Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
mistrygirl

same quality of relationship possible?

Recommended Posts

mistrygirl

Hi all, this is my very first post. I just found out three weeks ago that I have HSV2. I was devastated as I'm very cautious with new sex partners. I'm wondering what dating with HSV2 is like out there. I'm struggling with the idea that I'll be able to find somebody amazing if I limit myself to those with HSV2 or suffer the awful rejection of trying to date great guys who don't have it ... It is what it is, I can't change it, so I've accepted it and am living my life happily, but curious about the limitations I'll be facing as the years go by ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
buttercup3721

While I hate to think that I may have to limit myself now…I may end up doing just that. I am in a relationship with someone that doesn’t have this. He doesn’t look at me any different. I told him before we started dating and it didn’t change the way he looked at me. And I love him for that. But do I think we are going to last? No. I know that sounds a bit down, but I just don’t have faith in the relationship: for reasons that have nothing to do with this. I have started to look at the dating sites for people with this. I’m not on the market yet, and I don’t want to be, I would love for things to work out, but they may not at this point and I’m trying to get myself ready for that. I never thought I would have to deal with all of this. Last year when I was single I went out on dates. There was one guy, I call him IT Guy, that I really liked. We dated for about 6 weeks. We talked every day and text all day. He would show up at my office and text “hey beautiful” when he got up in the morning. It really had the makings for a great relationship, very romantic…something to be honest that I’ve never had in my life. But as it always does it got to the point where we had to have that talk. He guessed it before I said it, and for him it was a deal breaker. And to say that that broke my heart would be an understatement. I was crushed and cried for days. I had found this great guy that really like me and I was getting the “I can’t do that, but we can still be friends” line. There are times with my boyfriend where I think about walking away. I think “I love him, but love should not be this hard” and then I hear my conversation with IT Guy and I think that I can’t do that again. If the boyfriend and I don’t make it I don’t want to try to date again. I can’t deal with someone not wanting me because of something that was done to me. There is a part of me that hopes that the boyfriend and I don’t break up because I love him and do want the life we have talked about, and a part of me that doesn’t want to break up because I am now so very afraid to date. I think that I may go out and have fun with my friends…but not end up dating for a long time. And that kills me. I will be 27 in a few weeks. I never wanted to make it to 30 alone and I think that is what is going to happen if the boyfriend and I can’t figure our relationship out. I don’t want to have to find someone on a dating site for people with an STD. I don’t think having the same condition is a good base for a friendship, more less a relationship so I don’t want to have to find one that way. So I may just not date for a while. I tried that before and then the boyfriend and I started dating again (we dated in the past and stayed friends). But during the time that I didn’t date I got so many questions as to why I wasn’t even trying. I never knew how to answer. I didn’t know how to explain why I was so afraid. I hate that IT Guy and I stayed friends. We don’t talk much anymore, just text every now and again. But he is the constant reminder that I may not be able to find someone normally anymore. That I need to remember that no matter how hard my relationship with the boyfriend is now, at least it is something and he does love me. And maybe I can deal with love being hard. I don’t want to try dating again…that was too hard, and hurt too much. Sorry, I know this doesn’t help. I know there are people out there that will not care. I’m dating one. But I also know that if we don’t work I don’t want to try again. But for you it may not be as hard. Your great guy may also be the guy that doesn’t care that you have an STD.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Groovy

Buttercup, you have a right to be upset but keep something in mind. The only relationships that don't end with heartbreak are marriages, and even 50%of those end in heartbreak.

Maybe you could have gotten this guy without the herpes, and he would have cheated on you later or done something else to ruin it. If herpes was a dealbreaker, you obviously weren't the love of his life, or he is too selfish and immature to recognize what's important. Either way he wasn't for you and you'd probably be crying in a few months, or a few years with an even bigger broken heart because of him. Does this guy understand that there's a 25% chance he might even have it, and there's a 25% chance that the girl he ends up with instead of you might also have it?

Do NOT let this stop you from dating. Dating is always about rejection. I'm a guy, and as any guy will tell you, we spend 90% of our time getting rejected by you girls when we are trying to whoo you. If rejection stopped us men, none of you women would ever get calls.

Just get yourself together and find the next IT guy and sooner than you think, you'll find the real IT guy who loves you with or without herpes.

Mistrygirl, don't worry about it. Don't limit yourself to herpes dating sites. This isn't leaprosy. Yes, you may lose the selfish idiots who are the same guys who would have eventually slept with your best friend or who were just lying to you for sex anyway -you know, the ones you wish you hadn't met in the first place. When you find the only person who really counts anyway, he will accept your hepes because he won't be able to live without you (p.s. you might even find he has herpes too).

One last thing. Telling them is an excersise in trust. When they accept you, it strengthens your bond.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SkiMan
Hi all, this is my very first post. I just found out three weeks ago that I have HSV2. I was devastated as I'm very cautious with new sex partners. I'm wondering what dating with HSV2 is like out there. I'm struggling with the idea that I'll be able to find somebody amazing if I limit myself to those with HSV2 or suffer the awful rejection of trying to date great guys who don't have it ... It is what it is, I can't change it, so I've accepted it and am living my life happily, but curious about the limitations I'll be facing as the years go by ...

I am sure most of us have the same concerns. I know I do. I just try to remain positive, stay in shape physically and mentally and eventually I will meet someone who I think is worth the talk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Groovy

to answer your question

I just saw my previous post and realized I was so busy being Dr Phil that I didn't directly answer your question :p

After I got herpes and got over it (mentally), I decided not to change anything about my dating. Everyone has their positives and negatives, and I'm still the same person I always was, with just this one extra thing in my "negatives." To some people H isn't even that big of a deal, so why even worry about it?

I'm in a relationship right now with a girl who is incredible. She's beautiful and sweet and has that "Something about Mary" phenomenon going because it seems every guy wants to be with her. Point being, not that I'm so cool, lol, but that this very desirable person with many options chooses to be with me, and my H, because she loves who I am.

I'm glad that I didn't make the mistake of thinking "I'm not worthy" simply because I have H.

Why settle? Everyone deserves to be happy!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
chooseyourbattles

Groovy, that makes me so happy that this very desirable girl accepted you with your herpes. :D

People who don't have herpes sometimes say that only a desperate person would accept someone with it. But I don't think that's the case if they love you.

And even if they don't. This beautiful ex-sex partner of mine came over the other night, after not doing it with me for a few years. I told him about the herpes, and he accepted it. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He could have had anyone he wanted that night, but he spent it with me and my herpes.

I think it limits your partners, but not to the lame ones. Perhaps you are even going to get the better ones, the rational ones, who can see herpes for what it is, and screen out the morons.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,819
    • Total Posts
      460,222
  • Posts

×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.