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Guest Anonymous

still not dealing with this

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Guest Anonymous

I contracted herpes a little over a year ago. i had just gotten separated from my husband and the first person I hook up with gives me this. I didn't get to know this guy and i let him talk me into having sex with him and he gave it to me the first time we had sex. I feel so many bad things. first that im so stupid for sleeping with the town scum bag, this guy is a total womanizing slut, he never cared about me. it makes me feel like a slut because I didnt know this guy that well, plus I feel like I probably should'nt have been sleeping with anyone cuz I had just split with my husband. my husband was a nice guy and I feel like I made a mistake. At the time I did'nt think we were right for each other so I take a chance and leave him and I end up with something way worse. I am now divorced, he found someone 10 years younger and std free. I told him about the herpes after I got it and he feels bad but said "it was a sign to not get back together with me". I also feel like a big weirdo this whole thing has really messed me up. I have always had low self esteem now I feel disgusted with myself, I hate myself. I feel like I have made so many mistakes and that I am paying for them. I couldnt wait to be single and date and hopefully find my soul mate but now I feel like I can never have a normal relationship, that I have nothing to offer with this disease, being 30 and divorced and with this horrible attitude. It has been over a year and I still think about it constantly. I have stopped even trying or caring to meet someone, even friends. It just doesn't seem to be getting better, I feel like my life just keeps getting worse. How do I deal, how can I make it better?

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Guest Anonymous

Oh man....i completely understand.

My husband and I had a short breakup a year in a half ago. In that time, I also slept with the town womanizer.

I also had immense guilt about it..."how could i be SO stupid", "how could i do that to myself" etc....

But you know what? you are human. And breaking up with someone is a very difficult thing. It hurts, and you try to fill the void. Your low self-esteem caused you to look for something to make yourself feel better (i know, i did the same thing). It's Ok. We all make mistakes!! You are not a bad person...you were just in a very bad emotional state at the time. It clouds your judgement.

Herpes is not going to stop you from leading a happy, healthy life. I was shocked to find out how common it is!! I think your biggest hurdle is regaining your self esteem.....I know it's not easy to do, but have you tried therapy? It's amazing how much you learn about yourself when you talk about your problems.

I wish you the best of luck. Please don't forget that there are so many people out there like yourself (both positve and negative) - you are not alone. You just need to reach out...it's amazing what you will find!

xo,

Someone who cares (formerly I WANT TO DIE!!!!!))

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christi

If it takes one year or ten we'll help you through this!

Hello it's Christi,

I can so, so identify with what you both have been through. I am 29 and although I have never been married I think there isn't a person alive who hasn't been vulnerable to a situation like this when we're in an emotional state!

When things get tough we can find ourselves in a situation where we try to reassure ourselves that we are still attractive and loveable and in a convaluted kind of way I guess by sleeping with a guy like that, deep down we hope it will build us up, maybe he'll even change his womanizing ways and suddenly turn into the prince charming we've been looking for! Wanting a miracle doesn't make anyone a bad person, it makes us human!

The fact that you got herpes from this schmuck makes him an asshole you deserving of our support and nothing less!!!

I have had herpes for five years now and I don't know if you've seen my post but I am writing a book on the topic now and both of your stories are the reason why!! I so want to do my part to help stop the emotional pain of herpes.

In the long run the physical aspect of having herpes is not really the big deal, being women, yeast infections etc etc are all something we deal with and herpes is comparable in the physical discomfort. It's the emotional trauma that is the 'killer' (for want of a better word...).

To both of you, the emotions you felt are normal and with the understanding of people like yourself, 'someone who cares' I believe that we can all do our part to make a difference.

Guest, I felt exactly the way you do when I found out! Oh, the anguish it breaks my heart just to think back on it BUT there is hope. I have learnt to deal with this so well that herpes itself doesn't bother me much at all anymore I am simply committed to being there for people like you who don't deserve the pain you are feeling... no-one does. I have lot's of practice now at the dating thing with great success and have a little script (I can share with you) which can really help when you are up to dating again, for how to tell. Just let me know what I can do to help and I'm here...just an email away!

Please take some time to read over all the previous posts and replies and hopefully it'll answer some questions for you and help you feel better. And please, please keep in touch with this site as there are a myriad of people here who really do want to help you!

Don't you both agree that a big part of herpes is the guilt we feel and the self blame we beat ourselves up with....I think I'll dedicate a whole chapter to guilt alone in my book.... thanks for the inspiration!!!

Please keep you chin up Guest, we are all here for you,

Just hold on, Christi.

P.S. to Someone who cares, you are extraordinary and I am so glad you came to this site! (herpes or no herpes you've proven my theory that people who have had herpes touch there lives in one way or another are better for the experience and the fact that you still conciously choose to care is so kind!)

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Prince

I have just experienced exactly the same thing... I truly understand.

I contracted herpes a little over a year ago. i had just gotten separated from my husband and the first person I hook up with gives me this. I didn't get to know this guy and i let him talk me into having sex with him and he gave it to me the first time we had sex. I feel so many bad things. first that im so stupid for sleeping with the town scum bag' date=' this guy is a total womanizing slut, he never cared about me. it makes me feel like a slut because I didnt know this guy that well, plus I feel like I probably should'nt have been sleeping with anyone cuz I had just split with my husband. my husband was a nice guy and I feel like I made a mistake. At the time I did'nt think we were right for each other so I take a chance and leave him and I end up with something way worse. I am now divorced, he found someone 10 years younger and std free. I told him about the herpes after I got it and he feels bad but said "it was a sign to not get back together with me". I also feel like a big weirdo this whole thing has really messed me up. I have always had low self esteem now I feel disgusted with myself, I hate myself. I feel like I have made so many mistakes and that I am paying for them. I couldnt wait to be single and date and hopefully find my soul mate but now I feel like I can never have a normal relationship, that I have nothing to offer with this disease, being 30 and divorced and with this horrible attitude. It has been over a year and I still think about it constantly. I have stopped even trying or caring to meet someone, even friends. It just doesn't seem to be getting better, I feel like my life just keeps getting worse. How do I deal, how can I make it better?[/quote']

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Guest Anonymous

thanks to everyone for your replies and support. I don't know what I would have done without this forum.

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ClassicLadii

girl dont worry about it.

Let me tell you something. Dont EVER let herpes get your self-esteem down. Yes you may feel like dirt for a minute. But still, why mope about things you cant change? From what I hear you seem like a pretty decent woman, bad things just happened to you. You can still get out there, I mean, if your not in shape, get in shape, get to the mall, a new hairdo! Get on with your life with a fresh start. Get back into the scene, someone will love you for who you are. Its such a small part of you, you shouldnt have to worry about it. the more you worry the worse it is. You will be ok! Chances are that they will have some sort of "cure" for our virus in a couple of years. Who knows, or something even better then what they have out there now. Live your life to the fullest, live it purely though! Dont give any man a reason to think...yea no wonder why she got herpes lol. Always conduct yourself as a Lady. Hold your head up high. And play hard to get just like you never had been touched by a man in your life =). Be safe, and I hope everything works out for you.

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