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wayne222

a little confused

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wayne222

hello i am a new member i have been married for 16 yrs and just found out my wife has herpes 1 and claims she doesnt know how she got the disease i recently had blood work done with her and my tests have come out negative this brings a big void in our relationship as far as trust is concerned i do have doubts she is being untruthful to me and wonder why after all the yrs we have been married i have not contracted it when we are very sexually active just having a hard time coping with these issues

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Ultra Violet

Hi Wayne

Has your wife ever had coldsores as a child? Many kids pick up HSV1. It's an extremely common virus. Humans kiss a lot. We kiss complete strangers on the cheek or mouth when we are introduced to them!

If your wife hasn't given you any other reasons to doubt her faithfulness then I think you need to get informed, be as safe as possible and let it go, otherwise it will not be her (in)fidelity that kills your relationship but your mistrust.

If she's given you other reasons to doubt her truthfullness then I suggest counselling to work through the issues and decide whether it's worth continuing the marriage.

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curecomingverysoon

Yeah, I will be blunt and perhaps insensitive but it needs to be said. You need to let this go.

80-90% of the adult population has HSV-1. Most carry it orally but an increasing number do carry it genitally. You don't say which one your wife has or if you or she even know. Only 20% of people actually express the virus (ie get cold sores). Most do not. Have you been tested via iGG serological blood testing to confirm that you do not? Some people have the virus from an early age and don't even shed it (which is how you probably haven't gotten it) but it might flare up at some point much later due to stress or injury or who knows what. For that matter, as Violet pointed out, she could have gotten it a month ago by kissing a family member (your child, her mother, whoever) or perhaps an acquaintance of the cheek. Or even possibly sharing a beverage with a colleague at work.

You're blowing this way out of proportion.

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gotitsowhat

Everyone's right

HSV 1 is extremely common--most people have it. It can lie dormant for years and then flare up. It has nothing to do with anyone's character so give your wife a break unless you know other stuff about her and this has somehow triggered a flood of your resentments for past behaviors. But you should make no judgment on her based on this extremely common disease that most people have and many have had from childhood on. Cold sores are not a reason to question anyone's fidelity.

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