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tmga12

Please......What Sex Life???????

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tmga12

Hello

I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago, and I have enjoyed reading stories and experiences from people with actual perspective. If you have the time, please read my post all the way through because I have questions at the end. I know this isn't a medical community, but honestly, the horrible ass advice I got from my doctor was no help so maybe real people could help me.

I found out about 4 months ago that I have oral Herpes, and the way I found out was very anticlimactic. I went to get a physical and as a result of blood work I got a phone call asking me how often I had outbreaks, and I was like "outbreaks for what", and the doctor was basically like for your Herpes. I was shocked and scared and disgusted all at once, and the doctor was rambling on about how I needed to calm down and its not a big deal, and when was my last outbreak. I finally got it through to this simple minded doctor that this was news to me, and I had never had an outbreak, and how the hell did I get an STD! The doctor very firmly said, "you do not have an STD". She then told me "if you ever had chickenpox as a child, or if a relative kissed you, that's probably how you got oral herpes". She told me I had probably had it all my life. I had a million questions for her, and I remember repeating "you mean Herpes, the one you have for LIFE??" and she basically rushed me off the phone saying "we can talk about it when you come in again". So I spent the next 4 days before my follow up appointment in a daze, feeling gross, scared, shocked, and just in disbelief. The only thing I clung to was that maybe they made a mistake, since the doctor said I did NOT have an STD ( I found out later that she said this because technically, since I probably didn't get the Herpes through sexual contact, it was not an Sexually Transmitted Disease. But still, what a truly horrible thing to say to someone and how negligent). I have never had any type of STD in my life, I always was careful in my sexual acts, I went from one steady boyfriend to another, no drug use, I didn't do anal sex or have lots of sex, I felt like I was a "good girl" for the most part. Maybe they were mistaken.......I just didnt know. So I went back to the doctor, fully expecting them to apologize and say they were confused. Well, the doctor went through the entire part II of my physical and got to the end and was about to walk me out when I said wait a minute, what about the phone call? Remember, about the Herpes????? So she very quickly told me the disease wasnt life threatening, I had what appeared to be a mild form (since I didnt know I had it), and I should be ok. She quickly said I couldn't kiss ever, had to use dental dams or condoms for oral sex and regular sex for the rest of my life, and must tell all new sex partners my condition. She also warned me I could get genital Herpes or any other STD (including AIDS) easier now, so be careful. So I left the doctors office realizing that yes, I now have Herpes. It was official, there was no mistake. That night I furiously used my computer to research Herpes, and find out as much info as I could. The thing that bothered me the most was the kissing. I never knew kissing was so dangerous, yet it was something I couldnt give up. Its the thing everyone does before sex....if you like a guy but its too soon for sex, you make out. How the hell could I date and not kiss??? How do you get married and not kiss? How do you explain to family members or friends, that they cant kiss you? Thank God when this happened I was single, and had been for a year. So I didnt have a boyfriend to break this to. Shortly after I found out, I had what I think was my 1st outbreak ever. A small group of painless skin colored bumps appeared on my bottom lip. They were tiny, and Im sure no one could see them once I applied lip gloss, but I knew they were there. It was if my body wanted me to stop living in a fantasy world and thinking this was all some mistake. The bumps stayed about 4 days, went away, and I had another outbreak about a week later on the opposite side of my mouth. That one lasted longer (about a week), then went away. I learned online how to clean my outbreak area, how not to load makeup on it, how it was ok to wear lipstick, but to never touch it and then touch my eyes, ears, nose, etc., or I would spread it. I plan to buy some Abreva at the 1st sign of my next outbreak, which worries me slightly because these 2 outbreaks had no signs. Other than the fact that I was incredibly stressed and panicked, but there were no physical signs such as tingling or itching.

My ex and I had STD tests done frequently in our relationship (because of infidelity on both sides), so getting this news was even more shocking to me. But, I know now that you have to ASK for Herpes tests. It isnt included when you get a STD exam. Considering my ex and I were together almost 6 years, with no outbreaks on either side, I still to this day dont understand how I didnt pass this to him. I have since contacted him and told him to get checked, and he is fine. From the internet, and calling the CDC hotline, I now have a better understanding of this disease. The information has scared me, but also the numbers and statistics have made me feel amazed that it took 27 years for me to find out I have this. Almost everybody has it in some form! And for all my so called "good girl" behavior, I was never being completely safe. I found out from the CDC hotline that putting my own saliva on my vagina, kissing, oral sex with no protection, rimming with no protection, swallowing cum, putting my mouth on any soft part of someones body (including an eye or ear), sharing lipstick or chapstick, and using spermicide with condoms use could ALL spread my disease. So now I am left feeling gross, and not wanting to have sex with anyone, let alone date. I havent had sex since I found out about this, or even gotten close to anyone in a romantic way. I just feel confused, and like damaged goods. When I see a cute guy, I think about what disease he could possibly have instead of about getting to know him. I still masturbate frequently, and when I do I am terrified of getting my own saliva in my vagina, or vice versa. Anytime I touch my mouth I am fearful. I dont understand how I am supposed to have a fulfilling and SAFE sex life. I dont think its possible. Having oral sex with saran wrap over my vagina does not sound fun. Not being able to kiss my boyfriend for hours does not sound fun. No being able to sit on my boyfriends face (because the dental dam would fall off) does not sound fun. Having sores on my damn FACE does not sound fun. Oh, and I found out from the CDC hotline that they dont even endorse dental dams because they dont protect you entirely from disease. Neither does a condom. As we all know, when having sex your pelvis, thighs, and vaginal lips are touching the other person, so all of you isnt covered. No one could tell me what to do about that though, isnt that crazy?? How do I get clitoral stimulation (which is the only way next to oral sex that I can orgasm) with my entire vagina covered up??? If Im giving oral sex with a condom, does that mean I cant lick his testicles? How do I cover those? What I do use as backup protection against a condom breaking since I read online spermicides can cause yeast infections and actually increase the chances of getting genital Herpes? I am just so confused, and the lack of answers makes me want to just be celibate and masturbate the rest of my life. Which means I would be alone.......... because I wouldnt want a partner who could never have sex. So I know no one else would. I mean, sorry but Im not a female who lays on my back and gets penetrated, with me laying there and the man pumping to orgasm. I dont have sex like that. I have sex in creative positions, with passion and fire. So the idea of having bland, sterile sex (the CDC hotline also recommended before letting a man finger my vagina he put on latex gloves. Yeah...that sounds fun), for the rest of my life is enough to erase any sexual feelings I get. Im only 28 years old, and I feel like my sexual life which is connected to my romantic life, is over.

Help.:confused:

Tee in Georgia

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helied2me

Wow! Sorry tmga, although it's not all misinformation, there does seem to be some from your doctor and maybe some misunderstanding where the CDC is concerned.

First, you need to know what test it was that your doctor performed to give you a diagnosis. If it was a type specific antibody test that determined a type 1 infection (generally cold sores on the mouth but type 1 can be genital) then it was probably correct. But know that often times doctor will diagnose herpes with an IgM test which is worthless for diagnosing herpes in adults because it can pick up a cross reaction to chickenpox antibodies. Having had chickenpox will not give you a herpes diagnosis, my doctor tried to tell me the same thing, NO. Chickenpox and Herpes Simplex, while in the same family are not the same sub-strain. You do not get herpes simplex from chickenpox at any time in your life, you either develop shingles from having had chickenpox or if you never had chickenpox you get chickenpox when you are exposed to shingles. I would ask your doctor what test she ordered that confirmed HSV. If it was not a IgG Type Specific Antibody test for HSV1 and HSV2, ignore it and get one done. While it cannot tell you where an infection is (oral, genital, ocular etc), it will tell you if you are positive or negative and for which type.

People kiss without dental dams all the time whether their partners are informed of their cold sores or not. Cold sores are usually passed on by family members through a casual kiss but yes, they can be from intimate kissing. Yes, you can pass it to the genitals through saliva but if you have had the antibodies in your system for some time, the chances of that happening are quite slim. The chances of that happening to someone else during viral shedding or cold sores present without established antibodies would be at great risk, as some here can attest to.

If you do not have a genital infection a man can safely perform oral sex on you without contracting an oral infection and he doesn't have to use gloves for foreplay. If you have an oral infection then he is at greater risk if you perform oral on him because you can be shedding the virus without cold sores.

You are at greater risk of contracting HIV if you have an outbreak and have sex with an HIV positive individual, the increase in risk is because the skin is compromised and there is easier access for the virus. I have read that spermicidals can increase the chance of contracting HIV but that is all I know in the subject.

I hope this helps and I'll be out for this evening so I won't be able to respond if you have more questions. Good luck and hang in there, I think most here would agree that it's not as bad as it all sounds at first.

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quincy

80 percent of the population has oral herpes. I have a 9 year old student in my class right now with a cold sore. I was listening to the conversation that she was having with the group of students in her pod. Several other of the students said that they have had cold sores too. I think it is very common. I don't think that you need to go to the extreme of not kissing, in fact I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just remember that it is very contagious when you are having an ob.

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tmga12
Wow! Sorry tmga, although it's not all misinformation, there does seem to be some from your doctor and maybe some misunderstanding where the CDC is concerned.

First, you need to know what test it was that your doctor performed to give you a diagnosis. If it was a type specific antibody test that determined a type 1 infection (generally cold sores on the mouth but type 1 can be genital) then it was probably correct. But know that often times doctor will diagnose herpes with an IgM test which is worthless for diagnosing herpes in adults because it can pick up a cross reaction to chickenpox antibodies. Having had chickenpox will not give you a herpes diagnosis, my doctor tried to tell me the same thing, NO. Chickenpox and Herpes Simplex, while in the same family are not the same sub-strain. You do not get herpes simplex from chickenpox at any time in your life, you either develop shingles from having had chickenpox or if you never had chickenpox you get chickenpox when you are exposed to shingles. I would ask your doctor what test she ordered that confirmed HSV. If it was not a IgG Type Specific Antibody test for HSV1 and HSV2, ignore it and get one done. While it cannot tell you where an infection is (oral, genital, ocular etc), it will tell you if you are positive or negative and for which type.

People kiss without dental dams all the time whether their partners are informed of their cold sores or not. Cold sores are usually passed on by family members through a casual kiss but yes, they can be from intimate kissing. Yes, you can pass it to the genitals through saliva but if you have had the antibodies in your system for some time, the chances of that happening are quite slim. The chances of that happening to someone else during viral shedding or cold sores present without established antibodies would be at great risk, as some here can attest to.

If you do not have a genital infection a man can safely perform oral sex on you without contracting an oral infection and he doesn't have to use gloves for foreplay. If you have an oral infection then he is at greater risk if you perform oral on him because you can be shedding the virus without cold sores.

You are at greater risk of contracting HIV if you have an outbreak and have sex with an HIV positive individual, the increase in risk is because the skin is compromised and there is easier access for the virus. I have read that spermicidals can increase the chance of contracting HIV but that is all I know in the subject.

I hope this helps and I'll be out for this evening so I won't be able to respond if you have more questions. Good luck and hang in there, I think most here would agree that it's not as bad as it all sounds at first.

Thank you so much for replying to my post.

Honestly, I dont know what type Herpes I have for certain...the doctor said since I had never had breakouts she culdnt rule out I dont have genital Herpes too. The chickenpox thing didnt make sense to me to be honest, but I didnt really question it. I defenitely plan to see another doctor and hopefully get more info, that other one was just horrible. She rushed me, and kept saying "its not a big deal". Well this is a big damn deal to me

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tmga12
80 percent of the population has oral herpes. I have a 9 year old student in my class right now with a cold sore. I was listening to the conversation that she was having with the group of students in her pod. Several other of the students said that they have had cold sores too. I think it is very common. I don't think that you need to go to the extreme of not kissing, in fact I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just remember that it is very contagious when you are having an ob.

Thanks for replying. That is the one thing that has comforted me through all of this, realizing that it is more strange to come across someone who does NOT have Herpes......ir may sound silly, but the thought of not being able to kiss is what was bothering me the most. Im a very intimate person, and I just couldnt imagine that. The CDC told me I could NEVER kiss, not even a cheek, or I would spread the Herpes. My doctor said the same thing. She said I would give it to my boyfriend, who could give it back to me in a stronger strain. Since I am asymptomatic, I cant know when I am having an outbreak. So I cant just avoid kissing when Im having one...... I never know when one is coming on. In the future, I do plan to tell guys this quickly only because I really want to tell more people. I am almost 30 and I didnt know about all of this, and thats pretty sad. I want people to know that "making out" can be just as dangerous as sex.

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gotitsowhat

Doctor's an idiot

80% of everyone has had a cold sore and therefore has herpes, usually it's hsv1. There is little or no social stigma to cold sores because they are not considered STD's. So it really is no big deal if that's what you have. The no kissing thing is ridiculous. Just don't kiss during an outbreak, that's all. And if you decide to give oral sex to a guy, you have to tell him about your cold sores and should not be doing that either during an outbreak. It is possible to pass on cold sores to a guy's genitals during oral sex but if you are not having an outbreak the chances are very small.

Meanwhile, get specific tests done so you have a more realistic detailed picture of your situation. First, get a swab test done when you are having an outbreak. Then, get a blood test that tells which kind you have, hsv1 (usually the oral kind) or hsv2 (usually the genital kind).

Most of us have figured out our own favorite remedies, either the natural kind of prescription meds. I have found that Dynamaclear seems to help the sores clear up faster and also seems to prevent future outbreaks to some extent. I also use vitamin C, ginseng, lysine as well and take Valtrex when I have a major outbreak which is not too often.

Get tested and go to a better doctor, one who actually knows something about this, maybe a good gynecologist.

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tmga12
80% of everyone has had a cold sore and therefore has herpes, usually it's hsv1. There is little or no social stigma to cold sores because they are not considered STD's. So it really is no big deal if that's what you have. The no kissing thing is ridiculous. Just don't kiss during an outbreak, that's all. And if you decide to give oral sex to a guy, you have to tell him about your cold sores and should not be doing that either during an outbreak. It is possible to pass on cold sores to a guy's genitals during oral sex but if you are not having an outbreak the chances are very small.

Meanwhile, get specific tests done so you have a more realistic detailed picture of your situation. First, get a swab test done when you are having an outbreak. Then, get a blood test that tells which kind you have, hsv1 (usually the oral kind) or hsv2 (usually the genital kind).

Most of us have figured out our own favorite remedies, either the natural kind of prescription meds. I have found that Dynamaclear seems to help the sores clear up faster and also seems to prevent future outbreaks to some extent. I also use vitamin C, ginseng, lysine as well and take Valtrex when I have a major outbreak which is not too often.

Get tested and go to a better doctor, one who actually knows something about this, maybe a good gynecologist.

Thank you for your response, BrainyBlonde, and you are right: that doctor was an ass. Im a student, so like all broke students with no health insurance I went to the campus clinic. Now I know I need to seek out a real medical professional, and get some answers, starting with specific tests. I defenitely wouldnt have contact with someone when I have an outbreak, its just the predicting I cant count on (because I have no symptoms). But this forum is making me feel so better

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