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On-line dating with HSV...what's fair?

epscorpio

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epscorpio Honeycomb Member

epscorpio

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I've been enjoying meeting new people through an on-line dating site. My approach to 'dropping the H-bomb' has always varied by individual. Now, understanding that like me, these people are 'dating with a potential future' in mind, I'm torn in two. I realize it would ordinarily be best to tell them after they've had a chance to get to know me and once things seem to be progressing towards a more intimate relationship. On the other hand, if I wait, I risk anger and frustration from the individual because I held back that information knowing they were dating with a long-term future in mind. I've experienced it twice now...one walk out the door without a word(obviously, NOT the person for me), and the other is trying to balance getting to know 'us' better while deciding whether it's worth it (prior to my sharing the info, he was clear that it was 'very worth it' which was why I told him in the first place). He's a great person who is very compassionate but since sharing the information with him, he's made a point to let me know he's dating other people and doesn't know where this information fits into the scheme of things. I KNOW he's dating, so am I, but things were going really well until I told him. There's a wall now. Does anyone have any experience with this? I've lived with this for years now and it's been okay but the on-line factor throws a wrench into things.

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sad2bhere Honeycomb Member

sad2bhere

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I'm not clear on how the online throws a wrench into things. To me, it's the H bomb that throws the wrench... :?: How is it any harder because you met online. Aren't you just as worthy as any other dater there to be happy? :?

I know how hard it is, to keep your chin up when everything else was just fine, but now they're waffling... how can it be anything other than the HSV? And you're thinking maybe the only reason they haven't bolted for the door is 'how it would look'?

Sorry, I am coming off a bad breakup and I'm probably not the one to be responding right now,

A couple of people here date through HSV dating sites, maybe they will have a different perspective. Apparently it's quite a 'load off' not having to 'have the talk'!

s2bh

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epscorpio Honeycomb Member

epscorpio

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Thanks for the reply. I appreciate it and you made a lot of good points. The only way I think it's different on-line is because it's generally understood that in the beginning, you are both meeting lots of people and have the opportunity to continue to do so. It makes it a little easier to say, 'Too much baggage,' and continue on with someone else. I suppose that could happen in conventional dating as well but it's been my experience that it's easier to have an a few more fish on your line (pardon the pun) in the .com dating arena. So, my issue is, to be fair, knowing someone is not wanting to waste time with something that isn't going anywhere (and that may be the decision with all the factors), do I tell them early on or later? With the online dating, profiles make it clear what a person is looking for. If it's just dating, I'm not concerned about the timing but if it's a long-term relationship, that's the kicker. If I'm interested in somone looking for long-term and we're really hitting it off, I feel a lot of anxiety about it.

Here's an interesting update :wink: , I spoke with him a little while ago and tried to cancel our plans for this weekend. That opened up a very frank talk and I think it'll be okay. Neither one of us were wanting to take it that level yet or even move passed the dating stage so we'll just run with it. He was very emphatic about wanting to continue getting to know one another but putting off a more in-depth H conversation until it's time. In the meantime, he's going to do some research, we'll hang out, and still meet other people. I suppose we're just 'going along with the flow' with all the cards on the table.

Thanks again and I'm sorry to hear about your recent experience.

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

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Apparently it's quite a 'load off' not having to 'have the talk'!

s2bh

True - huge truth - it also gets you talking more intimately about tings.. some people too soon, bt up front about H - I have found makes it easier.

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hopeforthefuture Newbie

hopeforthefuture

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I really understand the problem. With so many people out there looking good, it seems likely to me that most will drop you if they know :-(

I have considered even putting it in my profile, but as I have so many strikes against me already (in my fifties, far away), it doesn't seem like a good idea.

Right now I am reaching a good stage with one man online, and am scared of telling him. If it's someone that you meet outside, and they get to know you and like you as a friend, then I should think there's a better chance, but if it's someone you haven't met yet, it will be very difficult. When I read the statistics -- one in four women, one in five men -- it seems like people would be more understanding, but until I got it myself, the fact is that I knew nothing about this.

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

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antopia.com - mpwh.net (same site) there are people from all over the world there. One of my friends on-line is from Australia - living in Saudi Arabia... there you go... alot more men than women too....

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devin Newbie

devin

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antopia.com - mpwh.net (same site) there are people from all over the world there. One of my friends on-line is from Australia - living in Saudi Arabia... there you go... alot more men than women too....

Pretty much any dating site, social event is more guys than girls.

And seeing as the onus is 99% on the guy to make the move, it makes for a lot of people going home without a potential date to look forward to.

Girl power? Puhlease!

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Lasmom Acknowledged Support Member

Lasmom

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Devin...

It can't hurt in trying - my experience, 4/5 of the guys are creepy for one reason or another. I know - I went out with them.... but the last two who responded to me are rediculously georgeous... so... maybe they'll beat the odds!

My personal opinion on the more men than women thing... Girl Power - no - in fact the "physically stronger" gender is what frightens us "ladies" from going to social events. I know of 4 incidents including my own of men being over-physical on a first date - it is scary for women to just go someplace by themselves. We are trained to go in pairs at the very least... I also think women being more emotional creatures makes hitting a dating site difficult - not to mention doing things alone is harder for women - and I'm not sure any of my friends would come with me to a HSV social event... being honest... so where men will just go - women think too much about it and don't show. Does that make sense?

Of course I would go - cuz I don't care what anyone thinks - I know when I get there I'll find someone to talk to, but even for me, with that attitude.... I'd still be apprehensive.

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