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startingnew

Hi. Brief history and question.

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startingnew

Hello. I have had herpes for probably 10 years. I was married for 10 years. I noted once a "healed sore type thing" on my husband shortly after we were married. I asked him about it and he said he had it checked out years ago (we were slightly older getting married so probably in the early 1970s he had it checked out) and the doctor said it was nothing. I was fine with that. I noticed it maybe like 5 times in 10 years, but never was concerned. We had two kids and things were great and then I got this horrible thing happening to me. I went to the doctor and she said it was one of the worst cases she had ever seen. After talking with my husband and what I found out about it after researching, we believe that he had had it all these years, not known and I had gotten it 10 years later. AFter the initial shock, we were fine because now we both had it and we were done having kids so it didn't really affect us. I went on meds, the breakouts stopped, I went off meds and havent had a problem, maybe one or two minor out breaks, not sure if it was even that, in 10 years time. Since we both had it, it didn't even affect our sex like.

My husband passed away a year ago. I am only 47. Sometimes I am lonely, but we are from a small town and I can't date and I could never tell anyone because if that person decided he was afraid of me, he could tell people and I wouldn't be able to walk down the street. Therefore, I'm feeling very alone with no hopes of being able to be in a relationship again for the rest of my life. This makes me sad.

My question is, there really doesn't seem to be any bad effects physically of having this infection, so why are people who are in a relationship with someone and they know they have it so afraid that they will catch it from them. My husband had it. I got it. Our lives didn't change any. Is there something I am missing that is dangerous about this or is it just the stigma that comes from it. I understand most people are like me and the outbreaks go away.

Thanks for listening.

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VVK

Put simply, there are consequences both socially - the stigma - and physically - not everybody is as fortunate as you are and some can have very severe outbreaks and side reactions. You can do a little searching and find many worst case scenarios of what could happen if you get herpes. Yes, a lot of the time it isn't too bad - but there isn't a universal measuring stick that can define what is bad for every single person. We all experience life differently - physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, etc. And if you look at the stories on these forums about less fortunate people, you will see that there are broad potential consequences and implications associated with the condition.

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beautilicious

i have just been diagnosed with herpes and i am still trying to come to terms with the news.i have only had four minor attacks in he past three months but what worries me is that my boyfriend has never complained of any sores and i have never told him of my outbreaks yet we are having unprotected sex, so im confussed why he hasnt had any sores yet he continues to sleep with me.the biggest challenge i have is how am i going to tell my boyfriend, secondly does having herpes mean i have to use a condom everytime i have sex cause my boyfriend has always had problems with using them.can someone out there please give me some words of advice.

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ginnyp

You need to stop having sex with your bf until you tell him. And he needs to find out if he has it too. Because you could have already had it before him, or you could have gotten it from him. He could be someone who never gets obs, not everybody gets them. Most people get little or no symptoms. You should not be having sex with him even with a condom without him knowing about this. And no, you do not always have to use a condom if your partner knows about your condition and is okay with not using condoms.

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startingnew

You know, my husband did not know he had it and from what I read, it is more common for men's to have it and not even know it. In all likelihood, you got it from him unless you were having sex with someone else too. I first was OMG! Then I was how could I have this? As we talked I realized things my husband and I had talked about. Lastly I thought what if he doesn't believe I got it from him because his doctor (in the 70's though remember) said it was nothing. But I totally agree with ginnyp, you need to NOT have sex with him until you tell him what is up. If the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn't you be upset if he continued to have sex with you and didn't tell you? You are kind of taking his choice away from him. I would think he would want to be tested.

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SkiMan
i have just been diagnosed with herpes and i am still trying to come to terms with the news.i have only had four minor attacks in he past three months but what worries me is that my boyfriend has never complained of any sores and i have never told him of my outbreaks yet we are having unprotected sex, so im confussed why he hasnt had any sores yet he continues to sleep with me.the biggest challenge i have is how am i going to tell my boyfriend, secondly does having herpes mean i have to use a condom everytime i have sex cause my boyfriend has always had problems with using them.can someone out there please give me some words of advice.

Are you serious? You are having unprotected sex with your boyfriend while knowingly having herpes? That is messed. Yeah...that is true love :confused:

Sorry to the original poster for getting off subject. I do believe it is a stigma more than anything. Sorry you lost your husband and feel alone. It isn't fair.

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Morning

Social stigma is powerful

I think it's the social stigma that fuels the fear about herpes. And ignorance fuels the stigma. I didn't know much about HSV before I had it so I was a part of the ignorance too. That's why I think that it is good when one of us chooses to talk with a friend or family member about this. As people become more educated things will gradually change. It used to be that people didn't openly talking about having cancer as much as it occurs now. Times are changing.

Morning

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