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Should I even bother asking someone out anymore?


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I've had H for a few years now. A little over a year ago I broke up with my ex gf and haven't dated but one person since. This is because she liked me and approached me but she ended up lying about being single and kinda flaked on me so I didn't have to go through with the speech.

Anyways, i've just been keeping to myself and trying out a couple online dating sites like Antopia and PositiveSingles and haven't had any luck.

I've tried to stay away from approaching someone because of fear of what might happen in regards to their reaction. I thought that maybe it would be better to not go after someone and have to break the news to them and instead wait to see if anyone was interested in me first to save myself from all the trouble and them too.

Well, that's not working out too well either. I've been very lonely lately and want to see what other peoples' opinions are on asking someone out knowing that you have H.


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  • 2 weeks later...

Why didn't you reply friend???

I reply to almost everything and I see a ton of people bouncing around asking and not replying. It is very frustrating for me to know that what goes around doesn't always come around. I have answered that same question about 20 times - on other threads - not to diminish the importance of this one - but the "I'm going to be alone forever"s and "I have a bump - is it herpes?"s are getting a bit much for me and a precious few others to handle. Not to mention I'm at work - and I'm skating the line already.

My advice to One - talk to people - get out - live. Stop the negativity and the rest will come.

My advice to you friend - be a better friend - stop just reading and share some of yourself - you may help someone and maybe even help yourself while your at it - with or without H.

That goes for everybody - registered and guests alike.

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Well let's see how this goes! The reason for my first post here is that I met a very interesting person at the end of last year. First online at a enthusiast club (not related to anything here) and then in person last December, she drove out for something happening where I live. We met up 2 nights in a row and after we started talking I thought to myself " I would really like to know you better"! So I stayed cool and calm and then she went home. :( Well a couple of weeks later I could tell something was up because she was making herself "scarce" and was not acting the way she was before. When we spoke on the phone all she would say was that she was "sick".In the middle of March i decided to drive back her way and pay a visit.(1800 miles) Once she realized I was actually coming back, she in formed me that she has HSV-2.I guess she expected me to "wig out" and hang up on her! I still made the trip and hung out for 3 days then came home. In my eyes she is still the same person, she just has a little extra to deal with now, and I'll be going back at the end of May so we can take a trip for a week! I've conferred with my dr. and others I know in the medical profession and the general consensus is that this is nothing to be deathly afraid of.( H) She is still feeling ashamed and dismayed by having it now but I am hoping that I can make her see that she is still the same person regardless of what she may think otherwise. Hopefully if my visit and the trip go as planned I can open her eyes a little and see that her life is still able to be lived the way she was aiming for before this all happened. Just in case there is any confusion by my long post here, no I was not the "guilty" party that brought this upon her. How is this for a start Lasmom? :wink:

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How is this for a start Lasmom? :wink:


You are a true friend!!!

Thankyou for posting that.

You have no idea how good it is to read - for me, and certainly others who think they will never be accepted again.

Thank you from me, thankyou from "us" - and most of all - thank your friend for being honest and finding such a wonderful person to help all of us.

Was posting that so bad? I'd love to hear more... if you have bounced around here you may understand more how much of a mental game this is, and how supporting each other is so important. Hearing your story is a wonderful addition.

Best wishes in your relationship -


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Well, having been on both sides of this one I think I have some input.

One of the very sweetest relationships I've had was with a guy who had H years before I acquired it. He told me about it, I stayed. If he had not ventured out and risked rejection we would have never had all the great times we had. Not only he would have missed out, but me too, so he would not have been 'sparing me' anything by this. I think in retrospect although he was in the entertainment industry and surrounded by willing girls he chose down-to-earth me because the virus makes you, I don't know, deeper and more deliberate in your actions as your words illustrate. It kind of made him more of a man.

Fast forward about ten years. I recently told my new bf and he stayed. I think this was the harder side to be on, and it was my first time telling. It IS hard to bring someone into the risk. But this is life, many people have it, and it really ought not be the deciding factor when something so important as having a life mate is at stake. We were put here to love and take care of each other, I believe, and everyone deserves a chance at this, whichever side you're on.

Take care - and remember that the odds are 1:4 that the attractive woman you may be regarding from across the room is one of us...


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  • 3 weeks later...

I would just like to add that anyone who totally flips out is probably not deserving to be with you. I agree with Palomita that it makes you deeper and more deliberate in your actions. and try to look at it as a way to weed out the uh.... less desirable souls. How someone handles the situation can be a good indicator of how they handle life in general and obstacles that come their way.

I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves.

Wilhelm von Humboldt (1767 - 1835)

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  • 5 months later...

Wow, thanks for the replies everyone. I apologize for bringing up a different take on the same story some of you have responded to many times already. I just wanted to put my feelings out there and get some personal feedback.

I still go out very often but I pass up opportunities sometimes to go out because even if I found someone I liked there, I haven't made it to the point where i'd be able to ask them out and not feel guilty or gross. I think to myself, what's the point? This sucks so bad. Not only am I shy and picky, I have no self confidence because of this. Maybe as I grow older and more lonely, I will become more desperate and lose some standards. I've decided to keep myself happy by focusing on saving to indulge myself in material things. I see a new car in my future.:D

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Don't worry, you're going to find who you're looking for. there are more understanding people out there than you might think...

have faith!

Thanks cindylouwho. WhY are you here and not enjoying time with your man?

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WhY are you here and not enjoying time with your man?

This is my wind-down time after a long shift at work :wink: I haven't been able to visit this site so much lately, but a good friend of mine was just diagnosed with herpes today :( a reminder of the newly diagnosed need for support, which is why I come here.

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    • CHT
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    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
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