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New and fragile-please be gentle!

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I am not sure if I have it! To explain myself heres my story. January 2005 i gave birth to my daughter. Maybe a month goes by and I break out with a rash on my right inner thigh probably half way between my knee and my genital area. I just thought it was a rash- it lasted a little more than a week and went a way. March 2006 I split with my daughters father. I stupidly ended up having unprotected sex. April 2007 I get back with my daughters father. In all I broke out about 3 or 4 times in the exact same area from February 2005 to Sept 2006. Beginning of September of 2006 I go see a skin doctor who flat out tells me its probably herpes. (I never told my boyfriend because he was an abusive man and I was scared of what he'd do to me if he found out.) By this time the rash had almost gone-all that remained was a scab. He told me I could wait till it comes back and do some tests. But like I wanted to wait until I had another break out. I was freaking out and so I scheduled an appointment with my Gyno, and on September 11, 2006 I went to the doctor-couple days later I was told I had herpes. My Gyno told me that the infection was recent and that their were antibodies present. My question was how recent? The person I had unprotected sex with happened 4 months earlier. Prior to this I hadn't had sex with no one and had remained faithful to my boyfriend. And my boyfriend claimed he'd never had any kind of sex with any one and still vows that to this day. When he found out the only thing that he did was took my car and left me at his apartment. His true reactions would only come out later. I have never had any symptoms-no burning, no aches and pains, no fever, no other break outs any where else on my body. I have lived with the guilt not only that I layed on myself but on my daughters father layed on me as well for almost a year and a half. I am going back to the doctor on April 29th and I am asking to be retested. I am just scared that it still comes back positive. For now I am living with the possibility that I was misdiagnosed. The fear is that when I go back that there will not be a possibility but the fact that I indeed have it. Even though my daughters father and I are not together and do not live together we still have sex about once a week. I have lost all interest in sex and feel like love will never happen to me again, nor do I want it. It is hard to feel like I am stuck with my daughters father for life knowing the abuse he put me through. I wish and pray that I was misdiagnosed so I can stop having sex with him and that he could find a girlfriend. He has told me that If I don't want sex with him that he would respect my wishes. But I feel responsible for getting us in this position in the first place thus the reason I feel obligated to giving him sex even if it is only once a week. Thanks for letting me share my story because I have no one else to share it with.

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Welcome, sayitain'tso.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Any time you want to share, people here listen.

Hang in there.


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Hi, sayintain'tso,

If you had antibodies present on 9/11/06, the infection was NOT recent. It takes as long as 16 weeks for antibodies to develop. Plus, you had been showing symptoms since 2005.

Those two facts point to a likely infection some time in 2005. You could also have been infected previous to that and not showed symptoms until 2005 due to stress...the sores could have just popped up, because your immune system was weakened from the pressure of dealing with an abusive partner and trying to ensure your child's safety. All in all, you'll likely never know from whom you got infected or when, but it does, unfortunately, sound like you have it.

Of course, I am not an expert and awaiting second test results, myself, so take this for what it is: an opinion of a layperson who has never met you, seen your sores, or even been officially diagnosed. :D

Good luck. I really hope things turn out okay for you. You should not feel guilty for putting your ex-bf "through" anything, because he, like you, made a choice to have unprotected sex... and he's still making that choice. You can't be responsible for that. You can only be responsible for your own choices and thus the consequences that result... like STDs and informing future partners. Don't let him guilt you into anything anymore. Just because you (may) have herpes, doesn't make you any less deserving of respect and dignity. Nor does it give abusive person the right to walk all over you and degrade you the way he is doing. "Man Up!" as they say, and tell him shove "it" .... somewhere else this time. :cool:

Again, best wishes. Let us know what happens.

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