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Newly single and afraid to start dating again


tabularasa77

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Its kind of ironic that just a few days ago I was offering advice to others about dating with Herpes and sharing my wonderful most recent experience of telling. My boyfriend and I broke up tonight. Funny thing is that I am okay with the breakup EXCEPT for the idea of telling the next guy. It makes me so scared to date. Can I really go through that again? Damn, I thought I had gotten past this crap. I thought I was going to marry the guy and never have to go through it again. I feel for everyone on this site. We are all in this together. Thank God for the support that we can give each other. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for support groups like this. I love you guys!

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Guest Anonymous

What a bummer! Though it sounds like you're ok with it, breakups are never easy. Especially with the knowledge of what it takes to get fully into one when you have HSV. But too many people stay in relationships that are bad for them just because they don't want to risk that whole deal again...good for you for not being one of them : ) Take care - Palomita

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Guest Anonymous

Tab -

You know, I have posted a ton about my dating experience... and alot of people know I found someone great. Turned out I was terribly wrong. He was dishonest with himself and with me. He told me he had HPV. I knew nothing about it, and irresponsibly took his word that I was safe being with him. A few weeks back someone on this site asked about HPV. So I asked him a few questions...and it all fell apart. He neglected to tell me that he never researched HPV - and callously told me to ask my Doc. So I did.

I don't have time now to get into what I found out. Lets just say it's highly probable that I have it. While I was with him he had two bumps on his penis - I asked about them - concerned they were warts - he told me they were "skin tags" that a doc told him that. I questioned that 3 times and he responded the same. Yesterday he called and said he just came from the doc. I was right. Warts. So, as careful an cautious as I was. I now, most likely have 2 std's. Nice.

So now, I get to tell that too. Sucks.

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Guest Anonymous

Its hard to believe how many jerks there are out there. After reading so many of your posts (both the supportive responses to others in need as well as your own personal experiences), I almost feel like I know you and I can't believe that someone would do something like that to you. You are a genuinely wonderful and caring person and even in your own time of need, you still attempt to help others.

I want to remind you of some of your own advice. See your doctor and make sure before you jump to the conclusion that you've definitely been exposed to HPV. I sincerely hope that its a false alarm. But no matter what, know that the same people that you've helped along the way will be here to support you.

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Thank you for that - appreciated more than you know.

I have in fact been exposed. No question. I have made an appointment to be tested - for EVERYTHING. I'm even going to request HSV screening as well - to insure my HSV2 only status... I"m insanely angry with myself for letting my guard down... going against my instincts over and over again thinking it was just guilt from my x boyfriend.... but it was mindful warnings.

And you know, I told my x boyfriend all about it... HE feels responsible - if he hadn't broken up with me I wouldn't be in this situation.... and he loves me no matter what I have and wants me back... but I'm hesitant and now afraid of exposing him to both HSV and HPV... go figure.

Unbelievable got to 31 with no STDs...

My HUSBAND gave me HSV - he didn't know he had it...

My boyfriend possibly gave me HPV after my interrigating him about all of this STD stuff.. and he lied....

trust.... knowledge..... wisdom......... I guess I"m still learning.

thanks again guest.

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Guest Anonymous

Its funny but despite having HSV I don't think I would ever want to completely lose my trust and faith in humankind. Its really sad that there are people out there who would knowingly pass something on, but there are plenty of good people out there who wouldn't. Don't feel bad for letting your guard down... we would never be able to love if we didn't. Its just a shame that he wasn't worthy.

Do you still love your ex? If he wants you back and is willing to take the risk, it might be worth it.

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Thanks for your support

Thanks for the support! I am having a shitty day. I was okay until last night...I just lost it. I miss him so much. I am worried about dating again, telling again. Why did I have to be ignorant and get Herpes? I knew he had a cold sore...knew it is herpes...why did I expose myself to it and not think that it could be passed that way? What did I do in a past life that caused this to happen to me? Screw karma. It is pissing me off. Dammit, I thought I would never have to tell anybody ever again. This freaking sucks.

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Guest Anonymous

Keep in mind that when you started this past relationship, the telling wasn't easy but you managed it! And when its the right person, the herpes won't be an issue.

Just curious, have you ever dated someone who is also hsv+?

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Guest Anonymous

Do you still love your ex? If he wants you back and is willing to take the risk, it might be worth it.

i would seriously recommend waiting until you jump back into that relationship. i recently came out of a relationship with a lovely, supportive man because it just wasn't right any more. and now, every time i feel low, eg. when i had just found out about my hsv, i want him back, and in my really low moments i have contaced him and told him so. fortunately he's much more sensible than me and has always told me to wait until i feel more positive and think again, and when i've done so i remember all the things that made the relationship not right in the first place. when we feel blue the first thing we want to do is be comforted by someone who knows us and loves us and reminds us of happier times. but there MUST be a reason why you decided not to be with this man, and unfortunately, although he still loves you, we can't turn our emotions on and off at will and the chances that you'll suddenly be madly in love with him again are slim.

this all sounds really horrible and i'm not trying to knock you or anything, but you can't compromise and go back to a relationship that didn't make you 100% happy (and have the knowledge that you're not 100% happy with him constantly eating away at you), just because of these horrible diseases. you'll end up being even more unhappy, because you'll know that you've let yourself down.

sorry to preach. i just really don't want you to confuse yourself over this issue. take a little time out before you decide.

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Re: Thanks for your support

Thanks for the support! I am having a shitty day. I was okay until last night...I just lost it. I miss him so much. I am worried about dating again' date=' telling again. Why did I have to be ignorant and get Herpes? I knew he had a cold sore...knew it is herpes...why did I expose myself to it and not think that it could be passed that way? What did I do in a past life that caused this to happen to me? Screw karma. It is pissing me off. Dammit, I thought I would never have to tell anybody ever again. This freaking sucks.[/quote']

Geez, I think you quoted me there... who hasn't said at least one of those sentences? Boy - right there with ya! CONSTANTLY asking when the good karma is coming....

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i would seriously recommend waiting until you jump back into that relationship. ... but there MUST be a reason why you decided not to be with this man, and unfortunately, although he still loves you, we can't turn our emotions on and off at will and the chances that you'll suddenly be madly in love with him again are slim.

....take a little time out before you decide.

Thanks for that - but...

I never stopped loving him. He broke it off with me because he recently started remembering and facing his child abuse - being around me and my daughter brought stuff back - out of protection and respect for us, he broke up with me to get into counselling - I didn't agree, but understand he needs to focus - a horrible story for another site....

so... I moved on - forced myself - and mistook the "bad vibes" from J as me missing the xBF...turns out I should have trusted my instincts....

But you are right - I need to take time one way or the other to find out the health issues - going tomorrow am for testing - for everything.... wish me luck - and thanks for the words of support. As you all know we need to be here for each other - wherever "here" is... :)

thanks.

p.s. - you guys need to get names.... make one up... give yourself a number... "guest-guest-guest" very confusing....

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Dating with HSV

Keep in mind that when you started this past relationship, the telling wasn't easy but you managed it! And when its the right person, the herpes won't be an issue.

Just curious, have you ever dated someone who is also hsv+?

Thank you. I know that, and I keep reminding myself that. For some reason, it isn't helping. I have never dated someone HSV+, at least not genitally. I am, however open to it and put my ad back on MPWH.com (dating service for people with HPV and/or herpes) today. I think maybe one of the reasons I have it is because maybe my soulmate does too and thats the way we will meet. Who knows?

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Believe me, I know how hard it can be to constantly stay positive... and its such a vicious circle because the stress can cause obs which leads to more stress... I for one deal with this situation a whole lot better when I'm not in the middle of an ob!

Its good that you're open to the dating service. At least meeting someone there you won't have to deal with the stigma.

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    • CHT
      Hi "firstimeuser".... let's see what "WilsoinAus" thinks but, for what's it worth, I don't see anything in your picture (or description) that looks like herpes..... it actually looks more like a scrape or follicle issue.... maybe even a bug bite.  Also, by the way, the odds of having HSV2 with an outbreak on your testicles is very low.... that is not a typical spot for an HSV2 outbreak.    Have your doctor take a look and if you want some peace of mind, get an IgG antibody test for HSV2 in about 12 weeks (takes that long for antibodies to develop).... but, again, I don't think you have anything to worry about here.... just not seeing anything herpes-related here.    take care....best of luck.
    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
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