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herpes in long term relationships

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I was recently diagnosed with herpes. I'm still not sure how I got it but I've been with my partner for about 2years and he slept around for a few months last summer when we decided to take a break.

Meanwhile, we've been back together for almost a year and I just found out this month I had herpes. My doctor didnt give me much info, all she wrote out was a prescription for valtrex and told to call if i have another outbreak.

My bf still hasnt been tested and until he does I refuse to do anything sexually.

But basically my question is this, he is not so keen on the idea of protection.

I dont think he cares if he even GETS herpres, but I care about spreading it around my body and I've been really paranoid about it.

He doesnt want to use protection, especially for oral sex....

is there any one here who has herpes and is in a long term relationship where they do not use protection?

i'm so confused and i'm afraid this will ruin my relationship until i figure something out.:confused:

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You have informed your partner about the fact that you have herpes and what he decides to do with this information - it's entirely up to him.

If he wants to continue having sex with you and he chooses to do it without protection he knows what he is risking.

Herpes is not going to kill him, you know?

Even if he contracts herpes, he may be asymptomatic and in the worst case he can develop some blisters.

If you have explained these things to him and he is fine with it - don't obsess about it and do not repeat this information over and over again to him.

Herpes is not really the end of the world.

You might have a problem here because you are one of these people who - if they hear their partner has herpes- they would run away or take extreme precautions. But your man is a different kind of person. To him, the relationship with you is much more important ...

So let yourself be happy...

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And by the way, I understand how you feel.

I just told a guy about it and he waved his hand and said it doesn't matter and I am like : What, what do you mean it doesn' t matter - you have an option to run - so run! You should think this over for a month or so? Don't tell me that it doesn't matter - who wants to have it? You are a good looking guy - you can find a woman without herpes! So I am almost disappointed he didn't dump me right away (for which I was totally prepared and which I am sure I would have handled very calmly and graciously). But instead, he didn't think it was important at all.

Hehehe Maybe it is true that sometimes we are making mountains out of molehills...

So please try to be more relaxed about it. Actually, you are a lucky woman to have a man like this beside you :D

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Hi shocking,

I realize this is a club that no one really wants to be a member of and I'm sorry this has happened to you at this point in your relationship.

What I suggest is that if your boyfriend tests positive you find out what type you are both dealing with. If you got it from him and it's the same type it will make things a little easier.

There are lots of members here that are in long term relationships who don't use protection. There will always be a risk of infecting another area of the body but it all has to do with whether or not the virus is active which can be with or without symptoms. Having it in one area gives some protection from getting it in another area and type 2 sheds more frequently than type 1 unless they are away from their preferred location, in which case they shed the virus even less.

Hopefully he will be mature enough to get tested and educate himself about HSV. There is lots of information in the links to the right to better understand how this virus works. It will make your head spin but read and re-read it and re-read it again if you have to.

If you need more help, we are here.

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It's really ok..My boyfriend and I have unprotected sex all the time..I have HSV2 genitally, he doesn't, and we've been fine. He'd rather take the risk and keep having the amazing sex..it's his choice..So if your b.f is cool with it, go with it. He knows the risk, so just be careful..and avoid sex during outbreaks and just before ob's..It is harder for men to get it anyway, and usually not as bad symptom wise.

Maybe You need to focus on accepting that you have it, because he seems to be just fine with it and still wants to be with you..you are really lucky and he is obviously a good guy. And definitely it would be good to get him tested, bc maybe you both have it and then it's no problem at all..you can't really "pass" it back and forth, especially once it's established in the body..

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I think i qualify as being in a long term relationship, I am married for 24 years.:p And yes I was just diagnosed with ghsv1 from my hubby who had cold sores since childhood.

And yes, WE DO NOT use condoms, because we both have the same strain of the virus, it is very rare that we can ping pong the same virus back to each other. He has cold sores on his upper lip and I have them on my bottom:oops: It has been 5 months since I was exposed and I do take Valtrex daily (for my own peace of mind) and we have a normal sex life. It may not be like it was before because now I get paranoid more than I used to be(like getting a tear from sex and it becoming an outbreak) but typically we still do our thing and we both enjoy it.

I guess the old saying For better or worse, is true we had better and this is worse, and we still live a happy life. :D Take care.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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  • Posts

    • Stupida
      @srinivas thank you for the suggestion. Are you on antivirals? How long have you had HSV? How well do you feel now that you are taking the supplements?
    • Trace67
      It doesnt really mean much yet. They still dont know if the herpes is taking advantage of a diseased brain or causing the disease. Furthermore, there is evidence that Alzheimer's might be caused by oral spirochete disease and even Lyme. Many of you could have oral Spirochetes but the Lyme and is less likely. https://globallymealliance.org/pathogen-cause-alzheimers-disease/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5008232/ https://newsblog.drexel.edu/2016/02/10/do-infections-cause-alzheimers-disease/   Of course it could be both! Maybe having hsv-1 and oral spirochetes quadruples the risk.  In my opinion the spirochete theory sounds more likely and its hard to dismiss neurosurgeons and caretakers getting Alzheimers from a disease that was previously thought to be non contagious. I'd worry more about Spirochetes.  
    • Rgs77
      Did ldn work.
    • honkschonks
      I wonder if people in the military are tested for hsv, because the general public isn’t. You have to specifically ask for it and many doctors don’t even see the point because it’s “so common”. It’s very possible he has it and has no symptoms or very mild random symptoms. Sorry to hear what you’re dealing with. It seems like women’s symptoms are worse than men’s.
    • WilsoInAus
      No that’s not the issue at all. The absolute vast majority of nerve pain is not caused by herpes. Hence it cannot be used to reverse engineer a diagnosis of herpes. That is exceptinally dangerous and we must do all we can encourage proper diagnosis.

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