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SunshineLady

Just sad

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SunshineLady

Met a wonderful man. Awesome sex, including unbelievable, sensuous, non-stop kissing that I've only dreamed of before him .... then I woke up with a cold sore.

I have to tell him. :(

I just read that people with oral Herpes I are always shedding viral cells in their mouth ... ... ... I just didn't know. I didn't know. I haven't had a cold sore in so many years that I had forgotten all about it. So, when I tell him, how long should he wait to be tested?

Thanks in advance.

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Morning

Did you tell him prior to becoming intimate that you get coldcores/have HSV? If not, you took away his choice, he didn't get a chance to make an informed decision about putting himself at risk for getting a life long condition. He can get tested immediately and again 3 months later. Without symptoms the dr would need to do a blood test to test him.

Morning

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SunshineLady
Did you tell him prior to becoming intimate that you get coldcores/have HSV? If not, you took away his choice, he didn't get a chance to make an informed decision about putting himself at risk for getting a life long condition.

Morning

You're angry that you have herpes. That's understandable. There are other sections where it is appropriate to express that anger, but posting this here in response to my post is not appropriate.

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SunshineLady

I do, however, appreciate the answer to my question and I will tell him to be tested immediately and again in 3 months. Thank you.

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catiesmom

The immediate test will only tell him if he had herpes prior to you, and the one in 3 months will tell him if he got it from you from that encounter.

Just curious - how are things going with you two? Have you told him? Has he seen any symptoms? It's possible the kissing you two enjoyed triggered your cold sore, and it might not have been active enough at the time to have infected him. Still, he needs to know (you know that), and hopefully he'll be understanding. There's a huge debate, even here, over whether to disclose oHSV1 status to a potential partner or not.

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curecomingverysoon

Take a deep breath... 80-90% of the American adult population has HSV-1, it's not a crisis situation. Most people have no idea. The odds are VERY good that he has it already and/or that you've had it for years. Get yourself some antivirals from your doc to get over the outbreaks quicker, you'll be fine.

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lifesstillgood

I agree with cure. The odds are good that he has it already. Obviously if you gave him oral sex he might get it on his genitals but dont beat yourself over this. I personally dont believe the majority of people are on a quest to keep this virus going. It is what it is.

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Morning
You're angry that you have herpes. That's understandable. There are other sections where it is appropriate to express that anger, but posting this here in response to my post is not appropriate.

I'm actually not angry (anymore) about having herpes. But you are right that I should have just answered your question without opinion. Wasn't intending to offend.

Morning

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SunshineLady
The immediate test will only tell him if he had herpes prior to you, and the one in 3 months will tell him if he got it from you from that encounter.

Just curious - how are things going with you two? Have you told him? Has he seen any symptoms? It's possible the kissing you two enjoyed triggered your cold sore, and it might not have been active enough at the time to have infected him. Still, he needs to know (you know that), and hopefully he'll be understanding. There's a huge debate, even here, over whether to disclose oHSV1 status to a potential partner or not.

Thank you, Catiesmom! Your post made me feel better. (HUG) And I thought exactly that - that the kissing had brought this about. I will keep my fingers crossed that I wasn't shedding enough to infect him before I noticed the tingling warning of a coldsore coming on.

I haven't told him yet (we don't see each other everyday) but I will this afternoon. I spoke with my doctor this morning and she said pretty much what you did - and added no kissing or oral while I have an active sore. I hope, hope, hope, hope, I didn't give it to him - even better, I hope he's had cold sores before.

As far as mu opinion of whether or not to tell someone that I have cold sores/Herpes I: now that I know more about it and may have to deal with the reality of infecting someone I care about, yes, if this relationship ends and I meet someone knew, I will definitely tell him before the intimate phase of the relationship begins that I get cold sores and cold sores are caused by Herpes I virus, which he might catch.

I've had occasional cold sores when I was younger, but I forgot all about it because I haven't had one for .... I think 10 years or more. I have learned my lesson and I hope my friend doesn't have to suffer consequences for it.

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SunshineLady
Take a deep breath... 80-90% of the American adult population has HSV-1, it's not a crisis situation. Most people have no idea. The odds are VERY good that he has it already and/or that you've had it for years. Get yourself some antivirals from your doc to get over the outbreaks quicker, you'll be fine.

Thank you, CCVS!!! My doctor said the same thing to me, and, yes, she gave me Valtrex to shorten the duration.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! :D I feel so much better.

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SunshineLady
The immediate test will only tell him if he had herpes prior to you, and the one in 3 months will tell him if he got it from you from that encounter.

Good that's good to know. I think I'll ask him to do that to find out if he already has it; and if, heaven forbid, I did give it to him, he should know that.

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SunshineLady
I agree with cure. The odds are good that he has it already. Obviously if you gave him oral sex he might get it on his genitals but dont beat yourself over this. I personally dont believe the majority of people are on a quest to keep this virus going. It is what it is.

Thank you, lifesstillgood. It means a lot to me. Reading your post makes me less freaked out and MUCH less nervous about telling him. I am so hopeful that he doesn't get any sores on his penis - again no lesion at the time, although I read here that I could have been shedding, my doctor thinks the odds are small. Although I completely understand that it won't matter how small the odds were if he gets a lesion. I will feel terrible if he does, because you're right, I had no intention of spreading this or withholding info from him.

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SunshineLady
I'm actually not angry (anymore) about having herpes. But you are right that I should have just answered your question without opinion. Wasn't intending to offend.

Morning

Thank you, Morning. I understand. My response came from feeling the need to protect myself when I was so vulnerable and exposed.

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SunshineLady

Thank you all so much. I'm not feeling sad anymore. I WILL feel sad if he tests positive in 3 months, but I'm not going to worry about it - except to practice safer sex.

Can't thank you enough.

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