We both have it but I'm the only one with symptoms...

[Guest Anonymous]

Hi,

I'm new to this board and very glad that i found it. I've scanned some of the other posts and it seems like there are a bunch of very caring and well-informed people here. I'm hoping that someone can help me with a question I have.

I've been in a monogamous relationship for the past 3 years but last year I disovered that I had genital herpes. I found out when I got my first outbreak. Initially, my boyfriend and I went through a whole discussion of "who cheated?" until we got more information and found out its possible to be asymptomatic for years. He was tested (blood test) and it turns out that he has it too although he's never had any symptoms. So we don't really know who gave it to who and at this point we really don't care since it won't change the fact that we love each other and plan to spend our lives together.

I was on the pill prior to finding out (then we switched to condoms) but we've been thinking of going back to the pill. My question is this - obviously I can't give it to him since he already has it, but can I give him an "outbreak" if we have unprotected sex? I don't want him to have to suffer these outbreaks which I unfortunately have pretty frequently.

[Lasmom]

I've had the same question - what little concrete info I've recieved is this - you both have antibodies - your resistance thus is higher - but seeing that the virus can spread from one place to another by touching a sore, then touching your eye, say - then I'm assuming a new location is possible... it's up to you.

I decided in the same situation to not use condoms, the chances being slim - out outbreaks few & far between - be smart about it... no sex during outbreaks - Pilot somewhere recommended a lubricant for such cases (posted months ago).

I think the figure was 2% transmittance when shedding - something like that.... your decision base on the factors. Do your homework - decide together.

[Guest Anonymous]

Thanks for your quick response Lasmom.

I guess my biggest problem with this decision is that I do get pretty frequent outbreaks and sometimes I'm not sure when one is going to start and when it will end. I'm hoping that my body will get better at fighting them off but it sucks right now I really miss the spontaneity and closeness we experienced when we didn't have to use condoms (we both do) but I don't want to run the risk of causing him to have an ob

Here's another related question. If you do spread the virus to another place, like an eye, do you then get recurrences in that spot or is it typically a one-time occurence? Could it also mean that if he gets a sore from me, he won't have recurrences?

Thanks again!

[Lasmom]

No idea on that question - but as for your outbreaks - have you tried supressive therapy? Some people don't believe in it - but my sister and I both are on Valtrex daily for me - twice daily for her. We both havve missed pills & had outbreaks directly after - so until your body gets used to it, I think a little help is good....just a thought..

[Guest Anonymous]

My doctor gave me a prescription for Valtrex with instructions on how to use it to treat outbreaks. I pretty much blew through the bottle in the first couple of months since my attacks were so frequent (either that or I was just paranoid and though every tingle was an ob). I'm really worried about using it for supressive therapy... in particular since I would like to have children in a couple of years. I worried that if I relied on the Valtrex, when I had to stop using it my body wouldn't have built up its natural defenses. Have you tried any other remedies like lysine or red marine algae?

[sad2bhere]

I was married to a HSV (+) man and I had frequent OB's, he didn't. When I was in an OB, I never had sex, even with a condom. It had to heal completely first. The reason being with every penetration, it could spread MY infection site further into the vagina, or pretty much anywhere. After ten years I have three primary places on my vulva that can break out, but never all at once. I didn't want to multiply those.

And yes, I have seen people hospitalized with ocular (eye) herpes, it's quite frightening. In fact you can spread your own infection just scratching yourself in your sleep. Abstaining during an OB, and using condoms at other times, is really such a small price to pay.

Hope this helps-

[goodgirl]

auto-infection

Suppressive therapy reduces the number of OB's and reduces viral shedding in between OB's. Careful use of washcloths and towels...use them only once....and proper handwashing are essential to protect yourself and others from spreading the virus somewhere else. ...goodgirl