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RDM63

By RDM63,
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RDM63

Posted
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Need a little advice from you experts. I was diagnosed with herpes about 2 years ago from an idiot x bf. I'm 40 and gorgeous. My first outbreak was painful but I haven't had an outbreak since. I recently started dating a guy who I really started to like and trust we've been going out for about 3 weeks. I met him online and we found out that we have a lot in common and know some mutual friends. He really cracks me up. Has a great sense of humor-dead pan funny. He had asked me to go away with him for the weekend at the end of March. Last Sat nite I brought him to a work party where we had a great time. Everyone at work thought he was great-he really fit in well. Since things seemed to be progressing, I thought I should tell him about my disease before we had wild sex. So I told him Sat after the party because he was starting to get really passionate (good timing, huh?). I don't know if I gave the best delivery of the information but the words came out. I told him that I take good care of the situation by taking Valtrex daily. He works in the medical field so I thought he might be understanding. He seemed to take it well at the time. He didn't bolt to the door. He said he was glad I told him. I didn't get wild sex that night- darn! But when he left he said he would call me on Sun.

Well, I haven't heard from him at all since Sat. and I'm wounded. I shared this information so openly. I don't know if I gave him enough information and wasn't sure how to tell him. I don't know if my timing was very bad or if he is disgusted with the whole thing. He has a great sense of humor and I really like him. But don't know what he is thinking. I'm pulling my hair out! Since I don't think I gave him enough information, I EMailed him a website about the subject. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Does anyone have any comments or similiar experiences?

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Guest Anonymous

Posted
Posted

got a response!

Well, I heard from the guy. He wrote me an EMail and said he's been having a hard time dealing with the "bomb" from Sat nite because he was starting to get close to me. He said it took alot of courage form me to tell him and that it says alot about me. And that he spoke to his brother about the situation and that he didn't think he could do it. and, if I wanted to talk I could call him. Last night I was ready to really move on since I hadn't heard from him. I almost wish he didn't send me an Email at all. I almost wish I didn't tell him so soon. I don't know if it was too soon or I didn't give him enough information. I was kinda nervous of telling him. Now I don't know if I should call him or just let i be. Does anyone have some advice for me??

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
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I think you should take him up on the talk - lay it all on the table - how you feel - how you can protect him - risks - that there is more to it than just the moments you are actually having sex.... lay it out - spill your guts - make an effort - be positive and try not to freak out - I've had protected & unprotected sex with an uninfected partner for over a year - he is negative. Others go longer. Be positive. But be honest.

BUT ONLY IF HE IS WORTH IT.

Go tell him - all you can do is try - then you won't regret.

we love you - he should too.... :wink:

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Guest Anonymous

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Thanks Lasmom, as it so happens I spoke to a close friend about this and the fact that I've had no OB's for about 3 years and the circumstances in which my Dr. diagnosed me. She did a clinical exam and came back 5 minutes later and told me I had HSV2. My friend told me that she had some breakout several years ago and her Dr thought it was HSV but asked for a lab test which came back negative. I called my Dr and had her read the lab report to me and the lab report said "HSV isolated". What does that mean?? Is that a positive or does that mean the lab isolated that test??? Is it possible that I've been walking around thinking I have HSV but I actually may not?? Or am I just in denial? I don't know. I'm going to the lab today for them to do a blood test.

I'm a little hesitant to call him 'cause I don't want to feel like I'm trying to convince him to go out with me. Yes he is worth it.

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
Posted
Yes he is worth it.

You got your answer right there.

Tell him you want to process all of this no matter the outcome - tell him about the blood test - tell him you're getting tested again - and get tested for eveything - tell him you want to find out everything so you can protect him as well as yourself out of respect.

If he's that great - maybe he'll go with you and get himself tested.

I went today. Full screening.... fresh start with open eyes you know?

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Guest Anonymous

Posted
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Getting tested

Thanks Lasmom, I think I will wait for the results before I call him. I don't want to get his hopes up. But if (big IF) I come back negative I will call him and see how it goes. I'm still unsure if he wrote that EMail to make a graceful exit or if it was sincere.

So Lasmom, what made you decide to get a full screening?

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
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Re: got a response!

And that he spoke to his brother about the situation and that he didn't think he could do it.

I didn't read that right the first time.... if he said "I don't think I can do it" then let it go.... he at least considered it - was honest - didn't just blow you off. Thats what makes it harder to let him go I know, but you may have to. I'm sorry to say. I still say talk to him - let him know how you feel.

You did the right thing. Be proud of yourself.

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Guest Anonymous

Guest Anonymous

Posted
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In the same situation

I had been dating a WONDERFUL Doctor, My first and only OB happened after we had already been intimate. I told him immeadiatly, and he seemed to be accepting and understanding. Three weeks later, he aslo had a discussion with his friends, and came back and said he couldn't deal with this. Im having a terrible time understanding and dealing with it, but you just have to move on. There are lots and lots of people out there dealing with this. It will be ok.

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

Posted
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As much as that sucks - it was great that he told you - respect his honesty - even though his answer was hurtful - better to know now... that's great that you have a positive attitude about it.

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