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MY STORY- Living and dating with herpes


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I have had Herpes type 1 for about 6 years (from oral sex). The initial outbreak was awful. I could not urinate without screaming in pain. Since then, I have had a few prodromes, but no actual outbreak. I consider myself to be extremely blessed. Many people have to watch what they eat/drink and their stress levels, as well as take medication to suppress the virus. I, on the other hand, have been blessed with either an extremely mild case or a very strong immune system. I eat anything and everything and take no meds. Although I don?t deal with Herpes on a regular basis in a physical way, it is still a very emotional issue for me. I refuse to put someone in a situation where they don?t have a choice about taking the risk of having sexual contact with me. I never do anything that would put someone at risk without first telling them that I have Herpes. I have had both good and bad experiences in telling, mostly good. My most recent experience was the best. I would like to share that story with you.

I met Greg (name has been changed) on an online dating service (non STD-related). We hit it off immediately, and met in person within a month. Our first date was great?we found each other to be attractive, the conversation flowed naturally, and we had a lot in common. Things progressed quickly between us, and before I knew it, I was falling in love. After opening our hearts to each other and letting the other know how we felt, the relationship took a more physical turn. I knew it was time. I had just had another STD test to make sure I had Herpes (after 6 years of no OB?s, you begin to wonder?) and that everything else was clear. One night we were at my house hanging out, on the verge of making out, and I told him. I said something to the effect of, ?Greg, I really care about you and that?s why I want to share something with you about myself, something that has played a major role in shaping me into the person that I am today. I have Herpes.? I then went on to explain that I have type 1 and that his having type 1 orally lowers his risk. I gave him some background info, very much like the first part of my story that you read. He was completely fine with it! The first words out of his mouth were, ?I love you?it?s okay?. The look on his face was one of great concern, not for himself, but for what I was going through. I was amazed!

This was the easiest time I have ever had telling someone, not only his reaction, but the way I said it. In the past, I put too much emotion into it and generally freaked the guy out more than if I would have just calmly explained it to him, coming from a centered, safe place. I have learned that half of a person?s reaction has to do with the way that you tell them. Now that I have accepted that I have Herpes and that it doesn?t change who I am (actually, I am a BETTER person because of it!), it shows in the way I carry myself and the way that I share with/educate others. I believe that everything happens for a reason and the issue is the way that you relate to the issue. I have focused on having a positive attitude and have learned the reasons that I contracted Herpes. The first thing I noticed is how strong I am. I believe that Herpes both helped me develop my strength and brought my attention to it. I learned how to deal with it on my own (with the help of an online support network) and worked through the emotions of it. I am in graduate school to be a counseling psychologist and feel that my experiences will help me be a better counselor. One of my focuses will be people with STDs. I have found that having an STD is a very personal issue and that you have to go through it yourself in order to truly understand where a person is coming from. I have not found a counselor who understands it enough to help. I hope to be the counselor that I have been searching for. If you need a person to talk to who understands how you feel and is learning the skills necessary to be a counselor, feel free to e-mail me. Tabularasa77@yahoo.com. I am here for you and happy to help!

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Thanks sooo much for sharing your story! Your story and mine are extremely similar, although I am just now reaching the level of acceptence you have.

- Palomita

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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