When do you tell??

[summertime2004]

If anyone can shed some light on when the right time to tell is?

Or do you just have to take it individual by individual?

I know when I have to tell again I will write a letter so it comes out right.

[Lasmom]

Tell whenever you feel comfortable but never after possible exposure. That has come back and bit alot of people.

[Palomita]

One good thing about having to have "the talk" or the letter - is that it is an incentive to delay intimacy and observe the other person's character. Gives you a chance to ponder the maturity level and depth of your partner - things we should all be concerned with more but often aren't in the heat of getting together romantically. If you observe the person this way and have decided it's worth telling and you want to move forward, the opportunity will present itself and you'll know when to divulge. For me I became open to telling after getting to know him for about 5 months (long distance relationship, tho - that helped). But also, neither of us were in a huge hurry to jump in bed before sizing the other up in general. Then, the second long visit we had, as things started getting heavier, I just had the speech ready to go, like in my back pocket. He asked me a question that led me easily into the topic, and I spilled. It was still difficult, but easier for me to do that way than setting up some big meeting or something. It flowed well. By the way, he stuck by me, and we're moving in together in a few weeks : ) Good luck and please come back and share your experience!

Hugs

Palomita

[summertime2004]

Hi Palimto!

Have you ever had someone get upset for you waiting to long to tell them? One guy was really upset at me. Then the next guy because if that experience I told way to soon. He ran..........not man enough to even be honest and tell me he couldn't deal with it. Just the no call thing from him!

I am starting to believe it really is a jerk repellent.

You can read my story and frustrations in Talk about it section.

I did tell another man I have been chatting with off yahoo personals.

He kept asking what happened in my relationship that has me gun shy. So I figured I had nothing to loose! Told him and he said that it wouldn't hold him back from getting to know me. I guess we will see!

I also started talking with a guy from MPWH. Thanks Lasmom for that tip. Good source for people with herpes.

[1concernedspouse]

when the time is right...

Usually, I'd bring it up by discussing with the person that I'm interested in getting involved with. For example, my husband and I met in college. We became friends way before we became intimate, so it was easy for me to share my life with him. He was so caring and understanding. Still is. So I recommend that you tell the one you love before you get intimate so that they'll have a choice in the relationship. Whether to stay or leave.

[jamalanthony]

I was diagnosed with genital herpes 3 years ago. Have been dating the same woman for almost 2 years. I've never gotten the nerve up to tell her because I'm worried she may want to break up. We became sexually active after dating 6 months. So far she hasn't shown any symptoms of anything. Is it possible that some people are immune to this?

[tothefuture]

jamalanthony

Are you kidding? What makes you think some people could be immune from this? And in anycase do you not think you should have found that out before YOU decided to place your girlfriend at risk.

[jamalanthony]

Well, the fact she isn't showing any symptoms could be a sign she is immune wouldn't you think? I know I made a mistake but it is too late now. Do you think I should tell her after this amount of time?

[matter of time]

It is very possible that you just did not pass it on yet or her symptoms are so mild she does not notice them. If you tell her, she should be mad that you did not tell her earlier...but you HAVE to tell. Admit you were wrong to not tell her sooner and that meantime you did everything you could to not give it to her and give her time to get over it. She hopefully will realize that you've had an active sex life without giving it to her and it can continue....the lack of honesty will be harder for her to get over.

Hopefully she won't say....so that is what that bump is (was).

[BoxofRain]

It is very likely she has it already and has not shown symptoms or that you have not given it to her yet, but in that case you still could very soon...it is only fair to tell her now. The betrayal may be what ends the relationship if it ends....not the actually herpes. She might be more understanding if she does not have it yet but ya never know. She deserves to know and deserved to know long before this so she could decide for herself whether to put herself at risk. Good luck...hope it works out.

[tothefuture]

"Well, the fact she isn't showing any symptoms could be a sign she is immune wouldn't you think?"

No. And this question doesn't make sense. You have something you could pass on to someone. At least get educated about it.

You're asking questions to which you already know the answers. Tell her, stand back, and wait for the reaction.

[dam_me2]

Are you seriuos

I just found out 1/13/07 that I'm affected. Luckily I have n older brother that is HIV positive and I have begun talking to him about his experiences. He suggest not to tell if you plan to be single and free BUT to make sure to strap up to protect others and yourself. I plan on getting married one day (haven't found the right person) and I'm extremly unsure when to talk. Morally speaking I feel that the talk should happen as soon as sex comes into the picture (NOT AFTERWARDS).... I hope that I meet someone mature enough to take the time to learn more about this rather than someone who wants to run underneath a rock. My spirits are higher than what I expected - and that makes me glad.