"telling"

[Lasmom]

I'm going to try this - I'm not sure if you can vote more than once - but I'm curious to see the responses...

PLEASE vote if you have experience this!

[Guest Anonymous]

You can only vote once - too bad - I had one "totally accepting" and one "never spoke to me again" FYI....

[tabularasa77]

I want to vote more!

Darn, I could only vote once. I have had 6 years of "telling" experience. Some good, some bad. I'd say the majority was good. I have probably told hmmm....10 to 15 guys. One didn't have the balls to tell me he couldn't see me anymore in person...he wrote an e-mail. However, he came around a few months later and realized he made a mistake. (Later we ended up having sex, but maybe we shouldn't have...what a waste of sex...it was bad) Another stopped calling me but a few months later wrote me an e-mail and apologized. Recently, he wrote me again, asking me out for Valentine's Day. I met a guy on vacation who flipped out and never spoke to me. ALL THE REST were good experiences. Well, one said he was OK with it but was apprehensive, I could feel it. My current boyrfriend of 2 months was sooooo completely accepting and loving. Interested in learning more? Read my story! (Posted today)

Heather

[sad2bhere]

Still waiting to find out. I only told him three days ago and I'm giving him some time to think it over. It's tough, the waiting, the self loathing... I hate this.

[kingsfan]

had one girl just look at me & say "so what..i have it too"... kinda stole my thunder....lol

one just kinda said "oh... well... uh..." and that was about it.. didnt stop her from starting a relationship

one got really weird at first & then i showed her a bunch of resources on it & she was fine with it after that

one said go away.....but she came back on her own later...

have never had anyone say get the hell away from me to this point and stick to that decision

[summertime2004]

I have had some good and some bad. The most recent is still thinking about it. It is driving me crazy! It is hard to stay positive when your sitting and waiting.

[Palomita]

boy, kingsfan, i think that reaction is one we all secretly hope for (the so what i have it too one)!

[cindylouwho]

I've had herpes for 4 yrs, and haven't been w/ anybody other than the guy who gave it to me since contracting it. I just told for the first time the other day, and was very relieved at how he took it. He was very accepting. Concerned and apprehensive, but that's a good thing I think. I'd be concerned if he acted like it wasn't anything at all. And he's less apprehensive with a few days to think and research. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted! And I'm so grateful to sites like this where not only I can get info, but he has been able to come and read messages posted and see what this is all about. (it's made telling ALOT easier I think)

[sad2bhere]

I was one of the three that answered 'never spoke to me again' b/c at the time, that is what I believed would be the forever answer. When I told him, we'd had unprotected sex already. (bad mistake on my part. Never will do it again just based on how awful the guilt was.) Fortunately he had alot of time to think, about 6 wks to be exact, and came to miss me, and we are seeing each other again. I feel probably more apprehensive than he does, since, he's never had an outbreak and I would like to keep it that way. So we're in the 'accepting but apprehensive' category now. Perhaps one day I can honestly answer, 'totally accepting'.

stbh

[ouch]

good to know

this is SO good for me to read and know. I am seeing someone now, and we HAVE had sex, although protected, but from what I gather, condoms are not always 100%.....I worry so for him...and I am going to tell him, I just have to. I care too much about him to not tell him and if he is mad and can't be with me, then i have to accept that. Would I be any different in his shoes? I think not.

I didn't even believe I had it cuz I never have outbreaks (thank you GOD!) but recently I think i may have had a little one. This is what fueled me to take the steps to tell him. I am just trying to think of the best way to do it. He is SO sweet and somewhat innocent and I think this is going to scare the crap out of him. HE would not see me not because he is an ass, but because of fear and maybe a little disgust...I will have to wait and see. Any advice out there?

[sad2bhere]

Well, if I could do it all over again, I'd be in control of my emotions and fear before I did it. I would not bawl, and I wouldn't run away as soon as I told him.

Go to the search function of this page and look up the word "telling" and read all the threads. Also herpes-coldsores.com and herpes.com have excellent guides for how to tell. But definitely do it, the sooner the better.

Just be prepared to provide information, and be a friend, and be prepared to back off if necessary, allow him the time to decide for himself if he can handle the risk.

Good luck

s2bh

[ouch]

thank you...

Thank you so much! I will read the threads and I will tell him this upcoming week. I already planned to take the "clinical and calm" approach. I do not want to frighten him too much. And I will let him know that if he can no longer see me I understand. Give him that out. He is the sweetest man I have ever met and I am crazy about him. I feel guilty that I did not say anything to him, but as I said, I think I have been in denial the past year about having this ("what...? no outbreaks! Why, that test was WRONG!") And that was part of MY problem. No more. No more denial.

I think too another thing that is scaring me is that we have a really close knit group of friends; we all hang out, and I fear that he might slip or say something to the others.I would be devastated then, cuz, let's face it, people DO look at you differently if they know you have HSV.

Wish me luck! I will let you know how it goes.

[ouch]

I did it...

I did it, I told him...and It turned out very positive. I wrote about it on a different post. But thanks again to everyone for sharing THEIR stories as well as kicking me in the butt to do it. (Lasmom and Palomita especially.) I hope my story helps encourage others as well.

[ouch]

oh and thanks to sad2behere also! You all have been so great and so helpful and I am glad that this website is here to help us all. If nothing else to vent. THanks!

[Gracie]

I've told a total of 5 guys in the 3 years I've had it. Two were totally accepting, one I'm not too sure about because he was not ready for a relationship anyway so it may or may not have been the reason it ended. The last one was the hardest - I told him before we were intimate, sent him links and gave him information, promised him I'd never put him at risk and was doing everything humanly possible to avoid giving it to him, all to no avail. We fell in love and I thought all was going well but after 5 months he informed me that he worried constantly about catching it, and even though I was exactly what he was looking for he had to end things with me. It broke my heart terribly - that was 3 months ago and I'm still dealing with the grief. I was hoping our relationship would lead to marriage. I haven't loved anyone that deeply in many years. For this reason I have a lot of bitterness for the ex-bf who gave it to me after telling me he was 'clean', and a lot of self-loathing for taking his word for it and not insisting we both get tested before having unprotected sex. It's been a hard lesson to learn and at times it depresses me very much. I'm in my 40s and trying to embark on the second, happier half of my life and having herpes just seems to lessen my odds of finding true happiness. I haven't given up the idea that I'll find a partner who can make me totally happy by loving me unconditionally. I just found this forum recently and I can't tell you how great it is to read other people's stories, good or bad, and to know I'm not alone! Here's to a brighter future for all of us!