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LL82

Unreal.

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LL82

So - I am an engaged mother of 2 young children. My fiance and I have been together (on and off) for 3 years. On our last break (for 2 months over a year ago) I was with someone else. When together I've been faithful.

I started the Nuvaring a couple weeks ago and almost from day 1 had things go wrong....severe itching, mega discolored discharge and now sores. I assumed that I was having an allergic reaction to the Ring. I figured the sores were because I was itching/scratching so much down there that I cut myself.

I saw my a GYN today to see about what was going on. He took a culture and tells me that he thinks it's herpes! WHAT!?!?

Because of these issues I've been having lately, my fiance and I haven't had sex since Dec 13. The doc said he thinks that's when I was exposed. We live together and were just engaged at the first of the month. Honestly - I'm not a naive little girl. I know there is always a chance for someone to cheat, but I do NOT believe he has - ever.

He does get cold sores occasionally, but hasn't had one in a very long time...and there hasn't been oral in a while either.

Let's assume he didn't cheat. I know I haven't. How in the HELL can I contract this???????? The results from the culture won't be in until Monday. I'm choosing to believe I've been misdiagnosed until I am proved otherwise....but am also taking meds just in case. I'm hoping for the best - but also can't help preparing for the worst.

Any insight on how this can possibly happen??? If it IS herpes - can he just be carrying it and I JUST NOW show signs? Can I have contracted before him and am just now showing signs???

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MadamChi

The problem with this virus is that it is sneaky. He could totally have it and not show any symptoms what so ever. He could have had it all along and you just now got it. During your "break" even if you were careful you could have picked it up.

The virus is not "shed" all the time, and initial outbreaks are different for everyone. Catching it is hard sometimes, but when those cultures come back - wham it will hit you like ton of bricks.

I wouldnt worry so much as to how you got it, now just focus on the present and future. I have HSV 1 and couldnt figure out where I got it from. Both of my partners have been blood tested, both came back negative, but somehow I managed to get it from one of the two of them....

The advice my doctor gave me, was to hang in there, realize that many people have this and dont even know it, be proactive, and help get myself healthier.

I hope you get some answers soon, I spent a while trying to figure it all out and it didnt do me any good worrying about who gave it to me. The fact remains that I have it now.

Good Luck

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LL82

You're right.

At this point, it doesn't matter where it came from....it just matters that it's there.

WTH?? What's the point of getting potential partners tested if the tests are pretty much inconclusive?? How much safer can you be other than abstaining?? NOTHING is guaranteed!

I've been careful and that guy from the "break" - I made him get tested before I'd touch him. I guess what I'm saying is - if this is something that can sometimes be detected and sometimes not - what's really the point of being careful if you're probably going to get it anyway?

It's rather irritating and I'm starting to just get pissed off about it.

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LL82

AND - you can't even have sex with a VIRGIN and not get it because it could have been passed to them in childhood!!!!!!!

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MsLucy

There are things in life worth getting pissed off over, but mostly, it's a waste of time and precious energy. And at the end of the day, it doesn't change anything, or make it better. Sometimes all you can do is take a deep breath, count to ten, and move on. This is one of those times, I'm afraid.

I know it seems like a really big deal right now. That's only natural. But in time, you'll come to realize that normal is simply what we get used to. If you can't change something, there are really only two alternatives... beating your head against the wall, or learning to accept it as gracefully as possible. After sustaining brain damage from years of beating my head on the wall over lost causes, I finally learned the art of acceptance. Or maybe I just knocked myself so stupid that I stopped caring. Either way, I feel better now. ;) I hope you do, too.

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newhope

I felt the same way you did when I found out I had herpes. I was angry, ashamed, and even for a brief second I thought my life was over (when I look back, I realize how horrible that feeling is). At the end of the day, herpes really isn't a big deal. In fact, I'd say most STDs are not a big deal. Why? Because in the grand scheme of things we can still enjoy life. Although herpes is an obstacle, it is not life threatening and it cannot prevent you from being happy.

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LL82

Results came back pos for hsv2. Fiances bloodwork is negative. I guess we just figure out how to move forward from here

Any advice on what we have to do to keep him from getting it? Does this mean no more oral? And, how long after an outbreak do we have to wait to have sex? Do we have to use condoms for the rest of forever?

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Hide and Seek
Results came back pos for hsv2. Fiances bloodwork is negative. I guess we just figure out how to move forward from here

Any advice on what we have to do to keep him from getting it? Does this mean no more oral? And, how long after an outbreak do we have to wait to have sex? Do we have to use condoms for the rest of forever?

For now, just as the reality is sinking in, get the medication to keep it in remission. Try not to get stressed out over the ordeal. Keep in mind that stress may be a factor in outbreaks. Alcohol, drug abuse, anger or any extreme emotional feelings can trigger it. You are going to have to pay attention to your body now, and take care of yourself and your partner too. I have learned how to recognise the symptoms of an outbreak and take medication and obstain from having sex. And yes using condoms is practically a necessity at this point. Reinfection is almost certain if you both have it. Hopefully your relationship is strong enough that this wont effect it.

I've used cellophane as a barrier for oral sex and underware plus a condom for the other. I don't recommend sex during an outbreak as it is easily spread to areas inside the vagina where it can go undetected. But as an added precaution these methods are generally safe.

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curecomingverysoon

Any advice on what we have to do to keep him from getting it?

Here are the statistics:

Annual transmission probability from a woman to a man simply abstaining from sex during outbreaks: 4%

Abstaining during outbreaks AND using condoms: 2%

Abstaining during outbreaks AND using suppressive treatment: 2%

Abstaining during outbreaks, using condoms AND using suppressive treatment: 1%

Does this mean no more oral? Oral is probably fine if you abstain during outbreaks. Very rarely does HSV2 make its home orally.

And, how long after an outbreak do we have to wait to have sex? If you are NOT on suppressive treatment, wait a week. If you are on suppressive treatment, wait half a week.

Do we have to use condoms for the rest of forever? That's a personal choice between couples. Assess the percentage of transmission possibility and discuss accordingly. Know that if it's a recent infection or primary outbreak (within the past two years infection) you are more infectious/shedding more often than if it's a more distant infection. The longer that you're infected, the less frequent your outbreaks will become and the more aware you will become of your own personal symptoms and when to avoid.

Good luck, you'll be fine. You might not think so now, but it's true. In general, it's not the infected people who are transmitting the virus, it's those who are blissfully oblivious and who do not recognize their symptoms that are transmitting.

Any more questions?

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LL82

Thanks for the info. I found a lot of helpful info around the site as well. I just feel so so dirty. Especially now that his results are neg, I feel like he deserves so much better than having to deal with this. I have even told him I'd understand if he left me. To which he quickly told me I was insane.

We are both very sexual in our relationship and I know this will negatively affect that.

This was my first outbreak. So I guess I'm capable of shedding more often for now. Question: I never had any flu-like symptoms and my outbreak has only lasted a little less than 2 weeks. Is it possible I could have more of an "initial" breakout in the future? One that's worse? Or should I consider this my initial?

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curecomingverysoon

Also:

it will not spread "within" the vagina by having sex during an outbreak. It's genital herpes and can express itself anywhere in the boxer shorts area. You cannot "reinfect" your partner if you're both infected and you can't "spread it" within the same person's genitals. Well, to be accurate, you could spread it to your own eyes/mouth before you build up antibodies within the first six months or so but that's unlikely.

People's triggers are VERY different. For some people it might be stress, others coffee/chocolate, others their period... it is totally different and uncertain. Only you will come to know when your triggers are.

Your primary will be almost always be your worst. Some doctors (mine, for example) suggest going on suppressive treatment for the first six months or so and you will have less frequent and less bad outbreaks afterwards. If you're worried about transmission to your partner, I would strongly suggest the suppressive route.

You will be fine, thousands of people have sex on a daily basis without transmitting. Just be aware of your own body, can't emphasis that enough.

Also, in a few years there should be much better meds coming out which will either substantially reduce or possibly eliminate outbreaks and shedding altogether. Take heart, it sounds like you have a great partner.

Stick around here, it's a great place to learn. :)

And editing again: you are most certainly not dirty! If you're dirty then so is the other QUARTER OF THE FEMALE POPULATION THAT HAS IT. Yes, 1/4 of American women have HSV-2 and 1/5 of Americans overall (that number goes up to 50% of the population in some parts of the world). The problem is that 90% of people are totally oblivious to it.

You are coming from that herpes "stigma" place right now. The only way to beat the stigma is to fight against it by living against it and not letting it define you.

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tracyp

hi

I would have your partner tested! To make sure they dont have herpes. Its possible it could be that guy u slept with inbetween while u were seperated. U can get it even if u wear a condom! Its very unlikely to happen that way but it can happen! Ive had it for 3 months now & tested positive for it this past friday. I had no idea i had it. No outbreaks no signs no symtems! If u can find your partner whom u slept with that one time or whatever test them to. I have a feeeling that is the person that gave it to u. If your current partner is std free then i know for a fact it was either that partner u slept with or from some other relationship or something like that.

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LL82

He did get tested. He's neg. As for the other guy (from the break)...he was tested prior to intercourse and was neg. I talked to him about my diagnosis and he said he's been tested like twice since. He was actually very receptive to me calling and respected me for respecting him and trusting this with him. He also wasn't dumb enough to think he def doesn't have it. He understands that false neg's happen too.

I've given up on wondering "who." It doesn't help anything. It's just something I have to deal with now. My fiancee has been very accepting and doesn't mind "working around the OBs" I think I guilt myself more about it.

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lilikoi

no point in using condoms--i got it using condoms correctly every time, no sex during my partners outbreaks, and he was on medicine. if you're getting married you might as well not use them because why kill the sex life when it's ineveitable that he'll get it anyway?

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SkiMan
no point in using condoms--i got it using condoms correctly every time, no sex during my partners outbreaks, and he was on medicine. if you're getting married you might as well not use them because why kill the sex life when it's ineveitable that he'll get it anyway?

I take it you have a score to settle?

You have posted twice and both posts are unsettling.

Please tell us your story. You had to know there was a risk involved. Nothing is 100% effective. Please elaborate.

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