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ddgghh

i gave it to him...

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ddgghh

im on the verge, i realy hate life.

i got my first outbreak when i was 14 and no idea how, but yes i was sexually active. since i was 14 i NEVER had an outbreak again. for years!

I met my boyfriend at 16 and we are still together. i told him i was clean because i hadnt had an outbreak for two years and i was never diagnoised by the doctor b/c i was too scared. When i turned 18 i got an outbreak and he got one too. two years into our relationship, i gave him herpes. i was so surprised he didnt think i was cheating on him and believeed me when i told him my whole situation when i was 14, but he was upset i didnt tell him before.

now i'm 20, and we're still together. 4 years so far but i feel like its only because we're both dieseased. i feel like i ruined his life and he couldhave found a better girl to make him happy. i am so depressed all the time because i know i did this to him. and the fact that he still loves me makes me feel so much worse. i just cant ever be happy i am so guilt ridden.

i want to break up with him. our relationship has just been going down hill. its so obviously we're only together because we're diseased.

i hate life

cure

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ddgghh

continued....

since i was 18 i still havent had an outbreak and i'm 20 now. my boyfriend has an outbreak every month. its so unfair.

i want to find some oraganization thats trying to find a cure. but there is nothing out there. no one cares because herpes is so disgusting, we all deserve it right???

EVERYDAY I FEEL LIKE THIS. everyday since i did this to my boyfriend. and hes so fine with it, but i hate feeling forced and stuck in a relationship. i want to see how itd work if we wernt stuck together. he says god did this to keep up together. he so sweet but i just cant stop hating myself so much.

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Groovy

It's not clear to me where your head is with this relationship. I see one of two scenarios. Correct me if I'm wrong:

1. You're own guilt is ruining your ability to enjoy this relationship, which might otherwise be good. Solution: Don't let something good pass you by. Work on fixing yourself since that is preventing you from enjoying what you already have.

2. You're guilt for having passed this to your partner is preventing you from ending a dead relationship. Solution: If you are convinced this is really over, you have to end it. This is life. If you're in a deep depression over this, it's telling you you need to make a change. Talk it over with your man and tell him how you feel guilty but that you really feel the realtionship isn't going anywhere...maybe he feels the same.

Do either of these two suggestions make sense for your situation?

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Muchtolive4

I gave HSV2 to my husband and he just left me, after 4 years together. I wish with all my heart that I would have made different choices, that MIGHT have prevented his contracting the disease. He found out I had it and chose to stay in our marriage, but he ended up getting it several years later. Though we had difficult times, I still love him, and wish we were still together. But I breached his trust and left him emotionally, physically, and mentally scarred. During our rocky moments in our marriage, the H issue would always be thrown in my face. My guilt would be overwhelming, and I often thought that I could take whatever mean things he said, because I deserved everything. Any attorney friend I know had a case where everytime the husband had an outbreak, he would beat up his wife because she had given H to him. We need to separate out our feelings of guilt from whether the marriage/relationship is good or bad. As hard as it is, you need to analyze your relationship as if H was not an issue. If you cannot do that because you are so obsessed with feelings of guilt and remorse, then you really need to seek counseling. (I just had a 2 hour session this past weekend and I feel MUCH better). What happened happened. You need to focus on healing, forgivness (for yourself), and acceptance. At the end of the day "it is an inside job." Work on your own feelings, your own issues, your own mindframe, and only then can you properly look at the relationship you are in. But for what it's worth, he sounds like a good man...

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Ultra Violet
It's not clear to me where your head is with this relationship. I see one of two scenarios. Correct me if I'm wrong:

1. You're own guilt is ruining your ability to enjoy this relationship, which might otherwise be good. Solution: Don't let something good pass you by. Work on fixing yourself since that is preventing you from enjoying what you already have.

2. You're guilt for having passed this to your partner is preventing you from ending a dead relationship. Solution: If you are convinced this is really over, you have to end it. This is life. If you're in a deep depression over this, it's telling you you need to make a change. Talk it over with your man and tell him how you feel guilty but that you really feel the realtionship isn't going anywhere...maybe he feels the same.

Do either of these two suggestions make sense for your situation?

Totally agree with Groovy. I suggest counselling either individual or as a couple to try and work this out if you don't know already.

It's time to let go of the guilt. You made a mistake. It sounds like he doesn't hold it against you so why are you making a big deal of it still? Sometimes thinking gets stuck and you wear a track with your thoughts like a groove in a record (if you remember what they are!)

It's time to forgive yourself! Tell yourself when you have guilty thoughts "I made a mistake, I forgive myself" and distract yourself by doing something nice. Write a letter to yourself at age 16 and tell that person that you forgive them. Imagine giving your 16 yr old (or 14yr old) self a hug and telling them it's ok. Imagine that self telling you now it's ok. Whatever it takes. Guilt is very destructive. Depression-inducing feelings and thought require urgent attention. Your mental health is too precious to not take serious action.

Also if this relationship is a good one, and it fails because you can't forgive yourself, how will you feel then. Let the guilt go!

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