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speaktru

i need some advice

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speaktru

i have a dilemma that i need some advice about....

i've been having insurance problems since i went from being perfectly healthly to having HSV1, HSV2, & HPV (not the warts one)... my mom wants to put me on my parents health insurance since i'm still in school... so if i need to go to the doctor or purchase valtrex again i wont have problems.. plus i have to go to the gyno every 3 to 6 months to check on my hpv and i still need to get a procedure done that i havent been able to get b/c i didnt have the money and secondly i'm actually scared to find out how bad it is.. i cant handle any more bad news while i'm in school.... the only thing is.... i have to tell my insurance company about my pre existing conditions... my dad always looks over everything and i DONT want my dad to find out... just thinking about it makes my head get dizzy and i feel uncomfortable. my dad means so much to me and hes already been through so much the last couple years.. if i tell him he will be devastated........ unfortunately he still thinks i'm a virgin and still has a good view of my exbf who gave it to me. if my dad finds out he will probably tell my older brother and then its going to get into this big family drama... my older brother will NOT handle is well. i'm actually very scared of what my older brother would do. :: sighs ::: however i NEED proper health insurance!!!! my mom doesnt want my brother or dad to find out either....... :: sighs ::.. but she seems to think my dad will eventually find out.... but i plan to keep this a secret from him FOREVER if possible. i dont know what to do....

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BigD51
i have a dilemma that i need some advice about....

i've been having insurance problems since i went from being perfectly healthly to having HSV1, HSV2, & HPV (not the warts one)... my mom wants to put me on my parents health insurance since i'm still in school... so if i need to go to the doctor or purchase valtrex again i wont have problems.. plus i have to go to the gyno every 3 to 6 months to check on my hpv and i still need to get a procedure done that i havent been able to get b/c i didnt have the money and secondly i'm actually scared to find out how bad it is.. i cant handle any more bad news while i'm in school.... the only thing is.... i have to tell my insurance company about my pre existing conditions... my dad always looks over everything and i DONT want my dad to find out... just thinking about it makes my head get dizzy and i feel uncomfortable. my dad means so much to me and hes already been through so much the last couple years.. if i tell him he will be devastated........ unfortunately he still thinks i'm a virgin and still has a good view of my exbf who gave it to me. if my dad finds out he will probably tell my older brother and then its going to get into this big family drama... my older brother will NOT handle is well. i'm actually very scared of what my older brother would do. :: sighs ::: however i NEED proper health insurance!!!! my mom doesnt want my brother or dad to find out either....... :: sighs ::.. but she seems to think my dad will eventually find out.... but i plan to keep this a secret from him FOREVER if possible. i dont know what to do....

Sounds like you come from a good family, they love you and after the intial shock they will only love you more for it. We can all use help in this fight and im sure they will champion the cause. Just team up with your mom and have a sit down with everyone. I have no family, you are lucky to have this problem.

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Morning

Maybe have your mom call the insurance company and ask specific questions about how information is detailed on forms. I find that information is often listed by codes/language that isn't easy to decipher on insurance forms. But you know, as you become more used to the reality of having these conditions, the shame that you seem to reflect right now will lessen and maybe then you won't feel like you have to hide this from your family. I know it won't be easy if and when they first find out, but just as you will, they will get used to it and realize that you are still you, HSV, HPV and all. Have you considered that one or both of your parents may have HSV and just never had symptoms? Who knows if they have ever been tested for it since it isn't included in the usual STD panel. Shoot, lots of married couple don't even get STD tested. How do you know your brother doesn't have too? Maybe he's hiding it worrying about what you're worried about. My point is we are all human and susceptible to things happening and I'm sure your family realizes this. Hope things work out for the best and we're here to support.

Morning

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speaktru

thanks for the support... i dont know what i'm going to do yet.

i'm going to ask my mom to find out from the insurance company about who can see the pre existing conditions on the insurance forms etc etc... how is it written up etc.... after that i guess i will make a decision.

i dont want my older brother to find out b/c ... hes going to iraq soon...i dont want his mind worrying about me.. which i know he will do .... or confront my exbf. :(

and if my entire family finds out.. they might tell my exbf's family and i love his family dearly.. i dont want to cause problems.. or cause stress.... i just feel like this is my burden.. so far i have handled this on my own and i'm doing alot better..... i dont want it to blow up again or turn into a big fuss. to entire ordeal was very painful for me i dont want to have to re live it.

i think life would be more simple for my family if i kept this b/w my mother and i. i know one day they will all eventually find out. i just dont think this is the right time. i want to get my life together first... finish school..get my career started... buy a house... etc etc..

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OopsNowWhat

Wow that sucks. I know exactly how you feel. My family are the last people I want to find out. EVER. We are pretty close as fucked up as we are..... but still.....

You could always try to get it on your own. Your mom could always slip you the money or w/e so you could pay for it. It might cost more but if you really don't want him to find out what can you really do? Maybe have your mom explain you situation to the insurance company? I'm sure other people have come across this problem...... not wanting their work to see they have genital herpes.

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speaktru
Wow that sucks. I know exactly how you feel. My family are the last people I want to find out. EVER. We are pretty close as fucked up as we are..... but still.....

You could always try to get it on your own. Your mom could always slip you the money or w/e so you could pay for it. It might cost more but if you really don't want him to find out what can you really do? Maybe have your mom explain you situation to the insurance company? I'm sure other people have come across this problem...... not wanting their work to see they have genital herpes.

wait wait wait.... so are u implying that my dad's employer might see my pre existing conditions on the forms? b/c they are the ones the pay for the insurance and i guess approve everything..... i thought all that stuff was confidential. :confused:.... this is all becoming very complicated. also my mother told me... if i do sign w/ that insurance my prescription deductible is $1000. its that high b/c my dad said... " oh we dont take prescription meds, everyone is fine." -___-

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OopsNowWhat

Well if he turns it into them so they can turn it in to the insurance company whos to say who looks at it?

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gotitsowhat

Check it out yourself

Find someone in the insurance company you can talk to yourself about this. Either in person, if possible, or by phone. Say that you have an opportunity to be added on to your family insurance but that you are concerned about the issue of medical confidentiality. Say that you are suffering from a minor condition that is very personal that you do not want your family to know about, especially your father so you want to know what specifically appears on the bills or records that would be sent to him. Someone at the insurance company ought to be able to tell you this. I would expect that this is probably a common question. Find a person who knows, maybe someone in the billing department or in the department that deals with HIPPA (the federal law that deals with medical confidentiallity). Keep trying until you get some definitive information.

If you can get a look at one of the bills your father gets, that would also give you an idea.

In my opinion, it is a bad idea to tell anyone about this who will not be fully and calmly 100% supportive. And as for getting a whole other family involved in a negative way...I would not even consider it.

If necessary, you can find another way to get decent medical care for this, such as Planned Parenthood or a public health clinic. Call around and see what you can come up with. Some drugs are much cheaper than others, notably Accyclovir as opposed to Valtrex (they are the same thing but the first one is cheaper). And there are many natural ways of preventing outbreaks such as taking vitamin C, lysine, ginseng and doing what you can to avoid stress (like family blowups, for instance!)

The most important thing about this is your attitude; do not see it as a "secret" you are keeping. See it as a medical situation, something private and your own business. Adults generally do not tell their private medical information unless there is a very good reason to do so. Decide that if you are old enough for sex, you are old enough to deserve medical privacy like any other adult, no more, no less. Then do whatever you need to do to insure your privacy.

It is certainly NOT inevitable that everyone will know about this unless you decide to let them know about it. You are not a small child with everyone else around you having the right to know all of your personal stuff. This is not some kind of shameful wrongdoing that you must confess--it is simply a medical situation and the law and social customs of our society supports your right to privacy. Think of it as a simple practical problem; how to get medical care while maintaining your medical privacy rights. If you think of it that way, you should be able to handle it that way. No one has any right to know anything about this except you and your doctor.

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Bob8

I feel your pain, the last people I want to know is my family. Im in the same boat as you. I cant go to my family doctor as he is a close personal friend and would feel so uncomfortable going to him. And I just cant tell my family, they wouldn't understand and I actually am a virgin which sucks more! Im just wondering is it the same in Canada? I'm just wondering if anyone has gone to a walk in clinic here to get a prescription and how does it work? Will it show up anywhere on my family's medicare insurance? When i went initally and found out i had H they just used my carecard? Im confuseddd, anyone know how it works lol

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daisydew

Great advice Brainyblonde.

speaktru - Your medical information is your private business and you shouldn't have to reveal it to any family members you don't want to. Have you considered not adding to their insurance and just going through a public health clinic? If you go to planned parenthood or your city's public health clinic, they offer very good rates to you if you don't have insurance. I've done all my HPV papsmears and biopsies through them for free. It sounds like you may have the same kind of hpv that I do..the kind that causes cervical lesions? Definitely have them keep a close eye on that. Are you in college? Maybe you can get health insurance through your college?

Definitely follow Brainyblonde's advice and contact the insurance company. You definitely have a right to privacy about your health.

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carol716

hope this helps

i don't know what state u live in or ins co ur folks have, but most co's don't put a diagnosis on the bill to do so would violate hippa. the notice ur dad would get would only state the type of visit. the ins co should not being sending a synopsis of meds ur taking, this would also violate hippa. i suggest u have ur mom call the ins co to find exactly what they'd put on the services summary. on a personal note, if ur having recurring outbreaks try going to an organic food store and look for traditional medicinals throat coat or cold care tea, drink it three times a day during an outbreak, put on a pantyliner and put the used tea bag between ur legs til u use the next bag and change it. i don't know how this will work for you but it works wonders for me. i went from an outbreak every 2-3 months or so to once a year if that. at one point i went 3 yrs. i only use the tea during an outbreak, or when i'm sick of course (that's how i found it clears an outbreak) and the o/b usually clears in 3days.

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speaktru

hey guys, thanks for all the advice i really appreciate it! as soon as finals are over i will try to contact the insurance company..... i know HIPPA is there and everything.... i just need to be 100% sure that this does not get back to my father or worse his employer.

brainyblonde - so far i have controlled my obs through alternative means...however i'm terrified of getting a bad outbreak and meds do work... i also need regular checkups b/c of the HPV (every 3 months)... i do agree w/ the entire private health info.... it is my business, i always planned to keep it b/w my exbf and myself. however i just didnt like the fact i was constantly lying to my mother who is a very hard person to fool. i'm glad i shared it with her in the end.. b/c he is no longer around and at least i have someone to talk to about it.....i'm working on the attitude, trying to be more optimistic and accepting my new health challenges.....its hard but i'm getting there.... i'm up at school so looking at the bill will be kinda hard..... i will try to find out when i go home for break.

daisydew- unfortunately... i found out basically all at once about the hsv 1, hsv2 and hpv . my gyno has been calling me about the biopsy and i think shes worried about me.. and the results from before -__-. i havent seen her since sept. (its the school's gyno btw) but i couldnt go before. i know this sounds silly but i was so emotionally devastated by EVERYTHING (read my other posts) i decided to put it off till the end of the semester.. so i'm gonna go see her at the end of the week.... AFTER FINALS... i dont want to think about it b/c i'm so scared of what she might tell me.... and i'm going by myself... :: sighs:: i guess thats what growing up is all about. i just moved to this town so i will check out the public health clinics etc. i didnt even know planned parenthood did HPV and pap screenings ( i feel dumb). Thanks for the advice. how are u dealing w/ ur condition?

Bob - yes i can relate... everyone is my family is so close.. news travels faster than high speed internet. everyone is involved in everyones life.. its not a bad thing...we are just a very close knit family... and i love that.. but i just dont think my entire family needs to know b/c they wont understand... i agree w/ brainyblonde and everyone else.. its our private business!! and for my mom to keep this a secret for me and be there for me... .. i love her beyond words...

carol716- i will try the tea.... i'm basically up for anything and everything.... i have to study alot and i'm constantly sitting.. which causes friction and i've been noticing lately that i get sore (b/c i'm in finals mode)... does the tea help? btw does the teas contain green tea ? i'm allergic to it... just to be clear..the specific tea is called cold throat or cold care tea? Thanks!!! :)

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carol716

it's 2 different teas one is called throat coat and the other is called cold care and they are both mfg by traditional medicinals. i would promise you but i can only speak to my own experience since my friends with hsv dont believe in herbals they think i'm just "blessed" to have it as i do. i think i'm blessed to have something that works better than suppressives - for me. what i will promise you is that for me, placing the used tea bag between my legs on the lesion takes away they itching and discomfort (wear a pantyliner) and drinking the tea ends the o/b. i know about those finals o/b's too, i got the virus while in college and i didn't come across the tea until later in my 20's. yes, the finals o'b is brutal!!!

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