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Eddie

Told her too late...

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Eddie

I posted this as well in the newbie section, but I feel here it is more on its place.

I am a 27 year old boy and have had a relation until recently. This lasted approximately 6.5 years, she was the second with whom I have had sex, before I have been once with another girl. During my relation I have suffered herpes by means of oral sex. At the general practitioner this had been determined and he did very light hearted about it. Except for the beginning I did not have too many trouble or pain and also later during the relation (approximately 4 years) I did not have so many difficulties. This is probably due to the fact that I have type 1 on the "wrong" location. Due to the fact that I did not have too many issues during my relation I never worried too much about it and since me and my now ex-girlfriend thought we would stay together forever, she was also not too worried. Actually I should have been furious maybe at her, but I couldn't since I loved her.

Now the unthinkable has happened and after 6.5 years we split up. At present I have already for 3 months a new relationship, we have also had sex before and just last have told/confessed that I had HG(i don't know the right English abbreviation). My girlfriend has been today to the doctor and probably she does not have it. The tests results must return still, but she had, as it happens, not all the misery which you would experience normally.

This feels of course somewhere relieved, but I feel completely miserable. She has been completely pissed at me since I told it her way too late and we did not use any protection! I know this is completely stupid and I think this is what hurts her the most. The last couple days were OK, only now she realizes what kind of misery this all raises. She is furious and I can not blame her! The fact that we always need protection from now on, problems with pregnancy and the fact that you will never! loose it. It also feels that everything we were building together in our young relationship has been destroyed by me.

I know I should have used protection and I should have told her in the beginning. But I was to naive to think that it could really infect her if I did not have any sores or blisters. Still she blames me about the fact when would I have told her then?! Now I realize again that you always have to be honest in a relationship and you can better tell everything.I feel completely stupid and naive and I do not know what I should be doing right now. She still wants to meet me, so we will discuss it today. I have read that some accept it and do it unsafe. I hope that you can give me tips and advice. I especially hope she wants to still be seeing me.

Eddie

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Eurydice

For me and my ex it was too late.

Eddie,

My ex didn't tell me either, and he was with the other woman before he started seeing me. And he contracted it. And what I think, he lived in denial. I found out this later, after I got infected. He had some symptoms.

He just didn't want to see them. And I had no idea, he didn't tell me. He came to see me with some symptoms, which happened to be an outbreak.:twisted:

So now I am sick and I don't want to see him, never. I might knocked his teeth out so told him to stay far away.

I hope you know your body and outbreaks, so you guys had sex at the time

when you were " clean". In this case she didn't get it and might think this over. Good luck.

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dnd3d

I don't blame her for being totally mad at you. I mean, you weren't open and honest with her. Not a very good way to start a relationship. I think she feels betrayed because you didn't do what a man is suppose to do in a relationship. Protect the girl who your with, because you put her at risk. I hope things works out for you guys, but at this point your skating on very thin ice. Use this as a learning curve for other relationships.

Unless you are in a long term relationship that's three or four years, you'll probably need to use condoms when having sex, ob or not. The decision needs to be made by the other person who doesn't have herpes because it's up to them if they want to take the risk. Regardless if it's ghsv1 which has little to no symptoms. it's still herpes.

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Caliope

it is always a good idea to have a frank and honest conversation about sexual issues before becoming sexually active with a new partner.

it is not just about informing your partner it is about you being informed about your partner as well and both should be willing to be responsible for each other and have testing completed from time to time.

there is no reason you must believe that you cannot have a healthy and happy sexual relationship and have children. this is a decision however that must be determined by both partners.

a high percentage of the population suffers from cold sores or fever blisters which are caused by the herpes virus. I've read that up to 80% of the adult population has hsv1 and about 22% have hsv2. either virus can be oral or genital.

condoms do not prevent the transmission of the herpes virus 100% although they can reduce it. always avoid sexual contact if any outbreak is visible or apparent.

antiviral medications can reduce that chance of transmission to a partner.

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gotitsowhat

Sounds like you've learned

your lesson the hard way. I hope you are able to convince her that you know you were wrong and have learned from the experience. I assume you did what you did because you did not want to lose her and will tell her that. It's not an excuse, but it does put it in the correct context; it wasn't just a casually exploitive relationship but one in which you have cared so much you found it hard to take the risk of telling her and losing her.

This is one of the reasons I think it is best to tell the truth about herpes before sex. Sooner or later, the person you didn't tell will find out. If you are with them a long time, the longer the time, the guiltier you'll feel. As difficult as it is, having the dreaded herpes talk usually turns out better than keeping it from someone you care about.

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Eddie

Thank you for replies

Thank you everybody for the replies I got. It just helps me and also the fact finding that there are many people experiencing the same issues and problems.

Right now, we are still struggling. She is still in love with me, but she has of course difficulties with understanding why I put her in this danger and more important why I hid such an important thing.

We are still waiting for the test results, however that is of least importance. I am so much in love with her and tell her that every minute of the day and it pleases her a lot, I am happy with that. She just want to know for sure that I do not see her as a fling until I move to the UK!

So i keep my fingers crossed! and I will keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks again!

Eddie

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Eddie

All the tests were negative

Allthough I have for sure herpes type 1. For us it means that I need to be careful for every spot I see or pain I feel. However, the doctor told me that if you are infected by type 1, your outbreaks are less painfull and less often. But still I have to be careful.

Our relationship is going great, I think it is just because we love each other so much and we know we can be completely open and honest to each other.

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catiesmom

I'm so glad it's going well and she was able to get over it! But keep in mind, if you have any future relationships, telling before you expose them is always best!

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