Why me

[Guest Anonymous]

Ok, I have been reading these stories and everyone seems so young. I am 37, mom of 2 incredible girls, married 20 years (great marriage) - no cheating by either of us. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with 1&2. After major surgery a year ago, I started with this rash over my lip line that would not go away. It never blistered, it was just ugly and I am vain. So I go to the dermatologist, get scraped and blood tested and yahoo guess what comes back. I am on suppressive drugs now and clearing up and I never had any genital symptoms. I told my husband and girls (hopefully it will impact them in making good decisions later) everyone is being great, supportive, wonderful.

So why do I feel like a big germ that can't be touched. The same week I was diagnosed with herpes my mamogram showed an asymetric density-great news no cancer! I should be celebrating. Instead, I am just trying to educate myself and all I can come up with is how in the hell did this happen. Apparently, I had a cold sore (simplex) and gave myself genital.

This is not suppose to happen.

Everything I read is about exercise and diet. Which I have always done. Who doesn't have stress in their life. I read coffee is a trigger. How do you know what works? How long do the suppressive drugs take to work. Can I have sex with my husband safely? It's been 2 weeks and what a grouch he has become. I think I am protecting him. Can you kiss your children without worrying they will catch it the same way you did. Does anyone know how long this hides in your body. I was a teen in the 80's before we talked about disease. I had 3 other relationships before my husband, am I suppose to belive I carried this for 20 years before I had symptoms?

My head is swimming. I am the girl's coach, class mom, freaking June Cleaver. Do you think I want anyone outside of my 4 walls to know I have an STD. Yes, I feel ashamed. I should not feel this way - I did not do this to myself. Yet, I do.

My head says get over it and live life to the extreme. My heart just cries - but I can't get upset or I might stress-trigger. I could get drunk and forget for a short while- trigger. I could binge on chocolate-trigger. I could go to the beach and relax, sun-trigger. I could hang out with the kids, catch a cold - trigger. Normal existance, everyday life seems to be a trigger. I will get past this, it could be worse, it still sucks!

Just venting - thanks

[Lasmom]

Hey Kerry - I'm a 35 year old single mother of 1 little girl... June Cleaver huh? you know you'd be surprised who as it. My sister has the June Cleaver thing going - when I told her about me - she told me about her.... how 'bout that? the diff? she has a BIG secret, me - well I just have an STD I'm not ashamed about because SO many people have it. It will get better - figure out what works for you. I drink an occasional cup of coffee, eat chocolate - but skip my valtrex and bang! I ran out and missed 2 days - had my period - man trouble - I had the worst one yet - had to go home from work... but It's been months. Kiss your kids when you have no outbreaks - hug them when you do!

Vent whenever you need to. It helps more than anything..

Lasmom.

[Guest Anonymous]

I have a question?

Thanks Lasmom. I felt like the old chick story. I have a curiosity question? It seems like most of you have the typical symptom - cold sore, blisters, crust. Mine is not typical. It never blisters or oozes. So it is difficult to dertermine if I am active. It is more like a rash that hangs on. I have been taking valtrex for 12 days - not completely clear yet on my face. Not sure how long it takes to work. As far as genital, I have no blistering but I do urinate constantly - ready for depends and have had some major pain following sex - not during. Is this part of it. I am in the dark - looked at pictures - not me. So how do I know?

Glad there are other June Cleavers.

[Guest Anonymous]

Re: I have a question?

As far as genital, I have no blistering but I do urinate constantly - ready for depends and have had some major pain following sex - not during. Is this part of it. I am in the dark - looked at pictures - not me. So how do I know?

Glad there are other June Cleavers.

did you get tested for other STDs when you had your HSV test done? this to me sounds like chlamydia... i had a very good friend with exactly the same symptoms. could also be gonnorhea. both can lie undetected in the system so you could have got it from your husband, although given that you've had children that probably rules out the chlamydia as he would have had to have had it for quite a long time (ie. from a previous sexual partner)

[Lasmom]

Yeah Kerry - I'm not sure the urine issue has anything to do with Herpes - unless strangely you have legions in you urethra or opening - but ???? I've had alot of UT issues - incontinance I would apply to muscular disfunction and I'm not sure if it has to do with STDs... have you asked the doc? I'm thinking see a urologist on that one... as far as the face - if it is definately a herpes outbreak - my suggestion would be to see if you can get a cream - Aclovir? I think?? Check with the doc again there are topical creams - my cousin has oral HSV1 (nice family huh? see how common...) She gave me extra cream I used on a genital OB - along with lysine & valtrex - gone quick.. sounds like your system is all screwed up... how do they know HSV2? blood test? you may not have it geitally - maybe just 1 & 2 orally.... but the peeing has to stop!!! right? call the doc - ask about urology if the other STDs have been ruled out.

And you are not old by far - my sister will be 40 next month - 3 kids - and I was online on Antopia and I saw a man who was online - 63 years old... this has been around a long time, just people get it usually when they are young - sexual peaks and all... most people here are new to HSV with questions like yourself. It can lay dormant until major stress - like surgery - may have been an issue for me.

And my friend if June Cleaver had Herpes, we wouldn't be hiding on the internet talking about it would we? Fod for thought -

let us know.

[Guest Anonymous]

Thanks

Thanks for the advice! I had my uretha tube reconstructed during the surgery (said it had closed a bit) that may be what is causing this. They had not even gone in for that issue, but I got lucky and they found that too.

It is funny, I just spoke with my GYN. He said if everyone were blood tested the whole world would show up positive. I guess we should lobby for this. Then we could have a prime-time reality show "Herpes World". It definitely would eliminate any fear or shame. It seems the reality is most people have some form of HSV and just don't know it. We need to eliminate the stigma.

Every day gets a little easier. I just want it off of my face. I do not need that badge of honor. I was laughing the other night. I told my husband I was a lot healthier when I drank like a fish and smoked like a freight train. Gave it all up went the true health conscious route - who'd of thought!

Thanks for your support.

[Guest Anonymous]

Me again

Oh, yeah. The husband topic. I wish I could blame him for something. See I was the wild child turned June Cleaver cause I met the last boy scout. He only dated two people. One for 5 years and me. Silly isn't it, he brings out the best parts of me. When I told him about the HSV, he said what you have I have and we will deal with it. (Don't think I am naive.) We had the cheating talk. I truly believe him and I know I didn't. Life's little surprises. Silly thing - when we were married we promised we would leave the other before cheat. Mostly out of respect for the other - because of things like disease transfer. Still together. I think it makes the rocky roads easier to handle when you have that support (whether it be your spouse, parent, friend, or internet) You know you are not alone!

[goodgirl]

45 and just diagnosed

thank-you to kerry and lasmom for posting your ages, I too was feeling the same way...everyone on this board was so young...I was beginning to feel as though I must be .... well bad , dirty you know. I am a single mom of two girls. I've been divorced for 7 years. My ex-husband was the typical nightmare...a cheat and emotionally and verbally abusive. I stayed married to him for 10 years because I believed in the committment of marriage, brought up Catholic. Then it one day became painfully obvious....my girls would probably grow up and pick the same kind of guy....so I left. Some years back I met and fell fast and hard for the guy of my dreams...I thought God had blessed me. While I was visiting him one of his adult daughters searched my suitcase, and makeup bag...I was taking Valpro for migraine prevention, and promtly reported to her father that I was a slut with herpes. I believe she mistook Valpro for valtrex (in my first conversatin with this adult daughter she told me "my father dosen't need any more children and I don't need any more sisters...my inheritance will not be split up any further, my dad already has 5 children) 4 months later our relationship took a chilly turn... it took 6 more months of cancelled dates for him to tell me we weren't on the same page....I was emotionally devastated....a few weeks later I had the worse "pain" ...in bed for 3 days...I thought it was a bad flu... I tested positive for hsv2. I tried to talk to him....(the pain was also in an area that never I had never had that kind of sex before...) he denied symtoms. I don't have any external lesions...pain is cervical or rectal....makes it really hard to know when I'm having a OB. I've met a new guy but I'm not ready to get physical yet....so we haven't had "the talk"....I'm so scared, what is he going to say and do?? The thought of never having sex without a condom is also not very appealing.....the thought of never "being in love" is also not very appealing.....it does help to read stories from all of you. Thank-you

[goodgirl]

45 and just diagnosed

thank-you to kerry and lasmom for posting your ages, I too was feeling the same way...everyone on this board was so young...I was beginning to feel as though I must be .... well bad , dirty you know. I am a single mom of two girls. I've been divorced for 7 years. My ex-husband was the typical nightmare...a cheat and emotionally and verbally abusive. I stayed married to him for 10 years because I believed in the committment of marriage, brought up Catholic. Then it one day became painfully obvious....my girls would probably grow up and pick the same kind of guy....so I left. Some years back I met and fell fast and hard for the guy of my dreams...I thought God had blessed me. While I was visiting him one of his adult daughters searched my suitcase, and makeup bag...I was taking Valpro for migraine prevention, and promtly reported to her father that I was a slut with herpes. I believe she mistook Valpro for valtrex (in my first conversatin with this adult daughter she told me "my father dosen't need any more children and I don't need any more sisters...my inheritance will not be split up any further, my dad already has 5 children) 4 months later our relationship took a chilly turn... it took 6 more months of cancelled dates for him to tell me we weren't on the same page....I was emotionally devastated....a few weeks later I had the worse "pain" ...in bed for 3 days...I thought it was a bad flu... I tested positive for hsv2. I tried to talk to him....(the pain was also in an area that never I had never had that kind of sex before...) he denied symtoms. I don't have any external lesions...pain is cervical or rectal....makes it really hard to know when I'm having a OB. I've met a new guy but I'm not ready to get physical yet....so we haven't had "the talk"....I'm so scared, what is he going to say and do?? The thought of never having sex without a condom is also not very appealing.....the thought of never "being in love" is also not very appealing.....it does help to read stories from all of you. Thank-you

[Guest Anonymous]

Good girl

Talk about stigma! I'm Catholic too! I remember when I lost my virginity to this jerk who I was dating (date rape) nasty and abusive. I stayed with him. I was 16 and scared to death. Catholic family - you stay with the first guy forever. Two years on and off. He cheated. He proposed to me when I was 19. Thank God I woke up and got far away.

They don't know how long HSV can stay hidden in your bdy. It would just be the icing on the cake to find out that was the way I had contracted it. I'll never know and at this point who cares, it is what it is.

Anyway there are good guys out there. I found one. I came with a lot of baggage. He hangs in through thick and thin. Give it time - it will happen!

It's funny, this forum has been a big eye opener. I am not alone and this is really more common than I ever thought.

Hang in there!

[Palomita]

I have a question - did your husband get tested? I would find it very encouraging if you had HSV II for years and did not give it to him through shedding.

I don't konw which kind I have, may be both. I can relate to your symptoms of urinating frequently and pain during intercourse, though. This is totally new to me and I too am in the dark about whether it is related to HSV. I really really really want to know, too, since I am in a relationship and I do not believe he has it. It will help minimize risk if I know what an ob is. Got tested last week for chlamydia and gonorrhea - tests due back Tues. Got swabbed for other stuff and all that came back was moderate "clue cells" - indicative of bacterial vaginosis for which I am taking pills, but it does not seem to be doing anything about the sensation so I am still thinking it could be HSV-related. Lots of wierd nerve stuff with HSV. Anyway, no, you're not the only June Cleaver. They did a test of a upper middle class suburban neighborhood and found that even there, 20- 25% of the people had HSV II. Most of them did not know.

[Lasmom]

Goodgirl -

I think that daughter did you a favor - a lifetime with that bitch as a stepdaughter - no thanks - plus... who raises someone like that?

The Catholic amigos.... yup - me too - Irish/Italian... there you go. I think we should meet in Vegas. I'll buy the first round - we can compare how many "sins" we have - drink a toast to each one.

My first two and only confessions were to a highly notorious priest in the Boston area - one of those precious gems who are in jail for raping boys. So - there you go. The church knowingly put me and my friends in jeopardy... so catholic guilt? I have none. Human guilt - well, I'll forgive myself if you guys can too!

[Guest Anonymous]

Test my husband

Remeber this is still new for me. He has not been tested. He figures if I have it, he has it. He has never shown a symptom. He is going to be tested. We are actually going to meet next week with my doctor. (Doc had personal matters, been gone for 2 weeks) all of my questions had to wait. There really isn't much to say right now. I am more curious if he tests negative, what happens then. All of this waiting has been a bit trying! Especially because I am not sure the medicine is really working.

[goodgirl]

Lasmom

thank-you for you response...I still feel like I wish I would have "ripped her face off" instead of being the "proper and respectful" guest.

Vegas...yeah that sounds like a good time....I'll toast to you guys with my next cocktail.

goodgirl

[Lasmom]

I'll toast to you guys with my next cocktail.

Right back atche GG...

[dncrck]

to Lasmom and Kerry

2/3 Irish Catholic, then I turned out to be a lesbian with HSV 1? ...Guess I'm going to hell in a handbasket as my grandparents used to say?

[Lasmom]

whoo-hoo "Tina" ( ) I'll get my 1/2 Italian 1/2 Irish Catholic ass there ASAP to meet you in that handbasket!!! I'm sure we will be in good company.