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behappy

Hubby broke out yesterday: getting complicated---HELP!

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behappy

I told my husband (boyfriend at the time) two years ago about my GH before we ever had sex. He was great. He wanted to be with me and accepted it well. I've now had it for 12 years---I got it from my ex-husband who DIDN'T warn me. My first outbreak was on the honeymoon 7 months after I had first had sex with him back in 1996. I had only been with ONE other man in my life before him who I was married to for 12 years!!!!!! So, yes it's NOT fair, but it happens. I went through many years of feeling dirty and disgusting, but I'm a prime example of "that's NOT the case." ANYWAY...now my wonderful husband has had a small OB and I feel awful. Again, he's been great---he expected it sooner or later. I had many OB's in the beginning, but it has diminished to a couple a year (it DOES get better!) Unfortunately, as EXTREMELY CAREFUL as I've been, he now has it. And to make matters worse, I got 2 small outbreaks on my torso last month. Somehow, we might have given it back and forth to each other. I have NO clue how it appeared on my body in 2 spots around my ribcage. HERE'S MY BIGGEST WORRY---PLEASE HELP!!!!! Because we didn't know he had gotten it, we had oral sex last Wednesday (12-17) and he first noticed a small bump (I've seen enough to know what it is) YESTERDAY (12-22). I AM SO AFRAID I MIGHT HAVE NOW CONTRACTED HSV-1 ON MY MOUTH AND FEAR KISSING MY CHILDREN. With this terrible virus, sometimes you OFTEN DON'T know when are prodromal (the stage 2-3 days before you break out). After seing the HORRIBLE AND HEARTWRENCHING pics ONLINE of kids with herpes on their faces, I'M TERRIFIED TO KISS MY 3 CHILDREN. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!

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anna99

Dear Behappy,

Quoting VVK and others from previous posts on this topic, just don't kiss your children when you have an outbreak or have tingling during the prodromal phase. And don't kiss on the lips or on vulnerable skin (where there are cuts or membranous skin). It will be okay.

Also, some gentle feedback on your statement:

I went through many years of feeling dirty and disgusting, but I'm a prime example of "that's NOT the case."

While many of us feel dirty and disgusting having this virus, it's more about the social stigma attached to it than actually being dirty and disgusting. Even having had multiple partners prior to getting hsv, i choose (most days) NOT to sign up to the dirty and disgusting stereotype. Let's lift each other up and believe that for ALL of us, that's just NOT the case. :)

Hugs, anna

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behappy

to Anna99 and anyone else w/advice

Thanks for responding...I don't know that I contracted it on my mouth the other day. And, if I did, unfortunately I've kissed and shared food w/them many times since then. Do you think I really need to avoid kissing my kids on the lips altogether? That makes me PAINFULLY and INTENSELY SAD. But, of course, I would definitely abstain if I felt prodromal in any way...I had oral sex on and off for 9 years with the ex and 2 years w/my husband and no one has contracted HSV-1...I'm so upset!

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curecomingverysoon

The only possible way that anyone could have contracted HSV-1 on the lips is if you or your husband has HSV-1 genitally as well as HSV-2. If you haven't been blood-tested then it's possible that you and your husband have both had HSV-1 orally for years. In fact, your children may well have HSV-1 already (orally) - many people contract it during childhood and never get an outbreak. I would almost suggest it's not a bad thing because it will give them a certain amount of immunity to HSV-2 in the future.

Additionally, you and your husband cannot trade herpes outbreaks back and forth, that's just not how it works. Outbreaks are activated within and by your own body. Did you get the "outbreaks" on your torso swabbed? Are you sure they were herpetic in nature?

Having said all that, it sounds like he's okay with it though and that's pretty cool.

Can I ask (for my own personal information) what sort of precautions you and your husband took to avoid transmission (ie. what is "extremely careful")? Antiviral suppressive treatment? Condoms? Both? Just abstaining during outbreaks? Thank you. :)

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behappy

Thanks for your help...

I was diagnosed 12 years ago. I had very bad OB's the first few years---pain in my rear and legs, lymph nodes, itching, burning, pain. WOW! That was awful! I now (until I think it appeared in two small areas on my torso last month---NO testing done) rarely get an OB down below---once or twice a year. It has been that way for 4 or 5 years. Except for when I gave vaginal birth to 2 of my children (my doc put me on Valtrex my last month of preg each time), I have NEVER taken regular medicine. My immune system is not great (Thank God, my husband's is extremely strong) as I am also hypothyroid. I am 99% sure I DID have H on by torso, though. I had serious side pain and itching, but didn't expect it or figure it out for a week. Maybe that's how I infected my husband. Maybe he was already infected and gave it back to me. But, that's not possible, is it? I'm pretty confused now.

Anyway...we simply avoided sex when I felt anything---including the slightest itch or tingle. He went 2 years with no signs. We are very active, too (technically still newleyweds!). I feel encouraged that you said we can't trade OB's, but I've read we can reinfect each other in new areas. HELP!!!

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ginnyp

Although yes, it is possible to infect each other in other areas, it is very unlikely as your antibodies will usually fight it off in other areas. Most of the time when people reinfect themselves, it is during the first 6 months before their antibodies are built up right. Other times, it is when your immune system might be extremely low. Otherwise, no, you shouldn't reinfect each other. Also, you're not clear on what type of genital herpes you have. If you have gh type 2, and your guy has type 2, then you CAN'T give yourself type 1 orally. If you already have type 1 orally, which up to 80% of people do, then you are protected from getting type 2 orally. If you do not have type 1, then you can catch type 2 orally but the percentages and chances are EXTREMELY slim. You should get type tested to find out which types you carry, and which types your guy carries, and then you will know for sure. You could have both types already and not even realize it, it's very common.

Just don't kiss your kids when you feel an ob or tingling but otherwise don't worry so much about it.

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