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cj73

So many feelings

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cj73

Hi everyone. I am new to this forum and I guess I am looking for encouragment and support. I have been dating this guy who I love dearly and I know he loves me. We both feel like we have waited our whole lives to meet "the one". I just found out he has herpes. He has had it for about 15 years. Only he didn't tell me, I had to confront him about it before he fessed up about it. Of course this wouldn't be as big of a deal had we already not been sleeping together without condoms because we both agreed we were in a monogamous relationship and we were both clean. He could have told me then. He left his acyclovir on his dresser one day and since I am a nurse, I know what it is usually treated for, so i asked him about it and he lied to me again!! I feel like such an idiot for believing his excuses. But I know in medicine today, many meds are used for many different things. The way I found out doesn't matter, the thing is, is I did find out. He says he didn't want to tell me yet because he was afraid I would break up with him.

My first thoughts were how on earth could he lie to me about something so significant? He didn't even give me the chance to make the decision for myself. He took it away from me. I know he is feeling terribly about the whole situation, that i have no doubt about. He thinks he has ruined our chances for a future together. I don't know. I don't want to be insensitive to those who do have it, because I know bad things happen to good people all the time. I know at some point I can forgive him for lying, it's just a little soon right now.

My other thoughts are that I am grossed out right now (i just found out all this yesterday). I recently gave him oral sex and it is totally freaking me out. I don't know how to go about having sex with him again wihtout always thinking about it!! My feelings and emotions are all over the place. I care so much for him. I don't even feel like I want to talk to him right now. I don't know what to do or even how to feel. I hope I haven't offended anyone. THat was not my intent, I am just so confused.

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