I met a sweet, beautiful and wonderful girl, but...

[pyro]

... she has herpes.

We have dated for several months, but she told me she had herpes a couple of days ago. I'm falling in love with her, and I would rather look past this small "issue". She is such a wonderful lady - I can't imagine being without her.

I'm afraid that we will never be able to become intimiate. Is it even possible without infecting myself? I heard that the virus can be transmitted even if there isn't an outbreak. I'm confused and saddened with this situation. I guess that goes hand-in-hand with my inexperience/ignorance.

Any comments or suggestions would greatly be appreciated.

[Lasmom]

Hey -

read my posts on this same area - "my turn" and search for posts by friend of H girl - he's been through just what you are going through -

It's your risk - do your homework - but remember how common this is - the next person you meet may have it and not know, and not know enough to he honest & protect you. 2% chance of transmission through a-symptomatic shedding - if she is responsible about knowing her body and telling you when she isn't well, and that decreases with condom use & lubricants - smart sex -

You love her? read on... thanks for coming here.

[kandiiz]

Go with your heart

You can't imagine being without her, so why would you chance being without her? Herpes is manageable and there are many methods of suppressing it and protecting yourself. Love is hard to find and if you reject her now then you will only be like others who are not mature or caring enough to handle this type of news. She is not dying. Would you still want to be with her if she had cancer or some illness and was dying? or will you take some risk and look at a future of happiness and love? Yes, you may contract Herpes and get some small blisters occasionally but you will have a partner that understands and loves you. Or you can be blister free and not have the partner you love so much. I'm sure your partner has experienced rejection from this in the past and it really hurts. Do you also want to be someone that hurts her? She is more than just Herpes.

[spydr]

she has H

Be glad she has told you early. You have to make sure she's worth it and you can't live without her. My wife of ten years has it and so far I have not been infected. She didn't tell me until the night of our honeymoon. At first I was devastated then angry. Couldn't believe she would wait till then to tell me something so important. We had been dating 14 mos. Having protected sex except for oral which really freaked me out thinking about what the consequences were. I was also afraid of intimacy after that news. She was so beautiful walking down the ailse and I couldn't wait to make love, that night in particular. I guess the stress of the wedding and how I would take that news caused an outbreak. It was a month before I felt secure enough to touch her. Of course I researched all I could and I had known her in those months of dating to be a fabulous and beautuful person. She was and is still that person. Ten years of bliss and counting. Thankfully she knows her body enough to tell when an outbreak is near so I can back off until it's safe. By the way I don't cover it.

[rodeoqueen]

What a great girl for telling you BEFOREhand. She must be extremely trustworthy and all that you say. I wish the guy that gave H to me had told me. She could have given it to you and worst of all, laughed just like he did. My advice--she's a keeper.

[Palomita]

You might want to look into this

Hi

I have HSV-1. My boyfriend had to grapple with your situation, too. (He apparently does not have HSV).

Although I had some wierdness a few months ago that I haven't decided the cause of, I have almost no symptoms and it's really of very little consequence in my daily life, other than the fear of giving it to someone I love. Though my body deals with it well, I considered going on suppressive therapy just to have that much more chance of protecting my bf. If your girlfriend is not on suppressive, she might consider doing this because it has proved to reduce viral shedding. I was already aware of this (1) but my doctor told me something else interesting when I discussed this idea with him.

He said that in a very recent study funded by the makers of Valtrex, if the PARTNER of the one with HSV takes a suppressive dose, he or she is drastically (I don't remember the exact percentage) less likely to contract HSV. I have not been able to locate any information on this but again, the study is very new. It may be worth asking your doctor about. Since the risk of transmission is greatly reduced statistically if she is on suppression and then reduced again if you take a suppression dose of acyclovir or valacyclovir, you might feel better about the risk. However, unfortunately in order to really make your decision I would encourage you to become ok with the worst-case scenario, that you do eventually contract it. Anything other than that could set you up for a doomed relationship and resentment.

Take care, and I sympathize with your position. If it helps at all, I was where you were years ago. My bf told me he had it. I stayed, and did not end up getting it from him. I got it years later from a guy with oral herpes. I was naive - I did not know that was the same thing.

Palomita

(1) reference http://www.pharmacist.com/articles/h_ts_0446.cfm

[pyro]

An Update

Hello All!

I am still together with my wonderful lady.

We have been together for 6 months now, and our love for eachother grows every day. Although I may have been a little freaked out at first when she told me that she had it, I am totally cool with it now. I just look in to her beautiful eyes and realize that nothing could possibly stop me from loving her.

I have not been infected yet, but I do realize that if I am going to be with her, I will have to deal with it some day. Until then, we are trying to be careful in every way possible.

Thanks everyone for your support. And thank you, cindylouwho, for being such a wonderful girlfriend.

[rommel]

I'm in a similar situation as pyro. Concur completely with him about staying in a relationship that is a good one.

However, regarding non-infected partners taking Valtrex: read the article again. I don't read it that way. When it says "the former" it is refering to the clinically symptomatic (HSV pos) partner not the uninfected partner.

That may be why you don't see any other articles on it. Hope I'm wrong.

[RazorBladez]

Hey man, I am in the EXACT same situation as you, except I knew my girl had it and still messed around with her, I was tested and my results came to me yesterday, as negative, thank you god...

anyways, let me explain something to you, the 4 weeks i thought I had it, i was in the worst fucking hell you could imagine, it ate my mind away, it tore me up,

so it all basically comes down to is: would you rathher leave her and suffer a couple months of hertbreak(will go away)

OR

Would you rather risk being contracted with herpes and suffering for literally the REST OF YOUR LIFE, the choice is up to you, make the right one, I am in the process of leaving my girl because of it, before anyone says im shallow or whatever, think of what I am doing and why

and to the maker of this thread, you will most likely think you made the right decision if you stay with her, until you get it and your world comes crashing down, it took some cuts on my penis and a month of thinking I had it for me to finally quit, I almost feel like somone is giving me a second chance, thats my 2 cents anyways, just remember though, hearbreak = couple months herpes - LIFE, ETERNITY, FOREVER

[confused00]

ahhh RazorBladez, you know what goes around comes around, Karma is very unpredictable....as far as you getting tested hopefully you waited 12-16 weeks to get tested because if you didnt you could be getting a false negative....i wouldnt go around saying rude things about people with H because you dont know for sure if you have it or not, as for the cuts on your penis, maybe you should get retested.....you know when you went through your 4 weeks of "hell" would you have wanted people calling you names because you thought you had h....put yourself in other peoples shoes.....you make me sick with all your posts....forw up

[SweptUnder]

RazorBladez

Razor,

you're an ass and you may not want to get so smug about being so "lucky," as confused pointed out about the IgM test. It's ironic how you call other people whores when you seem to be the biggest of them all.

[cindylouwho]

Razor,

just thought I'd let you know, when I was first tested I got a false negative. I was soooo relieved, until a couple weeks later when the positive result came in. so I definately agree with other forum members that you should get some more tests done after more time has gone by.

and as far as your "2 cents"... I'd just have to say good luck to you finding a healthy and happy relationship, Herpes or NOT, because your attitude and ignorance is worse than a virus. I'd much rather live with Herpes than someone like you.

[Luanne]

I almost feel like somone is giving me a second chance' date=' thats my 2 cents anyways, just remember though, hearbreak = couple months herpes - LIFE, ETERNITY, FOREVER[/quote']

Geez......you act like it will kill you. What I say is good for your girlfriend for telling you. She did the right thing and I praise her for her honesty. I'm curious to know if the one your girlfriend got it from told her. I would guess, probably not. I find that the best thing anyone dealing with possible questions of "should I" or "shouldn't I" is to proceed as friends first. You might find after the 3 month euphoria, that you really can't stand each other anyway and wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with that person. I am sooooo much more than Herpes and it will NOT be the cause of death on my death certificate. It's simply a minor skin irritation and the first outbreaks are generally the worst, because IMO, it's simply a wake up call. You're body is telling you that you need to slow down. Razor......what kind of test was done on you to find it negative?

[pyro]

so it all basically comes down to is: would you rathher leave her and suffer a couple months of hertbreak(will go away)

OR

Would you rather risk being contracted with herpes and suffering for literally the REST OF YOUR LIFE, the choice is up to you, make the right one,

I'd rather be with the girl that I love.

You, sir, are an ass - do your "girlfriend" a favor - break up with her NOW. She deserves much better than you.

Oh, and don't be surprised if you end up getting an outbreak sooner or later - it's the least you deserve for leading her on for the past year.

I just hope she doesn't take you back.

[LLTJ]

RazorBlades Comments

Hey everyone,

I am new to this forum and i have HSV...I'm pretty sure its 2 but i didn't get a type specific test.

I think you are all beating up on Razor Blade too hard. He's being honest about how he thinks of the situation. Of course, you shouldn't be "in the process of breaking up" with her, you should just do it. But in all honesty, if anyone didn't want to be with me because of the risk it posed to them, that would be okay, as long as they CHOSE! If it had been me a year and 5months ago, I would have liked to have choice, instead of having my sleazy ex-bf give it to me without my knowledge. I didn't even have sex with the guy, and I still contracted it. You shouldn't call ppl on here whores, because you don't have to be a whore to get it. I was a virgin. Go break up with her, be thankful you don't have it, and stop posting ignorant msgs. Thats all I have to say

[orangeblossom]

razorblade

I tell you what. I am sitting here with my mouth to the floor. You upset me very much with your harsh words. I had a couple of false negatives in the very beginning so don't count your chickens before they hatch! It took years for me to finally get a positive result. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your girlfriend will be very lucky if you break up with her. She sounds like a lot better person with morals than you will ever be. You need to get off this website. It is not for you! This is for moral support and knowledge, not ignorance.

[silver]

If you truely love her, then don't let herpes stand in your way of being with her. You don't find true love everyday, but you can definately find herpes everyday, and trust me it wont love you back. good luck