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ihadthiscoming

communication advice needed

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ihadthiscoming

Hey,

Found out on Tuesday that I proberbly have herpes after having a 3 some with 2 guys, me being the girl. One partner Ive been with for 6 months, although we wherent boyfriend/girlfriend, we had (?have) a really good friendship that wasnt just sexual. He was good enough to contact me with his concerns, we both headed off to the doctors, his doctor thought he had just a simple sexual infection and my doctor told me that she is very sure I have herpes. We both talked and talked about it on Tuesday and I feel we where both honest and he saids "its ok we are both in this together". On Wednesday, I developed a sore and contacted him immediately to let him know about my development and that he really should recontact his doctor again with this infomation, that was 24 hours ago. I haven't heard from him since.

The other guy involved, was a new 'partner' to both of us. I contacted him prior to going to the doctors to say he needed to get an std check as something was wrong. And I have since contacted him several times to tell him he had given me herpes and ruined my life (maybe dramatic but I couldn't help it) and honestly he has been very good. Considering we are pretty much strangers, he has expressed how very sorry and shocked he is. He has already been to have blood tests and will let me know the results. I was actually rather scared to contact him, as he is a lawyer and I find them intimidating and know he would have the word skill to run rings around me and make me feel like shit, but he really has been very good.

The problems is Im dying to speak to both of them. I want to ask them so many questions find out if they have had cold sores, if symptoms have developed with partner 1, just so many questions. I understand that they both must be shock and pretty much experiencing all the same emotions I am and I don't want to be intrusive. These questions are my way with dealing with things, I guess if I can determine that maybe Ill have 1 as opposed to type 2 that I'll feel better about this. And Im always someonethat needs a plan and needs to feel like Im working on things.

I've always been really good at managing my open relationships with men, balancing the right amount of communication with distance and have been able to keep these kinds of relationships going for years with more than several men.

I guess Im asking if you think it is ok if I contact and ask them the questions I have, or if I should just let it go and realise that Im in this all by myself and that it is only when you are in 'proper' relationship that you have the right to seek a higher level of communication. I don't want to seem like I am bothering them and I guess I just want them to think well of me.

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bluefrog

whatever you ask them and whatever their answers, wont make the herpes go away. I say move on. Does it matter that much what they think of you? What do you want them to think?

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gotitsowhat

Whatever the relationship

you have done the right thing by letting them know your situation. That is all that I think you really have to do. As for all the questions you have, I'd suggest from you find out the medical answers before you ask them any more questions. Most of what you want to know can be found out from a doctor; ask for a blood test so you can find out which kind of herpes you have and ask the doctor how best to manage it. I'd give the guys some time because they are coming to terms with it emotionally and are also probably awaiting further medical information. When the medical information is all in and the emotions have settled down, ask them if they would be willing to answer some questions just to satisfy your curiosity and make it clear you won't be anything but kind about it, no name calling, no accusations. But right now I would seek information from a doctor as they are probably doing.

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ihadthiscoming

You guys are totally right. I feel much better, I think I was in a state of panic and just trying to seek some control. I'm so glad i didn't go and contact them asking a billion questions. I went to http://www.herpes.org.uk/art_kinghorn.html website and it really put me at ease and put things in perspective. Its not the end of the world and I might have to manage somethings but its all going to be ok.

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bluefrog

ihadthiscoming,

I am so glad you found some helpful information and feel better!!!!!!

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