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twilt

Im HSV1 negative

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twilt

Hi

Recently got myself tested for HSV1 and 2 and it came back negative for both. My partner of several months however has the virus and gets outbreaks from time to time. She told me about it about 2 months into the relationship. I thought it was something she should have mentioned earlier (she didnt) but it didnt bother me much at the time, as i knew most carried it, but now i know im negative im not sure what to make of it.

Im just curious about those who are negative but dating someone positive, what precautions do you take to avoid catching it?. As i understand it, this can be spread as genital herpes through oral sex, and is nastier if primary infection is as an adult. Obviously no kissing etc when a coldsore is present, but when is the infection chance low again? when the scab drops off?.

We are both tested and negative for any other STDS, but does this mean that we need to use protection for oral etc even with no outbreaks to drop the risk of infection down?

Also, im not treating her like a bio-hazard or anything daft, but ...she doesnt seem to think its remotely serious ..and i think she considers me paranoid for refusing to kiss even with a scabbed coldsore. When is the coldsore no longer infectious? when the scap has dropped off?. Am i being paranoid?. I have read the literature here but im unsure from that.

Thanks

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tothefuture

If she has type 1 then it's less likely to be transmitted genitally than if it was type 2 - type 1 prefers the mouth, type 2 prefers down below.

That said, yes it can be caught genitally through oral sex, and my understanding is that most of the new cases in the UK have been caught this way.

I don't understand why she's not understanding the implications. My guess is that with the research you've done, you know more about it than she does. She's maybe been given crap advice in the past, eg, coldsores can't be spread genitally (there's loads on here who've been told this by ignorant doctors).

And obviously most people do get coldsores and so they're not seen as the plague or anything, but still, kissing with a 'scabbed coldsore' - gross or what???!!!

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Morning

We are both tested and negative for any other STDS, but does this mean that we need to use protection for oral etc even with no outbreaks to drop the risk of infection down?

Also, im not treating her like a bio-hazard or anything daft, but ...she doesnt seem to think its remotely serious ..and i think she considers me paranoid for refusing to kiss even with a scabbed coldsore. When is the coldsore no longer infectious? when the scap has dropped off?. Am i being paranoid?. I have read the literature here but im unsure from that.

Thanks

I'm so glad that you are doing your research. As has been suggested, you may know more than your partner now because I was alarmed that you had to be the voice of reason regarding waiting a while before kissing. Your partner should be thinking about these things too. I would imagine that for some people, when you've had this for a while, become a bit desensitized and take it less seriously. I don't think you're being paranoid at all. Wait till the skin is completely healed; if there is a scab then it is not completely healed yet. I wait until 2-3 days after all sores heal (I have genital HSV) before sexual contact. The unfortunate reality of HSV is that no matter what precautions are taken there is a small risk. Protection (condoms, dental dams) help but there cannot offer 100% protection. The small risk remains. So the question becomes can you deal with the possibility that even with precautions, you may get HSV? I would imagine you are both discussing this, your feelings and concerns. Maybe you both can find a comfortable medium for intimacy if you talk openly and honestly about the possibilities. In the meanwhile, we're here to support.

Morning

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twilt

Hi morning

I think i could handle oral HSV-1 ok, but genital HSV-1 less easily

Not because genital is more painful or infectious, quite the opposite!, as i understand it genital HSV-1 is far less risky for partners and far less likely to recurr than oral HSV-1. But theres a stupid stigma for genital HSV-1 which i think would affect me if i split and dated again...since i would inform partners of any HSV-1 early, but 'i get the odd coldsore' doesnt have the impact of 'i get the off GSHV outbreak' wrong tho it is.

Seeing her for 3 or 4 days this week, just spoke to her and she says she cant see any scabs now, and it feels fine and looks fine to her- and she will leave it to me to decide when we start kissing

If the scab has gone today, im thinking of leaving it a day to be sure before we kiss (it seems daft but 2 weeks has killed me) and probably refuse oral sex for a few days longer.

As you say she has had it 30 years, the coldsore is absoloutly tiny anyway, she had to point it out to me!! and i think to her its absoloutly nothing.

Cheers.

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wayne222

i understand

I have the same exact issue with my of 16 yrs she just found out she contracted herpes 1 which she feels is no big deal and wants me to continue to kiss her and have sex with her with no protection and i am scared but if i bring it up she feels im being a baby about it. I do worry about getting herpes as i have been recently tested and came back negative so just at a cross road what to do

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