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herpes in long term relationships

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I was recently diagnosed with herpes. I'm still not sure how I got it but I've been with my partner for about 2years and he slept around for a few months last summer when we decided to take a break.

Meanwhile, we've been back together for almost a year and I just found out this month I had herpes. My doctor didnt give me much info, all she wrote out was a prescription for valtrex and told to call if i have another outbreak.

My bf still hasnt been tested and until he does I refuse to do anything sexually.

But basically my question is this, he is not so keen on the idea of protection.

I dont think he cares if he even GETS herpres, but I care about spreading it around my body and I've been really paranoid about it.

He doesnt want to use protection, especially for oral sex....

is there any one here who has herpes and is in a long term relationship where they do not use protection?

i'm so confused and i'm afraid this will ruin my relationship until i figure something out.:confused:

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You have informed your partner about the fact that you have herpes and what he decides to do with this information - it's entirely up to him.

If he wants to continue having sex with you and he chooses to do it without protection he knows what he is risking.

Herpes is not going to kill him, you know?

Even if he contracts herpes, he may be asymptomatic and in the worst case he can develop some blisters.

If you have explained these things to him and he is fine with it - don't obsess about it and do not repeat this information over and over again to him.

Herpes is not really the end of the world.

You might have a problem here because you are one of these people who - if they hear their partner has herpes- they would run away or take extreme precautions. But your man is a different kind of person. To him, the relationship with you is much more important ...

So let yourself be happy...

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And by the way, I understand how you feel.

I just told a guy about it and he waved his hand and said it doesn't matter and I am like : What, what do you mean it doesn' t matter - you have an option to run - so run! You should think this over for a month or so? Don't tell me that it doesn't matter - who wants to have it? You are a good looking guy - you can find a woman without herpes! So I am almost disappointed he didn't dump me right away (for which I was totally prepared and which I am sure I would have handled very calmly and graciously). But instead, he didn't think it was important at all.

Hehehe Maybe it is true that sometimes we are making mountains out of molehills...

So please try to be more relaxed about it. Actually, you are a lucky woman to have a man like this beside you :D

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Hi shocking,

I realize this is a club that no one really wants to be a member of and I'm sorry this has happened to you at this point in your relationship.

What I suggest is that if your boyfriend tests positive you find out what type you are both dealing with. If you got it from him and it's the same type it will make things a little easier.

There are lots of members here that are in long term relationships who don't use protection. There will always be a risk of infecting another area of the body but it all has to do with whether or not the virus is active which can be with or without symptoms. Having it in one area gives some protection from getting it in another area and type 2 sheds more frequently than type 1 unless they are away from their preferred location, in which case they shed the virus even less.

Hopefully he will be mature enough to get tested and educate himself about HSV. There is lots of information in the links to the right to better understand how this virus works. It will make your head spin but read and re-read it and re-read it again if you have to.

If you need more help, we are here.

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It's really ok..My boyfriend and I have unprotected sex all the time..I have HSV2 genitally, he doesn't, and we've been fine. He'd rather take the risk and keep having the amazing sex..it's his choice..So if your b.f is cool with it, go with it. He knows the risk, so just be careful..and avoid sex during outbreaks and just before ob's..It is harder for men to get it anyway, and usually not as bad symptom wise.

Maybe You need to focus on accepting that you have it, because he seems to be just fine with it and still wants to be with you..you are really lucky and he is obviously a good guy. And definitely it would be good to get him tested, bc maybe you both have it and then it's no problem at all..you can't really "pass" it back and forth, especially once it's established in the body..

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I think i qualify as being in a long term relationship, I am married for 24 years.:p And yes I was just diagnosed with ghsv1 from my hubby who had cold sores since childhood.

And yes, WE DO NOT use condoms, because we both have the same strain of the virus, it is very rare that we can ping pong the same virus back to each other. He has cold sores on his upper lip and I have them on my bottom:oops: It has been 5 months since I was exposed and I do take Valtrex daily (for my own peace of mind) and we have a normal sex life. It may not be like it was before because now I get paranoid more than I used to be(like getting a tear from sex and it becoming an outbreak) but typically we still do our thing and we both enjoy it.

I guess the old saying For better or worse, is true we had better and this is worse, and we still live a happy life. :D Take care.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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  • Posts

    • Quest
      No it won't go up forever, I know I have been infected for a long time. Some people in here have values in the 50s. it just gives you an idea of where those numbers can go from here. The more antibodies you have the better off you are and at least you know your immune system is building those antibodies. I hope you do really well!
    • WilsoInAus
      The number doesn’t matter very much in terms of your experience with herpes. Your immune system has 80 elements that address HSV and your experience is related to the combined effort of these 80 elements. I’d suggest this partner is very probably infected and has been for a while.
    • priorwalter
      Obviously zero percent transmission rates can't be assured with the combination of Pritevilir and Valtrex. But I think it's safe to assume based on what we know that their effects will be cumulative and they'll work better together than they would separately, since they're halting viral replication by different methods. Pritelivir inhibits the enzyme helicase, where Valtrex inhibits the enzyme polymerase. If it were the case, for example, that Pritelivir were also going after polymerase and did a better job of halting it than Valtrex, then we would just take Pritelivir by itself with no more need for Valtrex. But that's not the case. Since the approaches of halting replication are different, a "cocktail" of the two drugs is certain to be more effective than taking just one or the other.  More on how Valtrex and Pritelivir work here: https://www.acsh.org/news/2018/06/12/herpes-vaccines-dont-work-what-about-drugs-pritelivir-page-aids-playbook-13074
    • 35hope
      lyme disease can be sexually transmitted, keep us posted about it hope your tests are negative 
    • why4
      Yeah I'm pretty sure it's from him but I don't know why he would lie about being negative since we were still together and I said I was already positive. Maybe he was infected right before we met? Is higher the number better? How do the antibodies work over time? Will it continually go up forever? 

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