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When should let it be known? Few other questions.


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Hello all,

I am newly diagnosed with this damn thing, and am currently experiencing my first outbreak (well, 3rd in a flippin row actually).

I've just started to date a girl that I've been drooling over for a month before asking her out, and she is a phenominal person. I've been thinking a lot about this little thing as of late and have yet to come up with a plausable scenario as to when may be a good time to "drop the H bomb". :lol:

In the past few weeks/month, I called a couple ex's to let them know...and got called nothing but a diseased man-whore who may have ruined thier lives. In fact, I've had to change my # due to one of them calling at all hours to let me know this again and again.

So anyways, my point is, I've come to terms with what I have, but the response I've gotten so far is far from encouraging. From what I've dealt with so far...it's nothing big, not even physically uncomfortable really..but from a mental standpoint...well...it is a little uncomfortable.

In your experiences, when would be a good time to fill her in? I mean, how do you even broach the subject? I'd rather not wait until we get hot and heavy one night and have to pull one of those "uhhh, there's something I have to tell you" moments.

Also, any input on over the counter suppliments that would help lesson symptoms/outbreaks or promote healing? If not, what type of doc would I need to see to get a perscription for valtrex or something similar?

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Your General Practitioner call get you meds - or a clinic -

I take Valtrex supressive, Denovir cream (I think) I've used on a sore and it helped.. Lysine helps to speed up healing.. don't touch - keep dry as much as possible.

As for the telling - you really should tell her before sexual contact obviously - when is up to you... I am not the best person to ask where I have had negative experiences - one great though - but he found out when I did - so it was different... whenever you tell her - make sure to be prepared to answer questions - and to refer her to her doc, websites - this forum - wherever in case she wants more info. I think this is the worst part of this thing. I will say, whatever her response - good or bad, once you tell you will feel better once you tell. Be honest, but most of alll be comforting to her concerns - remember how you felt at first..... but I would only tell if you see a future with her. You need to be open and honest with each other to be in a relationship dealing with HSV.

Good Luck - let us know how you do..

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Thank you soooo much! Time will tell as to what happens, and if things will stay together. I can only hope for the best at this point...and while if things do not work out in the near future...I'm only 27...so I do have a bit of time left to find "the one".

On an intimate level...will it ever be possible to have semi-regular unprotected sex and be safe? I have yet to be able to recognise or feel when an outbreak will be coming on...so condoms are the defacto standard right now.

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I would say the unprotected sex decision should be left to your partner.. with a fullunderstanding of the risks...

In time you will start to recognise the prodomes - for me, I still assume things are prodome when they may not be... better safe than sorry. This morning I was itchy in just that spot - paranoid I went to the ladies room to look - turns out my underwear was creased - stupid huh? never thought a thin piece of cotton could make me so paranoid!! Just be honest with yourself and your body - things get easier once you understand your body and this virus more - try not to stress too much - it will make it worse...

Many people have relationships and marriages with non infected people - it is possible, but your partner must be as open and honest as you are.

By the way - thanks for being responsible and telling - it says alot about the person you are - your previous girlfriends/lovers will come to know that too, if they're worth worrying about...

take care.

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Sounds like you have some real grown up women in your life... I hope you talked to her afterward... hope you told her you were about to tell her - trying to figure out how -

I'm sorry that happened.

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Surprising how a 42 yo woman can get back into high school mode in a blink of an eye.

Yep, talked to her last night a bit, and fell asleep with her on the couch...so things may be ok....

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Guest Anonymous

"In the past few weeks/month, I called a couple ex's to let them know...and got called nothing but..."

it's hard enough to tell a person you're starting a new relationship with - let alone going back in the past to tell ex's about it. somewhere along the way, one of the ex's passed it on - since it appears that Herpes could be dormant in you for some time without striking, you may not be able to pinpoint who passed it on - as luck would have it, the person you'd ring up to notify could easily be the one who could have passed it onto you and on top of that, they'd be blaming you ?! the fact that you're no longer together with someone could already mean that this is some acrimony and i dont think there'd be a lot of understanding from ex'es notwithstanding all your good intentions.

i believe that once you are diagnosed, you should tell your current partner (if any) and future partners...

at a certain point, you have to let the past go and look to the future..

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I see your point, but in his telling, and their realization - it could save others from exposure. What if those girls are carriers and are out there spreading it around more? Who knows - maybe one of them found out from a previous partner and can be a confidant to him...It all depends on the person I suppose... a hard thing to do - I give him credit. It took a huge amount of courage to tell them, even when one of them may have exposed him....

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OK, you said you were 27.... the x is 42??? Do I have that sraight?

Cool.... or uncool hearing her behavior...

I'm glad you're working it out -

Yes..little age difference there...it's just a number guys/gals...lol

Looks like the new gal is open minded to this whole thing, not judging me on the words of an ex on a mission. Another good night with her, and a good amount of talking and getting to know each other better...yay! There is hope after all this.

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happy to hear it

I am so happy to hear that she is being understanding. You must feel so much better that she knows now. It is always better once they know, regardless of how they react. I guess I need to remember that too. I am newly single and having a repeat of all the feelings I had the last time I became single. Damn, its hard. It is encouraging, however, to read everyone's posts about positive experiences in telling. I need to remember all my positive experiences. I think I may go to the local support group meetings soon. I have only been to one, when I lived In California, and it seemed to help. I would suggest that you find a support group too. They are all over the country. Keep us posted on the relationship. I as well am so happy that you are being responsible and telling people before they are exposed. It says a lot about your integrity and who you are.

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Things are still going good it seems...had a fairly decent talk with her about things, and she had done research on the subject at hand as well, so...it was far easier than I ever thought it would be, just wish I had had the chance to make this information known on my own accord. Thank you all for the kind words!

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      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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