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Herpes...?Relationships..?Help me please...


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I just got diagnosed with herpes this week. I've red about it and i know there's alot of people that do have it. The doctor put me on Valtrex.I just feel so disgusted with myself..knowing i have some STD for the rest of my life. The guy i am going out with, i have been with him for 8 months. Tonight i will tell him that I have it i'm just really scared right now and i don't know how he will react. He will not have protected sex with me. Since i'm on medicine and whenever the sores are gone...can i have sex with him ? With out spreading it to him?please someone talk to me..

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i hope telling your boyfriend went ok ... must be so hard esp since it's so new for you. what can i say? there's always a risk even with a condom, valtrex reduces transmission risk but doesn't eliminate it ... it might be good to give him some pamphlet to read.

i know that's kind of a short response, but if you read the old posts on this board, you will find lots of answers.

hope you feel better soon!

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It is possible with honesty and alot of caution - but he needs to assume the resonsibility of taking the risk - if he doesn't have it already - he may have given it to you without knowing...

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The general rule is - no sex during an outbreak - at all. Then only protected sex the rest of the time.

Are you still around, swt? How did it go telling him?


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Protected sex or not... If your outbreaking, your probably going to pass the virus onto him... I read some where its like a 90% chance... If your not outbreaking the chances of you passing the virus onto him is very very un-likely... General rules are: know your body, use common sense... This doesnt have to ruin your relationships... If you take care of yourself, you should only experiance 2 - 4 outbreaks a year, which should decrease over time... I guess I have HSV-1... I used to have it bad when I lived in Europe, I dont remember this because I was too young... My mom just recently told me... Over time, outbreaks will decrease as your body learns to fight the virus... I havn't had an outbreak in 18 years+... :wink:


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  • 3 months later...

So i told my boyfriend about herpes. Damn i knew it was the right thing! Just telling him made me feel totally worthless. But i know if He wont be there for me then he isn't worth it at all. I haven't had an outbreak for 6 months now. Which i think is good. I started dating a new guy. AND i did tell him tonight about having herpes. ugh, he seemed okay at first but then tonight he told me it was finally sinking in. I guess i really don't understand having herpes still. Can i pass it onto him when i'm not breaking out WITH PROTECTION? i know i can when i'm breaking out... Thank you for helping me out.

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  • 2 months later...

So, prevention is only possible with complete sexual intercourse and skin contact abstinence.

This means dead sex life for all infected, if u really care about ur loved ones? Those Selfish for sex will continue to have sex knowing there is a chance to spread even without symptom and even with a good condom.

I think humans are more greedy of sex than kind.

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The only resolution to this problem of hsv is for the whole world to get together and look at hsv epidemic straight in the face. We need to confirm where it is hiding and kill it. Seems like no one is discussing how to eradicate it from the nerves.

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    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
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