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Had sex and now scared :(

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It has been 2.5 weeks since my first signs of an outbreak, and all the skin that was torn cleared up. I told my guy about everything on Sunday, and he still wants to be with me. It had been 3 weeks since we'd had sex. While I know a "relationship" should be more than about sex, I'm still trying to figure out how much he likes me and what he wants from me, so I didn't want to make him wait any longer and figured the OB was done. I stayed with him last night, and this morning we did it using a condom. It was a little bit uncomfortable, but for the most part okay. After I came home, I started worrying. Then I started feeling a tingle in the spot where I got my big tear. I looked in the mirror, and I don't see anything on the skin, but inside, there is a red area. I'm freaked out now. I DO NOT want to give this to him! :( Since the area in question is inside, the condom would have protected him from touching it, but he could get it elsewhere too, right? Is the risk lower since there is nothing on the outside? I just want him to be okay. :( One more question...I don't know how I got it in the first place. He did tell me that he has cold sores about twice a year, so it's possible that I have ghsv1 from that, but they didn't check it when they did the culture. If it were hsv1, since he's got it in his mouth, would he pick it up the other way too? I don't know that it is hsv1...it just seems like that could be one of the possibilities. Ugggggggg! :(

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Does he know he has type 1 or are you just assuming that because its on his mouth?? He could have type 2 orally.

You told him before anything happened! So he knows the risk and still wanted to be with you. All you can do is take the precautions and use protection, aviod sexual acivities during an ob etc.

If he catches it, he catches it. There is nothing you can do about it and he has already accepted this. That there is always going to be a chance that he can catch it.

If you have the same type on your gentials as he does orally, then his body will have antibodies towards this type. So it is LESS likely that he can be infected with it else where, but not entirly zero. There is still a chance he can become infected with the same type gentially, even if he has it orally. And vice-versa, with both types etc.

There is only so much you can do, only so many ways you can protect him from it. If you do all you can to try and stop the spreading and he still gets it.... then you cant blame yourself or beat yourslf up over it. You both tried your best, and like I said, he knows the situation so its down to both of you to be careful.

Try not to worry about it, the more you worry the more paranid you will become.

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I am getting paranoid! I think I'll get better at this with time and once I understand my body and how it reacts to this stupid thing, but for now, I'm pretty clueless. I think we had sex too soon. I thought everything was cleared up. In fact, I looked a couple of days ago and saw nothing at all. I really hope I do get better at this...I don't want to live in fear of spreading this.

And yes...I'm just assuming he has hsv1 orally. He didn't even realize that cold sores are the herpes virus. I don't know if that's where I got it or not, but it does seem like a plausible theory. I have also done a few stupid things here and there in the past, so I can't chalk it all up to him and oral H.

Thanks for your reply.

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After your first ob your skin is usually very sensitive. Sometimes the burning/tingling can last a couple months after the first. Since you've just healed on sensitive skin, the skin is still new and fragile. And having sex can cause you to tear in the same area as your first ob. I've looked at my vagina after sex and noticed a red spot exactly where my sore was from my first ob. The skin is very fragile there and a few times sex has torn it or caused it to get red and irritated. It doesn't necessarily mean you are having an ob.

If your bf used a condom and your sores were inside, most likely he was protected. Although HSV CAN shed from anywhere in the boxer short region, it doesn't mean you ARE shedding all over. You might just shed from one area, and if your sore is internal most likely that's the location of the virus. the condom was a good idea, especially until you get used to how your body handles the virus.

Also, guys don't get it as easily as women. I had unprotected sex with my bf DURING my first ob because I had no idea it was an ob. I thought I had a tear from having sex. The sore was at the entrance to my vagina, so he obviously came in contact with it. But he did not get infected. over 3 months later he tested negative.

Try not to be paranoid. He knows you have it, he knows the risks, and he wants to be with you. Let him be with you. Let him love you. Don't beat yourself up and freak out about giving it to him, it will only make you depressed and change your relationship with him. He knows the risks, if he does catch it it's not the end of the world, just like it's not for you. Take precautions and get in tune with your body though.

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