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Nikki

How I found out

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Nikki

Over the fourth of July weekend I went out of town with my recently new boyfriend, we had started dating at the end of May. Anyway, we took a long relaxing trip out of state and were looking for a nice weekend getaway with some of his friends. Mid afternoon on saturday I began to feel a little sick, and also itchy in feminine areas. I decided to take a quick cool shower in hopes that it would make me feel better. While drying off, I notice a lot of bumps that looked like razor burns or ingrown hairs. Of course, I was out all weekend in the woods and my first thought was that I had caught a rash or poison ivy. Or maybe it was my new laundry detergent. I had to be something simple. I had been tested, my ex-boyfriend had been tested, and my current boyfriend had been tested. I wish it had been something simple. I called my boyfriend upstairs and showed him what I had found. He thought "It has to be something simple" He asked me how I was feeling and if I wanted to go. By this time I had myself almost believing that it WAS something simple so I told him that I did not want to go. A few hours later I changed my mind. I felt sick to my stomach, my head ached, every part of my body ached and I thought I was going to throw up. We jumped in the car and literally almost flew home. We got back to my mom's house and he asked me what I wanted to do next. I said curl up in a dark room and go to sleep. He said one word...hospital. He had never seen me so sick and wanted to find out what was wrong with me. I went to the emergency room beginning to realize that this IS more than something simple. The doctor and nurse came into the room and told my boyfriend that he would have to leave and sit in the waiting room. He looked down at me and I had tears streaming down my face. He told them that he needed to stay and if they were that insistant of him leaving, they might want to go get security. Needless to say, he stayed. The doctor took a look and said that it was probably herpes. I lost it. Then, my boyfriend lost it. Then to make matters worse, the doctor said that more than likely, I had been the one to contract the disease, and now I had inadvertently given it to my boyfriend. I felt like dying. Not only did I now have this disease, and have to live with it for the rest of my life, I gave it to someone I truly loved.

The test came back a few days later. It was confirmed. I, or rather we, had herpes. A little while later, my boyfriend had an outbreak. I know that this is going to sound really unfair and down-playing and mean-hearted, but please do not take it this way. "Luckily", he "only"got cold sores. I know it may sound mean and flippant, but in my view, cold sores don't seem as bad as gential sores. I'm glad that he didn't end up with the same "site of preference" as I did. I know how difficult it is to deal with.

Almost miracously, my boyfriend and I are still together today. The most amazing thing is that he doesn't blame me. I'm pretty positive that I know who I contracted this from, and I hope that person is absolutely miserable about the whole situation. I do blame them, because they knew and never said anything about it. How you could share your body with someone, and that does not only mean sex, I think we all know here that that is not the only way to spread this, and not be honest with that person, is completely beyond me. I have invite a lot of people into my heart, and very few in my bed, but I have been completely honest with them. I just wish this person would have done that as well. I am now on suppressive therapy, and probably will be for a long long time.

If you do have this, TELL the person(s) you are going to be with. They deserve to know and make their own decisions.

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