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Told and lost


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I have been dx with HSVII for about 7 years...got from my wife who told me after I got it...we got divorced but I have only been with three others since then because it is such a chore to go through the telling...I recently met a nice girl and when things were seriously going towards the bedroom, I told her...she said My honesty actually made her like me more but then she broke it off five days later with a lame excuse...don't want to go through it again but I want to meet the right person...any telling ideas?

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Guest Anonymous

hope this helps

My personal feeling is that if someone can't handle it then they weren't worth having you in the first place.

Besides the initial diagnosis, telling someone was the hardest thing I ever did. The guy I was dating when I was diagnosed denied that he gave it to me. I believed him and thought maybe I had a latent case. He proceeded to make me feel dirty and unclean for the year that we continued to date. He believed that I owed him something for he was "willing to risk his life by being with me."

I finally left him and met my future husband. I was so afraid to tell my new boyfriend, but when I finally did, his reply was "that wasn't enough to keep him away." Now 10 years later, I still get depressed whenI have an outbreak, but they happen infrequently, only once a year-if that. I believe a positive outlook does wonders. When I was depressed and obsessed with the disease, I had so many more outbreaks. At some point I changed my outlook and saw herpes as a blessing in disguise. I could have caught something much worse and it did make me stronger. Believe it or not, I feel that it made me healthier. I am now more aware of my body and take care of myself when I am run down, dehydrated or stressed out. I quit smoking, make the right decisions, and seriously believe I will have a longer, more happy life.

Deciding to tell someone tests you and the person you want to be with. I think it does help if you take the time to know the person. This is probably easier for a girl for we can always play "I need more time before sex" card. But I am sure guys can say that they don't want to rush into anything too. That way you can see if she is even worth exposing yourelf to the person...sometimes it may be better to walk away.

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    • EssenceL25
      I’m going to force him to get tested ! Thanks for your help ! 
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 there really isn't a question mark around the source, it's your latest partner. The median time from infection to an outbreak of lesions upon initial infection is 4 days.  The only thing that isn't certain is the type I suggest.
    • EssenceL25
      I asked if it was hsv 1 or 2 and the doctor said it was Hsv2. I’m not sure i just asked him when he was tested last he said this year I said I think we should go test together and he agreed . I’m going to bring it up again cause I really need to know if he gave this to me I wasn’t sure since it was so close to my previous relationship.
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 then it is all beyond reasonable doubt that the current partner is the source. A 'perfect' fit in terms of timing, symptoms and swab. It may be though that the type is not technically known. Culture swabs are very often not typed and just assumed to be HSV-2 if taken from a genital location. If you received oral sex in the days leading into 7 March then it is 50/50 as to whether this is HSV-1 or HSV-2. You could contact your doctor and confirm if the swab was actually typed (which is a second test where fluorescent antibodies for HSV-1 and HSV-2 are added and see which one 'glows').  If that test wasn't done then you do not know type. If you have oral HSV-1 yourself (cold sores) then this will be HSV-2. Does your partner have oral HSV-1? It is somewhat strange for him not to rush and test - many people have a 'reaction' if they truly do not know their status and have concerns that you infected them etc. (not initially rational of course). This indicates he may know his status - or maybe he just isn't simply the sharpest tool in the shed!?
    • EssenceL25
      I had flu like symptoms and ulcers on my vagina . They did a culture and I tested positive for hsv2. I asked my partner to get tested he agreed but I’m not sure if he will cause he hasn’t said anything else about it. 
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