if this doesn’t work. I can’t stay on this earth living with the pain of what could have been if I had not been with one person.
  2. Im 19, I don't know how this happened but it did. I have not got my results back but I am 110% positive i have herpes. There are bumps lesions and open wounds everywhere, and i show all symptoms. At first I was very suicidal on the fact that I could be HSV2 positive but my mom calmed me down.she told me, it is what it is, and that I can still manage to have a normal life despite this. Im very scared as of right now. Im over the fact that it is herpes but i am in terrible pain. I can't sit i can't lay down i can't stand, walk or move. I had to sleep sitting up last night. I am scared to go pee as it burns tremendously. The doctor could not give me medicine until the culture comes back from the lab so Im hoping i can get an antiviral in my by tomorrow. I read that garlic helps so I've been taking garlic pills. Is there anything i need to know. Is there anything i can do/take to ease the pain. I tried pouring water on me when i pee but that did not help. Im just scared, i don't have a support group in person. Im in college and am embarrassed to tell anyone. Only my mom knows and she's across the country because I'm an out of state student. please help ! I'm desperate
  3. I just got my positive HSV diagnosis today, and I don't know what to do. Quite honestly I feel like nothing will ever be okay again, I could use some advice, tips, support, anything. Please.
  4. I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes 18 months ago and it just doesn't get any easier.. I'm still just as angry/upset about this whole situation. It weighs me down that little bit more every day like a tonne of bricks on my shoulders. I don't even know who I am anymore, I have pushed the closest people away from me without even realising I just don't know what to do I need help.
  5. TheKittiesTitties

    KittiesTitties LIVES!!

    Hey guys, It's me "KittiesTitties" (my god, that is weird to say), I've since gotten a new page since I'm a dumbass and forgot my password. I pretty much just put THE in the beginning so yeah, I'm still here. Though I've had some rough days, I'm very much alive. Reading back on my post, I'm filled with a lot of hindsight emotion. Even though it was only about 5 months ago, my head is in a new place. I'm not gonna say a better place but different for sure. I've been reading up pretty much daily on treatments and "cures" and it's given me a level of comfort knowing something is going on to help people of our infliction. Steps are being climbed and we are a bit further than we were yesterday. I think mentally, I've began to build my armor and have began to dig my foxhole in this new life. I go longer periods without even remembering I have it. It only really comes up when I'm alone with my thoughts. If I stay busy and fill my time with family, friends, hobbies and work, I'm fine. Since I last posted in September, I had two OB's less than a month apart. I attribute that however to my alcohol intake around that time. I've since cut back on the hooch and have only had one more OB but it wasn't near as bad as the past ones. The suicidal tendencies that plagued me in the past have mostly subsided. I tend to be a little bitch sometimes I suppose. I've even been able to hang out with girls and get a little physical, though I draw the line once hands start going south. I usually use the line "I'm just going through some stuff" or "You deserve better" or even "If I fuck you, than I wanna be with you and that is just not in the cards". Problem now being, that just seems to turn them on more. Women are odd. But I digest... I really wanted to get back on mostly to THANK YOU to everyone who seen this and have left some very sweet words of encouragment and blunt words of wisdom. Hell, I even wanna thank the dude with the dementia wife who turned my story into a pissing contest (Hope you and your wife are doing good!) I tend to get into writing moods when I'm most vulnerable and you all helped me through that rough patch. THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU. I'll try and get on more often and keep in touch. It's kinda odd, I feel like I've made some new friends on here, even though we have never spoke. It's just good to know I have someone out there who knows what I'am going though. I'd say that's pretty bitchin'. Alright that's enough for now. Hit up my new profile for some new rants or hit me up if you wanna vent yourself. My virtual ears are always open! Sincerely, THE Kitties Titties Check out my last post called "BLACK FRIDAY"
  6. TheKittiesTitties

    Black Friday

    Originally posted September 2017 under the name "KittiesTitties" This is the first time i've come forward with this... To anyone or anything. So, I'll start it with a simple question for all of you: If you could go back in time, what would you change and would you change it? Most who would go back would take the chance to set their lives on a more stable path before winds of life change took hold or to reclaim a past that has slipped from ones grasp. Others who wouldn't change anything have since come to peace with their path and have come to the conclusion that things are the way they should be. It's very 'black and white', close the book question, right? If you have Herpes, it's not that easy of a question. That's where i'll start. I have Herpes. That is the first time I've seen this typed. This is my first time reading this to myself. However this isn't my first time trying to get it through my own head. Before this, I was in my bathroom, in the middle of yet another sleepless night. My eyes bloodshot with the stress and shame of the obvious self conclusion I had just reached. My cheeks swollen from a mixture of sadness and good weed I've been smoking to deal with my newly acquired burden. No amount of adulterant can make it any better. That hasn't slowed me down from thinking that however. I'm going down lists of research in my head of what the signs are and I'm starting to think I have all of them. I have some, I might as well have them all? I just stare at the reflection on the other side and ask, "Why?!" I feel my paranoid tongue inspecting my lips for nuisances. I know it's stupid to sit there and check and check again but I can't be too sure. I hear my room mates muffled voices on the other side of the door. They have no idea the hell that is occurring behind the turn of that door knob. Nor will they. Nor will anybody! I went to the doctor and he knows. That's already too many people in the know. I realize once I open the door, my old life with inevitably be present. After all, I have not changed. I still look the same (That is if nothing shows up on my lip). With a deep breath and a blocking of my feelings, I still act the same. Right? No one has any idea unless I say something? To me, that is the scariest part of the disease. It seems so easy to block it out and deal but really, its not. It devours you from the inside out. Even if you wanted to say something, there will be no more blocking it inside because when it spills out into the open, it's out there. Than who knows what one will do with the info. Either way, life is different. Life as you know it is ruined. Life as you precieve it will never be the same. That's it. Who do I tell? Should I tell? Will I ever be with someone? Can I ever tell them? Will it always hurt? Is that what nerve damage feels like? Is that an outbreak? Oh shit, did I remember to wash my hands?? Did I just touch my mouth while I was eating? Should I even talk to this girl? Is what I'm doing right? Maybe if I just use a condom, I won't ruin her life and she'll be okay?? Will I ever know peace of mind again?? Will there EVER be a CURE?! Will there EVER be a CURE?! WILL THERE EVER BE A FUCKING CURE?!?! That is my inner dialogue at pretty much every second of everyday since i was diagnosed. Sad, I know, but not uncommon I bet. You see, this shit show for me began on Black Friday 2016. I decided to go out with a friend and have a good time. Once my good time was up, I realized I locked my keys in my car. Rather than get a cab and go back the next day to get my car, I decided to stay, get totally hammered and try and find a girl to drive me home. When that failed and 3am crept up on me, I decided to hit up a girl I knew I should have stayed away from. We had tried out dating but she was fond of multiple men vying for her "love". Seeing it as a sure thing, I asked her for a 'ride' home. I remember vividly thinking while texting her "Dude, you know this chick is gross, right? But hey, it's been a while. If I catch something, It's only like $127 bucks for the clap treatment." $127. One Hundred and Twenty-Seven dollars. Now, do you remember my question from earlier? This is where it's relevance is felt. THIS MOMENT is when I wish I could go back. This singular thought changed the tredjectory of the rest of my life. If only I had a second chance to make the better judgement call. Well as you could imagine, things went accordingly. Once we got to my house, it was on. The odd thing that sticks out to me in hindsight, is how okay she felt letting me inside her knowing full well she had something that could ruin everything in my life. She enjoyed it if I remember right. I finished and suddenly she had to leave. As i look back, I can see now that this is probably when the shame and regret got to her. She never really hit me up after that. I woke up with a gnarly hangover and got a ride to my car the next day. Over the next few weeks, nothing really happened. I held out the idea in my head of going to the clinic, just in case but it wasnt priority. Never in my weirdest dreams did i think i would even come in contact with the dreaded H word. Ironically, I was at the culprits house when the first sign hit. And boy, did it hit. In my fucked up state, I thought about having another go with her. The last time, 3 weeks ago didn't seem so bad and she did dig it, why not? She spent the whole night playing hard to get. Than it turned into playing hard to even get to. Something was up. But before I could start trying to figure her out, something weird started to happen with me. It felt like the worst case of blue balls I've ever had. It was to the point where my tummy hurt. I excused myself to the bathroom and started to feel around. No swelling or obvious obstructions. I thought it was all in my head. That is when I lifted the skin flap on the top of my penis. There it was. At first, I thought "Thats a weird place for acne?" My optimism slowly faded when I realized this thing is getting bigger. It's starting to duplicate. It went from a pimple to spots than to open sores. I told her I had to go and hauled ass home to investigate further. The next week, I went to the doctor. He swabbed it and took a blood sample. The viral swab came back inconclusive which made me happy, but it was the blood test that was the real tell. The doctor kind of more or less danced around the matter till he finally laid it upon me and my waivering hope of a normal life. "You have tested positive for HSV-1 antibodies." You have antibodies, you have the disease, apparently. That pill was the most bitter one I've ever had to force down, although the disgusting acyclovair tablets they give me is a very close second. I came home in a fog. I was numb for the better part of a week. That wasn't the hard part though. God no. It was carrying on with my life that hurt the most. Yeah, I have open, pussing leisons on my penis and one single touch can infect anyone near me. But it's not like I could tell anyone. Nerve damage began to take hold, causing constant discomfort. No one knows. No one will, I hope. I have to constantly wash my hands and underwear. Not a word about it. Just the idea of talking to any woman, anywhere, has me terrified that I'll ruin her life and I'm gonna be alone with this forever. Still, Not. One. Single. Word. That was it. I'm all alone. Just me and my Herpes. I had it all planned out, even down to the minute. I was gonna wake up early. Have a nice breakfast with a cup of tea as the sun comes up. Have a nice morning drive with my windows down and music blarring my insecurities away, for just a bit. Lunch and a beer with a dear friend. Than go for a drive and hike up the mountain by myself. Once to the top, thats where the plan would unflold. I left the note in my unlocked car, tied the rope with one end tied to a tree. I slip my cowardess head in the loop and take one last breath, than one last look. Than one last step. That was it. As you can see, that plan didn't quite pan out. That's not to say it wont in the future but right than, I felt like I have some unfinished business. I cant go out knowing and thinking of what can still be. Why fall for the stigmas of this actually common virus when really, there may be a cure in the near future? Better yet, what can I do to help others in my shoes? How about others with their shoes in deeper waters than mine? Lots of questions, i know, but this has been my mind frame, not since diagnosis but rather since I wrapped my head around the fact that this is my life now. This is my disease. This is my burden. Sounds daunting and a bit sad, and it is, but the thing that sticks out is that it's still MY LIFE. It's not the herpes life. It can call it's shots all it wants but it's still MY body. My penis has since withered and become a shadow of its former self, but it's still MINE. The way I'm beginning to see it, is that this virus is just a shitty room mate that doesn't pay rent, coming and going as it pleases but with a little patience and hope, someday it will leave. I will have a normal life again. I will have a normal life again. I WILL have a NORMAL life again. I know my story sounds like a lot of others but It feels amazing to get this off my chest. To just type "I HAVE HERPES" has a bit of comfort with it. I don't like it but i can't deny it. I'm hoping you all enjoyed reading and I hope to be back on here soon to talk more with you. It's good to know there are others out there for me, even if it feels like my body is against itself. In conclusion, I would say if I could go back in time and change something, I would talk myself out of sending that girl that text asking for a ride home. I would keep my pants on and save it for someone who truly deserves to be in my life. But let's face it, that entire question I asked you in the beginning? It's bullshit... We cannot go back in time. You cannot stop change. Thank you all. Stay strong. We will have a cure! P.S. The feelings of suicide are always prevalent. It's easy to say I got through it the first time. However, they don't go anywhere so I ask you, please, Help me. I'am my own worst enemy. I don;t want to end my own life. I don't want to leave my family and friends like that but I still don't know what to do. I still need help...
  7. helplessss

    emotional wreck

    I recently discovered what looked like a small canker sore inside my vagina by the opening, I wouldn’t have noticed it if it weren’t for the sex I had almost 2 weeks ago. I noticed it burned when I peed after the encounter and I went home the next morning and looked in a mirror and saw the lesion. I have been active with this guy on and off for over two years and i’m so deeply in love with him. I have unknowingly given him chlamydia once before and he forgave me and understood it happens though he was pissed at first. I have been with one other guy this semester and we used protection but I am worried that I could have contracted it from him since condoms are not 100%. I feel sick thinking I could have infected my partner with this incurable disease after he told me he doesn’t know what he wants in the future with me but doesn’t want to let me go either. I feel this would completely destroy me if I have it myself and having to deal with the guilt of passing this on to him not knowing I had this. I can’t seem to get out of bed and wish some mornings I wouldn’t wake up. My culture was negative but I am still waiting for the results from the blood tests. I have had HSV1 orally since I was a kid so my hopes of this at least being the “good herpes” down there are shot. I hate myself.
  8. OutOfPlace

    suicidal thoughts

    I don't even know where to begin...I was recently daignosed with HSV1 & 2. l feel so disgusted with myself over one stupid mistake that shouldve never happened. The pain is unbearable, i cant eat, i cant sleep, i even force myself not to go to the bathroom because of how painful it is. I can barely walk, I have called out of work, and have even missed class. Nothing can get any worse right now. IM 20 YEARS OLD AND CAUGHT AN UNCURABLE DISEASE. Ever since I found out I have been extremely depressed and cannot stop thinking about it. I cannot talk to anyone about it, not even my roommates in fear of being judged and having the word spread around campus. My outbreak has lasted two weeks and has been getting worse and worse with the medication my doctor has prescribed me. The pills havent made anything clear up and the Acyclovir cream burns and hasnt suppressed anything my outbreak just keeps spreading. I just cant take it anymore. I also have to tell this guy I went on a date with that he might be infected and I might have potentially ruined his life. Such a good guy who was so kind, so gentleman like, and will probably never ever find someone like him again. As a matter of fact I will most likely never find someone period. I dont even think I can play the sport I wanted to play at my school because my breakouts will restrict me from walking fine let alone running up and down. There goes my college career, there goes my social life, there goes my love life. This depression has hit me so hard that I even made arrangements to buy a gun, I am a disgusting piece of garbage who needs to be disposed of...
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