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livelaughlove

Christianity/Herpes/How to deal?

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livelaughlove

ok, i'm a christan, though a backsliden one i'll admit. i think the worst part for me about the herp is the mental anguish that i have to deal with. i know God knows that i have this, he knows as well as i do who i caught this from, why did He allow it to happen..why? why? why?...i put my sexuality on a pedastool along with my identity. so i struggle with having herpes and not being sexy..so having the herp really gets in the way of things..but i think that God in some way is keenly aware of that..i guess i have to wonder if this was meant to slow me down sexually--in some ways it has and some ways it hasn't...i'll just be real blunt, since this is anonymous anyway...i'm a female and i love sex--to be honest if i hadn't practiced any self control at all i would just be a total HO. it's a miracle i didn't get hsv earlier along with a myriad of other std's and that i don't have a few baby daddy's---i would really like to be married and be a HO with that one person and in the context of marriage---in some ways the herp slows me down sexually and puts a cap on my desire to want to get physical too fast and sometimes i'm just like f*ck it it want it and i want it now. so does anyone struggle this same way? i guess i also have a hard time going to church and thinking and wondering if these people only knew what i had, i wonder if they have it too, etc. etc. i don't think this way all the time but it comes and goes in spurts..sometimes i'm just totally confident and then so insecure about myself i can hardly stand it. ideally, i would like to wait till marriage to have sex, though i don't know how realistic that its. i guess i've found that the more i like a guy and want him, the sex is going to happen. should i forgo dating alltogether in order to avoid the sex situation? but i think that just makes the lonely factor all the more lonely. anyone else, struggle this way?

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alwayscoping

I deal with those exact same thoughts every time I go to church. I'm not quite as enthusiastic about sex as you are, I'm technically a virgin...I suffered through the same thoughts as you though, like the whys? Why is God making this happen to me? Do I really deserve this?

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MsLucy

Alwayscoping, I know I should probably just let this go, but it's a pet peeve of mine... you know, one of those little things that just gets inside your brain and makes you crazy when you encounter it.

You say you're technically a virgin. I don't know what that means to you specifically, and I'm not going to assume anything. But I've read posts here in the past by women who were baffled as to how/why they got herpes because they were "virgins". Admittedly, they'd had oral, anal, and every other kind of sex imaginable, but they were "virgins" dammit!, and therefor, totally incredulous that they could have caught herpes. Vigins? Hardly, except in the most technical sense.

"Why is God making this happen to me? Do I really deserve this?"

Sex is sex, is sex, is sex..... and although no one 'deserves' to have herpes, if you have sex, even if it's not 'technically' vaginal penetration, you run the risk of catching it. God didn't "make this happen" to you, or me, or anyone else. We all have free will to make our own choices. The catch is, we also have to live with the consequences. That's when it becomes easier to let the blame fall on God for "making it happen", than to take personal responsibility.

If God didn't "make you" have sex in the first place (and I doubt you can credit him with that), it seems pretty unfair to blame him for the consequences of your decision. If you burned your hand on the stove, would you blame God for 'making' you put your hand on the burner? Or for 'making' it hurt afterward?

I'm not judging you or questioning your morals. Believe me, I'm the last person who should judge anyone. I'm merely pointing out that having sex was your decision, not God's mandate. He had nothing to do with it. And every decision we make, every choice no matter how small, has consequences, either good or bad. That's something we have to own, and those are the lessons by which we learn. The question is not "Why is God making this happen to me?", but "What have I learned from this experience, and how can I use it to make my life better in the future?"

I can't help but believe that, if God were actually testing you, the test would start now, and be based on your willingness to accept this consequence, learn from it, and move beyond it in a positive direction. If I were God, (Oh, how I wish! :D) that would be of far more importance to me than how the circumstances came to be. It would be all about courage under fire and grace under pressure, not some small lapse of judgment in the past. As humans, we're allowed to make mistakes. It's expected of us. The real test of our character is not how we broke something, but what we create with the pieces of whatever it is we've broken.

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willbepositive

It all comes down to agency and choice. God has given us the amazing gift of choosing for ourselves how we live and what we do with that life. At the same time, he is bound to honor those choices and allow consequences, good or bad, to fall upon us. It's part of life and how it works.

I'm not a fan of it, but I can choose to be angry about it or I can choose to accept it and allow Him to guide me to make choices that will lead to better consequences in the past.

Don't know if this helps, but it helps me.

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regret

he allows us to feel the consequencesof our actions,,god didnt do anyhting to us..it was our choice just as in anything else we decide to do,, its making you rethink about your choices and actions.. its a chance for youto know who you realy are and what your madeof..identity isnt through sex,,identity is if one is stripped of everything of what they think makes them..and you get to see just whats really left and what needs to be worked on..

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hell5410

Understanding

I can see what the first 2 ladies were saying. I don't think that they are blaming God for this, its just that we all know how powerful God is so I guess we are dealing with disappointment rather than blame. We look around and see what others are doing and they appear to be happy on the outside and we begin to wish we had that as well. I know we go through our situations and we may think that God is telling us no to our prayers and we get impatient, I think that is what they were trying to say. But each of know in the depths of our souls that has ane never will forsaken us.:flowers:

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