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face527

trouble coping

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face527

I'm having a hard time typing because I'm so upset right now. I just got back from my doctor appointment and I just don't know what to think or do. She wanted to just send me off, after having said that all my visible symptoms had been around too long to culture, and we'd just have to wait and see. Excuse me?! No, I wont just wait and see. HOW can I just wait and see...I'm sitting in her office crying because I'm SOO upset over this and she wants me to wait and see, and just "get in as soon as you have sores or blisters" to have them cultured. She may not understand how the very office she works in works. My typical experience with calling a dotor office is that no matter how time pressing the condition, no matter how sever or how emotionally upset you may be, they can't "get you in" for at least a few days, more often than not till sometime two weeks down the line. This isn't going to cut it for diagnosing herpes. So I ask "what about a blood test". And she says there is no point. again, WHAT? In my mind, a blood test is the difference between knowing and not knowing that you have herpes...between transmitting this and not transmitting it to someone. So she decided that it is of no benefit to her to know the results of a blood test, but that she would do it for "your peace of mind". for MY peace of mind! I flat asked her "how could a blood test NOT be helpful?" I told her it will tell me if I have herpes 1 or 2 or neither. ALL of that is useful information. If i have 1, I'll learn that I need to be more careful with oral sex. If I have 2 it will confirm that everything I have going on below the belt is not bacterial or fungal infections but herpes. If I have neither then I'll know I have some whole other issue that needs resolving. WHAT was she thinking, trying to send me away with NO tests?!

She also sympathetically laughed at me for being so upset. She said herpes is not the end of the world. Well excuse me, if having to go home in 10 days and tell my new boyfriend, whom I have yet to have sex with (and at this point probably never will) that I have fucking herpes, is supposed to be no big deal. Feeling like your life, or at the very least, sex life is ruined forever is quite a HUGE deal, especially to someone who is only 22 years old and hasn't even had that much sex. THIS is a really fucking big deal.

THEN she told me that she would much rather have herpes than HPV or even syphillis. I'm not so sure I'd much rather have herpes than either of those...I'm just not sure. I wonder what you all think...herpes or warts?? what would be your pick?

I knew this disgnosis was comming, but I just cant cope. I can't stop crying. I want to call my mom or my sister but I'm ashamed to. I want to tell a friend but I just can't. I want to tell my boyfriend but I'm terrified. I'm hysterically crying, and I feel stupid. I know this isn't the END of the world but I'm just crushed. someone PLEASE put this in perspective for me...:cry:

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bluefrog

UGH, I am sorry to hear that your doctor is so nonchalant about you having herpes. You can go to a clinic for herpes specific blood work. Or demand that your doctor do the blood work for you. It is not costing her anything to draw blood from you.

Although I am 45 (tomorrow), I contracted herpes about a year ago. I too thought that my sex life was over, but I met somebody and once I knew I truly cared about him and he about me, I told him. He is fine with it. We also have unprotected sex. I am not a fan of it, for his sake, but he knows the risks and it is his choice.

You will cope. You will get past the initial shock, anger, disappointment, whatever it is you are feeling.

This site will provide lots of good information; check out the links to the right!

Find a way to get blood work done. If this is your first OB, you may get negative results. Get checked in a few months. Maybe even consider finding a new doctor unless you are really happy with your current doctor.

Good luck!

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gotitsowhat

Hang in there, it will get better...

I'm having a hard time typing because I'm so upset right now. I just got back from my doctor appointment and I just don't know what to think or do. She wanted to just send me off, after having said that all my visible symptoms had been around too long to culture, and we'd just have to wait and see. Excuse me?! No, I wont just wait and see. HOW can I just wait and see...I'm sitting in her office crying because I'm SOO upset over this and she wants me to wait and see, and just "get in as soon as you have sores or blisters" to have them cultured. She may not understand how the very office she works in works. My typical experience with calling a dotor office is that no matter how time pressing the condition, no matter how sever or how emotionally upset you may be, they can't "get you in" for at least a few days, more often than not till sometime two weeks down the line. This isn't going to cut it for diagnosing herpes. So I ask "what about a blood test". And she says there is no point. again, WHAT? In my mind, a blood test is the difference between knowing and not knowing that you have herpes...between transmitting this and not transmitting it to someone. So she decided that it is of no benefit to her to know the results of a blood test, but that she would do it for "your peace of mind". for MY peace of mind! I flat asked her "how could a blood test NOT be helpful?" I told her it will tell me if I have herpes 1 or 2 or neither. ALL of that is useful information. If i have 1, I'll learn that I need to be more careful with oral sex. If I have 2 it will confirm that everything I have going on below the belt is not bacterial or fungal infections but herpes. If I have neither then I'll know I have some whole other issue that needs resolving. WHAT was she thinking, trying to send me away with NO tests?!

She also sympathetically laughed at me for being so upset. She said herpes is not the end of the world. Well excuse me, if having to go home in 10 days and tell my new boyfriend, whom I have yet to have sex with (and at this point probably never will) that I have fucking herpes, is supposed to be no big deal. Feeling like your life, or at the very least, sex life is ruined forever is quite a HUGE deal, especially to someone who is only 22 years old and hasn't even had that much sex. THIS is a really fucking big deal.

THEN she told me that she would much rather have herpes than HPV or even syphillis. I'm not so sure I'd much rather have herpes than either of those...I'm just not sure. I wonder what you all think...herpes or warts?? what would be your pick?

I knew this disgnosis was comming, but I just cant cope. I can't stop crying. I want to call my mom or my sister but I'm ashamed to. I want to tell a friend but I just can't. I want to tell my boyfriend but I'm terrified. I'm hysterically crying, and I feel stupid. I know this isn't the END of the world but I'm just crushed. someone PLEASE put this in perspective for me...:cry:

Uncertainty is the worst thing, waiting is the hardest. Whatever happens, you are probably going through the worst part of it right now. It WILL get better. People are naturally resilient. We often do not realize how strong we are until we have to come to terms with something tough like this. You will find the strength to deal with it, whatever happens.

It makes me angry that doctors are so casual about diagnosing herpes, that they think it's not a big deal. I went through the same thing. I have never yet met a medical professional who was compassionate or supportive about it--because, to a doctor, who sees all of these awful medical conditions like cancer and AIDS every day, it's not a big deal because herpes won't kill you.

Herpes doesn't kill you--but, at times, it makes you think you'd rather not be alive. It's a quality of life issue and doctors do not really pay much attention to quality of life. This is a flaw is today's medical world.

You do need to tell someone, perhaps including this guy who is important to you. He may turn out to be more supportive than you think. And, if he isn't, that will tell you something about the quality of the relationship that you would be better off knowing now instead of further down the road with him. And your family may be able to help you get through this, too. Pick your most sympathetic relative or person in your life and talk to that person. Or, if you really feel too insecure about telling someone you know, see a therapist. There are crisis therapists, also called crisis counselors, who specialize in helping people through things like this.

Hang in there, it will get better. We can handle anything if we have to and, for many people, herpes turns out to be not such a big deal in the long run. But we can all remember times when it looked like it was going to end our lives or at least kill our love lives. It doesn't have to be that way.

Get some more information and some more support and hang in there. We all know how you feel and we are all on your side.

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chay5

Doctors drove me nuts as well. The only test they were sometimes willling to do was a swab culture test, blood tests - they didn't care for those at all.

I actually had a conversation yesterday with my doctor about what are the reasons why doctors do not want to give blood tests for herpes. He told me that even if someone tests positive for HSV, he/she can be totally asymptomatic and that sore down there could be something else. He also said that because of how widespread herpes is and how not-life threatening, it is not mandatory to test all people for HSV and doctors try to avoid "cornering" patients into herpes diagnosis unless there is a valid reason for this. So they don't test everybody "out of mercy" for us :)

I bet lots of people take their doctors' assurance seriously and eagerly accept that they do not have herpes because doctor said there is no need to test. I went the other way and assumed I have herpes even though most of my doctors had doubts. Well, guess who was right? ME. :(

If it bothers you and your doctor doesn't want to give you an IgG blood test - you might have to go to another doctor.

If you have herpes, - and if you are a caring and responsible person - you would have to disclose your condition before sex. That means bye bye to casual sex whenever we like and with whoever we like. But it doesn't mean you cannot have a great stable and fulfilling relationship with sex with somebody ---you just have to find that special and understanding person.:D Believe me - they are out there and if they like you they do not give a damn whether you have herpes or not

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