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PositiveGal

I have it, my husband doesn't. What do we do?

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PositiveGal

I tested positive for Herpes in mid-November, and with the exception of taking Valtrex for 8 days I have not had to take it again. My husband just had a blood test and tested negative although his doctor did say it wasn't positive "now" and he may need to have another blood test. I am really not sure what that means. Anyway, we are not sure what to do about s*x right now. Do we always need to use a condom because of the herpes or do we just need to use a condom if I have a breakout? (assuming that I would actually want to have s*x then.) What about oral sex? What precautions do we need to take? I am glad that he didn't test positive for it (although if I test positive for it I don't understand why he didn't. We have been together for 13 years with no other partners) but I don't want to infect him and we're not sure what to do.:(

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ginnyp

If you are in a good relationship and he is okay with the risk, you shouldn't have to use condoms. I think most married couples do not use condoms becuase of herpes. There are lots worse things that could happen besides herpes in a marriage!

If you have it and he doesn't and you haven't strayed then you've had it dormant over 13 years (or just so minor you didn't notice). If he hasn't been infected in 13 years then why start using condoms now? Just don't have sex if you feel an ob coming on (if you feel odd down there) until you feel normal again.

Oral sex same thing... if he's been doing it 13 years and doesn't have it he should be able to continue. Again, you're married, so forever together, why would it matter if he did get it? Would you really want to use condoms in your marriage?

I would say don't have sex during an ob! It will only make it worse for you (and make him catch it). A Condom is not 100% effective, and it's even less effective for the man (because other parts of him tend to touch us during sex) so that's another reason you might not need to use condoms.

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PositiveGal

We've been together (and monogamous) for 13 years but I have had very mild symptoms over the last few years that were always diagnosed as a yeast infection or something else. Maybe 3 times a year at the most. It was not until my doctor examined me recently really closely (after me being treated for a UTI that wouldn't go away) that she found two small bumps and she had me tested for herpes. Had that not happened, I probably would be unaware that I had it. I still don't understand how I got it -- my only theory is that we always have oral sex when we do have sex and maybe my husband passed it along orally with oral sex? I've read that he can have oral herpes but not genital herpes. Neither he nor I remember him having any cold sores on his mouth ever, so we are kind of baffled.

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christiangirl

Just was diagnosed yesterday, and i dont know how to tell my husband.

Im 23 yrs old and have a 4 yr old daughter and i have been with my husband for 7 years and neither of us have cheated. I went to the doctor yesterday b/c i had blisters and he diagnosed me with herpes. Im having trouble coping with this news. It has gotten me down. I feel disgusting, ashamed. I dont even want to be around other people. Im not sure how to tell my husband. Im afraid he's goin to flip out and leave me. He has always accused me of cheating b/c a few yrs ago i had a guy friend that i spoke to on the phone. Anyways, i need some advice. Please help!:sad:

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PositiveGal

I know exactly how you feel because that is how I felt when I was diagnosed. It completely threw me and I felt really disgusted with myself and did not even feel like I was the same person. Although both my husband and I have been faithful to each other for the 13 years we have been together, he is a very jealous person by nature and my greatest fear was that he was not going to believe that I had been faithful to him. Fortunately, although my doctor was very vague at the details of herpes, she did tell me that it is extremely common in married faithful couples and they have lots of married patients they treat. When I told my husband (with tears streaming down my face because I was still horrified at the phrase "I have herpes") he was very supportive. Shocked, but supportive.

I am still learning about herpes and my husband was just tested (blood test) and it came back negative although his doctos suggested testing him again.

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Smurf

I have done so much reading as recently diagonised and what I have read is that if your husband did have coldsores commonly HSV 1 (oral herpes) then his test would have come up positive to HSV. Maybe your doctor said for him to have another test incase he has contracted it since... not sure.

You may have contracted the virus years before your husband and been a carrier and had no symptoms til recently. Unfortunately that sucks, I am looking at the same thing with the guy I think that gave it to me. I am still going through emotions and he is waiting for blood tests, but I will not be angry with him if this is the case. He did not know and is a great guy, I just need to learn how to have a good sex life beyond herpes and continue to be my outgoing self without feeling ashamed. I think that is my big challenge at the moment. Is fresh for me so dealing with lots of mix things. Hope this helps a little.

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christiangirl

I still havent told my husband yet. I found out thursday and he works out of town so he is coming home today (saturday) but im still not goin to tell him. I know i didnt get this from him. Unless however, he had it before we got together. I just dont know what to think. I think i got this when i was 15, i lost my virginity to a guy that had coldsores all the time and im pretty sure thats where i became infected. Im just at a loss for words. I went and spoke to my pastor for healing, ive been reading the bible and praying. It's in Gods hands and i know he will work a miracle in my life. I believe and have faith in Him. We have to take our daughter quit aways for an appt monday and i just cant bring myself to tell him right now b/c of that appt (he wont be concentrating on Kadyn) and plus its close to christmas and i dont want to ruin our Christmas. Blahhhh just so many things in the way and I can't find the right words to say. I just know he's goin to flip out and leave. I know a guy that has herpes (he liked my sister but she didnt want to be with him b/c of it) and my husband just thinks he is gross. He's not goin to be understanding like everyone else's significant others. I just know it. But anyways, im reading the bible, doin research so i can find the right words to say to him and educate him when im telling him that it does lay dormant in people for a while. Im having an outbreak right now (4th day) it sucks really bad. However i layed in the bath tub with epsom salt and it works wonders! But im afraid b/c my husband has been out of town and im goin to have to lie to him and tell him im having a yeast infection, thats why we can't have sex. I hate lying, i just can't bring myself to tell him right now. :?

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