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notvanilla

Today's Test Results

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notvanilla

Hi...I came across this site yesterday. In less than two hours I go to get my results. But...I know what they are already. I got tested for three things, the other two I got a callback for...saying I was negative.

So...my doctor's office called yesterday and set an appointment for me for today. I think the main impact on my life is going to be social/dating-related. So now I'm particularly interested in finding out how to tell potential partners, how to inform past partners, and how to avoid spreading it.

So far what I've read has been encouraging overall, but I don't deal with rejection easily. From the messages I've seen, I know I'll have to find a way to get past that.

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catiesmom

You have a great attitude! Welcome to the site.

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notvanilla

Thanks for the welcome. Just got back from the doctor's office. As I thought, the results were positive. I learned that the outbreak may have contributed to the fatigue I've been experiencing lately. Today, I'm calling out for the rest of the day, going to the pharmacy, and doing more research.

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gotitsowhat
Hi...I came across this site yesterday. In less than two hours I go to get my results. But...I know what they are already. I got tested for three things, the other two I got a callback for...saying I was negative.

So...my doctor's office called yesterday and set an appointment for me for today. I think the main impact on my life is going to be social/dating-related. So now I'm particularly interested in finding out how to tell potential partners, how to inform past partners, and how to avoid spreading it.

So far what I've read has been encouraging overall, but I don't deal with rejection easily. From the messages I've seen, I know I'll have to find a way to get past that.

Welcome, although we wish you didn't have to be here. You can get great support and information here. Read all the stuff to the right for basic info and then ask questions of people here because we all know about the problems of having herpes.

I think that the social-dating thing is the worst part of having herpes. You have to decide to be irresponsible and not tell or be a good, responsible person and up your rejection factor considerably. No one takes rejection well.

All I can say is that it might help to remember that if someone rejects you for having herpes, two things are immediately clear: This person is not actually rejecting YOU but he or she is rejecting the virus or the risk of catching it. And the other thing is this: Most of the time, if someone is serious about you, really cares, that person will look for a way to live with the risk rather than lose you. Good relationships and love are hard to find. If you get to know someone and you tell that person about herpes after the relationship has developed (but before sex), there is a decent chance that person will see the value in hanging in and dealing with it.

As for the awkwardness of having to tell...well, it kept me in hiding for over ten years! Now I am more embarrassed about having hidden myself away from the dating scene for ten years than I am about having herpes. I got herpes in a heartbreaking way--my long time boyfriend died and on the day he died I discovered he had been cheating. Three months later, symptoms and diagnosis. It was awful and the combination of betrayal and herpes proved too much for me.

But, if I could do it over again, I would not hide for that long. Love is always worth taking a chance for, whether it's the chance of catching herpes or the chance of being hurt and betrayed. No matter what the risk, the loneliness we face when we avoid that risk is worse than anything that could happen.

As for the infamous "herpes talk," I hope I get the chance to risk saying those words to someone no matter what happens. I am 63 yrs old and the chance of me getting a date is not something any reasonable person would give odds on--so I guess it's good that I am not always a reasonable person! I don't intend to opt out of life again and I hope you won't, either.

You do have to inform previous partners so they can get tested. If that is a problem, you might want to consider an anonymous email (check to the right on this website). Some people are decent about this and some are very immature and will get mad at you for bringing it up. Make a list (if you need to!) and figure out the best way to inform each person. You are not responsible for their response or whether or not they do the smart thing and get medical care, only for informing them of the situation.

It sounds like you have a very good attitude which will really help you a lot as you deal with this. That can make all the difference in how you come across to someone when you have to tell them about herpes. You have every reason to be hopeful about what will transpire in your social life.

And, if you are young, there is some hope of a vaccine, too, perhaps even in a few years. That would eliminate the risk and therefore the stigma. I can imagine the party we'd throw here!

Hang in there, cope, keep getting more informed and things will be OK. After all, it's only a tiny little virus, right?

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notvanilla

Thanks so much for the response. Yes, I'm going to go the responsible route. Sex is not so important for me that I would withhold information that would let the other person decide for himself whether or not to take the risk.

As for informing former partners, I have a phone call to make this evening. I think I will go the anonymous email route with a few former partners who might be a little freer with the information than I might like.

After I got the phone call yesterday, I felt like crap. I'd been talking (via IM and phone) to a guy who seemed interested, and he picked up on my mood. I told him why and prepared myself for the IM window to remain blank. But he said he would be available if I wanted to talk.

It's not easy, but there are ways to deal with it I'm sure. I don't plan on having any more children, so that's one hurdle I don't have to face.

My doctor wanted to prescribe a round of Valtrex and then have me come back if I had another outbreak. I opted for the suppressive therapy. I printed a $10 coupon from the Valtrex site, but thank goodness for insurance! It would have been $250 for 20 pills without it.

So...at this point I hope that I will be able to find "the right time". I'm on some online dating sites, but I don't want to announce it ahead of time unless it's a site that is specifically for people dealing with STDs. But of course, I have to tell someone at some point, because lifelong celibacy isn't looking all that attractive at the moment.

I'm probably rambling, but I'm glad for the opportunity to talk about it and get advice. I'm really glad to have found this forum.

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lalalalifegoeson

Brainyblonde,

I just wanted to say, "YOU ROCK!" You always write such amazing and inspiring and well thought out posts. Thanks so much!

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