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shygal121802

Lost and in need of advice!

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shygal121802

I had been dating a guy in the military for about a month. Things were going really well between us and he was getting ready for a tour in Iraq but we had said that we would see how things worked out between us while he was gone

because thins were going so well. We were spending lots of time together, always laughing, enjoying life together.He was exteremely affectionate and caring. He was very down to earth at the same time. He seemed like the perfect guy for me! I was completely happy and getting attached. I decided that it was time to have the talk. I had told him that I had H and how I contracted it from my ex who cheated on me. The only downfall was I was being extremely emotional and cried through the entire talk, I just couldn't help myself. He was really quiet when I told him and I left shortly after because I felt embarassed.

A few days had gone by and I hadn't heard from him so I decided to be the bigger person and see if he wanted to meet up for a bit and he told me he was busy, so I went out with my sister for a little while and just as my luck would have it, I ran into him at the bar we were at. He didn't even come over and say hi to me. I wasn't about to let him be disrepectful to me because I have put up with enough of that in my life. His demeanor had completely changed, he wouldn't even look me in the eye nevermind touch me. I had left the bar cause he was making me feel disgusting and he called me and asked me to go to his house, so I did in hopes for some type of comfort. We just cuddled and I spent the night. I didn't bring up the H talk because I was completely drained from my day. The next morning, again, he wouldn't touch me and was extremely distant. We were both leaving and I had told him I felt like he wasn't ok with thigns now and maybe we should just not talk anymore and all he said was ok and hoped in his car. I was completely crushed because I knew exactly why this was all happening. He was like a different person!

A few days later he had left for training for his deployment and wrote me an email apologizing for how things happened and that if his situation were different maybe things would be different. At this point I was confused as to why he would dangle this carrot in front of me but just let it go. He started sending me text messages saying he missed doing stuff with me etc etc. The texts now are far and few between. I had suggested to him that we just stop communicating completely but he insists that there is no need for that to happen. Although, I know that I am now in the friend zone with him. He doesn't treat me/talk to me the same and things are different now. I feel guilty for completely cutting him off due to the fact that he is going to Iraq and may not have much of a support system from his family. At the

same time, keeping in contact with him is preventing me from getting over him and I'm still attached. I have this sense of false hope that things may work out when he comes home and that he will get over this stigma. I'm really not sure what to do because I am hurting but feel like if I tell him to leave me alone it may hurt him as well.

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SkiMan

Sounds to me like you already know. I am sorry but it sounds to me like you fell in love with him...but he did not fall in love with you. That doesn't mean it won't happen in the future but I wouldn't hold out too much hope.

Trust me. I am a man.

My advice is to move on. You may feel down right now but I imagine someday you will look back and be thankful you did.

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MsLucy

I have been a long time sufferer of the "easier to hurt yourself than someone else" syndrome, so I understand what you're feeling. Trust me, honey, no good can come of it.

Think of yourself as a vessel, and what flows out of you is sweet, comforting oil. But if the vessel is never refilled, it will run dry. The sweetness, the comfort, the very essence of you, must be replenished, or you will run dry inside.

It's hard to do something you think might hurt someone else, but sometimes, in reality, it's a kindness to both of you. Long goodbyes are painful, and in your heart, you know that's what you're actually sharing with him now... just a long and painful goodbye. Sooner or later one of you has to let go. Better it should be you, and now, instead of drawing out the process until it becomes a source of obligation (and resentment) for both of you. You can't keep pouring yourself into a relationship that's draining you drop by drop, and not replenishing what you expend. If you do, you'll not only be sad, but bitter.

The fact that he withdrew from you the way he did tells me that he will never put your feelings first, so you're going to have to. It's too bad things didn't work out the way you would have liked, but now it's time to move on, and you can't do that as long as you're more concerned about him than you are about yourself. Tell him goodbye, and free yourself to find someone who can give you what you need.

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BillieJean

you have to put yourself first. you can't behave in ways that are detrimental to your emotional well being for someone else's sake. cut him loose. you can tell him what you've told us about how confused you're feeling, that you aren't interested in being his friend. you don't need his permission to decide what action you want to take. take care of yourself. walk away. sorry. there will always be another.

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Groovy

I think another issue here is that you need to find some peace with your H.

You can fall into a cycle of despair by feeling horribly afflicted, passing this feeling on to potential lovers and scaring them off which only strengthens your convictions further.

Have your catharsis, cry, do what you need to do realize that herpes is not end of your life. Then you are ready to have future talks from a place of confidence and comfort with yourself, remembering that people tend to interpret things based on how they are presented.

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