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Just discovered I have herpes...one question

Helpless

By Helpless,
in Personal Experience with Herpes

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Helpless Newbie

Helpless

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I am a single female who just found out I have herpes 2.

Although it is life-altering and devastating, it comes as no surprise. I spent many years abusing drugs and getting involved in risky sexual situations.

But ironically, I am on the right path and have a good job, good prospects and take care of myself. This is when it chooses to strike. I think it has lain dormant in my system, and the first outbreak has come.

My question to those out there is, how do you tell potential partners? How have you found new relationships to fare, once you tell your partner about your condition? How do people react? I am aware now that all my personal relationships will change, and potentially go sour once I admit my condition.

I am curious as to the response people have gotten from their prospective mates.

Thanks!

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Helpless Newbie

Helpless

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One more thing..

My test results yielded good results on everything else.

This was the only thing I tested positive on.

In a strange way, I feel thankful.

HELPLESS

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Helpless Newbie

Helpless

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..

Is there no-one out there that can help?

I'd really appreciate it. I see 15 reads on my message, but no replies.

Maybe someone can tell me of another messageboard?

I could use some feedback.

Thanks

HELPLESS

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blessedfreedom Honeycomb Member

blessedfreedom

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I can't give too much advice on reactions from potential partners because I only told one person who was just a friend and I really wasn't looking for a relationship with him.

Just the same, he was very supportive and basically said at least you don't have something more serious.

My general advice though is to be honest and disclose your H status before any sexual contact. Also, your partners reaction will depend quite a bit on the manner in which you tell them. If you start crying and hyper-ventilating (uh like I did) then they might see herpes as a terrible death sentence, but then again, maybe not if they're more open or knowledgable.

I also advise seeking out a support group in your area. Sometimes people do exercises where they practice telling a potential partner. Kinda korney, maybe, but it helped me out a lot.

-blessedfreedom

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Just Live Honeycomb Member

Just Live

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My question to those out there is, how do you tell potential partners? How have you found new relationships to fare, once you tell your partner about your condition? How do people react? I am aware now that all my personal relationships will change, and potentially go sour once I admit my condition.

Yet another one on my level of thinking. It's good to know at least I'm not in the minority. I guess many people go through this with GH.

I've never had the guts to tell any potential partners in fear that it would go "sour" too. But I've finally grown very tired of living this way.

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Helpless Newbie

Helpless

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Thanks for your replies.

My desire to seek out potential mates came a grinding halt, and I don't forsee that changing anytime soon.

I guess this is the norm....

I feel "marked".

As for support groups, I don't quite have the guts for that yet.

HELPLESS

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  • 4 weeks later...
fanou Honeycomb Member

fanou

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I have had HSV1 in the genital area for 3 years now. I considered myself lucky for having any outbreaks in the past 3 years. It changed my life completely to going out on 2 first dates in 2 years.

The reason why I did not date because I felt I would be broadcasting it to the world if I had to tell these guys and I did not feel comfortable with them to let them know.

Anyway, last year I met someone that I really like and we took it extremely slowly. I told him that I had herpes about a month into dating each others and he said that he was fine with it. 2 months later we had sex but he was so freaked out about catching that it caused our realtionship to go sour and we broke up.

My advice telling your partner before engaging in any sexual activities. You might get rejected and hurt but you will at least know that this person is not worth it.

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fanou Honeycomb Member

fanou

Posted
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I have had HSV1 in the genital area for 3 years now. I considered myself lucky for having any outbreaks in the past 3 years. It changed my life completely to going out on 2 first dates in 2 years.

The reason why I did not date because I felt I would be broadcasting it to the world if I had to tell these guys and I did not feel comfortable with them to let them know.

Anyway, last year I met someone that I really like and we took it extremely slowly. I told him that I had herpes about a month into dating each others and he said that he was fine with it. 2 months later we had sex but he was so freaked out about catching that it caused our realtionship to go sour and we broke up.

My advice telling your partner before engaging in any sexual activities. You might get rejected and hurt but you will at least know that this person is not worth it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
marriedlady Honeycomb Member

marriedlady

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Helpless, I faced the same problem as you, not knowing how to tell potential partners, i did however one night tell my boyfriend that i had genital herpes. I was unsure of how he would react but i had no choice. He flipped out and was really upset, we were together for about 1 month by then but we never had sex. He said that if he didn't feel about me the way he did things might be different but now his feelings for me were too strong and it was something he could overlook so to speak. We went to the doctor together and i got as much information as i could for him and of course myself. Now we are married, and have just started discussing pregnancy. This topic is a little scary for me cause i don't want to give this nasty disease to him or my baby. Everyone reacts differently, and i am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone, so good luck in telling potential boyfriends and just remember that someone will accept you for who you are and what you have. I just got lucky and got the man on the first try. So don't be discouraged if it falls through the first time.

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  • 2 months later...
girliepro Newbie

girliepro

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I have told people that I dated about my situation. And remarkably, they have all said that they were ok with it. The relationships didn't work out for other reasons. It seems wierd but many men don't have a problem with it like you think they would.

It could be that they still want to have sex but never get married, I don't know, but the men I have told did not break up with me because of this. Life goes on and time is on your side, because if your like me, you rarely have obs and eventually, it rarely effects your life.

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  • Posts

    • EssenceL25
      Help me !!

      By EssenceL25 · Posted

      I’m going to force him to get tested ! Thanks for your help ! 
    • WilsoInAus
      Help me !!

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      @EssenceL25 there really isn't a question mark around the source, it's your latest partner. The median time from infection to an outbreak of lesions upon initial infection is 4 days.  The only thing that isn't certain is the type I suggest.
    • EssenceL25
      Help me !!

      By EssenceL25 · Posted

      I asked if it was hsv 1 or 2 and the doctor said it was Hsv2. I’m not sure i just asked him when he was tested last he said this year I said I think we should go test together and he agreed . I’m going to bring it up again cause I really need to know if he gave this to me I wasn’t sure since it was so close to my previous relationship.
    • WilsoInAus
      Help me !!

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      @EssenceL25 then it is all beyond reasonable doubt that the current partner is the source. A 'perfect' fit in terms of timing, symptoms and swab. It may be though that the type is not technically known. Culture swabs are very often not typed and just assumed to be HSV-2 if taken from a genital location. If you received oral sex in the days leading into 7 March then it is 50/50 as to whether this is HSV-1 or HSV-2. You could contact your doctor and confirm if the swab was actually typed (which is a second test where fluorescent antibodies for HSV-1 and HSV-2 are added and see which one 'glows').  If that test wasn't done then you do not know type. If you have oral HSV-1 yourself (cold sores) then this will be HSV-2. Does your partner have oral HSV-1? It is somewhat strange for him not to rush and test - many people have a 'reaction' if they truly do not know their status and have concerns that you infected them etc. (not initially rational of course). This indicates he may know his status - or maybe he just isn't simply the sharpest tool in the shed!?
    • EssenceL25
      Help me !!

      By EssenceL25 · Posted

      I had flu like symptoms and ulcers on my vagina . They did a culture and I tested positive for hsv2. I asked my partner to get tested he agreed but I’m not sure if he will cause he hasn’t said anything else about it. 
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