Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  

Had sex and now scared :(

Recommended Posts


It has been 2.5 weeks since my first signs of an outbreak, and all the skin that was torn cleared up. I told my guy about everything on Sunday, and he still wants to be with me. It had been 3 weeks since we'd had sex. While I know a "relationship" should be more than about sex, I'm still trying to figure out how much he likes me and what he wants from me, so I didn't want to make him wait any longer and figured the OB was done. I stayed with him last night, and this morning we did it using a condom. It was a little bit uncomfortable, but for the most part okay. After I came home, I started worrying. Then I started feeling a tingle in the spot where I got my big tear. I looked in the mirror, and I don't see anything on the skin, but inside, there is a red area. I'm freaked out now. I DO NOT want to give this to him! :( Since the area in question is inside, the condom would have protected him from touching it, but he could get it elsewhere too, right? Is the risk lower since there is nothing on the outside? I just want him to be okay. :( One more question...I don't know how I got it in the first place. He did tell me that he has cold sores about twice a year, so it's possible that I have ghsv1 from that, but they didn't check it when they did the culture. If it were hsv1, since he's got it in his mouth, would he pick it up the other way too? I don't know that it is hsv1...it just seems like that could be one of the possibilities. Ugggggggg! :(

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


Does he know he has type 1 or are you just assuming that because its on his mouth?? He could have type 2 orally.

You told him before anything happened! So he knows the risk and still wanted to be with you. All you can do is take the precautions and use protection, aviod sexual acivities during an ob etc.

If he catches it, he catches it. There is nothing you can do about it and he has already accepted this. That there is always going to be a chance that he can catch it.

If you have the same type on your gentials as he does orally, then his body will have antibodies towards this type. So it is LESS likely that he can be infected with it else where, but not entirly zero. There is still a chance he can become infected with the same type gentially, even if he has it orally. And vice-versa, with both types etc.

There is only so much you can do, only so many ways you can protect him from it. If you do all you can to try and stop the spreading and he still gets it.... then you cant blame yourself or beat yourslf up over it. You both tried your best, and like I said, he knows the situation so its down to both of you to be careful.

Try not to worry about it, the more you worry the more paranid you will become.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am getting paranoid! I think I'll get better at this with time and once I understand my body and how it reacts to this stupid thing, but for now, I'm pretty clueless. I think we had sex too soon. I thought everything was cleared up. In fact, I looked a couple of days ago and saw nothing at all. I really hope I do get better at this...I don't want to live in fear of spreading this.

And yes...I'm just assuming he has hsv1 orally. He didn't even realize that cold sores are the herpes virus. I don't know if that's where I got it or not, but it does seem like a plausible theory. I have also done a few stupid things here and there in the past, so I can't chalk it all up to him and oral H.

Thanks for your reply.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


After your first ob your skin is usually very sensitive. Sometimes the burning/tingling can last a couple months after the first. Since you've just healed on sensitive skin, the skin is still new and fragile. And having sex can cause you to tear in the same area as your first ob. I've looked at my vagina after sex and noticed a red spot exactly where my sore was from my first ob. The skin is very fragile there and a few times sex has torn it or caused it to get red and irritated. It doesn't necessarily mean you are having an ob.

If your bf used a condom and your sores were inside, most likely he was protected. Although HSV CAN shed from anywhere in the boxer short region, it doesn't mean you ARE shedding all over. You might just shed from one area, and if your sore is internal most likely that's the location of the virus. the condom was a good idea, especially until you get used to how your body handles the virus.

Also, guys don't get it as easily as women. I had unprotected sex with my bf DURING my first ob because I had no idea it was an ob. I thought I had a tear from having sex. The sore was at the entrance to my vagina, so he obviously came in contact with it. But he did not get infected. over 3 months later he tested negative.

Try not to be paranoid. He knows you have it, he knows the risks, and he wants to be with you. Let him be with you. Let him love you. Don't beat yourself up and freak out about giving it to him, it will only make you depressed and change your relationship with him. He knows the risks, if he does catch it it's not the end of the world, just like it's not for you. Take precautions and get in tune with your body though.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • Hopingimwrong
      PesPes, there is no cure. You can treat symptoms and try to prevent outbreaks, but you will always have the virus and be able to pass it along. There is NO CURE at this point. 
    • viralfrog
      Based on the sheet below, it would be around 10% per year without condoms with no active outbreaks. With condoms, 5.2% and condoms and antiviral therapy combined around 1.5-2.5%  https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf 
    • Kurdt01
      So is there anyone that has tried this for which Valtrex/Acyclovir/Famvir doesn't work and have constant symptoms and problems?   It's expensive but if like 1 pill a week would work it would be worth it.....Trying to figure out if this works for people that the current AV's don't...
    • Roja
      OMG she is great! Thank you!    Ps.: I am also a big fan of Ella  I found her last month and since then my life changed! I am finally not any more ashamed of having herpes and I am ready to talk about it with friends and family! YES! 
    • Celinaxox
      Hi just wanted to share someone I found on Youtube who I think gives really good and honest herpes advice. She is an STD life coach who has had genital herpes for 9 years: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC8AkCfC9_bcCvI7-sixkLJg/videos   Also check out Ella Dawson if you haven't yet seen her videos or website. Cheers:)

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.