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idontgetit

Why is it so hard to just say it

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idontgetit

I am in absolute shock now. Ive known this guy for nearly 2 years and from what I know hes great. Like really just the perfect guy or so I thought. We started dating and it's come up ( a bunch of times) that I wanted to know everything about him because he just seemed like the perfect guy. We've slept together twice and even after joking about the contents of his medicine cabinet he couldnt bring himself to tell me that he had herpes. Seriously what is wrong with people? Everyone that knows me knows I'm the most understanding person you could ever meet. If I had known ahead of time i seriousy would have tried to work with him. On top of that he has a girlfriend but swears it isnt serious. I feel like this isnt happeneing, its something someone else told me and im just like "what."

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beachday

I think it is hard as hell to tell someone you have herpes. I met a guy recently and all I can think about is when do I tell him? How do I tell him? What is his reaction going to be?

I know this guy is not long term relationship type for me anyway, so do I just stop taking his calls so I never have to tell him or do I use him as practice to tell him? Does that sound horrible? I haven't had sex since I found out I had herpes, and I dread the first time I have to.

I understand where your friend is coming from but I do not agree with him for not telling you or anyone he sleeps with.

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idontgetit

I know it must be embaressing to have to talk about but I really think that if you bring it up casually before things get touchy feely and you see the reaction of that person, that should tell you if you're wasting time or not. I found out not because he told me, but because he answered a question I asked extreamly weird. Then he wasnt even sorry, he said it really isnt as bad as people make it out to seem. By not telling someone I think its very cruel to expose someone without letting them have a choice. If it was just some herpes I'd have been fine, I'd just make sure we didnt do certain things or were more careful when he wasnt feeling well but he has a girlfriend that he forgot to mention also. I'm not say tell everyone you meet the first time you meet them but if I had strep throat I'd say "hey sorry were not making out tonight." There are sooooooo many worst things than herpes and if someone doesnt like you for something that is generally not fatal and can be worked around, they really didnt like you that much to begin with.

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Kya

Hi,

Firstly.... he has a girlfriend yet slept with you anyway?? That would have put me right off the guy from the start! Been there, done that and dont plan to go there again. They tend to choose the girlfriend as they have been with them longer and have history.

Second... he didnt tell you that he has herpes and still slept with you, knowng that there is a chnce that he would pass it on to you! Do you have it yourslef?? I take from your post you dont. Yes its difficult to say to people, ive only just managed to type the damn word (herpes) but I cant say it out loud. I refer to it as the virus or this annoying conditon when Im talking about it to those that know already.

Its not an excuse, but having been rejected before may have made him very afraid to admit to it. Though if he has a gf, I assume he told her already and she was ok with it? Or has he not told her either??

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tothefuture

Idontgetit - no wonder you don't get it!

But it's the age old story. Prince turns out to be frog. I prefer the word toad.

Anyway, yes you do sound as if you would have been understanding.

But don't waste anymore time or thought or anguish on this individual.

You need to get tested - if you want to know if you've got it that is. But think about that first (not a popular opinion on here - not getting tested - but there you go).

I wish you luck.

Kya - Yes its difficult to say to people, ive only just managed to type the damn word (herpes) but I cant say it out loud. I refer to it as the virus - I am soooo with you on that one. I don't use the word herpes, I always say the virus - and I'm only talking to myself!!!(friends and family don't know).

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idontgetit

Thats the thing, he said he told her and she just kind of ignored it. I had so many questions and he seemd very willing to answer them but my mind was racing so fast I dont even remember what I asked. If I had any indication that there was someone else I would have never touched him. I am definatly going to get tested but want to wait a little while before I do. In the mean time I'm just going to keep to myself and not date. I'm very careful and get tested regularly even when I'm not active. Part of me is so angry that he would even think to do this, but part of me hurts for him. The look he gave me when he told me really made me think he thought I was going to tell everyone we knew that he had it. I would NEVER EVER do something like that but at the same time I worry he's not telling others he's sleeping with.

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Sophie D.
Thats the thing, he said he told her and she just kind of ignored it. I had so many questions and he seemd very willing to answer them but my mind was racing so fast I dont even remember what I asked. If I had any indication that there was someone else I would have never touched him. I am definatly going to get tested but want to wait a little while before I do. In the mean time I'm just going to keep to myself and not date. I'm very careful and get tested regularly even when I'm not active. Part of me is so angry that he would even think to do this, but part of me hurts for him. The look he gave me when he told me really made me think he thought I was going to tell everyone we knew that he had it. I would NEVER EVER do something like that but at the same time I worry he's not telling others he's sleeping with.

I know there is probably nothing that I can say to make you feel differently, but...

Please don't feel sorry for him.

I felt sorry for the person who gave it to me, but when I snapped out of it I felt a lot differently. Feeling bad for the perpetrator, don't know how else to call them, seems to be very common for women.

He didn't seem to feel all that much sympathy for you. He did not care about your feelings or your health! He also didn't care about his commitment to another woman.

Is this really a good pick? NO.

He sounds like a jerk, probably a smooth talking jerk, but a jerk nonetheless.

I thought my guy had a hard time telling me because he had bad experiences before, etc. But he also lied about other things. I have never in my life met someone who lied about so many things. I was a naive target, but not anymore.

I think that it is harder to just admit to ourselves that we picked a bad one.

Go get tested, make sure it is a herpes type specific IgG test. Hopefully you are negative.

If it were me, and I could easily find out who the gf was, I would probably make sure she knew that he had HSV. IT SUCKS TO GET A DISEASE BECAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S CHOICES ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

End of rant.

Good luck with the test.

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tothefuture

Yep, totally agree with Sophie.

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