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flower37

My loved one

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flower37

So now that's it's been a couple days since my guy has found out he has HSV 2, I'm dealing with all the emotions. We've both been on an emotional roller coaster with each other. Since my first concern is for him I'm here for him with anything he needs. My next concern is to keep myself safe. I'm what the percentage of what the probability is for me to catch HSV 2.

I'm scared out of my mind to think that I could get it. Seeing how bad he is and his downward spiral into such a deep depression is scaring me. I'm an emotional wreck and I usually don't cry hard until he goes to bed. Then my mind starts racing. Now I'm sinking into a depression as well. I know he's upset about contracting this but I don't know if I could be as strong as he is. Seriously, mentally I'm pretty much teetering on the edge right now as it is.

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MsLucy

If you haven't been tested yourself, I suggest you do that as soon as possible. Not having symptoms doesn't always mean you don't have it. Many people with the virus don't realize they have it due to the fact that they seem to be symptom free.

I understand your concern about transmission, and I wish I could tell you that if you use condoms and avoid sex during an outbreak, you don't have to worry about it. That's not completely accurate, though. Chances will be quite small if you follow those precautions, but condoms don't offer absolute 100% protection from herpes transmission. Many people have relationships for many years without passing it from one to the other, but there's no sure-fire guarantee. It's a calculated risk, and that's something you'll have to decide for yourself.

Physically, herpes is an ocassional discomfort, and not something that really interferes much with your life, except to interrupt sexual activity during obs. The devastating aspect of it is the emotional toll it takes, mainly because of society's association of herpes with promiscuity, which is completely unfounded and unfair. One certainly does not need to be promiscuous to contract herpes. Anyone who has sex with another person, even once, is at risk.

Emotionally, your boyfriend is experiencing what everyone goes through when first diagnosed. It's hard, and I'm sure your support is a big help. His obs should subside in time, and become less severe. They may even stop altogether eventually, once his immune system builds up enough antibodies to fight it off.

The best advice I can give you is to read the material on this site, get a good idea what the facts are, and make your decision based on what you've learned and your feelings for him. Herpes isn't really something to fear, but it's not something you want to put yourself at risk for frivolously, either. Only you know how stable your relationship is, and how much you have invested in it, emotionally. Personally, I've never thought that herpes should be a deal-breaker in a serious relationship. But before you make any permanent decision based on your fear of infection, you may want to go have a test done, if you haven't already. If you've been together for a while, and been having unprotected sex, there's a chance it may be a moot point.

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SmokieNitz

Flower37 update us on what has been happening. I am on the other side of the coin as I was diagnosed with HSV 2 and my wife is going through what you are. I am very depressed and having trouble understanding why this is happening in our lives. She is also having a hard time dealing with it as well. She has not been tested but we have been together for 11 years with unprotected sex. She is putting off getting tested. I have been pushing her but she is having a hard time.

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lyyla

RE

I know how you feel. Even though my husband was diagnosed with herpes 1 it is on his genitals so I really don't see the difference between herpes 1 and 2 if it is on the genitals. I can still get it if we have sex. I was crying this morning and I tried to hide it from him but I couldn't so I just told him it was pains from my pregnancy (I am seven months pregnant) because he was so scared I would leave him when he told me that I don't want to do anything to make him feel worse. I think we should just be supportive and just take the precautions necessary not to get it. I have read the first outbreak is the worse and then it calms down after that.

So now that's it's been a couple days since my guy has found out he has HSV 2, I'm dealing with all the emotions. We've both been on an emotional roller coaster with each other. Since my first concern is for him I'm here for him with anything he needs. My next concern is to keep myself safe. I'm what the percentage of what the probability is for me to catch HSV 2.

I'm scared out of my mind to think that I could get it. Seeing how bad he is and his downward spiral into such a deep depression is scaring me. I'm an emotional wreck and I usually don't cry hard until he goes to bed. Then my mind starts racing. Now I'm sinking into a depression as well. I know he's upset about contracting this but I don't know if I could be as strong as he is. Seriously, mentally I'm pretty much teetering on the edge right now as it is.

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sweetheart87

Dealing with Herpes, is hard trust me. I am only 21 years old and I have GHSV-1 and its the hardest thing for me to deal with. I know that all of you that are negative are scared but in the end we are also scared to death to give it you cause we don't want you to go through the same thing we are going through. I hope that all of you have gotten tested...it's hard to hear that you have Herpes, but knowing is better then not knowing cause you can take percautions about passing it on to other people. Have HSV-1 is the better virus...in both spots. You get less OB usually. I have had GHSV-1 for 3 months and I haven't had an ob since my first one.

If you want to try and support your partner who has herpes you have to start reading about and educating yourself about it. Herpes is just a minor skin rash...it sounds worse because people play it up because it is transmitted during sex. There are some people out there that have herpes and haven't gotten obs in more then a year...and are still having a great life with there partners. I am just happy to hear that you have stuck with your partners during this hard time. It will get better just make sure they know you still love them and will support them that's all we need in this hard time...and know we have loved ones that do support us makes it better on us.

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ginnyp

Sweetheart87, I know you have the best intentions but saying hsv1 is the "better virus" in both spots does NOT help those of us with hsv2 feel any better. Truthfully, both viruses can cause the same emotional trauma AND physical trauma. When you call one the better virus, it makes the stigma of having the other virus so much more, and we are all here to help each other get through this stigma, not make it feel even worse. And if using stats and facts, hsv2 ORAL is actually the best one to have because it only recurs about .01% of the time - almost never. HSV1 oral recurs just as much as hsv2 genital does, and type 1 more often infects the eyes and fingers and brain - HSV2 normally does not infect the eyes or brain. So it's really hard to say which type is better - that's all based on personal opinion.

This thread was started by someone with questions about hsv2, and although information about both types helps, it doesn't help to say that one type is any better than the other.

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Sophie D.

Flower37 you have a 10% chance of getting HSV without using protection of any kind. Condoms lower the risk by 48% and Valtrex lowers the rate even more.

Check out Westover Heights Clinic for more info. You can download their "book" for free at this site:

http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/downloadthehandbook/updatedherpeshandbookenglishedition-1.attachment/attachment2/herpes_handbook_TW_7-22-07.pdf

See page 21 for the risk statistics.

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deefadoggy

my partner has it and i guess i have too however i have no symptoms. its evidently impossible to be tested for it without symptoms, is this true ? . my partner is finding it very difficult coming to terms with it and has had 2 severe attacks in the past 6 months. we both feel very depressed and its awful knowing that he is suffering so badly and accepting it is so hard for him. i am trying to be supportive but he is very negative about it as he is the one that has the symptoms, it must be awful for him...feelng very low about it all.:(

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chooseyourbattles

Given precautions (condoms and antivirals) there is about a 2% chance per year that a woman will contract it from a man, 1% chance vice versa. The statistics vary based on how long he's had it, his immune system, your immune system, and the frequency of his outbreaks.

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Pipedream

hey deefadoggy

you can get test without having symptoms. You can get a blood test that will tell you if you have it. Check the right hand column under diagnosis.

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gotitsowhat

It is NOT impossible...

my partner has it and i guess i have too however i have no symptoms. its evidently impossible to be tested for it without symptoms, is this true ? . my partner is finding it very difficult coming to terms with it and has had 2 severe attacks in the past 6 months. we both feel very depressed and its awful knowing that he is suffering so badly and accepting it is so hard for him. i am trying to be supportive but he is very negative about it as he is the one that has the symptoms, it must be awful for him...feelng very low about it all.:(

It is impossible to do a swab test without an outbreak (symptoms). But it is possible to do a blood test without symptoms; get the one that tells you which type of herpes it is hsv1 or hsv2. Since most people have hsv1 (about 80% of the population) don't be alarmed if it comes up positive for hsv1, just means, most likely, that you have the virus from cold sores or had someone with a cold sore pass it on to you at some point, maybe a relative who kissed you when you were a kid. Doctors do not like to test for herpes, especially the blood test. You may have been told that there is no other test except the swab test because the clinic you were in doesn't do the blood test. You may have to find another doctor or clinic to do the blood test. The blood test is only accurate after at least 3 months from exposure so take that into account when deciding when to get the test.

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