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I don't have it but he does...


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I have met a wonderful man. Earlier this week he had the courage to tell me that he has herpes. I feel a tremendous amount of respect for the courage that must have taken to risk whatever reaction I might have had. Ours is a fairly new relationship but we are mad for each other. I have spent the last few days reading what I can about this and I know that I should be directing my questions to him... I am just nervous. We of course have not had sex at this point but I care enough about him that I am willing to with the proper precautions in the future. He seems very hesitant about any level of physical intimacy and it confuses me.. we can kiss for hours and it never goes much further. Can someone offer some insight as to what might be going on here??

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I know you are confused as to why he isn't pushing for you to take it to the next step, but I can assure you that it has nothing to do with you. Even though you know the risks of being intimate with him, he probably wants to give you some time to think about it and to make sure that you really want to take that chance. He is probably scared that he might infect you and if things weren't to work out in the long run between you two, he doesn't want have the guilt of knowing that he is responsible for infecting someone else. My advice would be to not take it personal and continue on with your relationship. Things will happen when you are both ready- just give him some time to truly realize this is what you want.

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Hi! I just want to second that. I recently told my bf who does not have it and I can sympathize with what your bf is probably going through. I feel terrible that we have to deal with this and I want to believe that he sincerely means that he's ok with it and that he understands what this means - that he might end up getting it. It's tough, because the rush of new love can make us all feel so ok with everything, and I really want to make sure that he is truly ok, in the long-term sense. Personally, I regret not doing what your bf is doing right now. I let my new love call the shots and I think he jumped in before really thinking about it. He has not contracted it, but I feel guilty that I didn't insist on him mulling it over more.

The fact that he chose you as a partner - meaning that you passed the screening we with hsv have to use in gaging who we choose to risk this rejection with - speaks volumes for you. You seem like a very nice person. Congratulations on your wonderful new love (!!!!) :) , and maybe just enjoy whatever level of intimacy you have for now and let him call the shots as far as taking it further. Ulitimately even though it seems like the burden is on you as the potential next victim, he is equally at the mercy of a healthy conscience and needs to be every bit as comfortable as you are.

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Guest Anonymous

Thank you for your responses. I am looking at it in a new light and it makes me think all the more of him for giving me this time to consider the risks and to also educated myself. I cannot put myself in his shoes but I care enough for him to know that this is not his fault and doesn't diminish the wonderful man that he is... there is so much risk out there. I could hardly say that any man I would meet wouldn't bring as much risk to a relationship with the statistics I have been reading, I just wouldn't know about it ahead of time. In this case I can protect myself and make my own choices ahead of time. I hope that doesn't sound flippant. I am taking this all very seriously..

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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